A/N: Warning, this chapter contains pervy goblins, and ...SCROTUM BEARDS! DUN-DUN-DUN!
~The Goblin King~
He was a very hideous creature, very hideous indeed. Large and obese, with greasy, scaly warts all over his body and some sort of flabby growth hanging off of his chin. His eyes were big and bloodshot, his hair was thin and straggly and he had a crown made out of horns on his head. He was the most hideous creature Edlyn had ever seen and the very sight of him made her sick. He let out a loud, hacking, wet cough as strange music started to play.
"I feel a song coming on." He said. Then he started to sing.
Snip snap, the black crack
Grip, grab, pinch and nab
Batter and beat, make em stammer and squeak
Pound pound, far underground
Down down down in Goblin Town
With a swish and a smack, and a whip and a crack
Everyone talks when they're on our rack
Pound pound, far underground
Down down down in Goblin Town
Hammer and torch, get out your knockers and gongs
You won't last long on the end of my prongs
Clish, clash, crush and smash
Bang, break, shiver and shake
You can yell and yelp, but there ain't no help
Pound pound, far underground
Down down down in Goblin Town
"Catchy, isn't it?" The Goblin King said. "It's one of my own compositions."
"That's not a song." Balin said. "It's an abomination!" The rest of the company chimed in their agreements.
"Abominations, mutations, deviations...that's all you going to find down here." The Goblin King said. Then he got off his throne and glared down at the company as their weapons were laid in a pile before him. "Who would be so bold as to come armed into my kingdom?" He demanded. "Spies? Thieves? Assassins?"
"Dwarves, Your Malevolence." One of the goblins said.
Wait, what?
Edlyn looked down and realized that she was kneeling, so to them, she looked like she was the same height as the others, which explained why they didn't say that there was a human there also. She was surprised that none of the goblins noticed that she was not standing.
"Dwarves?" The Goblin King asked.
"We found them on the front porch." The goblin replied.
"Well, don't just stand there; search them!" He ordered. "Every crack, every crevice."
The goblins started searching the company. Two goblins approached Edlyn and one of them looked at his companion with a wicked smile.
"I'll handle this one." He said.
Edlyn rolled her eyes in disgust. Oh, brilliant; a pervy goblin. She gritted her teeth behind her lips as the goblin in question began to search her, or feeling her up was more like it. She tried to keep her composure and not lose her cool. Fili, who was on the other side of the crowd and was also being searched, looked in their direction and glared at the goblin that was using his orders to search Edlyn as an excuse to grope her.
The young healer fought the urge to rip the goblin's head off as he continued to feel her up, even getting a quick grab of her ass which made her want to kill him even more. Suddenly, he started undoing her vest and tried to reach down her shirt.
That did it; that set her off.
Edlyn's hand shot up and wrapped around the goblin's throat, causing him to let out a squeak. She ignored the pain in her hand as she lifted the goblin off the ground, standing up to her full height before throwing him down on his rear.
"Don't touch me, you little worm!" She shouted.
The goblin cowered on the ground, looking up at Edlyn in surprise and fear as she glared down at him. His friend also looked at her in surprise and she gave him a quick sneer. Just then, she became aware that everyone else had fallen silent. She looked up and saw that everyone was staring at her. Then she realized that she was standing, thus giving away her true height. The Goblin King was looking at her in surprise and intrigue.
"Bring that one to me." He ordered.
Edlyn's heart started pounding. Suddenly, a goblin came up from behind her and knocked her in the back of the legs, causing her to fall forward to her knees, using her hands to break her fall which only caused severe pain to her injury. Then, that same goblin grabbed her by her hair, which wasn't braided but was hanging loosely down her shoulders. Another goblin grabbed her arm and the two of them dragged her forward and threw her at the Goblin King's feet. She looked up at him and he looked at her for a moment before reaching down and wrapping his hand around her arm and pulling her to her feet.
"My my my!" He said as he looked her over. "What have we got here? You're no dwarf, you're a human woman. And a very pretty one at that."
"Let go of me!" Edlyn shouted defiantly as she fought to escape his grasp, but it was no use. The Goblin King tightened his grip, so hard it felt like he would rip her arm right out of its socket.
"Oh ho ho! And she's a fighter!" He said with an amused laugh.
All of his goblin minions laughed with him and he pulled Edlyn closer to his face till she could feel his putrid breath slithering down her neck.
"I like them when they fight." He purred. "Tell me, my pretty. What are you and your friends doing in these parts?"
Edlyn didn't answer, she just turned her head away in disgust when the Goblin King lifted his fat, greasy fingers to her face and started stroking her.
"STOP!"
Both Edlyn and the Goblin King turned and saw Fili furiously pushing his way to the front of the crowd, only to be stopped and held back by two or three goblins.
"Who dares speak out against me?" The Goblin King demanded.
"I do." Fili said, glaring up at him. "You get your slimy paws off of her, you wretch!" The other dwarves all joined in, shouting at him to release her.
"And why should I?" The Goblin King asked.
Fili didn't answer and it didn't take the Goblin King long to figure it all out. A look of realization crossed his face as he looked back and forth between Edlyn and Fili, noticing how their eyes remained locked with one another.
"Aw, isn't that sweet." He said mockingly. "A dwarf, willing to fight for the woman he loves. How positively romantic. It makes me all tingly with emotion!"
The sarcasm in his voice reached a high pitch and the other goblins all laughed at his mockery. Edlyn let out a gasp when the Goblin King suddenly twisted her arm back behind her, forcing her to stand in front of him.
"Tell me something, dwarf." He said to Fili. "How far are you willing to go for this beauty?"
He reached his other hand up and ran it through Edlyn's hair, pushing it back behind her ear. The feeling of it made her want to throw up.
"If you so much as scratch her, I'll rip you apart!" Fili snarled.
Edlyn frowned. She always knew that Fili was very protective of those he cared about, but she had never seen THAT side of him before. It was a surprise to her, and oddly, she liked it. Although, she had to admit, now was the weirdest time for her to suddenly be turned on by him.
The Goblin King laughed at Fili's outburst. "Your devotion to the lady is truly touching, master dwarf. Unfortunately, it is all lost on me." Then he looked down at the young healer. "And since you and your friends will not talk, we'll make you squawk! Bring out the Mangler!" He shouted. "Bring out the Bone-Breaker! Ladies first, of course."
With that, he threw Edlyn to the ground with a laugh and the other goblins that had brought her forward before grabbed her and held her down. Fili fought against the goblins that were holding him and one of them accidentally place their hand on the arrow wound on Fili's abdomen, causing him to grit his teeth in pain. The other dwarves started shouting curses at the Goblin King. But one all too familiar voice rang out above the rest.
"Wait!"
Everyone looked and saw Thorin step forward. He made eye contact with Fili who gave him a pleading look, as if to say 'help her, uncle'. Thorin gave him a nod, and then he looked at Edlyn for moment before turning to face the Goblin King.
"Well well well! Look who it is!" The Goblin King said. "Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror; King under the Mountain." He gave a mocking bow. "Oh, but I'm forgetting, you don't have a mountain. And you're not a king, which makes you nobody, really." Thorin glared up at the Goblin King, who smiled. "I know someone who would pay a pretty price for your head. Just a head, nothing attached. Perhaps you know of whom I speak, an old enemy of yours; a Pale Orc astride a White Warg."
"Azog the Defiler was destroyed." Thorin said, looking at the massive goblin in surprise and disbelief. "He was slain in battle long ago."
"That's what I thought." Edlyn said to herself. However, what the Goblin King said next sent shivers up her spine.
"So you think his defiling days are over, do you?" He said with a devilish laugh. Then he turned to a tiny goblin sitting in a basket and was carrying a slate. "Send word to the Pale Orc; tell him I have found his prize."
Then the tiny goblin pulled a lever, sending his basket sliding down a system of pulleys and ropes into the darkness.
Some time later, dozens of goblins were bringing massive instruments of torture in to the throne room while the Goblin King's loud, screeching voice rang out as he sang about how he was going to torture the entire company. They were all being held by their goblin captors as some of the other goblins inspected their weapons.
Just then, one of the goblins unsheathed Orcrist and as soon as he saw the blade he let out a shriek of horror and threw it to the ground. All the other goblins, including the Goblin King, saw the sword as well and they all recoiled in horror at the sight of it.
"I know that sword!" The Goblin King shouted. "It is the Goblin-Cleaver! The Biter! The blade that sliced a thousand necks! Slash them! Beat them! Kill them! Kill them all! Cut off his head!"
As he shouted, the goblins all started whipping and beating their prisoners, with claws and gnashing teeth. Edlyn was knocked to the ground and Fili was automatically torn between helping her and helping his uncle, who was in much greater peril as the goblins pinned him down and one of them drew his knife and prepared to cut his head off, causing the young healer to cry out.
"NO!"
A/N: It doesn't matter how many times I write, rewrite or reread this chapter, that bit with the Goblin King always leaves me feeling like I need to take at least twenty showers (shudders). I still haven't cleaned myself off enough from the first time I wrote this story two years ago. So yeah, sorry about exposing you guys to this.
And yes, Azog will be in my story. This is primarily movie-verse, after all.
The song "Down in Goblin Town" belongs to Tolkien, as revised by Howard Shore for the film. I got the lyrics off of TheOneRing website so the poor English involved in it is deliberate.