Chapter Twenty: Grudge

"Hey," Chiaki answered. "It's been awhile."

"…Yeah, it has." Yuu replied after swallowing some of his shock. He leaned against his counter and began to throw out some of their junk mail as a distraction.

"So how have you been?" Yuu asked, trying to keep his voice casual. Despite the fact that both Chiaki and Hatori knew that Yuu and Hisashi were dating, the couples tended to avoid each other. While Yuu and Chiaki still desired to remain friends, there was just too much baggage and discomfort for it to happen yet. When work was involved, the four were all cordial, but otherwise, they dodged each other like airborne mold.

"I'm…okay I guess." Chiaki replied.

"Mmm. How's your baby? It's gotta be almost time for you to deliver."

"Yeah," Chiaki said with a short laugh. "She's coming any day now. I'm about ready to burst."

Chiaki spoke in his normal bright tone, but Yuu couldn't help but pick up on something below the surface. The closer he listened, the more he heard fatigue and pain in his friend's words. Yuu furrowed his eyebrows, but didn't comment.

"I bet Hatori is a giant wreck." Yuu said casually. "I heard you had to stop drawing manga for awhile because you were so sick."

"I did. The first couple of months were rough, and it didn't get much better. Tori—….Tori is pretty stressed." Chiaki spoke, his voice growing quieter. Yuu could hear a faint cracking in Chiaki's tone, as if he were trying to hold himself back.

"…L—Listen Yuu," He continued. "There's…There's something I need to tell you…and I don't know how to do it…I…I'm so scared Yuu…I'm scared—"

Yuu felt his lower lip drop as he heard Chiaki suppress a sob, and he felt his heart stirring at his friend's agonized tone. And although their relationship was at a rocky point, he still felt immense compassion for him.

"Chiaki," Yuu said warmly, his hands wrapping around the edge of the counter. "It's okay. You don't need to be scared."

"Yuu…" Chiaki sniffed, letting out a mournful cry.

"Don't cry Chiaki." Yuu spoke reassuringly. "Don't cry. It's gonna be okay. Tell me what this is all about."

"Oh Yuu," Chiaki said in panting sobs. "The thing is…I—I don't know if Hatori is the father of my baby!"

Yuu's body went limp and his hands fell.

"What?"

"Do—Do you remember my last birthday…at the hot springs? Well…I—I tried to trace the dates back to see if it was that day or when Hatori did….that…but…I—I can't seem to figure out the t—timing…Yuu, my—my baby…it might be yours—" Chiaki was cut off by another sob, but this time he barely managed to muffle it.

Yuu stood, his legs and body feeling like they were encased in ice. His mind as well was frozen, unable to process what Chiaki was saying. Hearing Yuu's silence and panicking, Chiaki kept speaking.

"Yuu…I—I know this is so much to ask but…would—would you be able to come to a clinic so they can d—do a test? T—Tori doesn't want me to but… you—you have a right to know if it's your baby…"

Yuu weakly nodded his heavy head and spoke.

"…Yeah…I can do that." He replied, also trying to suck the wild wind of emotion out of his voice.

Chiaki sobbed in gratitude.
"Thank you Yuu," He wept. "Thank you so much…I'll…I'll call you when I've made an appointment."

"Okay." Yuu replied. "I'll talk to you later…b—bye."

Yuu pressed the speaker button and immediately sucked in a breath as a pile of bricks smashed into his head. He leaned down on the counter for support, gripping a handful of his shaggy hair as guilt, regret, and sorrow slashed into his mind.

"Oh my god…" He whispered in horror. "No…"

"…Yuu?"

Yuu's head jerked up and his pained eyes went wide as he saw Hisashi standing in the kitchen doorway. Yuu immediately wondered in horror if Hisashi had heard, but by the sober look in those stone blue eyes…he had.

Even still, Hisashi didn't shy away, but stepped further forward, reaching out a hand to Yuu's lean shoulder.

"Yuu?"

Yuu bowed his body over the counter, still taking in deep, aching breaths.

"Oh my god…what have I done?" He murmured, trying to swallow back a lump in his throat. He felt Hisashi's arms wrap around his lower back, but he didn't respond.

"Are you okay?" Hisashi asked quietly.

"I'm fine…" Yuu choked back out. "I—I just…"

But the brunette found he couldn't finish his sentence. He turned around to lean his back against the wall, and Hisashi let go in the process, but still stared at Yuu with concerned eyes. The blonde took a tentative step forward, reaching out a pale hand again.

"Yuu…it's gonna be okay…you'll see…"

But Yuu shook his head in sorrow.

"It's not that simple."

Hisashi's eyes began to blink faster, but he didn't drop his gaze, even when a weight crashed on his chest as well.

Because Yuu had never told him that he'd slept with Yoshino. Of course they had exchanged life stories, even before they were dating, but naturally Yuu had edited his story. And to have the entire truth revealed in this context was soul shattering. The two men let silence overtake their words for a brief minute before Hisashi finally spoke.

"Yuu…" He said gently. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

Yuu grimaced in pain, but replied.

"The same reason you never told me you attempted suicide before…because it's a part of my past that I'd rather forget."

Hisashi swallowed uncomfortably, unnerved that Yuu had gleaned that information. Even still, he brushed it aside.

"Yuu, it'll be alright. I know it will."

"Hisashi—"

"I know it will!" The blonde cried out, his eyes blinking faster.

"Hisashi. Stop!" Yuu barked, raising a hand. The blonde's eyes filled with moisture, but all his attention was focused on Yuu, who was holding his head as if it hurt.

"How…how can you be so damn laid back all the time?" The brunette suddenly choked out, blocking his eyes from Hisashi's view as he bowed his head. The blonde furrowed his eyebrows at Yuu's words, but after a brief moment, he understood.

"Yuu, I'm not mad at you."

Yuu's lips tightened and he gritted his teeth.

"I wish you were mad at me." He whispered. "I wish you would yell at me for being such an idiot and practically raping my best friend. I almost wish you would hit me…give me some portion of the punishment I deserve—"

With a final gasp, Yuu's knees bent and he sank to the floor, his entire face now hidden from view. Hisashi knelt down with him, leaning his head against Yuu's shoulder.

"Yuu, you have no reason to apologize to me." The blonde murmured, wrapping an arm around Yuu's waist. "We didn't even know each other when that happened. And you were a different person back then. You can't blame yourself…"

Yuu's head slightly rose, but he didn't look at his boyfriend. Hisashi took one of Yuu's arms and wrapped his own limbs around it, resting his cheek on Yuu's shoulder.

"And come on…" He murmured, trying to smile. "You know me right? I can't hold a grudge to save my life. The longest I've ever held one was 16 hours, and I was asleep for twelve of them."

Hisashi heard Yuu give a tiny snort, and he hugged the brunette harder, still blinking back his own rising tears.

The two lovers sat together for a long while, choosing to let the calming silence wrap around their blistered wounds like a salve. After some time, Yuu turned and rested his head against Hisashi's, pulling an arm around his partner as well. The blonde leaned closer to his embrace and drank in a heavy sigh. Without voicing it, the two both knew that their partners were afraid, but Hisashi also thought of the other storms they had weathered since they'd been together, and he had faith that they sail through this one as well, no matter what the odds.

He only wished that Yuu could have that same confidence.