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May 8th 2013. (Emma is 29, Killian is 33)
Emma and Killian are sitting side by side on her hospital bed, watching Leo in his cot; he's sleeping soundly, his tiny fist opening and closing rhythmically and inviting Emma to slip her finger into it, smiling when Leo grasps it.
He's only four days old but Emma already loves him more than she had ever loved anything or anyone, including Killian.
"You better come back quickly", Killian says, his thumb rubbing the back of her hand, his blue eyes studying her profile as if he means to commit every line to memory.
"You'll be fine", Emma tells him because she knows he will, knows that Leo is going to be safe and loved while she's gone.
"A one-handed dad and a newborn baby; what could possibly go wrong, huh?" Killian jokes but she can tell that he's anxious, doubting his ability to take care of Leo on his own.
"Now you're just selling yourself short", Emma says and covers their joined hands with her free one. "You are going to be amazing, and Elsa is gonna come over to help you bathe him."
"I haven't even held him yet", Killian tells her, his voice small and his eyes pleading with her not to go.
She had never wanted to stay more, to let go of his hand and lay their son in his arms and spend days watching them together, but they've postponed her travel long enough.
Emma had recovered enough, and it is time she let go of Killian's hand to get swept back into the past, or future, wherever her faulty genes want to take her next.
"We should ask Dr. Ingrid for one more day", Killian says and Emma shakes her head, kissing him soundly because they both know that Dr. Ingrid is out of excuses to the hospital administrator and safe for going public with Emma's secret, there's nothing left she can do.
Killian and Leo have to go home and Emma has to go where her body wants her to be.
Her heart is a whole different deal, but no matter how much she wants to follow it, she just can't.
"I love you", she says, then leans down to kiss Leo's smooth cheek before she gives Killian a parting smile and tries to pull her hand out of his firm grip.
"Swan, please. You should rest, not run around in the past trying to find clothes before you get arrested."
"Won't be the first time", Emma tells him with a wink, trying to lighten the mood even as she gently pries his fingers open with her left hand.
He lifts his stump as if to stop her, his shoulders sagging when he realizes it's useless in this situation, and he finally releases her fingers after days of having them entwined with his.
The last thing Emma sees are his tired, resigned eyes, and then she's being pulled back more violently than ever before, paying for the reprieve the touch of Killian's hand had given her.
September 17th 2007. (Emma is 29, Killian is 27)
The nurse at the front desk of Surgery ward is new, and she claims that there's nobody called Killian Jones currently in the hospital. Emma had already been by his room but it's occupied by an older woman, who had never heard of Killian either.
"Emma? What are you doing here?" Nurse Annie asks and Emma runs up to her, hoping that she's going to be able to help.
"I can't find Killian."
"He checked out months ago. He thought you would come get him but you never showed", Annie says and Emma braces her hand against the wall to steady herself because she suddenly feels woozy, which is no wonder since she didn't waste time on eating before she left the shelter.
It's unnerving to be away from him after she had him hold her hand for four days non-stop, and somehow making sure that this Killian is alright feels like compensation for leaving her Killian behind.
She didn't have a choice, but she still feels guilty for it.
"Do you know where he lives?" Emma asks urgently, dread filling her gut at the thought that she might not be able to find Killian.
"We can check his file", Annie says and Emma follows her down to the archive where they uncover an address Emma immediately goes to check out, her heart sinking when it turns out that Killian had moved out and left no forwarding address.
Emma feels exhausted and achy all over, but she's not willing to give up yet, deciding to give their apartment building a shot; perhaps she's going to find Killian in the same place she'd found him last time.
The familiar door swims before her eyes and she leans heavily against it, black spots dancing in front of her eyes as she knocks weakly, whispering Killian's name under her breath and absentmindedly wondering if she should have stayed at the hospital and asked Annie to find her a doctor.
"Please be here", Emma says because if she has to be away from her Killian, the universe can at least let her spend time with the one from this time.
The door finally opens and Emma stumbles right into Killian's arms, a sob of relief tearing from her throat as she wraps her arms around his waist and holds on as tightly as she can.
"Swan", he says coolly, keeping her upright but not hugging her back, and Emma wonders exactly how many months did pass since he's seen her last.
"I was so scared I wouldn't be able to find you", she says, still stubbornly holding on because she's too afraid to look up at his face.
"Why are you here, Emma?" He asks, and although his voice is soft, there's a certain edge to it that she'd never heard before.
"Because you're here", she tells him, finally pulling away and meeting his eyes.
His hair is too long and his cheeks are scruffy, but the change in him isn't due to his physical appearance; the hopelessness that he'd been fighting in the hospital, that she'd helped him fight, seems to have defeated him.
"You disappeared", Killian says and pulls away, and for a moment she's not sure he won't just shove her out of his apartment and into the hallway, but he ends up just slamming the door shut and turning back toward her with a look of disappointment and anger on his face. "I waited for weeks and weeks and you never came but I kept hoping because I couldn't believe that you would just abandon me without a word."
"I'm sorry, Killian, I didn't-"
"You didn't what? You didn't think I would miss you? You didn't think I would worry myself sick wondering what had happened to you? One day you were there and the next you were gone and I had no one left!" Killian yells at her and she presses her hands to her mouth to keep herself from sobbing, but she can't stop the tears that are rolling down her cheeks and blurring her vision. "Why, Swan? Just tell me why."
"Please, Killian", Emma reaches for his hand, but unlike his older counterpart who had held her hand for days, this one objects to holding it even for a moment, wrenching his arm away and turning his back on her.
"I've been trying to find a reason that would require you leaving the way you did, but the only thing I have discovered is that I knew very little about you."
"I'll tell you everything, but you won't believe me. Not at first", Emma says, her voice shaking as much as her hand does when she lays it on his shoulder. "Will you listen?"
Killian doesn't shake her off this time, but he doesn't turn around either as he contemplates his choices.
"Have you eaten recently?" He finally asks her and walks away in the direction of the kitchen without waiting to see if she's going to follow.
Perhaps he doesn't care.
Emma goes after him and sits at the table with her fingers entwined, watching him take some leftovers from the fridge and shove them in the microwave to warm up, studiously avoiding looking at her.
Once the meal is ready he sets it in front of Emma and crosses his arms in front of his chest, tilting his head to the side in silent encouragement.
Despite all that has happened today, or maybe because of it, Emma is hungry, so she eats, trying to figure out where to even start telling Killian about her condition.
She wishes he had told her about this fight, prepared her somehow instead of letting her walk right into it without a word of warning.
"I'm a time-traveler", she says once she's done eating, deciding to lead with it because Killian looks about ready to tell her to leave anyway.
"And I'm Batman", he says evenly, the corner of his mouth lifting in a sarcastic smirk.
"The last time I was in the past was a month ago, and I was with you in the hospital. You were recovering from another surgery and I sat with you until you woke up", she tells him softly, watching for any sign that he might be inclined to believe her.
"You were right", Killian says mildly and starts clearing out the table. "I don't believe you."
"I can't control when I travel or where I go. I can't control how long I stay, but every time I came to see you in the hospital was because I wanted to be with you", she says and Killian drops the dishes in the sink so carelessly that her plate cracks.
"What you're saying is impossible", he says, but the fact that he's not throwing her out is proof enough that he wants it to be possible.
He wants to believe her, and Emma knows why; it's better to think that time had taken her away from him than that she had decided to abandon him of her own free will.
"I am impossible."
"Is that why you always wore such strange outfits? Because you lost your clothes in the time vortex or something?" He asks, his eyebrow shooting up when he turns back to look at her, and she'd swear that his lips twitch a little as if he's trying not to grin.
"Sort of. I can never keep my clothes or jewelry when I travel", she tells him and grips the edge of the table because she wants to go to him, wants him to hold her and tell her that he still loves her.
Their entire future rests on Killian believing her, and she's afraid he won't unless she disappears in front of his eyes.
It's only then that it occurs to her that she had never traveled beyond this point, and that when she disappears, Killian is going to have to wait for years to see her again.
She doesn't know how to tell him that.
"Why didn't you tell me this fantastical story sooner?" Killian asks her softly, and it's clear that although he wants to believe her, he just can't.
"It's difficult to explain. I always feel like I have time because I go back to the past so much, and I never get around to saying and doing things I should", Emma tells him, then sits quietly, waiting for him to say something, to call her a liar or tell her he believes her.
He just seems disappointed in her, and that's worse.
"I was so scared that you had gotten into an accident", he says as he crosses the kitchen and drops on a kitchen chair next to her, his index finger tracing the kitchen surface, his eyes avoiding hers. "That was even worse than thinking that you had just gotten bored of me."
"Killian, I promise you-"
"It doesn't matter why you've been away", he whispers and lifts his gaze to hers, her heart skipping a beat because he still looks at hers like she's the sun, his usual adoration finally shining through. "It only matters that you came back."
"I'll always come back", she says quickly, her hand covering his, and it's not until he grasps her fingers that she feels like she can breathe again.
They don't talk much after that, moving to the couch and kissing, slow and lazy, all the pent up affection pouring out in a healing wave, and when Killian eventually tries to unbutton her jeans he doesn't even ask for an explanation when Emma stops him.
She doesn't know if he's able to tell that she had recently had a baby by her slightly protruding belly, but if he does he doesn't mention it, and they both doze off for a while.
Emma wakes up first and just lies there quietly, watching Killian sleep until the sun sets and the room goes too dark for her to see him.
She can still sense him, still smell his ocean scent and feel the warmth of his skin beneath her fingertips, and it seems impossible that someday she will be gone and he will be left alone with their baby.
A sob wrenches itself from her throat and Killian wakes immediately, his arm pulling her close, his sleepy voice only making her anguish worse.
"What's wrong, love? You can tell me anything."
Emma can't find her voice, so she just clings to him until she's all cried out, and then she begs him to believe her.
"I don't think you'll see me again until we meet in my own time", she tells him, her hands cupping his cheeks and her forehead pressing against his. "You have to believe me, Killian. I never leave you because I want to go."
He pulls away and turns on the lamp on the bedside table, the abruptness of it enough to mess with Emma's genes, making her start to fade.
"Wait for me", Emma says, grabbing Killian's hand and stump and holding on with all her might. "We will meet again."
"Swan", Killian gasps, squeezing her fingers almost to the point of pain, his wide eyes locked on hers until she disappears.
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