I never understood why I became depressed.

Maybe it was because I was like Hidan, but I was bullied for a longer time than that.

Maybe it was the fact that both of my parents were murdered when I was younger. I'd been so young I was only a baby in the cradle. Yet I still had nightmares about the screams that were gibberish to me as a child, and the color red.

The fact that nobody's ever shown me an affectionate side, well not until recently anyway.

Or maybe it was that the first girl I well, uhm, lost my virginity to got pregnant, then without even considering me had an abortion.

To most people I was a freak. I was smarter than most kids in my grade, teachers praised me and everyone always hissed teacher's pet.

It just came natural.

I wore my hair long to cover my eyes. My eyes were a special color, a dull silver which is rare but can occur.

It was funny because from what I've seen in pictures my parents didn't have silver eyes.

I guess I was a freak to them too.

It was the guidance counselor who seemed to notice I wasn't really going down the right path. He called me in once to talk with me, asked me how I was in such. I acted surprised and spoke calmly.

He couldn't help me, nobody could.

It was weird, even if I was having an awesome day where nothing seemed to go wrong I would curl up on the couch and cry. Something was just hurting me so badly.

I ate alot too, and nothing good for me, a bunch of junk food. Comfort food I would call it, going upstairs with an entire pint of ice cream and just not even thinking about it would eat the entire thing.

I gained a bit of weight, but I had a high metabolism, so it wasn't much of a difference.

I hated myself, I hated other people, I hated everything and everyone.

Until my seventh grade year, the year I was admitted to Happy Leaf for what they called an emotional breakdown.

I called it revenge for murder.

Every geek wants to go out with the hot popular cheerleader right? They never get noticed unless someone wants something done for them.

I knew this, and yet I was tricked by her.

The hottest girl in school, she wasn't a cheerleader though, she was on the soccer team. She had long brown hair like fancy chocolate, her eyes were a hazy blue, almost like ice on a river, she was taller than I ways, and she was fully developed.

She came up to me one day, smiling and acting all cute, I was amazed, yet pleased she was paying attention to me of all people.

So I asked her on a and not very subtle of me I know, but her expression brightened and she agreed. She told me about some party, and I told her I would meet her there.

I didn't dress formal, I dressed pretty casually since that was what I observed on TV about teen parties. My hair was over my eyes, I wondered if she'd like them if I showed them to her.

I arrived at the kids house and let myself in, as all the other kids were doing.

It was obvious they were either high or drunk.

"Yo Nagato!"

"Nagato what up buddy!" I looked for the girl, only to have her come out of nowhere and hug me. I suffered a minor nosebleed from her, cleavage.

"Naggy baby where have you been I missed you!" she said, then pulled me into a room.

And we did it.

I must've passed out sometime during the night, because I awoke with a painful thud, that I'd been pushed out of the bed.

"Oh my god." She looked at me on the floor, her face one of terror. It was still night and the party was still raging, but she ran out of the room and into the bathroom.

I took that time to leave, knowing she probably wouldn't remember any of this.

However I was wrong, when a week later one of the jocks came up and slammed me into a locker.

"You got her pregnant you little bastard!" he yelled, and the girl was next to him teary eyed. I only stared in shock.

However a few weeks later she came up and told me she got rid of it.

No gentle words.

Not even asking if I could maybe take care of the baby for her.

She killed my son, or daughter.

I didn't react.

Not until I got home and locked myself in my room, in a closet, for quite a few days. I wouldn't eat, just stay curled in a little ball.

It got to the point where a psychiatrist came and talked to me in my closet.

Then had me removed to Happy Leaf for treatment.

For the first few weeks it sucked.

And then, she came.

Konan, who was like the support I'd always needed, always smiling and praising me. She always managed to find me gummy bears, a snack I'd loved as a kid and could cheer me up on any occasion.

I loved her.

Then Yahiko came.

Konan hates him.I hate him.

He hurts me, but usually stops when Konan yells at him. He likes her, but she's mine.

Or at least, that's what she tells me.