Carlisle stared at me, wanting desperately to believe that I meant what I said and yet still unable to fully let himself hope that I wanted to be with him. I pitied him his loneliness and the desperate remonstrations he was putting himself through as he weighed my words with what he had done to me. I wished, in that moment, that I could show him as easily the truth of my words as he had shown me.
"It will always be your choice," he finally said. "Always."
I nodded, stepping forward.
"And right now, I choose to stay with you and follow your way of life," I said.
He smiled then, a genuine smile of relief. Thank you, Edward, he thought. He reached forward and patted me on the shoulder. It was an awkward gesture; I could tell that he wanted to embrace me but he was unsure of how I would take it. He knew that the thoughts of my family were still fresh in my mind and he did not wish to try to step into the role of "father" so soon after my own father died. I could tell that I would look at him one day as my father, but that day was not today. I was glad that he did not ask my permission to call me son; it would have been difficult to say no to him but it would have been wrong to say yes.
The tension in the room disappeared and we sat talking about what we would do over the next several days of Eleazar's visit. Carlisle was adamant that I hunt at least every three days. He felt that it was critical to keep my thirst completely sated because he felt that we were dangerously close to humans, even though our nearest neighbor was over a mile away.
He confided in me that he had brought Eleazar here in order to "baby sit" me during the last of his shifts. When I asked what would happen after Eleazar left, he said simply that he would be with me.
"I was planning to leave the hospital anyway, Edward," he said. "I told you earlier that people were starting to guess that I was not as old as I was pretending to be. It had been my intention to stay with them through the flu epidemic, but they understand now that my situation has changed. They do not hold it against me that I choose to be with you in your time of need."
I saw in his mind that he had informed them of my "delicate health" and my "unstable temper" after my parents' demise. I snorted at his descriptions to his superiors at the hospital.
"Not far from the truth, were you?" I said.
"I've found that it doesn't do to lie more than I have to," he said. "So many things can be explained away without having to fabricate things. It makes our life easier when we don't have elaborate stories to remember."
"As if we would forget," I said.
"That is true," he said. "Still, it is freeing to be able to be yourself as much as possible. The lies are inevitable, but we can make them more bearable."
I nodded, understanding. We continued talking about logistics until it was time for Carlisle to leave for his shift. Both Eleazar and Carlisle were set on taking me to Canada to hunt before Eleazar had to leave and we decided to do it this Sunday when Carlisle was off. Before he left, Carlisle turned to Eleazar, his thoughts a snarl of words that I didn't understand.
"Pozhaluista, ne govori yemu svoyu istoriyu. YA hochu skazat' yemu sama."**
I wanted to ask him what he had said, but Eleazar had nodded and he was out the door before I could even utter a sound. I turned to Eleazar, a puzzled look on my face.
"What," I began, "was that?"
"That was Russian," he said. "And he spoke that way because it was for my ears and not yours."
"Clearly," I said sourly. I made a mental note to ask for several language books to fill some of my long days; I disliked being at a disadvantage. "You had a story you wished to tell me."
"Edward, you will have to forgive me," Eleazar began formally, his arms behind his back. "I do not feel as comfortable with you sifting through my memories as Carlisle did."
"I understand," I said carefully. "You do understand that it is not something that I can just turn off, right?"
"I do," he said. He was thinking about things that he wanted to tell me about my gift, the ways that I could learn to control it and harness its power. But he wanted to share his story with me first. "Is it distracting for you to listen to my spoken voice?"
"No," I said. "I can still see the mental pictures that you are thinking of as you speak, but I'm finding it easier to focus on your conscious thoughts and spoken words. I hadn't realized just how much people think about as they speak!"
"You do not have a very clear picture of how humans' minds work," Eleazar said, chuckling. "You've only read the minds of immortals; we have a slightly different make-up than humans."
"Oh," I said, feeling exceptionally slow. Of course immortals were different than humans.
"Please, do not misunderstand me. I do not mean to make you feel uncomfortable, Edward. I know, possibly better than Carlisle, how difficult this is for you. That is why I wanted to wait until he was gone to share my story with you."
"I don't understand," I said. "Were you -- turned -- at the same time as Carlisle?"
"No," he said shaking his head. "And, sadly, I did not come to this life with the conscience that Carlisle did. I fed from humans for centuries before I found this gentler life."
"Centuries?" I asked, shocked. "How old are you?"
"I'm twenty-five," he said promptly.
I cocked my head to the side and looked at him, waiting for him to continue.
Perhaps this is the best way to show you my story. I smiled at him, welcoming his trust in me. Carlisle was right; I did like Eleazar very much. I wanted to win his trust and his approval.
"If you have questions, please feel free to ask. I have never tried to tell a story using only my mind before," he said. I nodded to him, eager for him to continue. I found myself completely enamored by this enigmatic vampire.
Cordoba was a magical city at the beginning of the new millennium, home to the most well-respected minds of the time. My father was one of the most successful merchants in the district. He always had the most impressive selection of offerings in the province and people would come to his bazaar from miles around. He insisted that it was because I had an eye for picking the most talented artisans of the time.
I didn't know how to interrupt him, but I needed to ask him something because surely I had misunderstood. Finally, I just broke in.
"I'm sorry, Eleazar," I said quietly. He smiled immediately, guessing at my question. "You said 'the new millennium'?"
"Yes," he said.
"When were you changed?" I asked.
"May twenty-first, in the second year of Hisham II's restored rule, third ruler of the Umayyad Caliphs of Cordoba, 1011."
I stared at him, open mouthed and unable to answer him intelligently. He was over 1000 years old! If I had been astounded at Carlisle's age, I was nearly speechless at learning when Eleazar's change occurred. It made the term "immortal" seem all the more real and tangible.
I know that it is a lot to take in on your first day, but I believe that you need to hear this story, Edward. Would you permit me to continue?
"Of course," I said, able to control the shakiness that I was feeling on the inside. "I'm sorry to have interrupted you."
My people, the Moors, were the best educated people of my day. We ruled Cordoba for centuries, ushering in an era of tolerance and learning. I was raised in the Islamic tradition as were most of the people that I knew, but there were many religions represented in the area,. The Caliphs worked hard to maintain an air of acceptance and tolerance within the city.
As I said, my father ran a bazaar at the center of town. Bazaars were a common sight in the city, but none were as successful as ours. My father was not an artisan himself, but he made a comfortable living running the bazaar. Artisans would pay a premium to my father in order to be featured in his weekly bazaar. It was well known in all of the surrounding areas that my father's bazaar had the most talented artisans. His success afforded our family a most comfortable existence in Cordoba.
Life could not have been more perfect for me. I was studying philosophy with one of the greatest minds of our time and consulting for my father on weekends. He appreciated my counsel when picking new artisans for his bazaar. Although older than most of other students, my studies were the highlight of my life. I enjoyed the challenges that my teacher gave me and looked forward to the time when I might have students of my own.
I was soon to be a husband. My parents had entered into an engagement contract with another successful family in Cordoba at the beginning of the year and I was to marry Taresa Auro Servanda at the beginning of the next year. I barely knew her, but her family made a perfect match for my own and she was quite fair. I was pleased with the match and my ability to further my family's fortunes.
May is a beautiful month in Spain and it was during this time that I began to court Taresa at her family's home. We would sit in her family's courtyard and begin the slow dance of getting to know each other. I was not in love with her, but we had a mutual respect for each other that made the prospect of our upcoming wedding pleasant for both of us. It was on a clear night at the end of May when I was walking back from Taresa's house when my life changed completely.
Eleazar's voice stopped and he filled my mind with pictures. I could tell that these were images that he had seen with his immortal eyes, but they were the same streets that he had walked as a human. He was showing me his native land. I could see the swaying trees and the intricately etched stone work lining the streets. I saw in his mind the walled city that he had once called home.
"I never saw my home again," he said. "On my way home, someone abducted me. I don't remember anything of that night or the journey that I must have made after that."
"How did you remember your family?" I asked, curious how he could remember them when Carlisle could not remember many of his human memories and my own were already so faded.
"They were important to me," he said, shrugging. "If you focus on the things that are important to you just after your change, you will be able to remember some things from before. My memories are far from perfect, but I am able to remember enough of the story to be able to tell it to you."
"I'm sorry," I said. "Go on."
"I did not know at the time who it was that had abducted me nor did I know who had changed me, but I remember the moment that the burning began. It was like nothing that I had ever experienced. I woke up in an unfamiliar city surrounded by strange, red-eyed creatures who told me that I was now a vampire."
I was disoriented and confused, but before they gave me any answers they brought a scared human into the room with me. I was unable to control myself and attacked without a thought. Before, I had been a civilized, thoughtful individual; now, I was a monster. When the human was dead and I realized what I had done, I threw the corpse away from me in disgust, embarrassed by my lack of control and monstrosity.
I did not understand why I had been brought away from my home and the people that I knew to this strange place to become a monster. That was when the three Volturi came to me. They entered the room with majesty and one of them approached me immediately, reaching out to take my hand. I jumped back, frightened by this strange looking man.
I saw him in Eleazar's mind and recognized him from Carlisle's thoughts.
"Aro," I said, in response to Eleazar's thought.
"How did you--?" he asked in shock.
"Both you and Carlisle thought of him when you realized that I could read minds," I said in answer. "You both thought of the same face and the same name. That is his name, is it not?"
"Yes," he said. "I am sorry. You took me off guard."
"I have a feeling that will happen often with me," I said humorlessly.
"Aro was a voice of reason in the midst of the insanity. He explained what I had become but he explained that I did not have to be a wraith stalking the streets in search of my prey. He had gestured to the assembled, red-eyed vampires that filled the hall where I was and called them his guard. He said that I was talented, singular even among the elite, and he offered me a place of honor on his guard."
Edward, I cannot explain the force of his words on my confused mind. I wanted nothing more at the moment than to please him and be a part of what he had built. Aro is a powerful mind reader, although he is different than you are. Aro needs physical contact in order to be able to read a person's thoughts. But once he has that contact, he has access to every thought that a person has ever had. I knew what he could do without him having to tell me. In an effort to illustrate his words to me, he asked me what his gift was. I was still confused, but I desperately wanted to please him. I offered him my guess that he could read my thoughts if he touched my hand. He laughed like a pleased child and clapped his hands in pleasure.
"See, my dear ones," he had said. "See the raw talent of this young one. Would you allow me to view your history, young Eleazar?"
I was thrilled that he had said my name and asked my permission; I already thought of him as my master and wanted only to serve him. I did not understand what was making me want to please this man that I knew nothing about, but it was a desire so strong that I could not fight it. I longed to call him Master and my thoughts of my parents and my intended were temporarily forgotten in my desire to please this strange man. I reached out my hand and so began my long career on Volturi guard.
After viewing my history, he happily introduced me to some of the vampires that surrounded me. I met Chelsea and her mate, Afton, and of course, Alec and Jane. They all were to become, if not my friends, then at least my compatriots in this new life. I formed alliances on the guard, but few friends.
"But I don't understand," I said. "Who are the Volturi and why do they need a guard?"
"The Volturi are the ruling class for our kind. It is their job to make sure that our kind maintain the shroud of secrecy that has protected us for so many centuries. But they serve other purposes as well. They serve as judge and jury in the case of wrongdoing, they moderate disputes, and they also initiate many into the new life."
"But, why would they need a guard?" I asked again. After witnessing my own strength, I found it unbelievable that a vampire would ever need protection from anything.
"There are those who would overthrow the Volturi," he said darkly. "Those who think they know better than the ancients how to lead the vampire world into modern times."
"Is that why you left?" I asked. "Did you disagree with them?"
He smiled. "I do understand that this must be very disorienting and confusing. First, to discover that you are a vampire and then to discover that a whole secret world exists around you. Please let me tell you in my own way, though?"
"Of course," I said, feeling like an impatient child. "I'm sorry. I just have so many questions. Of course I want to hear your story all the way through. I apologize for my manners."
"Truly, you do not have to apologize to me. I do understand. It's just that if I get ahead of myself, you will miss important details."
He trailed off and continued in his mind.
I never was fully comfortable with our diet. As I said to you, I worked hard to remember my family and, although their faces were hazy and unclear to me, I saw them in all of the humans that we routinely feasted from. About once every couple of weeks, a hoard of unsuspecting humans would be paraded into the castle for the guard to feed from. I was unusual in my distaste for the diet; most did not think twice about the loss of human life. I kept my thoughts to myself and only fed when absolutely necessary, trying not to look at their faces as I did so.
Carlisle told you that I could discern the talents of other vampires; I am also able to tell if a human might be talented as a vampire. It was my job to scan the humans as they were brought in and let Aro know if any of them showed promise. Those who I picked out would be changed instead of drained. That was how Aro found Renata, his personal shield. She was in one of the first batches of humans that I scanned; I could tell that she was talented, but found my gaze kept being averted from her even though I wished to look at her. I whispered to my master that I thought she was a shield, and a powerful one at that. He changed her himself and she became his personal body guard.
"He changed her himself?" I asked.
"Yes," he said. "Aro would change those who seemed the most promising himself. When he changed her I realized that he must have been the vampire who had changed me. At that point, however, I was so tightly bound to him that I did not think to care."
I thought about the way I felt for Carlisle. Nothing that Eleazar had told me about this Aro had inspired in me the sense of awe that he so clearly felt for him, but I could relate. I did want to please Carlisle, although I didn't feel bound to him the way Eleazar had confessed to feeling for his master. I could see in his eyes the fervor that must have overtaken him when he was inducted into the guard, but I couldn't understand it. Perhaps this Aro was a much more charismatic individual than Eleazar's memories illustrated.
Once I was able to save Renata from death, I realized how much power I held in the guard. I didn't like playing god over the humans, having to make the decision over who lived and who died. But I considered it an honor to be able to populate the guard with the most talented individuals. Also, I was able to tell Aro when a new vampire who visited the Volturi possessed a rare talent. Aro, of course, would have been able to tell that himself with just one touch, but it was convenient for him to have me whispering in his ear as the vampire entered the room. It saved time.
"What did he do with these talented vampires?" I asked.
"If it was a talent that would be useful on the guard, he would offer the vampire a place in Volterra. Always, it was their choice. It was rare for a vampire to choose otherwise; who would not want to serve on the most elite guard in the world?"
"If it was such an honor, why did you leave? And when? You said centuries before."
"I served on the guard for nearly six and a half centuries before I found my true purpose in life," he said smiling. The picture of a beautiful woman passed through his mind along with the word Carmen. "I saw her and my life was never the same again. I knew then that serving the guard was not the best thing I could do with my life -- she was."
"But, I'm sorry, I don't understand. You said yourself that you were helpful to the guard. Why did they let you leave?"
"I told you, it was always a choice. All of those who served Aro did so willingly and voluntarily. It was not easy for me to leave, even though I felt compelled to be with Carmen. Something drew me to Aro and made me wish to stay with him. I think if I had thought that Carmen would stay with me there, I would have stayed. But I knew that she was unhappy in Volterra. I left with Aro's blessings, and Carmen and I found our own way in the world."
"Was Carmen . . . like Carlisle?" I asked.
"No," he said. "She was barely more than a newborn when she came to Volterra. She had been made very close to where I grew up in Spain. She was resentful of the life that had been allotted her and she only fed to maintain her strength. She took no pleasure in hunting humans. We made our way away from Volterra. She sensed the pull that Aro had on me and knew that if we were close, I might choose to go back. We found ourselves in the Aleutian Islands and that is where we met the rest of our coven."
I recoiled at his casual use of the word. To me, it even sounded evil. I had heard of covens before when reading old books. Always it had referred to groups of undead intent on harming others. Eleazar guessed at my reaction.
"It is simply a label that we apply, nothing more. Truly, we consider ourselves more of a family than a coven. However, our kind has referred to groupings larger than one as a coven from time immemorial. It is ingrained in us. There are no sinister contexts nor are there any strange rituals."
I chuckled nervously and ran my fingers through my hair.
"You mean other than hunting coyotes with our bare hands?"
He chuckled with me, continuing to relax around me.
"Even though this is difficult for you, you are taking it remarkably well. I know that you will have difficult days and more outbursts, but you should be proud of the control that you are showing."
I thought back to the way I had thrown the chair or the childish way I had hid under the table. I did not think that I was very controlled; but perhaps, as they had both told me, this was common for "newborns."
"Would you like me to tell you how I found this gentler way of life?"
"Yes," I said, leaning forward. "Please."
"We arrived in the strange, snow covered region and were both homesick for the sun and warmth of Spain. Once I was away from Volterra, Carmen made me remember all of the things that were important to me before; it was like being with her was a memory boost. We had nearly decided to leave the cold when we found them."
The three sisters found us out in the wilderness one day while they were on a hunting trip. We recognized them for what they were from a distance because of their speed and graceful movements, but as they got closer, we noticed something wrong about them.
He pointed to his eyes and I saw their faces in my mind as he thought about them. They were three of the most beautiful women I had ever seen in my life. Pale skin that reflected in the glittering sun from the snow that surrounded them and shot diamonds around the clearing. The one he called Tanya had strawberry curls that ringed her face and I saw their golden eyes in his memory. His internal voice took over and I heard their voices in his memory:
We both crouched to the ground defensively against these strange-eyed females who faced us, but they remained erect and regarded us calmly. I could tell that the darker haired female had a powerful offensive gift which made me even more fearful of them. Tanya was clearly the leader and she stepped forward. I moved in front of Carmen defensively, but she put her hands up in a gesture of peace.
"We wish you no harm," she said. "We are on a hunting trip and came across your scent. We were curious. Can we help you in any way?"
She took me off guard. A coven of her size should have been intent on our destruction.
"You are curious as well, are you not?" she asked me, pointing to her eyes. I nodded, unable to hide my fascination with the strange color of their eyes. "Please, we will not hurt you or your mate. Come back with us to our home and we will tell you our story."
We followed them, curious about their "home." It was unusual for our kind to maintain any type of residence. The Volturi had only been able to do it because they were careful to send their scouts out of their walled city to hunt. We arrived at a beautifully made log structure that looked to be at least a hundred years old.
I saw in his mind the stories that the beautiful women had told and about the human men they had loved. I was immediately embarrassed and strangely intrigued by the thought of these female vampires who came in the night to visit human men and have their way with them.
They had disliked having to kill so many of the men that they loved. They looked for other ways to sate their thirst and discovered that they could survive on the blood of animals. Both Carmen and I were fascinated with the idea that we could survive without having to kill humans. We asked them to show us how they hunted. They smiled and took us out for a hunt.
"Edward," he said, shaking his head. "The hunting there put this small wildlife preserve to shame. On my first hunt, I took down a polar bear and Carmen took two artic foxes. It was both exhilarating and freeing for us. We came to realize that we could have our immortality and not steal the lives of humans. For the first time in almost seven centuries I was truly at peace with what I was."
It made perfect sense then to me why he reacted so violently when Carlisle offered me a choice. For him who had not been given a real choice, it was unbelievable to think that someone who was offered the option of not killing humans might choose to become a killer.
"I understand," I said. "I don't want to be a killer. Truly, I don't. I just can't imagine how to resist that smell."
"I wish that I could tell you that it becomes easier," he said. "Even knowing the self-loathing that I felt every time that I fed from a human, the smell is still intoxicating. It takes discipline and time to be able to resist. But I believe that the animal blood makes us more determined and rational. It is never easy, but I have never slipped since I chose this life."
"That is a comfort," I said. "May I ask you some questions?"
He nodded his reply. Please do not hold back. I feel more comfortable with you now and I apologize for not trusting you earlier.
I smiled at him. "Thank you for that. I appreciate your candor and I understand your hesitance. I was just wondering, since I saw pictures of your home town in your vampire memory, if you knew what became of your family?"
"I did not return to Cordoba for over a century," he said. "Aro convinced me that it was too dangerous, that someone might recognize me. But he was kind and sent two of his own scouts to my father's bazaar about three years after I had been changed to discover what had become of my family and loved ones. They posed as foreign dignitaries and did not seem out of place in the bazaar. They were able to talk to my father and found that he and my mother were well and that my betrothed had made another match and been married. I never found out how they were able to get the information, but they shared details that were unique to my family so I was certain that they had been there."
"Are there many . . . like us?" I asked.
"You are wondering if Carlisle is the first of our kind you had run into?" he asked.
I nodded, feeling slightly foolish for my question, and yet still intensely curious.
"There are more of us than you would expect, but I doubt that you had come across another of our kind. Even though your mortal mind did not guess what Carlisle was, I'm sure you recognized that he was different."
I thought about that, trying to remember my first impression of Carlisle. I thought about Carlisle's memory of seeing me at the park. I vaguely remembered being drawn to him, but I don't remember thinking anything strange about him. And in all of our meetings, I didn't recall being suspicious or mistrustful of him.
"There is something within humans that tells them to be wary of us," he continued. "Our natural predatory nature inspires fear in our prey, but often they ignore it. Our kind, that practice a gentler lifestyle, can get closer to humans and even interact with them the way that Carlisle does. But often, humans still recognize something different about us. We, of course, have many lures to bring our prey to us, and it is those lures to which humans often fall victim."
I thought of myself. Was I not more beautiful in this body than I had ever been in my human form? My body was more sculpted, my voice was more soothing and melodious, even my scent was more appealing. Of course, it was a horrifically dangerous beauty, as my eyes clearly intimated, but it was beauty nonetheless.
"Was Carlisle part of your . . . coven?" I asked, curious about Carlisle's past.
"Ah," Eleazar said and immediately I realized that his thoughts began to come in Spanish. "I think that it would be better if Carlisle told you his story himself. I know that he wants to."
And so Eleazar and I sat for the rest of the evening and into the night talking. We were in the same positions when I began to hear Carlisle's thoughts reach me. It was a fascinating night of discovery for me, but I heard something in Carlisle's distracted thoughts as he approached the house that made everything else seem unimportant. Carlisle had seen Anna at the hospital.
A/N: **The translation of the Russian phrase that Carlisle spoke to Eleazar is "Please do not tell him my story. I want to tell him myself." Or at least that is what Google Translate says the Russian translation is.
Anyway, this chapter was painful on many levels for me. You've all heard me talk about how my characters have minds of their own and talk to me from time to time. Well, Edward and Eleazar threw a curve ball at me with the revelation that I'd be telling Eleazar's story this chapter. And getting him to talk after he insisted that I tell his story was like pulling teeth. Have you ever tried to pull a vampire's teeth? Seriously. Not the easiest trick in the book. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. It was exhaustively researched by the fabulous Peanut1981.
Oh, and I have a rec for all of you canon nuts out there. I am beta-ing for a wonderful story, entitled "Accouterments of a Vampire" by BMSequestrian. It is Jasper's story, starting from about one month before his change. It's really good, you should check it out!
If you enjoyed the chapter, leave a review because reviews are like visiting Edward in the night. ;) ~Jen