Not Just a Mother Figure

Chapter 20

With an inexplicable sense of hesitation, Kuchiki Byakuya peered down at the woman he tenderly held in his arms. Longing surged in him, leaving him strangely breathless at the thought that the woman he had treasured for so long in his heart was now lying helpless in his arms. After fighting for so long, trying to protect her from evil and harm, but failing miserably each time, he finally had the chance: to give back all the love she gave in deed.

He was not the vocal type. But where he lacked in words, he wanted to make up for it with action.

It was not as if he had never told Retsu that he loved her. He did not keep it a secret from her back when the only thing between them was friendship. But now that things have changed, her feelings exposed to him and his feelings now known to him, he found there was some force holding him back. There was a lock on his tongue that refused to let him utter the words that would finally free him, a lock of which he knew the key and where it rested but he would not dare turn.

A single lamppost lit up, casting a pale yellow circle around them. The rest of the ruined street laid in total darkness. Far above his head, the stars came out one by one, cold and withdrawn.

Half of her face was bathed in shadow, his shadow, and the other half was yellow from the light, reminding him strongly of a primrose petal. There was no word he could think of to describe just how beautiful she looked to him. He brought his hand up and swept some strands away from her face. He traced her cheek with the back of his forefinger and wondered what she felt when he touched her.

Some voices echoed far off into the distance, dozens of streets away, startling him out his reverie. The Gotei was packing up. Soon, Kurotsuchi will transport Karakura Town back to its rightful place as what he had been ordered before they left for Hueco Mundo. They needed to get out of there before he did just that. He cursed silently when he realized the hand that he was using to hold Retsu up was drenched with moisture: her blood. She was still bleeding. He swept his hand under the back of her knees and carried her. He stepped out of the light and slid into the shadows.

After a few steps, he slowly placed her body upright, leaning against him, while he reached for his sword. Senbonzakura cast a few glints before the entire length of its blade lit up. Without so much as a pause, Byakuya thrust his katana directly in front of him and twisted it, as if it was a key. The air around the sword swirled like a cloud before the Kuchiki Senkaimon materialized, revealing two shoji doors and a waiting room in between.

Stepping inside, he lifted Retsu once again with both arms. On cue, the Jigokucho appeared in the form of two black butterflies, for the two passengers to cross between the two worlds. The shoji door behind them closed automatically.

He braced himself as the second set of shoji doors began to slide open. He absolutely hated leaving Soul Society for the sole reason that he always felt that odd tingling sensation when one passed through the Senkaimon. The Jigokucho made sure authorized Shinigami never have to step foot in the Dangai, but it could not eliminate the overall unpleasantness of the foul canal. Indeed, he found crossing through the Garganta, the dimension that bridged Hueco Mundo to the World of the Living, a dreadful exercise that he never wished to repeat again.

His passage through the Senkaimon was brief and uneventful. It was designed to be wholly independent of the main Senkaimon highway that the commoner Shinigami had to use, and so Byakuya met not a soul on his way.

As they neared the end of the passage, the Gates appeared in the form of another set of Shoji doors (the high-ranking noble families all had traditional Japanese décor) and beyond it, a white blinding light. He closed his eyes briefly as he finally stepped foot in grounds of his home, the Kuchiki estate. Even before their entry, a servant stood there, patiently and obediently waiting for the return of his master.

"Tsutomu," Byakuya addressed the elderly servant, to which Tustomu responded with a low bow.

"Welcome back, Kuchiki-sama. I see you shall require medical aid for you and Unohana-dono. I shall procure the Kuchiki health kit."

"That will do. We shall stay in my quarters." Byakuya shoots another glance at the unconscious woman in his arms. He was trained enough to mask the worry from his face, but Tsutomu, who had been with him since before his conception, read it as clear as black ink painted on white paper.

Instead of commenting on that, the servant merely nodded in understanding. "And what about Rukia-dono, Kuchiki-sama? Will you order the preparations for her arrival as well?"

Byakuya frowned as a flash of guilt echoed through him. Rukia. He had not given a thought to her since he and the rest of the Gotei team that was sent to Hueco Mundo had arrived in Karakura Town. He just hoped that his Lieutenant, to whom he assigned the task of protecting his adopted sister, had done his job. Or else there will be hell to pay. Although Renji had admittedly done a fairly better job in protecting Rukia than he himself did a year ago, during the time of Aizen's betrayal and Rukia's almost execution. He blanched at the memory, noting that Rukia would have been safer at the hands of anybody else other than his at that time.

"Kuchiki-sama?" Tsutomu urged gently, troubled by the far-off look that suddenly seized the noble.

"… Yes, that is also acceptable. Inform me the minute she arrives home."

"Of course, Master."

With veiled strength hidden behind old age and creaking joints, Tsutomu turned and vanished behind one of the hidden corridors constructed as a passageway for the servants of the noble family.

It was only then that Byakuya became aware of an itch on his arm. The gash he acquired from his battle with Kenpachi Zaraki against the 10th Espada turned the 0th Espada, whose name he did not even bother to remember, was already healing and leaving behind a crusted layer of hardened blood in some of the shallow parts of the wound. He brushed the thought away, irritated at the fact that the obnoxious Espada had even managed to touch him. As clear as day, he heard Retsu's chiding yet stern voice saying how reckless you are, Kuchiki-taichou, if you aren't careful, you'd contract yourself with an infection.

He shook his head. At this rate, if he didn't stop daydreaming, they'd both get infections. Twisting and turning through the maze of corridors that snaked through the Kuchiki manor, he easily reached his sleeping quarters. Sliding the door with one hand with Retsu perched on the other, he slipped into his room.

Already, the medical kit was perched on the low table beside a blue china vase having a single orchid flower. How Tsutomu always managed to beat him to his room despite the wide gap in their age and physical fitness would always remain a frightening mystery to him. Byakuya had a feeling it might have something to do with the manor's hidden shortcuts, so extensive that even he was not fully aware of all of them.

A simple, rolled-out, light-coloured cot rested near the feet of the low table. Gently, he placed Retsu on top of it. He proceeded to undo her blood-clotted uniform. Beneath it, she wore a white lady undergarment wrapped around her chest. Below that, the evidence of the blow she received from an opponent—still unknown to him—was splayed out in the middle of her otherwise smooth, pale midsection. He idly wondered what his elders would say if they discovered that an unwed woman laid in his quarters, on his bed no less, halfway through the state of undress. It was just like their relationship to land themselves into this position: that the first time he brought her to his bed, she would be unconscious and bleeding.

With her long, silky black hair fanned out beneath her like the dark wings, she looked every bit like an angel. Or a fallen angel. He found it mighty hard to concentrate on all the healing techniques he had learned back in his Academy days when the woman he had loved all his life was just a hair's breadth away. Since his teenage-hood, never had he seen her again in so little clothing aside from that one occasion where the General allowed a one day vacation for all Gotei's seated officers to go to the Human World to visit the beach. His face flushed at the memory of her outrageously skimpy swimsuit. Almost without his permission, his hand reached out to caress her exposed skin. He retracted it at the last minute, shaking his head vigorously. He was angry and disappointed with himself for almost giving in to his base desires, as if he was just another common man.

Focusing with redoubled effort, he bent his eyes and his will on her wound and gathered up the necessary energy to produce a healing kidou that would close her wound and sew it up, without leaving a scar, a useful technique Retsu had taught him herself. By sheer force of will, he succeeded in completing the healing ritual without so much as a stray glance away from her wound.

He sighed, satisfied with his work, unwittingly laying his fingertips to check if there were any uneven marks he had left behind. And that was the end of his self-control.

His hand wandered through the expanse of her lean-muscled stomach, marvelling at its softness. Again, her skin reminded him of a flower petal, white with rosy pink tips. A magnolia blushed with a rosy finish. He smirked, amused with himself and the many flowers he had compared her with, knowing she would only laugh at his romanticism and call him plain silly. It was she that got him interested in botany in the first place. (He had politely declined to sign up for her Ikebana club, and although his lieutenant, Abarai, had attempted to go through one session for the sake of trying, he had no plans on spending an hour-long session receiving shy, love-sick glances from Retsu's female members.)

With bated breath, his gaze scrolled up towards her peaceful face, tenderly pressing her cheek into the palm of his hand. She will be waking up soon, and he doubted that she would be pleased at his taking advantage of her temporary incapacity. But the elegance of her neck and the allure of her slight collarbones were too much of a temptation for him to resist. He traced the slope of her shoulder, stopping at the base hollow of her neck, and he was powerless to stop his hand from winding downwards.

Inhaling sharply as if he had been physically wounded, he brought his fist up and slammed the bedside table, toppling the blue china vase over. Miraculously, instead of breaking yet another irreplaceable family heirloom, it rolled away for a couple of feet before spinning a few times and stopping, leaving a trail of freshwater in its wake. He mentally grumbled at the huge, watery mess he had made and the indecent act he had almost committed to mar Retsu's virtue. Maybe locking them both in a room with no one around, with her Shinigami robe removed from the waist up was not such a brilliant idea.

The orchid had fallen out and had inconspicuously landed on top of Retsu's hair. With fists still clenched, he stilled and drank in the visage she presented. He couldn't believe how she could be anymore lovely and beautiful. It was such an effortless thing on her part. She carried grace and genuine elegance wherever she went. It was no wonder every man in the Gotei had at one point fallen hopelessly in love with her. Hopeless because there was never any hope of her ever returning the affection.

'She is beautiful, Master. I am glad for you.'

I'm glad you approve, he responds drily.

'There's a saying one should choose their partner wisely, for it is the face they will have to endure every morning for the rest of their days.'

You always entertain the most ridiculous, nonsensical thoughts, he admonished Senbonzakura, with a disapproving wrinkle between his eyebrows.

'It has merit though, don't you think so?'

Certainly not. He replied vehemently that he almost snorted. That would imply entering a relationship grounded on the principle of aesthetic appearance alone. I am disgusted that you would even consider such a match to be wise. It is not wise at all. In fact, it is just the opposite.

'And what do you think should be the foundation of every good relationship then?'

That's the second unintelligent question for the night, Senbonzakura. I am genuinely disappointed in you. Even a four year old could have answered that.

'What is it then?'

Why it's l—

He stopped abruptly, finally catching on to Senbonzakura's leading questions.

I suppose you find this amusing, Senbonzakura.

'Hilarious.'

If there's something you wish to tell me, then say it to me straight. You know how I despise circumlocution. He snapped. Beside him, Retsu's hand twitched lightly before becoming motionless once more.

'You have not confessed your feelings for the woman yet.'

First of all, that woman is Unohana Retsu, and you will address her properly. Secondly, it is not your business.

'She deserves to know, after everything.'

Byakuya paused, for once actually agreeing on what his zanpakutou had to say. She did deserve only the best from him. She was worth every excruciating, sleepless night, obsessing about why she was avoiding him and wanted nothing to do with him. She was worth all the insecurities he thought he had outgrown but had resurfaced again when she spurned his presence. She was worth every secret kiss, an act they were still unprepared to discuss in the light. She was one of the only few people he had ever trusted, before that heated night when she finally confessed of her feelings—before he felt betrayed that she considered her love for him as a burden. An insult to their relationship. That was what she had said. If she still felt this way, he could not tell.

Could he trust her again? Trust her with his feelings if she herself thought so lowly on hers?

No.

'But Master—'

You saw the way she distanced herself from me, no matter how much she knew that I pined for her presence. I will not let that happen again, now that she has accepted me once more.

'I should think that she would be delighted to hear that you return her affections rather see cause to jilt you.'

She knows my affection ever since day one, the first time I met her. But even if she doesn't, I will not risk it. We tread on but thin ice. There is conflict in her mind that she does not speak of.

Senbonzakura hummed in disapproval. 'Do you speak of her mind or yours?'

Byakuya dropped his head, his unbound hair falling forward over his face. He restrained himself from running a hand over his face and sighing loudly in frustration.

I speak of hers. But I will not deny the turmoil in my own soul.

Senbonzakura left him to his dark mutterings inside his head. Already, his problematic master was deeply troubled even though there was hardly anything happening yet in their relationship. And he figured his master could use this time to think of all his obligations and how he will manage all of them yet still be able to follow his heart.

Byakuya stared at the med kit he wedged on his lap. Remembering that he had yet to fix his small wound, he pried off its lid and sifted through its contents. As he found the liquid bottle of disinfectant, a hand rested on top of his.

"Let me do that for you," Retsu said, now awake and ready to work.

"You should rest," he argued, taking her hand off his and placing it back on the cot. He avoided looking anywhere from her hips and above. She was oblivious, however, at his attempts at politeness and chivalry, as she rose up into a sitting position in front of him, placing her taut stomach directly in his line of sight. His eyes slammed shut as a knee-jerk reaction, barely managing to say, "It is a small wound."

Bending forward, Retsu grabbed her opportunity to snatch the bottle from his hand and a few cotton balls from the box. He opened his eyes, his mouth parting with a ready protest when he found himself looking down into the gentlewoman's generous cleavage.

His hands were immediately upon her shoulders, pushing her back into an upright position and removing the provocative image away from his vision. She yelped out, "What are trying to do, Byakuya?"

His face, which must be as red as a full-grown tomato, must have given him away for she laughed at him unexpectedly.

"I do not find your state of clothing anywhere near humorous."

"Oh, get over yourself, Byakuya. I've bathed you a hundred times in less clothing than this, don't you remember?" she chuckled, taking his arm and dabbing at his wound with the disinfectant.

She giggled as Byakuya's face flushed a deeper shade of red, if that was even possible. He wore an irritated scowl on his face and refused to open his eyes again. It wasn't as if he was not used to seeing women before. His sempai, Shihoin Yoruichi, had transmutated several times in front of him, and he had not given so much as a blink. However, with Retsu it was completely different. It was the same as what he had felt during his wedding night with Hisana.

He winced slightly, more from the painful reminder of his late wife than from the sting of the disinfectant.

"If you had tended to your wound earlier, you wouldn't have needed to feel this pain," she scolded gently, believing his reaction was caused by her ministrations.

Of course, but I needed to take care of you, didn't I? He thought but did not voice aloud.

Hisana—the elephant in the room that he had avoided since he awakened to the knowledge that he loved Retsu. What was he to say to her? What would she think if she knew that he had moved on from her death? What would her sister think?

Rukia, yet another elephant that he had to acknowledge sooner or later.

"You're thinking of her, aren't you?"

He peeked out from underneath his lids to see Retsu storing away the medical kit and placing it back on the low table beside them. She gave a brief glance towards the wet trail leading up to the upturned flower vase, but did not comment on it. The single orchid had fallen from her hair and remained on the cot. Turning her attention back on him, she softened at his expression, like how a moonflower opens its buds just as the sun sets. (That was the third flower metaphor in less than 4 hours. He was on a roll.)

She smiled at him, reaching up to fix his bangs behind his left ear. His ear tingled from the contact however brief it was. "I am glad. I fear there are many issues that still plague your mind before we can move forward from where we are now.

"You can't keep on avoiding this forever. I know you said that you will never do anything to disrespect Hisana. I have always felt uneasy whenever I think of her now, because of… because of what has changed between us. But I realized that the final edict will fall on you. The past is the past, yet it still is as much as a part of you as your present is. There is a part of you that has yet to accept this change. I can feel you holding something back. And after all we've been through, where do I fit in your life now?"

She retracted her hand from his jaw when she caught the pleading look in his eyes, knowing that he was not prepared to deal with these matters. She breathed deeply in acquiescence, concluding that this was as far as she could prod him for now. For that he was grateful.

Mustering up a cheerful grin, though she felt far from it, she lightly recounted the events that took place after she arrived in Karakura Town: how surprised she was to see some former Shinigami officers, who were wrapped up in a controversy back when Byakuya was still a child, injured on the broken streets. She learned from the 3rd Division lieutenant, Kira Izuru, that shortly after they were permitted into the town by 1st Division lieutenant, Sasakibe Choujirou, they had declared themselves on neither Aizen's side nor the Gotei's side, but on Ichigo's side. She went on about how she just managed to bring back one of their numbers by the name of Hiyori Sarugaki, a blonde, sharp-tongued girl in matching red sweatshirt and sweatpants, from death after being cut in half at the waist by Gin's sword.

Byakuya nodded, lulled to relaxation at the sound of her sweet voice. He did not know how it exactly happened, but during their conversation (or rather one-sided conversation), he found himself with his arms around Retsu, who was now resting her head on his shoulder. He stroked her silky hair and dipped his cheek to lie atop her head. He would have loved to spend the rest of the night hearing her tell stories, but a knock on his door interrupted them. Retsu blinked and glanced down at her almost half-nakedness and then at her Shinigami uniform, still dirty with her blood. Byakuya couldn't help the satisfaction that coursed through him when he saw her blush. That served her right for not covering up sooner.

But his satisfaction quickly died when the Shoji door started to slide open. Next thing he knew, he was pinning Tsutomu on the ground outside his quarters with Senbonzakura against the old servant's throat. Tsutomu did not appear disgruntled in the slightest and meekly informed him that his sister had arrived and was on her way to see him as he spoke.

Byakuya inwardly cursed, having yet to conjure up a plausible explanation as to what the 4th Division captain was doing in his bedroom. He stood up quickly and slipped back inside his room. Before he could close the door again, he screeched to a halt at the empty sight that greeted him. Tsutomu gathered himself up and brushed a few dust of his clothes.

"I apologize for startling you, Kuchiki-sama. It seemed like I had interrupted you and Unohana-dono."

"Did you mention her to Rukia?" he asked in a deadly low voice.

Tsutomu remained unfazed, familiar with Byakuya's black temper. "No, Master."

"Good." With that, he shut the door behind him with a dignified huff.

Tsutomu shook his head, amused at the boy's attempt to cover up his obvious attraction for the Healer from his sister. If his master wanted a long-term relationship, he was going to have to tell Rukia in the future.

...

A/N: So it seems that all of those who commented wanted Byakuya to confess. (Thank you so much for telling me so!) So the story moves onward! I have a few more heartbreaks up my sleeve for our beloved Noble and Healer, so that must be exciting right? Anyway, please read and review! See how fast I update when I get feedback? *Whispers* That's the secret, it's in the reviews.