Welcome back, thank you for all the amazing comments to chapter 20 & those of you reading & reviewing This is what it feels like too!
Thanks to kelly2727 & the regulars! Welcome to the new names I see popping up!
I started a Twilight Fic too, for any of you that like that Fandom, so see you over there...
Chapter 21- Stomp.
He could so easily marry this girl.
Wait, what?
Even though he didn't want to wake her up, he had to move and he had to do it right now.
Somehow, when the M word flew to mind on a whimsical thought, it seemed to do more than just scare the crap out of him because he suddenly knew that this was not the first time that; that thought had come to mind.
"Andy" Sam whispered and shook her shoulder lightly to get a "urg" from her.
"Andy, you need to wake up and go to bed". He tried again.
"Okay Sam". She mumbled but stayed put.
"Andy, we're at Sarah's sleeping on the couch and I..." Sam's words cut off into a little chuckle.
Imagine her face if he had finished that sentence and told her what had been going on in his head.
Andy bolted upright into a sitting position, her wide eyes staring at him.
"Sorry" she said as her skin changed to scarlet.
"I wasn't complaining" Sam said not really sure where his mind had gone, because it had definitely deserted him.
"I should..." Andy said waving towards the back of the couch at nothing in particular.
"Yeah" Sam said in agreement even if he didn't know what the rest of that sentence was.
Andy stood up and walked away, Sam letting out a frustrated sigh as he ran a hand over his face.
Marriage?
Seriously?
He didn't even really know her and that thought was rattling around in his brain.
Sam dropped his head onto the back of the couch and let his mind get swept away by what he did know.
He knew that two years of his life was missing, and he knew that he'd been injured saving Andy when that happened. He knew that Oliver had told him to talk to Andy even when she was still his rookie. He knew that they'd been partners for two years before his accident, maybe longer. He knew that he had been waiting for her while she got over her break up with Callaghan.
What? Where was this all coming from?
Waited for her?
Okay, life had just sped up rapidly and there was no way of stopping it, or slowing it down.
Sam let out a groan when one last thought came to mind. He was in trouble.
Sarah's front door chose that moment to open cutting Sam's trail of thought off at the root.
"Hi" she said sounding so cheery before hitting the lights and flooding the room while Sam blinked at the sudden sharpness as he opened his eyes into slits and looked at her sternly.
"Sorry, why didn't you get linen out the closet?" Sarah asked when she saw Sam's reaction. Obviously she thought that he was sleeping and hopefully she wouldn't notice his major nervous breakdown happening.
He couldn't face an interrogation right now.
"You're back" Andy said from the lounge doorway, Sam looking up to find her freshly showered and clutching a blanket and pillow.
Had she actually even been gone that long?
Sam got up, took hold of the blanket and pillow, nodded at her and went back to the couch where he dropped the linen onto the it and sat down next to the bundle in silence. His sudden brooding mood left the room quiet as Sarah and Andy shared a look.
Andy shrugged and left the room, Sarah stood scowling at him again. "Sam" she scolded.
"What Sar? I'm tired okay, I need to get some sleep" Sam said pulling his shirt up and over his head. It was hot, and it wasn't helping his agitated mood. Neither was his tiredness due to a constant lack of sleep.
"You are such a jerk" Sarah said before slamming her hand against the wall and dropping the room back into darkness.
Of course he was. He was a total jerk because he didn't want Andy sleeping on the couch when there was a perfectly good bed down the hallway. And he somehow just knew that she'd try and pull the 'I'll sleep on the couch' card.
Sam spent hours trying to sleep but it eluded him until he had; had enough. He with trying to come to terms with his epiphany but he just couldn't seem to accept it.
He was irrevocably and undeniably in love with Andy and there wasn't a damned thing he could do about it, except never let her find out.
She could never know. End of story.
He figured it was something that had always been there, he was just in denial of it for so long that when it resurfaced; it hit him hard.
Sam sat up, and dropped his feet to the floor before looking for his shirt. He tugged it on and grabbed the pillow off the couch before making his way down the hallway and opening the last door on the left.
He somehow knew that Andy would be awake and that she would know it was him, so he just walked in and closed the door behind himself as quietly as he had opened it.
He set the pillow down on his side of the bed and looked Andy's way to see her feigning sleep even in the dark. He could tell that she was awake by her irregular breathing.
Sitting down on the end of the bed Sam nearly let out a dry chuckle. His side of the bed. She slept on the left, so that made his the right. Even at home alone, he slept on the right side of the bed.
How perfect was that?
Getting comfortable Sam tried to shift around as little as possible without disturbing Andy too much.
She was still laying on her stomach, her face buried in her pillows so he couldn't see it.
Sam tucked one arm in behind his head and kept looking at Andy even though he couldn't see much in the dark.
"I just need some sleep" he eventually whispered into the night knowing that she'd hear him. He just wanted her to know that he was just here to share the bed and get some sleep.
Sleep, like that was going to happen with her right there next to him.
...
Sam woke up around dawn, the small edges of the curtains lit up by the sunrise.
He had expected to find Andy wrapped around him, or curled up next to him but she was still asleep on the far end of the bed, huddled up on her own. Or maybe he had just been hoping that it would be how he woke up next to her.
She was facing him this time though, his eyes settling in on her face.
So this was what it felt like waking up next to her? When she was really there and it wasn't a figment of his imagination.
But it felt wrong. It was not the way he wanted it to be at all.
Watching her some more Sam was tempted to brush the few stray strands of hair across her face away but he refrained. He didn't want to wake her up just yet, not when he could still watch her for a while.
The second time that Sam woke up his eyes shifted over to find empty pillows next to him. But he figured that would happen.
He got up and went to the lounge, grabbed his bag and went for a long, cold shower.
The heat was still driving him insane, but he couldn't even remember the last time he'd had such a good nights sleep.
When he was done in the shower and dressed, Sam found Sarah and Andy sitting on the swing-chair eating fruit and yogurt for breakfast, both of them still clad in their pajamas. Andy had probably left hers on because rummaging for her clothes would have woken him up.
"Sleep well?" Andy asked, her voice a little more high pitched than normal.
"Yeah thanks" Sam said smirking at her. If only she knew.
Sam left them alone and went in search of a bottle of water, Sarah's eyes following him as he left.
"Something's changed. He's...different" she said out aloud to no-one in particular.
Sam was very different from when he had arrived yesterday.
Andy didn't answer, she knew why. Sam was still pissed at her and it was making him moody.
Not that she even knew why.
This morning when she woke up, he was still fast asleep, only thing was, he was wrapped around her while still sleeping.
It had taken her a while to figure out where she was and who was next to her, but when she did, she felt like laughing and crying at the same time.
Sam had cuddled up behind her and was holding her so tightly that it took her the better part of half an hour to slip out of bed without waking him up.
When she was finally out of bed, all she could do was stand and stare at his sleeping form while wondering what the hell she was doing.
How was it even possible for the wrong things to feel so right?
"So, what time do you think he's planning on leaving?" Andy suddenly blurted out. It made sense that she drive home with Sam rather than both Sam and Sarah making the trip.
"Knowing Sammy, as soon as you're ready".
An hour later Andy was dressed and packed and ready to go. Sam had taken her bags from her at Sarah's front door and put them in the truck along with his own and then he came back and said his goodbye to Sarah.
Andy lingered when Sam walked to the truck, her own goodbye a little longer than his. Sarah even gave her a hug goodbye.
...
Not one single word.
Not one glance, just total complete silence except for the voices on the radio.
The entire drive home, she hadn't said a thing.
That was a solid, silent two hours and he was about to lose it and beg her to say something just so that he would know that she wasn't mad at him.
Stopping outside her building Sam got out and so did Andy, he handed her bags over to her hoping to at least get a smile.
Which he did, she even said a timid thank you when she took them.
Watching her walk away Sam shook his head and ran his tongue over the inside of his cheek. He had totally screwed this up way more than it already was. Everything was just so...complicated.
...
Monday came and Sam made his way to the barn a little early. They had the night shift, but he needed to talk to Frank after a sleepless night spent thinking about where he would go from here.
He had forced any resurfacing memories out of his mind, not wanting to see any more of a past that probably looked as screwed up as his present. He also didn't have any of his usual dreams. It was the second night in a row, and he figured it was probably due to the fact that his brain had figured out what his heart had been trying to tell him all along.
Sam found Frank in his office huddled over a pile of paperwork. Frank's brows dipped when he noticed Sam mood. It wasn't a happy one and proceeded him by miles.
"Got a minute?" Sam asked when he had closed the door.
"Sure, what's on your mind?".
"I want to change rotations" Sam said straight to the point.
"Really? To what rotation?" Frank didn't hide his surprise.
"Back to the D's".
"Really? Why?".
Sam scratched the back of his head, he knew that this question would come up. Now he just had to answer it.
"McNally". Oh boy, that just sounded so wrong. It wasn't her fault but he was making it sound like it was.
"You always say keep your personal life at home because it can get you killed, this is me doing exactly that... without the personal".
"Could you simplify that for me?" Frank asked leaning forwards. Sam's thoughts were only in his head so Frank wasn't privy to them.
"I can't do this anymore Frank. We both showed up at Sarah's this weekend, and it did not go well. I don't have my head in the game, and I can't focus on the job. It's going to get her hurt or killed".
"Sammy, that's how it's always been with you and McNally, what's changed? Has it become personal? Or are you avoiding it from becoming personal?".
Sam's searched for answers but didn't have any, so he looked across the barn and watched a few faces come in for shift.
"Both, none. I don't know Frank. I... I'm just not in a good place right now, and I don't want to drag her down with me".
Frank watched Sam, he was serious but he was also only being open enough for Frank to understand.
"Okay, but what are you going to tell her?"
"I'm not. You're just going to announce it in parade".
Sam left Frank's office and hit the gym. He spent an hour going a few rounds with a punching bag while he again suppressed memories from surfacing. But it didn't stop the flashes that still appeared.
Andy.
The boxing bag.
Him making her laugh.
'Hit me'.
When he was done he grabbed a quick shower before making his way to parade in time to bite the bullet.
Andy stiffened in her chair when he walked in. She didn't turn around or see him, but she knew that he was there.
Frank started parade and drifted over everything before he said "Assignments are on the board" before almost stepping away from the front of the room. "Oh and Swarek's back on rotation with the D's so McNally you're with Collins" Frank said before making a hasty retreat from the room.
Sam ducked out the room before Andy was out of her chair, he guessed that she was about to become really mad at him if she hadn't been before.
Getting coffee Sam heard her come in, she had the softest footsteps he'd ever heard, unless she was stomping. Even in uniform she managed to run almost silently. It was like she was always treading air, or walking on clouds.
"Really? Really?" She said from out of Sam's line of vision.
"Yup" Sam said turning around and holding out a cup to her. He'd made one out of force of habit, but was planning on taking it to her as a peace offering.
Andy looked between the cup Sam was holding and his face, her face casting so many things at once that Sam couldn't keep up.
"It's not what you think Andy, trust me".
"Trust you? Sam I don't even know you anymore" Andy shook her head towards the cup, she wasn't accepting his peace offering or his apology.
And that hurt.
But one day maybe, she'd know that the only reason that he was doing this was because it was best for her, safe for her and because if anything happened to her because of him, he'd never forgive himself.
Sam had no choice but to watch her go, Collins meeting her in the hallway before he followed Andy out of the barn.
Why did that image just not sit right?
****so, good, bad? Thanks for reading, hope you'll leave a thought...
Have an awesome day!
Jelly Bean Jenna©