Chapter 21: Old Conflicts, Same Feelings

For a few minutes Ron and Hermione walked along in silence. Neither was sure how to start this conversation. There was so much to be said, it was difficult to determine where to begin.

The little bit of frozen snow that was left on the ground crunched underfoot as they went. The sky above them was the same dull grey color it had been all winter. The trees they passed on the outer edge of the park were barren. Despite the coming of spring, the world around Hermione seemed as desolate as she felt. The child was a boy. What did that matter? Why had she made the decision to use that second potion? As soon as the child born, she was giving it away anyway.

Lost in her thoughts, Hermione gave a small start when Ron coughed. For a moment she had forgotten he was with her. As much as she didn't want to confront what she knew they were about to get into, she also knew she didn't want to go home any time soon.

Ron glanced nervously at Hermione's profile. A million questions swirled in his head, ones he was afraid to ask and possibly even more afraid to hear the answers. He finally decided to ask the one that seemed the least intrusive. "I, ah … I saw the article about Malfoy's hearing a few months ago. You were mentioned. When I saw it … at the time I thought you were dead. What exactly happened after Harry brought you to the Healer's camp?"

Hermione had been expecting this. Keeping her gaze straight ahead of her she said, "He and his father tried to have Harry killed. Their plan failed."

"But what does that have to do with you? Why did they want you? What did they do with you and why did they want people to think you were dead?"

"Ron I really don't want to get into this right now. They kidnapped me to lure Harry to them. That's all." It wasn't entirely a lie.

"Then why did Malfoy only get six months in Azkaban while every other Death Eater got life?"

"He saved my life, Ron. The Wizengamot took that into account during the sentencing."

"But -" he began, but stopped short when Hermione came to a sudden halt and shot him an exasperated look.

"Ron, please. Something else."

Ron put his hands up in apology. "Okay, okay. I'm sorry." He sighed and shook his head. "Geez, it seems like each time I've last run into you I'm apologizing for something or other. I can't do anything right anymore, can I?" Ron walked over and sank into the nearest park bench. He jammed his face into his hands, his elbows resting on his knees, not even caring that the bench was soaking wet.

That startled Hermione. "What do you mean?" she asked, following after him.

Ron's voice was slightly muffled by his hands. "Well, the last time it was for trying to kiss you in the prep tent, and the time before that was for talking with Lavender in the Three Broomsticks. Why can't you believe me, Hermione, when I tell you nothing happened?"

Hermione picked a dry spot on the bench and sat down next to him. Her newfound outlook on life now made the whole ordeal then seem petty and her reaction seem childish. Even more so by the explanation of events she was about to give. "Ron, up at Hogwarts, when I had gone back and you had gotten the job at the Three Broomsticks so you could stay near me, rumors started circulating."

Ron lifted his head out of his hands and turned to face her. "What kind of rumors?"

"Well," Hermione felt she needed to explain a little. "No one knew what happened to us when we went off searching for the Horcruxes with Harry. When I returned for my seventh year and neither of you came with me, then people found out you were in Hogsmeade, they started asking me a lot of questions. My lack of adequate answers, I guess, started the rumors and of course I didn't believe one of them. Until more serious ones started going around that you were seeing … other people."

Ron was beginning to understand. "You mean that I was-" he drew quotations in the air with his index and middle fingers "- seeing Lavender."

"Not just her, several other girls. I didn't want to believe them, but unlike most rumors, they didn't fade with time, in fact they got worse until it seemed almost every girl above the third year had an alleged story to tell."

"How come I never knew about this?"

"How could you know? The teachers weren't even aware of it, so how could word have reached town?"

"You could have told me about it. Asked me if it was true."

"I know, but I just kept telling myself it wasn't. It wasn't, was it?"

"No. Of course not. I was there for you, no one else. The thing with Lavender, like I tried to explain before, was entirely platonic. You remember she was attacked by Greyback during the Battle of Hogwarts, don't you?"

Hermione gasped. "That's right, I forgot."

"Yeah, well, she ended up the same as Bill, though not quite as badly scarred, not on her face like him anyway. And it caused some problems with the boyfriend she had. I don't remember the details. They got into a major argument and it brought out some violent tendencies in her she never even knew she had. I'll tell you, it scared the hell out of her what she did, so she took off. I was the first person she found that she knew -" he cleared his throat, "- quite well. I had just gotten there, but the place was empty it being so early in the morning. I had completely forgotten it was the day of a Hogsmeade visit for you, so you can imagine my surprise when you walked in. And, well, you remember the rest."

Hermione sighed, her mind trying to process this new bit of information. "I should have listened to you before. I guess I hadn't discounted the rumors enough, maybe a part of me did believe them but I was trying so hard to deny it. Then when I saw you with her, it just seemed to confirm what I'd been hearing and all the explanations I had given myself for you seemed to crumble. I snapped. I guess I owe you a huge apology."

Ron took both her hands in his but she did not pull them away. "Hermione, I remember too well the flock of birds you sicced on me in our sixth year when I was dating Lavender. You're scary when you're angry. Did you really think I would make that same mistake twice?"

Hermione laughed weakly. "No, I guess not." She looked up at him with a concerned expression. "Was I really that frightening?"

"That day, I was more afraid you'd attack me with three-foot spiders than little yellow canaries." Ron shivered.

"I would never be that heartless. I know how much you hate spiders."

Ron smiled. "Always good to know." He let go of her hands and glanced down at his watch. "Well, we still have a good two and a half hours until my party. You are coming, aren't you?"

"I don't know. I have some things I need to pick up in Diagon Alley. And I told Harry I would only be gone a few hours. I don't want him to worry about me."

Ron's spirits fell slightly. "Yeah, okay. So, uh, how's it going with you two? I mean, you know, since the thing with the Malfoys?"

"It's been … different. It feels … awkward sometimes."

"Are you two still engaged?"

Hermione wasn't sure how to answer. Her initial response would have been "yes," but she'd wondered otherwise since she and Harry got back home. She looked down at her left hand and at the finger on which a ring should have rested and wondered if Harry still had it. After all, she didn't know for sure if Annika had given it to him and she hadn't thought to ask with everything that had happened since that day. Unaware that she was doing so, she placed her hand on her stomach and felt the movement of the fetus within. Her thoughts then began to lead her away from Ron's question and she sat there for a few minutes, lost in an odd string of memories and thoughts.

Ron watched her, unsure what to make of her behavior. "Hermione?" His voice brought her back to his reality. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. Sorry, just tired. I haven't been sleeping well. What were you saying?"

She looked at him and could see the concern in his eyes; he knew there was more going on than she was saying. "I asked if you were still engaged to Harry."

"I don't know."

Ron stood up and walked around the bench. He wondered how he could prove to Hermione that he still cared deeply for her and wanted to know what was troubling her so he could try to help. But staring at the barren and empty park offered him no inspiration. He stared down at the frozen ground at his feet as he walked farther from the bench and noticed a small lump of half-melted snow that was almost perfectly round and an idea came to him. He scooped up the ball in his bare hands and felt that it was still rather soft. He glanced briefly in Hermione's direction thinking that if he could just get her laughing … He took careful aim and threw it at her. It hit her squarely in the back of her head and dissolved into a shower of white that settled in her hair and on her shoulders.

Hermione shrieked as bits of snow slid down her sweater and melted on the bare skin of her back. She jumped up and spun to face him, her mouth open in shock. He hastily attempted to hide the second snowball behind his back, his face alight with amusement, but not before she had seen. She narrowed her eyes at him, a small smile curving her lips, and bent to scoop up her own bit of frozen ammunition. She very quickly discovered that bending down was the easy part, it took slightly longer for her to stand back up; she had to grasp the bench to help. When she made to throw the snowball back at him, he wasn't there. She looked around for him. His position was given away to her when the second ball hit her from the left behind her.

She turned to see Ron snickering and launched her snowball, but it just turned to a puff of snow in the air a few inches away. She scooped up another handful, but the same happened. Ron howled with laughter at the look of frustration on her face.

"Okay, enough of this," she said with a playfully determined glint in her eye as she reached under her cloak and withdrew her wand. "You're going to get it now, Ronald Weasley." She flicked her wand at the nearest pile of snow and it flew into the air as a perfect ball. Another flick sent it hurdling at Ron, exploding on the arm he had put up to block it.

"Hey," he yelled, a chuckle in his voice. "That's not fair. Using magic."

Hermione lowered her wand. "Oh, like catching me unawares is?"

Ron shrugged. "All's fair in love and war."

"Really? And which is this? Love or war?"

The question caught Ron off guard. He had hoped she would take the hint as intended. He smiled more broadly; he should have known Hermione would do more than just catch the hint. She'd throw it back at him. "Both."

"I see." She stood there for a moment lost in thought in a mocking sort of way, glancing at Ron very briefly a few times. He seemed poised for flight or defense; he knew she could strike at any moment. But as the minutes passed, he relaxed his stance and Hermione instantly took advantage of his drop in defenses. With a quick flick of her wand, she sent a puff of snow soaring straight at him.

Ron barely had time to react; he was only able to close his eyes before the snow hit him dead in the face. He kept his face screwed up against the cold as the snow melted and dripped down his face. Reaching up, he flicked a clump of snow out of his eyelashes and opened one eye. Hermione's initial surprise had already vanished; she stood with her hand over her mouth to contain her laughter, but the part of her face that was visible gave her amusement away. He could see a sparkle in her eye with each muffled giggle that he hadn't seen in a long time. This was the Hermione he remembered.

"I'm … sorry," she gasped, trying but failing to keep her voice level and her apology sounding sincere. "I was aiming for your chest, I swear."

Ron blinked the melted snow out of his other eye. Then without warning he bent down, scooped up another handful and took off toward her. She squeaked and tried to duck around the back of the bench, but realized too late that running while pregnant didn't work. Ron launched his snowball as he got near. It was all Hermione could do to avoid it as it soared within inches of her head.

"Ha! You missed," Hermione yelled over her shoulder as she turned her head around to face him, not realizing that he was nearly on top of her.

"Oh, yeah?" he growled jokingly as he grabbed her from behind and playfully squeezed her stomach.

Hermione gasped as a sharp pain shot through her lower back. "Ron, let go." But he either hadn't heard or thought she was joking around, so a little louder and more forcefully she yelled, "Ron! Let go!"

He heard her that time and instantly released her, all fooling around aside. "What happened? Did I hurt you?"

Hermione rubbed her lower back as she made her way back around the bench and sat down. Even though the pain had stopped when he had let her go, the shock of how sharp it had been hadn't yet worn off. Ron stared at her, unsure of what he had just done; he had just been playing around and thought he was being gentle.

"I'm okay now. My back's been achy lately and the way you grabbed me made it hurt."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

"I know you didn't." Hermione sighed. She hadn't quite decided whether or not to tell him of her pregnancy, but now it seemed she had no choice. She knew he would never just accept an "it's nothing" explanation. "I guess I should have told you."

Ron's brow furrowed. "Told me what?"

"I'm pregnant."

Ron was a little more slow on the uptake than Harry had been; he just stood there staring at her with his mouth slightly open. "Pregnant?" he repeated dumbstruck when he finally regained the ability to speak.

She nodded.

"I am so sorry for grabbing you the way I did. If I'da known, I would never have … You could've lost the -" At the realization of what he could have done hit him, the color drained from his face. The last word of his sentence came out as nothing more than a whisper. "Baby." He stared off into space as he sank down on the bench next to her, right into the puddle of water he had been sitting in before.

"Ron," Hermione said gently, trying to catch his attention. She finally had to tug on the sleeve of his jacket to make him look at her. "I don't think what you did could have made me miscarriage." When he showed no sign of understanding, she rephrased. "Lose the baby. I'm fine. He's fine."

"He?" This single word snapped him back. "It's a boy? I'm so happy for you, and Harry. You're going to have a boy." He patted her stomach, of which he had only just become aware of despite the cloak she wore to hide it. "Hi in there. I'm Ron, a good friend of your mommy and daddy."

Hermione smiled weakly; like with her parents, she didn't have the heart to correct him.

Ron looked back up at Hermione and she could see a kind of lonely sadness within his eyes, though he tried to hide it. "I am very happy for you." He leaned forward and kissed her lightly on the cheek. The skin tingled where his lips had touched and she closed her eyes. Though it was a simple, innocent gesture, Hermione couldn't help but feel a kind of loneliness herself. She did love Harry but it was a different kind of love than what she felt for Ron. It was a moment before she realized he was talking again and for her to open her eyes. "And I want to be there when he's born. I've never been to a birth before, seeing as I'm the second youngest of seven and I was only a year old when Ginny was born. You will let me know right?"

"Yes, I will."

Ron smiled. "Good. Now," he glanced at his watch again. "You still have to go to Diagon Alley, don't you?" She nodded. "May I accompany you?" She nodded again.

Ron stood up and helped Hermione to her feet. "Then you're coming to my party, right?"

She gave a weak laugh and a smile, ignoring his question, then turned on the spot.

Ron grinned to himself, his hope still strong. It wasn't a "no," was all he could think of, besides the woman who now waited for him on the streets of Diagon Alley, as he turned to followed her lead.