Thanks for continuing to read guys! This is a very Steve/Hayley chapter. Enjoy!

XXI - I Could Live With That

When Steve had told Sam about wanting to get away with Hayley for a while, he had insisted the soldier take his car. Sam didn't drive it nearly enough and he would rather it get some mileage rather than rust away in his garage. It only took a little over an hour to finally convince Steve to actually take his keys and drive the damn car.

And now it really was getting some mileage. The first destination of their improvised road trip would be Chicago in order to visit Hayley's parents, but the ten hours in between was all theirs. Just the idea of having as much time as they wanted to themselves made the traffic so much easier to deal with. Steve didn't care how long he had to stare at the line of break lights in front of them, because Hayley was in the passenger seat tapping her foot to the radio and leaning back in the chair with a sigh of content.

This was the very opposite of what their lives had been for so long, and it was perfect. Neither of them wanted to think about it ending anytime soon, despite how ready Steve was to start tracking down Bucky. Even he knew that going after his friend so quickly would be pointless, and his mind was already reeling from what he knew about Hydra.

But this, right now, was exactly what they wanted. It felt so normal, and they both began to imagine how this could be their life now SHIELD was gone.

"Okay?" Steve asked, reaching over to tap Hayley's leg.

She had been staring at the same bug on the windscreen for almost ten minutes now, not saying a word.

"Mm, yeah," she smiled, letting out a soft sigh of content. "The sun's really warm,"

Hayley reached down to catch Steve's hand before it slipped off her leg again, wrapping her fingers around his and holding it in place. Steve smiled to himself at the little gesture, feeling his heart flutter like a schoolboy.

"You know, technically we're homeless right now," Hayley told him after a moment of content silence.

Steve thought for a moment, unable to keep the small chuckle from escaping his lips.

"I guess we are," he agreed.

"I liked your apartment," she told him, letting out a soft sigh. "I liked it better than mine."

"I liked yours," he admit.

"It was more 'ours' though, wasn't it?"

Steve smiled warmly.

"It definitely felt like more of a home than mine did,"

"At the risk of sounding cheesy," she warned. "I think I just like wherever you are."

That did it for Steve. His stomach felt like it was doing somersaults, his heart pounding faster in his chest, and he had never really felt such an overwhelming amount of love for someone. Neither of them had been very vocal about their feelings, especially in the beginning, but it seemed to have taken a few life-altering situations for them to see it for themselves.

Steve had always been in awe of Hayley and everything she held on her shoulders, and right now was no different. They had both been through so many of their own Hells in the past few days and yet here they were. The only thing to have survived these days of chaos.

The amount of times Steve had almost lost Hayley seemed to dawn on him in that moment, and he wanted more than anything to just stay here in this car, gridlocked in angry traffic, simply looking at her.

"I love you," he told her, his voice sure and strong.

Hayley looked to him, her eyes searching him for any sign of trouble. She had heard him say those words many times, but right now he sounded so desperate for her to hear them.

"Hey," she breathed out gently, squeezing his hand in hers. "I love you too."

Wandering the small aisles of the gas station, Hayley peaked out the window to see Steve still standing by the car, filling it with gas. He had his black baseball cap pulled over his head, but his sunglasses remained on the dashboard. She smiled to herself at the sight, appreciating just how normal and domestic this moment seemed to be. They had never experienced this before, not without the looming deadline for a mission or a SHIELD briefing always clouding their mind.

It was sad to think about the organization being gone, especially after they had all committed so much of their life to it. But it was hard to miss that feeling of always being monitored, always being expected.

Hayley grabbed a few bags of potato chips, a couple of candy bars and two bottles of water before heading to the counter. As she waited for the man to ring up her items and add the gas to her order, she looked down and saw the stack of newspapers neatly displayed on the stand.

As usual, the headlines were gripping.

INSIDE SHIELD: THE TRUTH

So the world had everything they could ever need to pin all heroes and agents up as villains. Every mission, every target, every step that anyone took to get them to where they are now. All of that information was out there, and now people were breaking it down and analysing it so that no one could misinterpret what happened. So that no one could defend them.

Hayley quickly grabbed one of the copies and slipped it onto the counter next to her other items. Soon enough, she handed over the cash and took everything in her arms to carry back out to the car.

Steve was still standing outside, his arms folded as he leaned back against the hood, eyes scanning around the station parking lot. Neither of them would ever really be able to turn off that part of their brain.

"I'll drive from here," Hayley suggested, smirking as she held her free hand out for the keys.

Steve watched her for a moment, playfully grinning before he handed them over and helped take some of the items from her arms.

"Should I be nervous?" he asked.

"Of my driving?" she frowned, slapping a hand against his side. "Now I'm going to scare you on purpose."

Steve moved around to the opposite side of the car, sliding into the passenger seat and unscrewing the cap on one of the water bottles. As Hayley settled in beside him, pulling her seatbelt around to clip in, Steve noticed the newspaper headline.

"This isn't going to be off the front pages for a while, is it?" Steve sighed, brow furrowing as he lifted the paper into his hands.

"Probably not," Hayley huffed, turning the keys in the ignition.

"You know this is all going to be blown out of proportion, right?" Steve added, continuing to look down at the image of the crumbling Triskellion as Hayley drove them out onto the road. "This isn't going to be accurate."

"It doesn't have to be," Hayley shrugged. "The whole world is going to read it and they know that."

"You want to read it?" he asked.

"I want to know what they're telling people," Hayley nodded. "I know we're taking time away from all of that, and I know I was the one who really pushed for it and I stopped you from going after Bucky-"

"Hayley," Steve cut in, shaking his head as he looked up at her. "You didn't stop me from anything. I'm still going to find him, but I know we both need a time out here."

Gripping the steering wheel, Hayley bit down her lip and shook her head softly.

"I just can't completely block it out," she explained. "And I want this time to be ours, I do. But it's hard to ignore."

"I know," Steve sighed. "I can't seem to block it out either."

They remained in silence as Steve began to flick through the newspaper, skimming the five pages of articles and summaries that had been published. Hayley listened as he told her small pieces, both of them muttering and scoffing as they found error after error in their accuracy.

SHIELD was being blamed for everything, they knew that was coming. But Hydra was only taking part of the blame. The real question everyone seemed to be asking was how Hydra managed to get their way into SHIELD in the first place. Who overlooked the evil organisation growing in their own ranks? Who could they blame?

And the big issue they were all now facing – can we even trust our 'heroes'?

When Hayley had warned Steve she would scare him, he seemed to completely underestimate the threat. He had never been in a car with Hayley driving, and although she was perfectly capable and had been driving smoothly for over an hour now, Steve felt himself gripping the dashboard once they made it onto a busier stretch of highway.

Hayley weaved them in and out between the other cars, switching lanes and cutting off other drivers with an enthusiasm he hadn't seen before. The way she tapped her hand against the wheel to the music playing through the radio, the groaning and complaining out the window at other drivers all reminded him that there was a Hayley before all of this.

Before she entered the military, before she joined SHIELD, before she lost her brother and before her world became a little darker each day. This was the care-free Hayley that Steve had always wanted to see. Wind blowing through her hair, sun warming her skin, completely free from the world they had been a part of for so long.

"Idiot!" she yelled, watching as a red Volkswagen zoomed in front of her and slammed on their brakes.

Steve looked over at her cautiously, wondering if she was going to begin hitting the horn.

"We're close to our exit, aren't we?" he asked, knowing they passed a sign not long ago.

Their first stop would be in a small town just off the highway, buried away somewhere far from tall buildings and loud traffic. There were motels everywhere in towns connected to the highway, and spending a night in a cramped up room in the middle of nowhere was more appealing to them than it should have been.

"Yeah, next right," Hayley huffed. "If this asshole ever gets out of my way!"

Steve pursed his lips, holding back a chuckle that threatened to burst out at her anger. But Hayley could see him out the corner of her eyes, his body shaking slightly in a silent laugh.

"What?" she asked, some anger fading as she turned her attention to Steve instead. "Why are you laughing?"

"Nothing," Steve smirked, shaking his head.

"Would you like to walk the rest of the way?" she warned, her own lips pulling into an amused grin.

"Fine, but I'll take the last candy bar," he teased.

Hayley laughed and leaned over to nudge at Steve's side with her elbow. This was what it was like to be normal. Well, as normal as they could be, and it felt right.

They drove for another ten minutes in silence, making their way through the heavy pile-up of cars until they finally reached their exit and began breaking away from the busy roads. The sun was almost set, and Hayley looked up at the evening glow. Away from all the chaos they had been around, the sky looked more beautiful than ever.

"Do you ever think about what our lives would be like if we weren't who we are?" she asked, turning off onto another quiet road. "If you weren't Captain America, if I weren't a SHIELD operative,"

Steve had thought about that. Many times.

It was what he thought about when he had trouble sleeping at night, which happened more often than not. A life with Hayley would make him happy, without a doubt.

Steve knew that it was near impossible for him to live without fighting for something, he just knew. That went for Hayley, too. They were two people who couldn't turn away from a fight if they could do something about it. As much as they tried, they really couldn't.

But that didn't mean they couldn't dream about it, that they couldn't make up their own fairy tale in their mind about the many other ways their life could go.

"Yeah, I think about it," he told her. "Do you?"

"Yeah," she gave a nod. "Been thinking about it a lot lately,"

"What would it be like?" Steve asked, wondering if Hayley felt like sharing.

Hayley smiled to herself, shrugging her shoulders as she thought.

"This. It'd be like this. We'd go and do groceries, walk around the mall and complain about not needing things but getting them anyway. We'd cook dinner together and be full by the time we actually sat down, we'd have a show that we could only watch together, we'd lay in bed all morning on weekends and have nowhere else to be," she explained, her voice trailing off. "Basically we would be living in a romantic comedy, but without all the bad things happening. I think we've had our share."

Steve grinned, warmed by her words.

"Do you want all of that?"

"Sometimes," she admit. "Like right now, that all sounds pretty good to me."

"I could live with that," Steve told her, reaching over to take her free hand in his, pulling it to his lips for a soft kiss.

Hayley smiled toward him lovingly, wishing she could pull him close for an actual kiss. But she was still driving, after all.

"We'd get bored," she admit. "I know we would."

"It's nice to think about though," Steve assured. "And maybe one day…"

"Yeah, maybe one day."

Hayley could hear the sound of buzzing insects swarming around the streetlights outside as if they were right there in her ears. Every now and then she could hear a sharp hiss and know that there was one less bug flying about. Coupled with the sound of their neighbours roaring television and Hayley understood exactly why she couldn't sleep a wink.

Every time she felt herself dozing off, her mind would refocus on something else she was trying to forget. More often than not her mind would be swimming with images of the twelve victims, their names, their families, their death. But even when her mind gave her a moment of rest from those painful reminders, there were plenty more to pick from.

Beside her, Steve shifted against the pillows, letting out a small groan. For a moment Hayley thought he had woken up, but his eyes were still shut when she glanced down at him. One arm was resting beneath his pillow and the other was slung over Hayley's hips.

As Hayley watched Steve's bare chest rise and fall with his gentle breathing, she felt tuning out all of the noises that kept her mind awake. If she could just focus on the soft sounds coming from his lips, there was a chance she could get some sleep. Even just an hour.

But a few minutes later, just as Hayley's eyes began to droop, Steve's body shot upright with a choking gasp. Steve took in as much air as he could, his throat dry and aching as he breathed in desperately. His body was trembling as he looked around the room, eyes wide with panic, while his hands roamed the sheets.

"Steve!" Hayley called, gently shifting to sit up next to him. "Hey, hey, look. It's me, it's Hayley, look at me."

Steve watched her carefully, his mouth hanging open wide as he tried to keep from choking on the air he was sucking in. He felt her hands go to his cheeks, run along his skin, then down along his jaw until she was cupping his face.

"Hey," she soothed, whispering. "You're okay. You're here with me, we're safe."

Steve could feel his body beginning to calm down, but he was still hyperventilating. Hayley grabbed his attention once his eyes met hers, grabbing his hand and laying it across her chest. Steve could faintly hear her chanting in, out, in, out.

"There you go," she praised, a small smile on her lips. "Deep breaths, nice and slow."

"S-sorry," Steve shook his head, his eyes squeezing shut.

"No, hey, look at me," she instructed, running her thumb over his cheeks again.

Steve's eyes opened to hers staring back at him, her breath warm against his lips. Hayley leaned in and ended their distance, pressing a kiss to his forehead as she pulled him against her. His whole body was shaking and although his body had been a warm heat beside her moments ago, he was now cold.

"It's okay," she soothed, wrapping her arms around him.

She felt Steve return their hug a moment later, arms snaking around her and pulling her until she was sitting in his lap. Steve's head nestled into her neck and she could feel him taking a few deep breaths, reminding himself of where he was.

For the past few days, it had been Hayley who woke like this with Steve comforting her through it all. He always knew how to calm her down and what to say to make all of her nerves and fears fade away, and all she hoped was that she could do the same for him right now.

Sometimes Steve had dreams about being in the ice again. Sometimes he relived that dreaded moment on the train over and over again, watching his best friend fall to his death. Sometimes he could just hear bombs going off and woke up thinking they were at a base in Austria being attacked in the middle of the night.

Steve's mind was an endless void of painful memories, and each night his dreams played roulette with them.

"I'm sorry," Steve repeated, his voice muffled in Hayley's hair.

"Don't be," she shook her head. "Ever."

"I woke you up,"

"Wasn't asleep,"

"You didn't sleep? Again?" he asked, pulling back slightly.

"I get plenty of sleep," she assured, pressing a kiss to his lips when he moved closer. "How are you feeling?"

"Awake," he sighed, his heart still racing. "I thought…Hydra…"

"It's okay, you're safe," she told him gently.

"I thought they had you…again," he admit, hanging his head low. "I couldn't get you."

Hayley's heart ached at his words, at how broken his voice sounded.

"I'm right here," she promised, her hand resting on his chest.

"I can't lose you," he shook his head. "I can't."

"You won't,"

"Everyone I love…they're gone," he continued.

"Not me, not ever," she told him, carding a hand through his hair. "I promise."

"Hydra has a way of taking everything I love from me," he whispered. "And I couldn't even stop them. I died…for nothing. I went down in the ice and lost everything and everyone and...it changed nothing."

"It changed everything Steve," she argued firmly. "There are so many people alive today, so many people living and breathing because of you. Because you saved them. You didn't die for nothing Steve. I need you to hear that, okay? What you did…I don't think you'll ever realize what it meant."

Steve moved forward to rest his forehead against Hayley's, feeling her hands running through his hair and stroking over the back of his neck. This was where he was content. This was where he found his peace.

But Zola's words wouldn't leave him alone. They followed him in his dreams and in every waking moment. Every time he saw his name in the papers, every time he saw footage on the news. No matter how hard he tried to focus on anything else, Zola's words kept ringing in his ears.

Your death amounts to nothing. A zero sum.

It was almost an hour later when Steve finally laid back down against the pillows with Hayley nestled close, bodies wrapped around one another. Neither of them paid any mind to the blaring volume of the television next door or the bugs zapping outside, even if they were just as loud as ever.

Suddenly their world was silent for a moment, even if the sun was beginning to rise just as their eyes were finally closing.

Please leave a review with any thoughts xxx