"So you've loved me since you first seen me, huh?"
"Not sure if you could really call what I wanted to do to you back then love or not but either way it was inappropriate as hell," Daryl responded with a grin at his still-naked wife who was casually propped up with her back against his chest eating the green beans he insisted she needed, right out of the can. Beth glanced back at her husband who was sitting up against the headboard with his arms around her and laughed. It would have been inappropriate for him to be thinking thoughts like that about a sixteen year old girl she supposed but it wasn't like he ever acted on it….well at least until after she grew up.
"If your Dad would have known what was going through my head at the time, he really would have shot me." He continued dryly. "And I'm not so sure Rick would have been inclined to stop him either. At least back then. So I thought it would be wise if I just ignored all that. Wasn't exactly wanting to be walker food."
Beth's mind raced back to the day everyone discovered she was pregnant and how she wound up married to the man behind her. The blonde knew for a fact that her Daddy viewed him like family and damn near killed him anyway. She hated to imagine how he might have reacted back at the farm.
"Unfortunally, Merle picked up on it right away once he came back around," Daryl went on. "He was such an asshole. A day or two before he died, I knocked the shit out of him for saying that I better hurry up and fuck you before he did. I knew he was just messing around but still….."
"Like that would have ever happened!" Beth said with a laugh. "He was just trying to get under your skin."
"I know," he replied. "The thing is that I can get kind of crazy when it comes to you. If you only knew how many times I stood at the door of your cell and watched you sleep….."
"You watched me sleep?" Beth asked incredibly, lowering the can and eyeballing him out of the corner of her eye.
Daryl glanced down seemingly in shame before mumbling "umm-huh" in response. "I guess I just need to make sure you are still breathing ever now and then."
"Honestly, I would have never guessed in a million years that you would even think about me like that" she said with a shrug, going back to munching on her green beans while marveling at her apparent ignorance. "I mean why in the world would you fall for me of all people?"
"I dunno. Maybe because you are fucken perfect Beth," he declared. "Like a damn angel or something."
Beth Frowned. An angel? Really?
"Daryl, I am hardly perfect," she replied. "I'm often too stubborn for my own good, have way too much pride, and I suspect that I even snore when I'm sleep. Hardly an angel."
"You do snore," he informed her with a grin. "But really soft. Sounds like a kitten purring or something. Even your snoring is cute." Beth could not help but to laugh. Daryl looked down at her and smiled. He seemed generally happy to be there in that bed, holding her. Happier than she had ever seen him before. It was almost like everything was perfect. After placing the empty can on the nightstand, she turned around to face him. Her husband pulled her closer against his chest so that she was now sideways across his lap, legs dangling over the top of his thigh.
"So you vowed the vow of chastity, huh? Well, what changed that night?" she asked playfully with a slug, unable to contain her curiosity any longer. "You know, the one where I ended up in the condition that I am presently am in?"
Suddenly, Daryl went tense. For a second or two he just stared at her. The atmosphere was so thick you could cut it with a knife.
"Aaron," he finally replied quietly. His eyes dropped before meeting hers again, showing the hidden pain. "Beth, I killed him. I mean he was going to die anyway but I still killed him and not just to put him out of his misery like I was gonna."
"Because he told you to tell me he loved me," she knowingly whispered barely audible.
"You know?" he asked, seemingly surprised.
"Yes," she replied. "Michone told me. She said that you just shot him out of nowhere before he was even done talking. But Daryl you and I both know that you would not have done it if he wasn't already bitten. There is no way you would have killed him otherwise."
"Still, he should not have gone out like that. He was a good kid," the hunter responded with a sigh, obviously ashamed of what he had done. "But I hated the way you looked at him sometimes."
"And you hated that he loved me when you had for so long," she said, filling in the blanks. "I was yours, not his."
Daryl closed his eyes and let out a breath before wrapping his arms around her tighter, as if holding on for dear life. "Had Aaron lived, you probably would have ended up with him. He would have been much better for you than me anyway. I did not like him much but it was more than that though."
"What do you mean?" she asked confused. What else could have possibly set him off like that?
Her husband swallowed hard. "I-I, I realized someday that would be me," he whispered. "One day I-I was going to run out of luck and be professing my bullshit too. Y-you know, right before someone put me down. It was like I was looking in a damn crystal ball or something. I couldn't fucken stand the thought of it and just wanted him to shut the hell up."
Beth honestly did not know what to say.
"You know, I-I heard you that night. When y-you were pacing the halls with Judith and all. I like it w-when you sing. Calms me down or something. But not that night. All I could think about was ways to snatch you up away from everyone and take you somewhere with me. Some place where it would just be the two of us. I knew that I could not do it though and that pissed me off something fierce. That I was going to die like Aaron before I ever had a chance to open my mouth. So I threw the glass against the wall. But then you appeared out of nowhere. Right there in my cell and on my bed. I wanted you so bad. Made up my mind that I was going to tell you but then I chickened out. Like a damn punk or something."
Beth's eyes got as wide as saucers. He was going to tell her he loved her?
"When you hugged me….I-I couldn't handle it anymore and lost it," he continued, the shame radiating out of his eyes. "You were so sweet and selfless. You deserved so much better than an asshole like me. I knew you had to be thinking 'what in the hell?' But as long as you were letting me touch you, I wasn't going to stop."
Daryl paused and swallowed hard. "I-I needed you more than I have ever needed anybody. M'm so sorry Beth. I should have never have done that to you. Hurt you like that. Then I end up knocking you up in the process."
Beth was taken aback. For a moment, she could not breathe. "Daryl…," she started.
"Remember when I told you that one night in the pantry the happiest day of my life was when Merle and I found our old man dead?" he interrupted eyes now wild. His wife silently nodded back. "Well it was," he continued sucking in a deep breath. "Until…well until I finally got to know what it was like to spend the night with you. Then…after I seen what I did to you…"
"You're wrong," Beth asserted suddenly out of nowhere while her husband looked at her in confusion. "You are wrong about me ending up with Aaron."
"You said, yourself, that you were sweet on him," he replied.
"I said he was nice," she explained rolling her eyes. "I even thought maybe - just maybe - something might have been there. But the truth is that we would have already been together when he died if something was. He had been asking me for months to do stuff with him. Go for walks. Play cards. Even asked me to dance at Maggie and Glen's wedding. But I always said I couldn't. I just never would. He was a nice guy and all but I could never tell him yes."
"Why?" Daryl quietly asked her.
"That was the thing," she responded, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "I never knew why. I would just say that I was too busy but that wasn't always true. I would kick myself and wonder why I could not just say yes. Thought something was wrong with me or something."
Beth peered up at the man holding her in his arms through her long eye lashes before continuing. "Now…now I realize that it was simply because my heart had already been taken. It was already gone. I just did not know it yet."
The hunter gawked at her in astonishment seemingly unable to talk or move.
"Daryl, I was so confused that night. Up until then the thought of me and you never even crossed my mind," she explained looking down at her hands on her lap. She paused a minute, staring off in space while remembering the event that ended up changing her life forever, before finally glancing back up at him. "I knew all I had to do was tell you to stop. Never had a doubt. But still I didn't. I just couldn't. No matter how weird it was or how much it hurt, I was going to give myself to you. I did not even know why. Had it been anyone else, it would have never happened."
"You should have knocked the crap out of me," he quipped but she quickly shook her head.
"You don't understand. I wanted to be there in your bed," she whispered. "I wanted to take the pain away. I wanted to hold you in my arms and let you do whatever you wanted to do to me."
Her husband's body tensed as he let out a breath and looked at her with dark piercing eyes but did not say a word.
"I did not know what to do afterwards," she went on in a shaky voice. "I-I figured that you were just upset and needed someone. Anyone I supposed. That maybe I just bit off more than I could chew. I couldn't figure out why I had done what I did. Until the next morning after I saw the look on your face. It was then I realized that I had been in love with you all along. I always felt it but paid no attention. Felt it every time you looked at me. Guess I thought the ideal was so crazy that I ended up pushing it back way back into my mind. Deep into my subconscious or something. It must have finally rose to the surface when you suddenly started kissing me. That was why I let you be my first, Daryl. I did not even care if you loved me back. I just wanted to be that person. Even if it only was for the one night."
Beth sighed thinking about how everything must have been building up between them over the past couple years and was finally let out that night. Afterwards, they were both so confused and awkward. She thought about the hurt she felt after he freaked out and took off into the woods. The rejection that killed her - despite how much she tried to bury it - when he would not even talk to her. And to think, he loved her all along and she loved him. In the end they were made for each other. Maybe her daddy was right and God did work in mysterious ways. If conditions had not been what they were and had Aaron's demise not sent Daryl off that night, they may still be living with his inability to express what he feels and her blissful – yet lonely - denial.
"Afterwards, I was so mortified at what I had done," she continued with a frown. "I just wanted things to go back to the way they were but that was impossible. When I realized I was pregnant, it was like wearing a scarlet letter. I knew everyone else would know what a slut I had been too. Then daddy and you were so insistent that we get married. Everything was happening so fast and seemed to be spinning out of control. I was sure that all I was to you was a girl you got your frustration out with and just happened to knock up. I couldn't stand the thought of you being married to your biggest regret."
"You are not a slut, Beth. The furthest thing from it. All I could think about how you had to be my wife. Mrs. Beth Dixon," he declared while tenderly placing his lips on her temple. "My god, the only damn person who has ever touched you was me! I realized that you had never done that before as soon as we started. I think that made me even crazier. Like you were all mine. No one else's. You are like a drug. I-I've never felt this way about anyone before. Still don't get it. I-I just had to have you. Problem was you were too young, too innocent, and way too good for white trash like me. Why you would ever willingly let me put my filthy paws all over you at all…I just…I will never be able to wrap my mind around it. I fucken manhandled you, Beth! You should hate me! That's what I regretted! Here I finally had everything that I had dreamed of for so long and then I blew it."
"Where did you go?" she asked. "I know you were hunting because you came back with all that food but you were gone for over a week."
"Here," he said with a shrug. "Spent the first few nights drunk and insane. Tore the place up. There used to be a lot more furniture. Did a real good number on my hands punching the logs. One night I took out my knife and carved your name over and over again on the porch until daylight."
"I thought you must have done that," she said remembering her surprise at her named chiseled into the wood. "I noticed it when we got here."
"Mmm-huh," he replied. "Think the only reason I did not check out for good was because all of a sudden I got worried about who would be protecting you if something happened. Hightailed it back home after that came to mind. Shot a few squirrels and deer on the way. When I saw you there in the garden, I just wanted to grab you up. Right there in front of everyone but figured it best if I just left you alone. Had already done too much damage. You see, Beth, all I have ever been is nobody. Just some redneck looser"
"What are you talking about?" the young woman asked her husband incredibly. "You are Daryl Dixon. Honestly, if it wasn't for you we might all be dead. Why you would want to be married to me is beyond me. I am not special or anything. What the hell have I ever done? Took care of Judith and laundry? Sing once in a while? Besides going off the deep end and slashing my wrist, that is. Really helpful, huh?"
"Everyone has had their moment, Beth," Daryl replied taking her arm and placing a gently kiss on the scar that would forever grace her wrist. "Rick. Glen after what happened to Maggie at Woodbury. Hell even your dad fell off the wagon, remember? Does not make you less important. Nobody would be able to function at all without what you do. Judith would probably be dead. You make things normal in an insane world. That means more than anything. Don't worry about being a badass. As long as I am breathing I will protect you."
Beth glanced back at her hands, unsure if she believed him. She wished she was stronger somehow. He was built for this world but one day he might not always be there. He needed to show her how to survive as well.
"Never less, you need to train me," she decided. "Just in case. You know, so you don't have to worry about me."
"I was thinking the same thing but not until you have the baby," Daryl replied much to her surprise. "But I will still worry about you. There is more danger than just walkers to worry about. Especially a young woman like you."
"What do you mean?" she asked unsure what he meant by that.
"Do you remember Randel?" he asked severely.
"From way back at the farm?" she replied, wondering what the kid had to do with anything. Maggie had gone to school with him but Rick did not trust the boy. They were even going to kill him but Shane beat everyone to it.
"Well me and Randel had a little talk," Daryl explained in a voice so dangerous that his wife was sure that it was a little more than just a "talk". "I wasn't so much worried about him doing anything but I sure the hell did not want to let him loose to bring those fuckers he was with back to us."
"Why?" she asked confused. "What was wrong with them?"
Daryl's face changed to anger. "They raped women, Beth. In front of their families and everything. Told me about raping two young girls right in front of their old man. The only thing that I ever agreed with Shane on was killing that bastard."
"Did Randal rape people too?" she responded horrified. This guy had gone to her school!
"Said he didn't but I did not give a shit," her husband answered, voice gruff. "As far as I was concerned none of them was getting close to you or anyone else."
Beth only nodded. She understood what he was getting at. He was afraid that someone would try to violate her but she was also positive that it would be over his dead body.
"All that seems to be left anymore are the animals," he continued pulling her close again with a shudder.
The blonde thought about what he said for a moment. "That's not true," she decided. "You have brought a lot of good people to the prison too. Most are just doing what they have to do to survive."
"Never less, I still don't trust all them motherfuckers yet," the hunter responded. "Look how that dooshbag tried to grab you up the other day. He's lucky he is still breathing."
Oh, that is why he got so angry. It dawned on Beth that there was more behind what he did to David than just jealousy. He was trying to protect her.
"Look at us," she remarked once again looking up at the man who had just pushed her head against his chest. She inhaled his sent. A mixture of dirt, sweat, and pine. All man.
"A real pair, huh?" he replied with a grin, his hand once again starting to wander to places that only he could touch. "I told you that I was no good with feelings but I do love you. More than anything on this earth. I always will so I'm afraid you are stuck with me until the day I die."
"Me too," Beth breathed as his callous fingers ran over her sensitive skin leaving goose bumps in their wake. "No matter what, I swear."
Author's note: So the cable company just fixed my internet after it going out on me for three days! Don't realize just how much you use it until something like that happens. Go figure, just as I promised more, it fails. Did not even get to chat with my girls after the episode last night. Uggh! That is it! No more promises other than I will continue this for a while.
This was going to be my original ending (and was actually part of Chapter 20) but I thought of more and decided to keep going. It is important that everything is out in the open now with the stuff that is about to come next. Got at least 20 more chapters in my head.
BTW – I have no idea why I put so many exclamation points in this story when I first started writing. I normally do not write like that at all. Bethyl must excite me or something, LOL. Anyway, I have cleaned up a lot of that and will continue to as I get the time.