April woke up the next morning and tried to open her eyes, but they were so swollen she could barely do it. After her argument with Jackson, she went home with her heart broken, knowing she had broken his along the way. She fell asleep crying, alone in her room, playing the things she said to him in her head. Her words were cruel, but she wasn't speaking with her heart. She couldn't anyways. If she let her heart and emotions speak louder, she would've disobeyed her parents and let it all go to hell. She couldn't. She simply couldn't. Not after everything that had happened. Her father's health had deteriorated because of her and the guilt she was carrying with her didn't seem to go away. She knew she needed to obey this time and go back to Ohio, but that meant not seeing Jackson anymore. She didn't want to go, but sometimes what you want is not that important when you weigh in your options. Losing her father wasn't an option. Losing Jackson wasn't fair.
Jackson was right when it came to the fact that she was somehow brainwashed. During the time she spent with her father after Dr Perry left them alone, he kept on telling her that Jackson was a boy, that boys only have one thing in mind, that she was an easy target to his womanizer ways, that she was being fooled by him. She didn't want to believe him at first, but when you're feeling weak and your mind is about to blow, you start to accept even the things you don't want to believe in. Her father made her doubt Jackson's feeling for her and her own for him.
Then Jesus came into the conversation to make things worse. She grew up in a typical Christian family and her father was definitely a religious man. She knew the bible, studied it at church, knew by heart all the commandments and understood that sex, pre-marital sex, was against God's law. When her father found out Jackson's pictures, he also was tempted to read her journal. April never felt more violated in her life when she found out he ended up reading it. The shame of knowing her father knew all about her not so innocent sexual experiments with Jackson in detail – details she wrote to herself, as a reminder of what he did to her, how she felt about it - nearly crushed her. Her father didn't have the right to read about her personal thoughts on her intimate life. But he did and there was nothing she could do now but to regret writing in detail the way Jackson's tongue played with her body. Oral sex and masturbation were a sin as any other of that nature in Joe's eyes. April knew they were a sin, but when she was with Jackson her desire spoke louder and her body craved his touch like she had never craved anything else in life. What her father read in her journal, not only what they had done but what she wanted to do with Jackson in the near future, only reinforced the idea that he was using her for sex and she was burning with this sinful desire because of him.
The fact that Jackson wasn't a Christian was also one of the reasons she was not allowed to date him. According to her father, dating people from outside of her faith could only bring more harm than good, because Christians thought differently about things, they believed in things a different way and they were supposed to follow God's rules against what the 'world' could say. The 'no dating' rule applied not only to Jackson but to all other boys and she understood her father's point… until now, at least.
She was simply in love and being in love couldn't be a bad thing. Why did things have to be this complicated? Her actions last night and the words she spoke were probably the culmination of her all frustration and anger towards the whole situation. After Jackson begged her to let him go, not even looking at her, she knew she destroyed him completely. She wasn't being herself and her behavior was despicable. But the truth was Jackson wasn't being supportive or understanding enough. He wanted her to stay and she wanted to stay too, but what else could she do?
Now, after thinking about it all night and in the new light of the day, she wished she could've dealt with him differently. Maybe she should've waited and only talked to him when her nerves weren't on the edge, when thing were calmer, when the guilt she was feeling inside was smoother. But no, she didn't wait and decided it was the best to talk to him as soon as she got home from the hospital that day, when things were still blurry in her mind and she was consumed with her own confusion and anger. But she was not that a cruel and bitter person and he deserved a sincere apology.
Looking at her nightstand, April spotted her phone. She needed to talk to him and maybe apologize, explain to him that she regretted what she said last night. So, reaching out, she sat with her back against the headboard. Her whole body felt heavy and swore. It seemed like she had just been hit by a bus.
It was 9.45 am. Jackson should be awake by now or at least she hoped he was. Quickly searching for his number, she cleared her throat and waited for him to pick up. He never did and she didn't want to just leave a message. Maybe she should give him time.
.
"Honey, is everything okay?" Karen asked. She simply nodded in silence. Of course everything was not okay. Everything was completely not okay.
Lazily moving the fork against the plate in front of her, she realized her mother had been calling her name for the past couple of minutes. She was daydreaming once again, but it was now dinner time and Jackson was still the only thing on her mind. She gave him all day. One day would enough, right? He had all the space that he needed and so did she. But she had been trying to call him twice again and nothing. She thought he would answer her calls eventually, but no. Could he be that mad at her?
Her father was staring at her as well with a concerned look on his face. She spent all day in her room, barely speaking, barely eating.
"You should eat, April." Joe said and this time she shook her head. Despite feeling weak, she wasn't hungry.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Karen asked again. What was the point on keep asking her this useless questions anyways and it was visible she wasn't. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No." She replied, taking the glass of water placed next to her plate and taking a sip. She didn't want to talk about, because there was no point in talking about it. It was decided. They had decided it for her. Earlier that day, she overheard her father saying she should leave in a day or two. Karen insisted that he should come too, resign and get the rest that he needed because of his health. He argued that he couldn't leave, because they needed the money to support April's expenses in college. The way that he spoke reminded her again the pride he took in letting people know that his daughter was going to college. It was their first daughter to go to college and the fact that she was on her way to become a doctor, filled him with pride and joy. The sacrifices her parents made for her over the years and specially now couldn't simply be dismissed or vanished because of her feelings for a boy. They had sacrificed so much for her that she felt like it was her time now to sacrifice something for them. Jackson was her sacrifice.
Slowly standing up from her chair and taking the plate along with her, she dropped it near the sink. There was no point in trying to pretend she was going to eat the food anyways. She then moved to the window, looking outside, trying to spot him in the garden. Once again there were no signs of him.
"Have you talked to… hmm, Jackson… today?" Her mother reluctantly asked and when she heard the mention of his name, April quickly turned her face around. She didn't know if her mother was being curious because she cared about her feelings towards him, or because she was against them. However, the truth wasn't going to do any harm in that moment.
"No. No I haven't."
"Are you planning to?" Her mother went on, completely oblivious to the fact that they had fight the night before. "It would be nice if you at least said goodbye to him."
She glanced over at her father, expecting him to contradict her mother, but he didn't. The irony in all of this nearly made her laugh. He wasn't okay if she spoke to Jackson on a daily basis or saw him even, but since she was leaving soon, suddenly speaking to him wasn't a bad thing. It was definitely ironic. "When am I leaving?"
Karen and Joe exchanged looks in silence for a few seconds. Then, her mother replied. "We've been talking about it and your father thinks the day after tomorrow would be the best."
"The day after tomorrow" April repeated the words as if trying to let them sink in. "The day after… tomorrow?"
"Yes, honey." Karen retorted. "We both thought about it and your father would rather if you left with me. I can't stay here for too long. I left Libby taking care of your sisters, but I'm not too comfortable leaving them all by themselves."
"But you decided that I should leave just like that?"
"That's why I think it's important that you talk to the boy one last time."
April looked at her with a wide surprised stare. She knew they were going to make her go back to Ohio. She just never thought it would be that soon. She was leaving in less than two days when leaving was the last thing she wanted to do. All of a sudden, a screaming panic took over her. He wasn't picking up the phone and he was probably too mad to even see her, but she needed him. She needed to say she was sorry, that she didn't mean any of the things she said. That he was amazing guy, that he was so much more he credited himself for. That she would always keep him in her heart, that he would have a piece of her soul forever. She needed to see him and to hold him and to feel his lips on hers one last time. She needed to hear his voice and let his words comfort her soul. She needed to say all the things she didn't say because she was too afraid they could sound corny. She wanted to be ridiculously in love with him one last time. She wanted to be with him one last time and kiss him endlessly. So, without being able to even think straight or asking for permission, she simply ran towards the front door and made her way to his house as fast as she could.
April could feel the panic increasing. She feared the tears she was holding back in her eyes would burst out and make her start compulsively crying. The lump on her throat was not going to allow her to speak if she didn't swallow her sobs.
Running as fast as her feet allowed, the pain in her chest increased as well. How could she fall in love this hard only to see it being taken away from her? She didn't deserve it. "God…" She prayed out loud "… I don't deserve it."
She only stopped at his front door and with one hand pressed to the doorbell, she waited impatiently for it to be open. When it finally did, she saw Mindy with her usual confident smile greet her.
"Can I speak to Jackson, please?" April asked, catching her breath. "I really need to see him."
"See him?" Mindy frowned in surprise. "I thought you knew he's not here."
"Not here?"
"He left earlier today with his mother to Boston. He didn't tell you?" Mindy went on, but it was obvious by the look on her face he didn't tell her. "I'm sorry. I honestly thought you knew."
April raised one hand to cover her mouth. Surprise was an overstatement. She was in pure shock. How could he have done this to her? How could he leave without telling her? Without even a message, a text, a call, a goodbye? And she was leaving too. He knew she was leaving and yet he chose not to tell her. "Left?" April asked and Mindy nodded. "He left?"
"I'm so sorry. I mean, why wouldn't he tell you?" April looked white as snow, like all the blood in her body was gone. She looked like she was about to faint and Mindy couldn't feel worse for the girl. Sure, April didn't know he was gone, but she wondered why the extreme reaction to the news.
"Do you know when he's coming back?"
"No. He didn't say."
"But he was supposed to go for four days and then come back."
"Originally, yes. This time, he didn't say. Dr Catherine is not returning, but she told me to stay in case Jackson decided to come back. He was willing to go to Boston this time." Mindy replied. "He didn't even fight Dr Catherine to stay."
"Oh my…!" April let out in despair. Running her fingers through her hair, she assumed he was indeed very angry at her. The fact was she was leaving and she was never going to lay eyes on him again. She was leaving without having the opportunity to say goodbye. She was leaving and she regretted the last time they were together.
"April? Can I do anything?"
"No, no… it's just… I thought he was home and now he isn't and I…" April replied, but her mouth was suddenly too dry. "I didn't know. I-I'm sorry to bother." She said, with a forced weak smile on her lips.
When Mindy shut the door, she stayed with her back pressed against the nearest wall trying to recover. "Okay. Okay… Okay." April said to herself repeatedly in a failed attempt to calm herself down. With one hand pressed to her chest, she felt her heart beating fast. The panic she was feeling earlier turned into confusion and back to panic again once reality became clearer. As her breathing increased, she felt like dozens of needles were now dancing on her head and it hurt like hell. Her heart was broken into a million little pieces and she wished this was all a very bad dream.
April lift up her face and looked around. There was a basketball ball forgotten in a corner near the shooting net. The same shooting net they used to flirt with each other while pretending to play. His car was parked in the drive way. He asked her to stay after Shelly's party in that car and she stayed. Standing where she was near the front door, she remembered the night they met. This was the place where they first met.
Her knees were shaking so badly, she started falling down the wall. Now, sitting on the floor and with her hands covering her face, a single tears escaped from her eye. When did she become this person? When did she become this obsessed with the idea of love? Perhaps the question should be, when did she become the kind of person who falls this deeply in love? Yes, that was the question, because she was never that girl. School was her priority, being someone in life was her priority and she was a dreamer by nature. Her dream was to become a surgeon, not somebody's girlfriend. And yet here she was, crying for the lost love she never got the chance to fully live.
Jackson was gone too. Why did he leave that way? If he needed space, he could find it here. He didn't have to run all the way to Boston from her. Or maybe he did, because he was probably hurting too. She knew running would never fix things. Perhaps that was something he needed to learn in time too.
Cleaning the tears with the back of her hand, she forced herself to stand up and walk home. Once she opened the door, she heard her mother's voice asking if she saw him, talked to him. Her father was sitting on the couch, quiet but listening, curious to know how it went. When she didn't reply, but quickly started walking towards her room, her mother followed her. "April? Honey?"
"Just leave me alone." She begged before shutting the door of her room.
.
The next day
"Can I come in?" Karen asked, opening the door to April's room. She nodded and moved her attention back to the pile of folded clothes on top of her bed. There was an open suitcase on the floor and her closet was almost empty. "What are you doing?"
"Packing."
"April, look at me." When she didn't, Karen decided to go on anyways. "I know what you must be feeling."
"No, you don't."
"I do." She retorted, moving across from where she was standing near the door to sit on her bed. April didn't even bother looking up, pretending to be too focused on fitting a particular red dress into her suitcase. "When it comes to this, we do have something is common."
"I doubt it, but…"
"I don't talk about this too much. I try not to think about him either, but I think you should know now that I'm familiar with what you're going through and that I understand."
"I don't see your point, mom."
"Carl Simmons." Karen replied, interrupting her daughter. April lifted up her eyes to her mother, noticing the sudden change in her expression. She had never heard that name before and by the way her mother's face was glowing as she almost lost herself in memories, she stopped what she doing and stood quiet, trying to understand where this was all coming from. "You're probably wondering who he is, right? Well, Carl Simmons was the love of my life."
"Wh-what?"
"When I was seventeen, at least." Karen quickened to say. "He was my highschool sweetheart. The kind of boy who could take your breath away. Tall, good looking, dazzling eyes… gosh, he had the bluest eyes." She said, looking at the ceiling as if she could actually picture him now. "He was football player, got all the girls drooling over him and for some almost irrational reason he chose me."
"You dated him?"
"Oh yes, I was his girlfriend." Karen said. "His father owned the largest construction company of the region. He came from family of very rich people. So he knew he didn't have to worry one day of his life about his future. It was guaranteed. We were different in so many ways, but I loved him. And boy, was I envied by the girls at school?!"
"You were popular in highschool?"
"Because of him, yes… I guess you could say so. I even tried cheerleading for him. It was fun, but I don't know. We started growing apart."
April saw old pictures of her so she knew her mother was a cheerleader in highschoool. She assumed her smiley personality was the reason why. "What happened?"
"We dated for two years." She went on, falling now into the hard part of her sweet teenage memories. "Eventually I told him I wanted to move, go to college, maybe study to become a teacher. He didn't want to move. I mean, he had his future set… why would he follow me? He tried to convince me to stay, to marry him. We would get married, live in a nice little house down the road from his parents, work for them."
"He wanted you to settle?"
"He wanted me to settle." Karen nodded, glad to see that her daughter was following her line of thought. "I wanted to leave that town, make something out of myself, study, have a career. Those were my dreams!"
"What did you do?"
Karen paused and looked at her hands for a second. She loved Carl recklessly when she was younger. He was her first love. And even though she was able to let him go, she would never be able to completely forget him. "I followed my dreams." She finally said. "We broke after the summer of our senior year. I went to college and he stayed back. I couldn't just give up on my dreams for a boy. I deserved more than that."
"And you just left?"
"It was so hard to leave, but I just had to."
April thought about it for a second. All this new revealed information surprised her. She never wondered about her mother's past, nor did she ever thought about her past love interests. Karen Kepner was the sweetest, most charming and politest person you could ever meet. Her smile was contagious and it was not hard to believe that any boy would fall for her younger self. So, it was no surprise a popular guy like Carl would chose her. Then it hit her like a rock. Sometimes she didn't understand why Jackson chose her. In a way she felt unworthy. He was good looking, rich, popular and super charismatic. Yes, he chose her. Just like Carl chose her mom. "Do you ever regret it? Ending things with him? Do you regret it?"
"I can't say I regret it. If I had stayed I would've never met your father, had all my beautiful girls, be a teacher."
"But?"
"But sometimes I wonder what we could've been. What kind of life I would have if I stayed with him. I mean, I'm happy with your father. I love him. But sometimes I wonder." Karen paused again, clearly emotional as she relived all her old memories, and took a deep breath before continuing. "He asked me to marry him after a game. I still had my cheerleading outfit on and he was still sweaty from the game. It was a good game. Our team won and he was happy. He got down on one knee and everything."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Did you say yes to him?"
"Yeah, but I thought he wasn't serious." She replied. April noticed how in that moment she looked down at her wedding ring. "We were too immature to get married anyways."
"What made you change your mind?" April asked, more curious than ever about this story for her mother's past. Seeing how emotional she got, made April feel a little emotional as well. "I mean, you loved him. You said he was the love of your life. What made you decide to follow your dreams instead of him?"
"Well…" Karen started, lifting up her face to look at April again. "I realized that in my life I could do better things than dating the boy on the football team."
April knew that her mother abhorred three things: not used intelligence, wasted talent and lost opportunities. It made sense that she would feel that way about marrying Carl at such a young age, letting all the dreams she had for herself go to waste.
"I'm so proud of you, April. So proud!" Karen said. April half smiled at her, used by now to hear she was the family's joy and pride. Yet, it was still hard carrying the weight of what that meant. "I'm proud that you dared to dream big. That you have shown the drive and determination to pursue your dreams. You told us you wanted to go to college, be a surgeon, you were decided from the very beginning that you were going to prove wrong everybody that thought you weren't going to make it."
"I know."
"And your dreams will come true."
"You think?"
"I know." She retorted. April let out a deep breath and stood on her feet. Then, she sat on the bed next to Karen, who affectionately put a lock of April's hair behind her ear.
"Mom, why are you telling me all this?"
"Because… well, in some way I am seeing myself in you." She replied. April tilted her head and with a narrow stare, she wondered why. But then it became clear. Maybe her mother was once a teenager in love too. "April, I'm not saying that our stories are the same. I'm not saying that you are willing to give up on everything you aspire to be for Jackson or because of him. I'm not saying that."
"I never said I was giving up."
"I know you didn't." Karen went on. "But I know this feeling. I know what it's like being completely and madly in love with someone. I also know that you are an amazing girl with values."
"Are you trying to say you honestly thought I was just gonna give it all up for Jackson? Mom, he never asked me to give up. He might be a lot like your Carl, but he's not him. Okay?"
"I'm just concerned, honey."
"Of what?"
"Of things getting too out of control. April, you were sleeping with the boy a few days after you met him. God only knows what can happen in a couple of weeks."
"I'm not dumb, mom." April said, with a slight tone of frustration. How could she think she would do such thing? "And neither is Jackson. We're not dumb to that point."
"I know you're not."
"Then why are you suggesting…?"
"I am not, alright. I'm not suggesting anything."
"You are!" She said, getting up, walking across the room and crossing her arms protectively against her chest. "Jackson is nothing like your Carl, mom. He's not some idiot kid stuck in a small town. Yes, there are some similarities between them, but no! They are nothing alike."
"I just want you understand that I know what you're going through."
"Fine! But mom, things can't even compare."
"Maybe I'm just a little afraid of where this relationship is gonna end up and… have you even thought about it for a minute? I mean, what's going to happen when the summer's over?"
"Can people stop talking about the end? Gosh, we're barely in the beginning!" April snapped at Karen. "I mean, it's not like I'm marrying Jackson!"
"Is he even serious about you? How do you know his feelings are genuine?"
April looked at her mother with narrow-eyed stare, shaking her head in total disbelief. It was something that didn't even deserve an answer and she was really getting tired of this conversation. Taking a deep breath, she turned her back on Karen and looked out the window. She simply knew Jackson's feelings were genuine and nobody else had the right to doubt them.
Karen took a few steps towards her daughter. Perhaps she was being too firm with April. She had reasons though. Placing one hand on her shoulder, she lowered her head and closed her eyes. Then, in a low tone, she confessed. "I'm sorry, April." Karen said, standing up as well. "Maybe this is striking too close to home for me!"
April didn't turn around. Her building anger kept her from turning around. She was sick of people trying to control her life. She was tired of being trying to compare their situation to hers. She was fed up with everything at that point.
"I had to make some really hard choices when I was about your age. Choices I wished I didn't have to make and maybe things could've worked out a different way, but…"
"For the last time, understand that our stories are not the same!" April said, after a few seconds in silence. "I am going to college. Jackson's going to Harvard. He wants the same things I do and just as I've been supporting his dreams, he's been supporting mine. I accepted the fact that I'm going back to Ohio. I am leaving without saying good-bye to him because you guys want me to. I am leaving with seeing him again and I've come to terms with that, because I know the mess I made. Now, can you just leave me alone?"
"What do you mean 'without seeing him again'?" Karen asked, moving April's shoulder and forcing her to turn around and face her. She noticed the tears hiding behind her eyes. "April, what happened?"
She rolled her eyes up to the ceiling trying to control the tears from rolling down her face. Then, she walked away, turning her back on her mother to sit on the bed again. "I wasn't supposed to fall in love with him… I know that! But now he's gone. He left me before I could leave him and now everything is a mess and he won't answer my calls."
"Why would he do that?"
"Because I was mean to him, I was rude. I was out of mind and I yelled at him. I put the blame on him and now… now he probably hates me."
"Oh honey!" Karen gave her a second, before joining her daughter, sitting on the bed next to her. "Where is he now?"
"Boston. We had a huge fight the night before he left. Yesterday I went over there, try to talk to him and I had to hear that he was gone from the housekeeper. Can you imagine that? He didn't even bothered to tell me. I mean, that's how hurt he must be."
"Did he fight with you?"
"No, no!" April quickly replied. She didn't want her mother to think he had physically hurt her in any way. "He didn't do anything. I did. I was mean to him."
"April…" Karen gently took her daughter's hand and placed it on her lap, stroking it softly.
"We weren't supposed to fall in love, but it happened." She went on, barely able to keep the tears from falling down. "We did something that wasn't right, but I like him, mom. I like him so much."
"I know, honey. I know." Of course Karen knew. She was a teacher. She dealt with 'in love' hormonal kids every day, she taught hundreds of students every year, she had seen it all. She had been also been in April's shoes. Being in love was something truly magical. Maybe she should understand her daughter's point of view and reasons instead of trying to dismiss them.
…
2 days later
He opened the front door and immediately took off his shoes and socks, leaving them on the entrance hall. Then, he walked barefoot towards the kitchen, feeling the hardwood floors against the palm of his feet. The house was quiet, but he could hear the incessant city noise coming from outside. It reminded him somehow the quietness of the Hamptons, where the hawks and ocean waves were the only sound breaking the peaceful silence of the place. And of course… her laugh. How he missed her laugh?!
Jackson entered the kitchen and walked towards the fridge. After coming home from his run, his shirt was completely wet from the sweat and the warm weather was to blame. 4 days in this city and he already wished he was back. He didn't have anything to go back to though. She wasn't going to be there and he didn't even have the chance to give her a proper good-bye.
Taking out a cold bottle of water from the fridge, he quickly opened it and took a long sip. Running. Not the sport. The actual running he had learned from his father as such a young age. Running was the way he used to deal with things. He ran all his life from responsibilities, relationships, problems. Running was easy. Well, it used to be easier. Right now, running was proving to be too damn hard.
He shouldn't have ran away from her like that. Sure, he was hurt, but so was she in her own particular way, for her own particular reasons. He didn't see that. He only saw what he needed, what he wanted, what he cared for. He was selfish.
The meeting was his own excuse to come. He didn't enjoy it one bit. His mind wasn't in the meetings anyways. At least his presence made his mother happy.
"Jackson, you're home already?"
'Speaking of the devil', he thought to himself. Turning around, he found his mother by the kitchen door.
"I thought you were going to take longer?"
"No, it's too hot outside." He replied, cleaning his sweaty forehead with the back of his hand. "I'm gonna take a shower now. What time is dinner tonight?"
"Be ready at seven."
They were meeting some people to dinner. He usually tried to skip this kind of things, but maybe it was time to start changing. If anything, this whole situation made him realize that running away would only cause more problems, not solve them. There was no point on keep on running from what the future had reserved for him. The foundation was going to be in his life whether he liked it or not. He had to learn how to run the family business one way or the other. Trying to fight it, escape it, would only make things more complicated. Running away only made things more complicated.
"Jackson, you really surprised me." His mother said, while he put the bottle of water down on the kitchen counter. "You've behaved like a true gentleman this past couple days. I'm proud of you."
"Hmm, thanks mom." He said, almost mumbling. He was used to hearing random people complementing him, but not his mother. Sometimes it felt like there was nothing he could do to please her. His behavior, to her, was always reckless, immature, inappropriate. He was raised as an Avery, but there was a time in his life when he felt like he needed to rebel in order to take control of his own life. So he rebelled and started acting like one of those rich, spoiled kids people usually loved to hate. Hanging out with Finn and other boys like him at boarding school only made the situation escalate and he knew Catherine wouldn't be saying she was proud of him if she didn't really have a reason to.
"The meetings are over after tonight. You were great. I guess you could say you're free to go back to the Hamptons."
He paused and looked at his feet for a few second, scratching the back of his neck with his left hand. "Yeah, okay."
Catherine noticed his attitude, the way he didn't seem excited with the idea of going back. From what she read on his journal during the time he went to the bathroom on the airplane, she could tell her son's affections for April were bigger than she had ever thought they were. He was truly in love with that girl. "Mindy called the other day." She informed him and he quickly lifted up his head. "She told me April went looking for you. Apparently she didn't know you had left." He looked back down at the floor, his cheeks turned slightly red and she could tell he was suddenly embarrassed. "Do you mind explaining why?"
"We were fighting." He reluctantly replied, as if that justified anything. He needed space and she hurt him with her words and doubts. But now, after spending four days without hearing any news from her, he regretted his decision of leaving without saying anything to her. She was probably gone by now and they were probably not going to see each other again. This was his fault and now he wished there was something he could do to make things better. Jackson lifted up his eyes again to meet his mother's and he wouldn't normally do what he was about to do next, but he needed some advice. Maybe she could help. "Mom, what do you do when you know you hurt someone, but that someone hurt you too?"
"Is this about April?" She asked and he simply nodded. "Well, I think I would start by apologizing. Probably you should too."
"Yeah, probably."
"Why didn't you apologized already? What happened?"
"I don't know. I was mad. So was she. Then I left."
"And you didn't tell her?"
"I know I should've told her." He replied, noticing the disapproving tone of his mother's voice. "Now she was probably sent home too so…"
"So what? You call and apologize."
"It's not that simple." Jackson said. "I want to talk to her, see her again… fix things."
"Are you going to?" Catherine asked, understand now why her son had been so quiet over the past few days. "Are you going to fix things?"
"Do you think I should try?"
"You should be asking yourself that question." Catherine smiled and crossed her arms close to her chest. "Do you think you should try?"
He let out a deep breath and without giving it a second to think, he nodded. "I wish I could back in time and make it all right. Maybe by the way it started, our relationship was doomed from the beginning, but… I like her, mom."
"Then there's your answer."
"I guess so."
"I never thought I'd be saying this, but she's good for you." Jackson looked at Catherine curiously. She didn't support their relationship. He thought she didn't like April. "What? I think she's the reason why you've changed so much in so little time and there's nothing wrong with that."
"Oh okay."
"So what are you going to do?"
"I don't know. Do you think I should go to Ohio?"
"What if she stayed?"
He thought about it for a second. He wished that was true but he didn't know if that was even a possibility. Joe Kepner seemed too decided to let her stay. "I don't she did. I don't even know if she wanted to stay after that fight." Jackson replied in all his honesty. "I miss her! I miss spending time with her. I miss hearing her voice. I miss her smile. It's only been a few days and I already miss everything about her."
"You really care about this girl?"
"I really do. I love the way she makes me feel. She's cute even when she's stubborn and my god… can she be stubborn sometimes!" Jackson replied, half smiling. "And it's not like she's some stupid bimbo. I mean, she reads medical journals for fun! She can be such a nerd sometimes… I love that about her too."
"I've got to admit she must be a really smart girl."
"She is. She always seems to have the right things to say." Jackson continued. "When I'm with her, I feel special. She makes me feel special and not like people do when they know I'm an Avery."
"Jackson, about that…" Catherine started, uncrossing her arms and leaning over to the side, resting her shoulder on the kitchen's door frame. "I'm sorry."
"About…?"
"About hearing, but not listening." She said. "I didn't know you were interested in becoming a surgeon. Now that I know, you can be sure I will help and be there every step of the way."
"Well, thanks, mom, but… I don't want your help."
"What do you mean?"
"It's not that I don't appreciate it, but… people look at me and because I'm an Avery they assume I get it easier. It's been that way all my life. I don't want that anymore. People will never think I actually did it on my own anyways, but I want to do it by myself." He replied, folding his arms and avoiding any kind of eye contact. "I mean, even in our family. They look at me and they make me feel like I'm just… the pretty one."
"What? No!"
"It's true, mom. Besides being an Avery, I've got grandpa's shadow over me… your shadow over me. I mean, people look at me and the pressure is always there. I just wished I could just make it stop for a moment. No Harper Avery, no big name attached." He went on. "But I can't. So for once in my life I want to do things on my own. I want to and I will. So, I appreciate your help, but I don't want it, okay?"
"Okay. If that's what you want."
"It is."
"Just know that I'm always going to be here if you need me. Always!" Catherine gave him a smile, before taking a few steps toward him. She knew the weight of the name he carried. "And you are so much more than the pretty one, Jackson."
"Yeah?"
"Yes. Of course you are." She continued, approaching him with a delicate tone. "Integrity, intelligence, honor, dignity… I see you have all of those thing inside of you." She said, placing one hand on his chest, by his heart. "Here."
"Mom…"
"No! I just want you to promise me something."
"Okay?"
"Go back to New York, see if she's there. If she's not, then you go after her and you do your best to apologize. Accept her forgiveness as she accepts yours."
"Do you think she'll accept mine?"
Catherine smiled and patted him on the chest. "Don't you doubt that for a minute!"
…
The next day
It was sunny day outside, but the fresh ocean breeze helped with the heat. It was the perfect summer day in his opinion and he couldn't be happier to be back in the Hamptons.
Mindy greeted him at the door and asked what he wanted for dinner. "Something." He replied. He could care less about dinner to be honest. Quickly running up the stairs, he reached his room. Leaving his backpack on the floor, he reached for his nightstand, where he found his phone.
Fourteen missed calls and they were all from April. Only one text message. As he read it out loud, he sat on the bed. His knees were shaking hard, so were his hands. He feared the worse and the worse had happened.
"Dear Jackson,
I'm sorry. Maybe one day, a couple years from now, we can meet again. Maybe things will be different then and we can start over.
Until then, I hope you find yourself. I hope you're happy with your choices. I hope your dreams come true.
I'm so glad we met and I will miss you.
Love, April."
He read it three times in a row, before dialing her number. "Pick up! Pick up!" Nothing. It went straight to voicemail. He tried again, getting up from his bed and walking towards the window. She was not picking up and he was panicking now.
As the phone kept ringing, he spotted a red-headed girl on his backyard. She was crossing the garden, walking towards the beach. It couldn't be her. Or could it?
…
AN:
First of all, thank you for your reviews. I appreciate each and every one of them. Thanks for the support and enthusiasm for this story.
I'd also like to thank Wibbi. Thank you for your ideas and insight on the characters and their story lines. I hope this chapter did not disappoint!
About this chapter: Jackson think April's gone, but is she really? Can that red head be one of April's sisters coming to replace her? Or could Joe Kepner have a change of heart? Keep reading and you'll find it!
Hope you're enjoying the story so far.
Thank you again.
Oh and don't forget to leave a review.
Annie.
PS: I obviously don't know anything about Karen's past. She seemed like a really nice bubbly person on the show. Hope you liked the background Wibbi and I came up for her.
PS2: Sorry for the mistakes you might found. Sometimes typos are hard to find when the chapters are really long.