Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.
A big thank you to my beta, Maddux, for being amazing.
And an apology to my readers. I am finding that the more I am immersed in college life, the less time I have to write. Luckily, and yet sadly (since I really can't imagine this ending), we are nearing the last few chapters... God I am going to miss this story... :( and all of your kind responses to it. Thank you so much for hanging in there as I try to figure out my scheduling and writing capabilities. I'm glad I have a group of people to enjoy what I write. :)
Chapter 21: Hit the Floor
So many people like me put so much trust in all your lies
So concerned with what you think to just say what we feel inside
So many people like me walk on eggshells all day long
All I know is that all I want is to feel like I'm not stepped on
There are so many things you say that make me feel you've crossed the line
What goes up will surely fall and I'm counting down the time
Cause I've had so many standoffs with you it's about as much as I can stand
So I'm waiting until the upper hand is mine
(One minute you're on top)
The next you're not, watch it drop
(Making your heart stop)
Just before you hit the floor
(One minute you're on top)
Next you're not, missed your shot
(Making you're heart stop)
You think you've won
(And then its all gone)
Hit the Floor – Linkin Park
"Bella, can we talk?" I turned from the pile of homework in front of me to glare at Renee, who was standing in the doorway of my room. I hadn't spoken much to either of them in the past few days. Phil was being moved tomorrow, back to where the original charges were filed by his ex-wife. I was trying not to think about it.
"Sure, mom. What did you want to talk about?" I know I sounded rude and upset, but I couldn't feel very guilty for it at the moment. I was still rather annoyed with them. Renee moved from the doorway to my desk chair and looked around the room.
"It looks just the same as it did all those years ago, when you were just an infant. I can't believe I'm actually here again. I swore I'd never come back, you know." I turned back to my homework, unsure why she was going on about when I was an infant. It's not like I remembered that time of my life.
"I know you don't remember being here, but I just want you to know that the moment I found out I was pregnant, I knew I would do whatever it took to make you happy. I just got lost, Bella. I didn't mean for it to happen this way. I love you, I will always love you. I was so sure that marrying Phil would be our ticket to a happy family life, one where you could go to college and enjoy your life as you grew up. I didn't know-" She stopped talking, her words choking off as she tried to talk about what had happened. I looked up from my homework just to see her wiping away a few tears.
"I want to be there for you, honey. I really do. So does Charlie. It was just a shock to find out and I was so confused. I had to question everything. It wasn't easy. I have been married to Phil for two and half years. We dated for at least a year before that, and behind my back, he touched... he-" She stopped again, finally giving up on saying it out loud. I sighed, finally putting my homework away and listening. She was obviously upset and I could tell she really wanted me to understand what she was saying.
"Mom, I know you and Charlie love me. I just feel so ignored sometimes. The way you both reacted to Phil was like he had done all those things to you. It was like what happened to me hadn't really happened at all. I felt like the only people that cared were the Cullens. They worried about me and watched over me while the two of you went traipsing around town over this whole thing." I leaned back against the wall, closing my eyes for a moment to gather my thoughts.
"I'm sorry we made you feel that way. We certainly never wanted you to feel alone or abandoned. We do love you, Bella. We really do." I felt the bed dip and then she was hugging me. I wanted to tell her to get off me, but she was being emotional and I didn't really want to ruin her moment. I sighed in relief as soon as she let go.
"Well, I'll let you work on homework. Maybe we could talk over dinner about pressing charges?" My eyes snapped open and I sat up. That was not what I wanted.
"I-I-I-" She was already halfway towards the door.
"Charlie should be home soon. I'll make dinner." I cringed, unable to call her back to explain that I didn't want to talk about pressing charges. The door closed and something else dawned on me. Renee was making dinner. My nose wrinkled at the thought. She never did too well with food and cooking. I was the one who made the meals, not my parents.
I curled up on the bed, my homework abandoned for the moment as I tried to force myself to get up and go downstairs to make things clear again. My efforts weren't getting me anywhere. I heard the window slide open almost silently and the bed dipped down again.
"Bella?" I opened my eyes only to find myself staring into the warm golden color that meant Edward was finally here. I leaned into his touch as he brushed his cold fingers against my cheek.
"Did you hear?" He nodded but he didn't seem as upset by it as I was. Of course, the Cullens wanted me to press charges so his lack of reaction to what Renee wanted to talk about made sense. He probably hopes that they will convince me or maybe force me to press charges.
"Would you like to stay for dinner?" Maybe his presence would deter them. Edward chuckled and shook his head.
"Bella, they don't even know I'm here right now, and I know for a fact they want to talk to you as a family tonight." One of the downfalls of knowing a mind reading vampire would be situations like these. I sat up, slipping my hand into his which helped to calm my nerves.
"We've discussed this, Edward. I don't want to press charges. I don't want the world to know what he did to me. I don't want to tell anyone. It's over now, anyway, and he will probably be found guilty on other crimes and go to jail for life. It's not like we have any evidence to support what I would be claiming. All that evidence is long gone. All I have left is the evidence that I'm supposedly suicidal, which I'm not. Not that anyone actually takes my word for that." I scowled, glaring at the carpet next to my bed.
"If you keep making that, face it'll get stuck like that." I stuck my tongue out at him and he full out laughed. I chuckled, knowing my actions were childish. Sometimes I didn't mind being childish, especially if it made Edward laugh. He had the most contagious laugh I'd ever heard. I rested my head on his shoulder, relaxing into him when he slipped an arm around me.
This was where I belonged. Safe and sound in the arms of someone who really cared about me, and as he claimed, loved me. Feeling safe was a thing most people took for granted, but now that I'd found safety, I never wanted to let it go. Edward shifted slightly, pulling my blanket around me to keep me from getting cold, and then laid us down gently on the bed. I curled into him, knowing this was the one place I could completely relax and rest.
"Je t'aime," he whispered. Did he think I couldn't understand the words 'I love you' in French? Doesn't everyone know that? It didn't matter either way, though, because I doubted I had it in me to respond in kind; knowing he loved me was just another layer of the protection he gave to me, just by being around me.
"Bella, love, it's time to get up. Your mother is calling you down to dinner and Charlie is home." I didn't move, wishing he would just keep whispering in my ear. It was soothing and it made me want to sleep more. I groaned as he slowly untangled me from the blanket, effectively waking me up with the gust of cold air that seemed to envelop me. I jumped up and grabbed my sweatshirt, tugging it on quickly.
"That is definitely not fair." He chuckled as I threw my pillow at him. It bounced off harmlessly and landed in a lump on the floor in front of him.
"I never said I played fair, Bella." One moment he was standing across the room from me, and the next I was flying through the air, wrapped in his protective embrace until we were sitting together on the rocking chair. I gasped, feeling rather out of breath for having put forth no effort. I was sure it had something to do with the rush of adrenaline from being tossed around like a rag doll.
"Edward!" I smacked him lightly on the arm and he just shook his head. It took a moment for the sting to register. I grabbed my hand realizing that I had just hurt myself by hitting him. I frowned.
"Bella! It's time for dinner!" Renee's voice floated up to my room and my frown deepened. I felt cold fingers run across my forehead, trying to smooth out the wrinkles no doubt.
"Will you be here when I get back?" He smiled and nodded. That was a relief. I waited a moment longer before finally getting up and making my way towards the door. I glanced back at Edward as I opened the door and frowned when I found he had already disappeared. I turned to exit my room only to run smack dab into Renee. No wonder Edward had disappeared. It probably wouldn't have looked too good if she saw him in my room.
"Mom, what are you doing?" She grinned, waving around a spatula in one hand. I ducked away from her quickly, snatching the weapon out of her hand and making my way downstairs. Charlie was already sitting at the table looking pleasantly surprised. I sat down with a huff, hoping Renee had forgotten all about her little agenda.
"Renee, you cooked this?" The surprise was still evident in Charlie's tone as he stared at the food in front of him. I glanced down and stared. The food in front of me actually looked edible. This was new.
"I told you not to start until Bella got down here!" I watched as Charlie snatched his hand away just before Renee smacked the table with a new spatula. Where was she getting all these utensils? This was getting weirder and weirder.
"I was hungry," he stated, seemingly unconcerned with Renee's wish to eat together.
"Well, yes, I did cook this. We couldn't exactly eat out all the time when Bella left so I took some cooking classes. Try it." Charlie dug in whole-heartedly, having already tried it, but I wasn't so sure. What had they done with my mother? Because this wasn't normal. I picked up my fork slowly and stabbed at the ravioli in front of me. Charlie was a quarter of the way done by the time I finally popped the thing into my mouth and chewed. My brained registered the word delicious and I speared another one, tossing it into my mouth. This actually was good.
"This is actually... good, mom. I'm impressed." She laughed, hitting me lightly on the arm in mock anger. The gesture only served to remind me of Edward's disappearance. I immediately wished he had decided to stay for dinner. I already missed being around him. I shook my head, knowing how ridiculous I sounded when I thought of him. I sounded like a love-sick puppy and it was getting to be a problem.
"Bella, are you okay?" Renee waved her hand in front of my face. I blinked and focused back on the situation at hand. I lowered my fork, embarrassed that I seemed to have stopped moving in the middle of bringing it to my mouth. Like I said, ridiculous.
"I'm fine, mom." I took another bite, trying to focus on Charlie's description of his day at work.
"So, honey, I already told you I wanted to talk about pressing charges. Both your father and I would like to discuss your choice." I set my fork down, looking anywhere but at the two adults sitting in front of me. So now I was being ganged up on. Wonderful.
"We think you need to stand up for what is right. You can't rely on his past to deal with him. What if they find him not guilty? What if he ends up hurting someone else?" I froze, my gaze darting up to hers. She did not just play that card? Was she really trying to guilt me into pressing charges? I scowled and shook my head.
"I'm not doing it. I can't. Don't you get it? This hurts, to have to relive it, over and over. Having to tell the world what happened to me is not fun for me. It hurts. I don't want anyone else to know!" Charlie cleared his throat, effectively ending my rant.
"Bells, we know this is hard for you, but he needs to be brought to justice. He needs to realize that was he did was wrong and that society won't stand for men like him." I stood up, placing my dishes in the sink.
"This is my choice and I choose to say no. I don't want to press charges. I'm tired of living in my past. I can't live that way anymore and pressing charges will only dredge it all up again. Please, just let me be normal for once." I think my plea surprised them because I was able to slip back upstairs without another word being spoken. I shut my door and turned, hoping to find Edward waiting for me but the room was empty.
"Edward?" I called out to him quietly. I didn't want Charlie or Renee to hear me.
"Charlie is coming to speak with you." I heard him whisper to me and I found myself immensely grateful he was at least in the general vicinity. There was a soft knock on the door.
"Bells? Can we talk?" I opened the door, wishing they would just leave me to myself so I could talk with Edward.
"Sure, dad." He seemed a bit uncomfortable as he stepped in the room and his eyes immediately traveled to one spot in the middle of the room. That must have been where they found Phil. I cringed and looked away. That was in the past. I wasn't about to go back there. I gestured to the chair and he sat down with a heavy sigh.
"I know this is your choice, Bella, but can we make a compromise?" He looked over at me, his eyes pleading. I knew he wanted to put Phil away for the rest of eternity, but he was asking too much of me. I considered my options carefully and decided to proceed.
"We can try." He sighed, obviously aware of my word choice. I certainly wasn't agreeing to anything before I knew what it was. He had taught me well. I knew how to take care of myself.
"If he is ruled not guilty in the case with the IRS and his ex-wife, will you press charges?" I thought about this for a few moments. The likelihood of him getting off on all charges was slim to none, especially with the IRS involved. Did I want him in jail? Yes. What if they let him go? I didn't want to have to live my life worried he might pop up some day. I knew I wouldn't survive that kind of fear. I felt the tension leave me as I accepted my fate and I prayed to whatever god was up there that this would never have to happen.
"Okay. I can agree to that." He smiled, stood, and hugged me before making his way towards the door.
"Thank you for being so brave, Bells. I love you." I smiled, knowing the decision was made and there really was no going back. It was weird to hear an I love you from Charlie, but not entirely unwelcome. As soon as the door shut I looked around the room, waiting for Edward to appear.
"Well, I'm glad that worked out." I stuck my tongue out at him as he appeared beside me, clearly pleased that I had agreed to my father's conditions. I wasn't too happy, but at least I had made Charlie feel a bit better. The Cullens would be happy, too. Maybe luck would decide to be on my side this time and I would be free to never have to go up against Phil or tell my story to the world. It didn't belong in the world anyway.
"I'm proud of you. If it ever comes down to it, I will be here for you. Our family will be here for you." I smiled, comforted at that fact. At least I had that much. It was something I hadn't had in a long time, and I was grateful for it. Friendship was not something I would ever take for granted again. I leaned up against my truest friend and he wrapped one hand around mine.
My life was starting to feel a bit more like a fairy tale than the real deal, but I supposed it made up for the nightmare that my life was for so long. Yet I knew, as always, I was waiting; waiting for that other shoe to drop. There was no way my life could ever be this good and stay this good. I was just not that lucky.
I fell asleep, relaxed, and feeling somewhat content as I pushed out the thoughts of doom that liked to creep in. I wasn't ready to fall back down to reality just yet. That would have to wait until tomorrow.
xXx
I felt exposed as I walked down the hall. There were more people watching my every moved than I was used to, and I couldn't understand why. What the hell was going on?
"Yeah, did you see? Isn't that just sick? I told you she was crazy." I turned to figure out where the voice was coming from only to find myself looking right at the back of Jessica Stanley's head. Her friends shushed her, pointing at me subtly, and she turned to glare at me.
"What are you looking at, Swan?" I looked away, trying not to notice all the stares I was getting. Edward appeared beside me at my locker after a minute, his expression clearly upset. He knew what was going on.
"Edward? Why are they all staring at me?" He clenched his teeth, glaring at a few of the staring students. I smiled as they all looked away. Edward could be intimidating when he wanted to be.
"They are staring because they are all idiots with nothing better to do with their time." I frowned, closing my locker, and cocking an eyebrow in his direction. That was nice, but that wasn't the answer I wanted.
"Edward..." My tone was warning him now. I didn't want to play games. I needed to know what was going on. He sighed, grabbing my hand and leading me towards the cafeteria. He didn't try to explain anything until we got to the table. All of the Cullens' expressions ranged from annoyance to frustration to downright anger. Alice seemed the most out of character as she glared at the student body around us.
"Jessica started a nasty rumor about you, which they are taking for true, since you used to be friends with her. She would know, right?" He sounded bitter. All I felt was dread. They thought I was crazy... I immediately thought back to the drawing she had given me and the warning note attached to it. What had I done for her to make good on her threat? Was it such a bad thing that I had made friends, that I was semi happy?
"She told them about my..." He nodded. I chuckled, standing up from my seat, and leaving the Cullens to stare after me. If Alice could see what I was about to do, I sure was glad she didn't seem to want to stop me. The entire cafeteria followed me with their stares as I stood behind Jessica Stanley and tapped her on the shoulder.
"What the fu-" She started to turn around and I wound my arm back, curling my hand into a fist. The rest of her sentence didn't get out as I punched her square in the nose. The crunch was loud enough that I was sure the entire cafeteria heard it.
"That's for spreading rumors about me, you vile little bitch." I stepped back from the blood that was now pouring out her nose and made my way back to the table. The hall monitors came running, one grabbed me before I got back to my seat while two others helped Jessica get up and get cleaned up. I didn't even have a chance to grab my stuff as they led me down to the principal's office. Jessica joined me there a few minutes later. I didn't think I'd ever seen her so angry before. I just felt like laughing. Punching her had felt so good.
"The principal will see you now." I snorted. It sounded like we were in a doctor's office. Although, with the way Jessica's nose was looking, we probably should have been. I didn't know I could hit that hard.
"Sit down, girls." He glanced over the two of us, visibly wincing when he saw Jessica's nose. His expression radiated disapproval, but I wasn't about to back down. She had deserved it for what she did. I wasn't crazy.
"Now, please explain to me what happened." He looked over at Jessica, but it seemed her nose was stopping her from talking. I could see the frustration starting to boil over as she tried so hard to get the words out. He turned to me, knowing I could speak much more easily.
"She started a rumor about me, and so I hit her." Jessica didn't say a word, didn't even bother trying to defend herself.
"What rumor did she start?" I sighed. Why did I have to tell him this?
"She told people that I am a cutter and that I'm crazy." The expression of disapproval was now on the both of us. I wondered momentarily how often he had to deal with shit like this. I definitely wouldn't want his job. High school kids were assholes.
"And are you?" He pressed. I stared at him in shock. Had he really just asked me that?
"A cutter, I mean." He revised quickly. I scowled.
"I used to be. I went to counseling. Ask my parents. I'm fine now and I'm not crazy." I glared at Jessica, wishing I was anywhere but here.
"Don't you think punching her only makes her rumor seem valid?" I thought about it for a moment and chuckled. He was right. It did make me seem crazy. I suppose they all hated me anyway, so it wasn't like this was anything new. I was just so sick of her bullshit and I snapped. Did that make me crazy? I didn't think so. Hell, a girl could only take so much.
"Can I go now? I have class." The principal shook his head.
"No, Miss. Swan. You are suspended for the rest of the day. Go home." Now that I had not expected. They were really going to send me home. I suppose it wasn't the worst thing that could happen. I looked around for my stuff and recalled my quick departure from the cafeteria. I would have to go get that. I stood, ignoring Jessica completely, and made my way out of the office.
"Bella. I brought your stuff." I smiled as Edward handed me my things. I felt much better now. Suspended or not I had finally done what I'd been waiting to do ever since Jessica had turned into such a bitch towards me.
"Shall I take you home?" I nodded and he took my hand in his, leading me out the door.
"I know you got in trouble for that, but I have to say I never expected you to do something so drastic. Besides the blood issue, my siblings and I were impressed." My eyes widened and I stopped walking. I had forgotten about the blood. Edward stopped, his expression still clear but confused as he watched me.
"I- I- I'm so sorry!" He chuckled.
"Bella, it's okay. We know how to deal with blood. The others are all headed home, too. We just up and left once they took you both out of the cafeteria. We are very good at holding our breath." I relaxed slightly, still chastising myself for being such an idiot. Why couldn't I think of someone outside of myself for once?
"Come on. Let's get you home." I allowed him to lead me forward to the car, forcing myself to let it go since it was all over and done with, anyway. I couldn't change what I'd done. The damage was set and now I was left to wait and see what the repercussions would be. Hopefully Charlie wouldn't be too angry.
Thoughts? Questions? Concerns? Review and let me know! :)
peace & grace.