A/N: This one's longer than they usually are, but I think it might be a favourite, not sure yet. Anyways, can't belive I'm actually past the 20 chapters mark! Woohoo, for actually trying to finish something I start! This is a little James a Lily, 'cause that's always fun ;)

Most Definitely a Lie

"Above all, don't lie to yourself.

The man who lies to himself

and listens to his own lie

comes to a point that he cannot

distinguish the truth within him, or around him"

- Fyodor Dostoesvsky

"I can't, okay? Not right now. What ever it is, schedules you want done, planning you want completed - just, not now okay?"

James had never seen Lily so uncoordinated. She was usually so together. Conscious, collected, though maybe not always calm. She looked a mess, sitting in front of the fire. Her hair was a tangled mess, obvious tear tracks dotting her face. James had never been good at dealing with awkward emotions. He stopped, unsure of how to continue. Walking away, as she had asked, seemed too harsh. She wasn't doing so well - wasn't it his duty to help her?

He cleared his throat awkwardly. 'D'you - erm ... Do you want to talk ... ?' He let the question hang in the air for a moment, unsure of what he was getting himself into.

'I wasn't joking Potter, leave me alone.' Lily tried to wipe her eyes on her sleeve, conscious of how vulnerable she looked. James tried not to be bothered, but the returned use of his surname stung slightly. He thought they were finally getting somewhere, not take steps back.

Deciding that it was probably safer to retreat in the face of a fragile Lily, he started to cautiously step backwards, wary of any sudden movements. James knew that chivalry demanded he stick around and try to cheer her, but honestly, never prod a crying lion. Or lionness. No, he told himself silently, Gryffindors are better than this! He turned back, silently assuring himself that if she started yelling, the steps to dormitories were only a few feet away. He could make an only slightly dignified escape.

'Lily,' he started gently, 'Sometimes conversation isn't killer' Conversation isn't killer? What was he saying? 'Perhaps if you talked about it a little ...' After using all his stupid words, finding normals ones seemed difficult.

She looked at him unwaveringly for a moment, carefully. Finally, she said 'It's Sev - alright?'

He flinched unconsciously. He hated that nickname, it was just a terrible reminder of everything that he wanted for so long. He was saved the trouble of having to respond. She continued, finding it difficult to stop speaking.

'We haven't spoken in almost two years, ever since that ... that time at the Portrait Hole.' He knew only too well what she was talking about. 'I saw him today.'

James paused, unsure of how he should continue. 'Er, Lily, we have Potions and Transfiguration with the Slytherins ... don't you see him everyday?' Girls are unfathomable, James thought spitefully.

'Not like that you pinhead! It was different. I was in the dungeons, trying to find Slughorn for a Potions question. He was there, with a few others. I saw - ' She stopped suddenly, trying to ebb the flow of fresh tears. After a few moments, she continued.

'I saw them torturing a little boy, a little Hufflepuff boy! He couldn't have been more than a first year, but they were so ruthless! Spouting off garbage about blood purity and ethnic cleansing!'

'Lily, are you alright? They didn't try to hurt you did they?' He was horrified, and possibly more than he'd like to admit, scared. Hogwarts was a haven of magical acceptance, of if acts of intolerance were starting to filter in, the world outside had to be in chaos.

'That's just it! I felt paralysed, skulking in the corridor. Snape seemed to fit in so well, like he was one of them! I didn't do anything. I couldn't do anything. I'm just terrible, aren't I? That poor boy! He was so scared! I let my personal demons interfere with my duties.' Her bottom lip trembled, threatening to unleash more tears. 'I'm so stupid, I should've done something.'

James was too anxious to heed her guilt, just thankful that she wasn't. 'But they didn't do anything to you right?'

Lily had never been more aggravated in her life, the anger seemed to help with the guilt a little. 'James, there's more to being hurt than just curses and hexes! Don't you get it? I'm a Gryffindor, and a Prefect! I should be keeping the school safe! Instead I cowered in the shadows because I was too afraid of what I would see if I stepped out! He's done something much worse than sending me to the Hospital Wing for a few weeks. He took away the only thing that defined me! How will I ever be the same again?'

'Lily! I'm so tired of this!' James was angry, perhaps a little irrationally. 'You know who Snape is! Why are you trying to fool yourself in to believing he's something that he's not?' James grew angrier with every word, mostly because he had known for so long what Lily still seemed unable to grasp. 'You know it, I know it, the whole damn school knows it! He's fallen in with the wrong people, and there's nothing to be done about it! If you just accepted the fact that he isn't the great muggle born champion that you think he is, you would be able to move on!'

'He was my best friend, things don't just change like that, PEOPLEdon't just change like that!' Lily was angry too, did James honestly expect her to just assume that her friend was as evil as every one else?

'WAS your best friend! Do you remember why things ended? He called you a mudblood! If that isn't a sure as hell sign then I'm a hippogrif!'

'That would explain lots about you Potter, especially why you flare into a rage when people take shots at your pride,' Lily hissed venomously.

'This isn't about me at all Lily, and you know it!'

'Yes it is! You're just angry that I cared more about Severus than I ever will for you!' She turned away, too angry even to cry and started towards her dormitory. Maybe this was just another one of the rows that were becoming less and less frequent, but Lily had never felt worse.

It's true, she tried to assure herself, as she stomped up the stairs, leaving a hurt and bewildered James in her wake. Or most definitely a lie. Damn.

A/N: That ended up taking a very different direction than I intended, andit's a lot longer than usual.

Anyways, thoughts are always welcome. Also, keep reading, because I have big plans for my next chapter! And possibly another mini series! Pretend to be excited for cyber cookies ;)