*Warning* Sappyness and hinted Kurama and Hiei romance. Stop now
if your sickened by either one!
Broken Mask
Chapter 21
written by Kat(Aubuchon)Mayes
Kurama sat in the exact same spot Yuusuke had
placed him when he had collapsed. He remained
motionless and unseeing, giving his loyal
companions the impression that he was still in
deep, mindless shock from Hiei's death. Yuusuke
and Kuwabara looked at each other worriedly
knowing that Hiei and Kurama had a special
relationship that couldn't be explained in simple
friendship terms. They feared that their
remaining friend's mind had completely shut down
over the loss of the other, but nothing could have
been farther from the truth.
Inside Kurama's mind a war of thoughts, ideas
and memories was raging. They were all fighting
to be heard, all demanding to be known and to be
felt, but they were too much for Kurama's fragile
state of mind right now. Kurama tried to hide
from his thoughts, tried to forget them within the
endless void that was his troubled mind, but no
matter how far he buried himself they came. They
hunted him like a pack of wild dogs after a
wounded animal. In desperation, Kurama found a
dark corner of his soul, well hidden from the
rest, and crouched there in silent, consuming
misery.
Hiei was gone.
It was all his tortured mind could think of,
all his heart could stand in this lonely, empty
place. Hiei wasn't just missing, he wasn't just
away from him in the Makai, but gone, lost to him
forever. There was no denying it, no way to
ignore it. Kurama had known the instant Hiei's
soul was no longer on this plane. It was the same
moment his world shattered and fell apart.
How could that fire demon have gotten that
close to his guarded heart without him realizing
it? How could someone as mean tempered and rough
as Hiei have worked his way so completely into his
soul? More importantly, how was he ever going to
live without him?
Kurama curled tighter inside the darkness and
willed his life to stop. He didn't want to try
and go on without that fire demon there to make
every day brighter with his half hearted
complaints and grumbling. Kurama didn't want to
imagine a world where Hiei's silent company was
absent. He had a dreadful feeling that he *had*
tried before, lifetimes ago, and would be doomed
to a long, lonely life without him.
"It hurts, doesn't it? Having the one you
love torn away from you. Believe me, I've been
there before," a quiet voice behind him said,
breaking the circle of Kurama's thoughts.
"How did you find me?"
Yuurei gave Kurama a look that asked his
human form if he was stupid and then walked over
to him.
"You can't hide from me, Kurama. We are the
same person, only in different forms. The youko
side of us is here also, but he's just going to
wait for you to make up our mind."
Kurama started to back away from the
intrusion of his other selves, but then he
stopped. "What do you mean, 'make up our mind'?"
"I mean that even though the youko and I have
a say in what happens to us, you have the ultimate
control over our human body. I've came to change
our mind about dying," Yuurei glanced over his
shoulder and scowled, "and he just came to watch."
Kurama looked over in the same direction and
saw the silver glimmer of his youko self reclining
against an invisible wall. Youko Kurama barely
opened his golden eyes to acknowledge the pair in
front of him. With an almost evil smirk he
dismissed them and closed his eyes again.
"I really don't give a damn about this human
body we got stuck with so its death is no concern
of mine. If it dies over that sexy little fire
demon then we'll have our youko body back that
much faster. If the human body lives and goes
after the cute blonde we've become infatuated with
we're only side tracked a few measly decades.
Eventually, either way, I'll have control again so
I don't care what happens."
Yuurei glared at the self satisfied youko,
while Kurama cringed at the coldness of his voice.
Kurama knew that was how he used to be all the
time before he was born as Shuuichi. He knew that
somewhere along the line he had changed his
attitude and his outlook on life, but he had never
realized that such a large part of him still was
the cold, heartless bastard he once had been.
"Ignore him, Kurama. He doesn't mean half
of what he says. If he truly didn't care, he
wouldn't even bother to be here."
Youko Kurama opened his eyes again, but this
time they weren't controlled and emotionless. He
glared at Yuurei with an almost palpable hate then
looked off into the distance. Youko Kurama tried
to continue looking bored and unaffected by the
kitsune's words, but his taloned fingertips dug
into his folded arms and his silver tail lashed
behind him, betraying him.
"I don't care *why* you're here. Just go
away and leave me alone," Kurama said, his voice
cracking slightly remembering his recent loss. "I
don't want to live, there's no reason for me to
live anymore."
The soft fur on the back of Yuurei's neck
fluffed out with his annoyance at Kurama's
complete dismissal. With great force of will the
kitsune didn't scream out and thrash his human
self, that would accomplish nothing. He knew that
every moment he wasted here gave Kurayami more
time to work on Kamen's fragile state of mind.
With a fox's grin that rivaled his youko
persona's evil smirk Yuurei adjusted his strategy.
He had been saving this as a last resort, because
once it was done he would no longer be able to
invade this human body's consciousness. Once he
summoned all his memories, gave them to Kurama to
share, and received Kurama's in return, he had no
say on what those memories would mean to them.
A small part of Yuurei was worried about
this. What if Kurama's feelings for Hiei were
stronger than his feelings for Kamen? What if
after sharing his memories of Kamen and all that
they had felt for each other Kurama still wanted
to die? Yuurei couldn't imagine loving someone
else as much as he loved Kamen, but he also had
never seen someone dying with grief. It was a
chance he had to take.
"All right, Kurama. I'll leave you alone,
but before I can do that we have to be totally
integrated," Yuurei told him as a wooden chest
with gold hinges appeared.
"That contains all the memories I've
accumulated since our separation. You should have
a very similar one for me."
Kurama stared curiously at the small chest
before he placed his hand upon the polished lid.
He started to reply that he didn't know what
Yuurei was talking about when a small black
lacquer box materialized in his empty hand. With a
slightly bewildered look on his face, Kurama
handed the box over to his kitsune side. Youko
Kurama gave a disgusted snort that drew both of
their attentions.
"I'm not going to sit here and watch the two
of you torture each other," the silver youko said
with a hiss as he push away from the non-existent
wall. "I'd rather us die then watch the two of
you moon over them. Just remember, when I resume
control we are *never* falling in love again."
The youko dissolved into the darkness leaving
his two counterparts to stare after him. Stunned
by the bitterness in the youko's voice Yuurei
nervously looked at the tiny black box in front of
him. Whatever was inside would change his life
forever and both of them knew it. As a show of
good faith Yuurei opened his box first, and
immediately wished he hadn't.
The transfer of memories was instantaneous.
Once the box was opened Yuurei had no time to
think before he could remember. He felt his heart
constrict and the tears start to flow before he
could stop them. His whole body ached with
bittersweet longing for the fire demon that no
longer lived. His lungs hurt from the force of
effort it took to not sob his grief out loud.
Now he knew why Kurama was so willing to let
this life slip away from him. The pain was nearly
unbearable, equaling that which he had felt when
Kamen had been lost to him. Now the choice to
live or to die was not so clear to him. Hiei had
been their world, their reason to live in the
Ningenkai and this body. He looked into Kurama's
face for an answer to the pain, but there was
none.
Yuurei felt himself fading back into the
recesses of the mind he shared with Kurama and the
youko, returning to his proper place as a part of
the person known as 'Kurama' personality. As he
started to lose all sense of his unique identity
he thanked the gods that he was not the one forced
to chose between Kamen and Hiei. He hoped that
maybe one day in a future lifetime they could be
together again, but something told him that this
had been their chance and now it was gone.
Kurama watched the kitsune fade from sight
and with trembling hands Kurama pulled the wooden
chest in front of him. He didn't want to open it,
but he knew that if he didn't he would never find
peace. He had seen the look of anguish in
Yuurei's kitsune face as he received the contents
of the lacquer box. For a moment Kurama was glad
to share his grief with someone, even if it was
himself. For those brief moments Yuurei had
realized the scope of his... no, *their* feelings
for Hiei, but behind that shock was something
else.
Kurama had seen surprise and regret. The
surprise he could understand. Even he had been
stunned by the size and force of his feelings for
Hiei. The regret, however, unnerved him.
Wanting this experience to be over quickly,
Kurama opened the chest. The lid opened easily,
moving on well made hinges. Kurama expected some
kind of sudden rush of images and information like
he experienced the first time he and Yuurei had
come together, but nothing happened. Kurama
almost felt betrayed by the lack of response, then
he had the sudden sense that something inside was
calling to him and he had to take it out.
He carefully placed his hand inside and
probed the smooth bottom of the chest and pulled
out the object he knew to be there. At first he
was surprised to see the small mandolin, because
Kamen had accidentally broken it a long time ago,
but then he smiled. He caressed the slender neck,
running his fingers over where she had engraved
her name.
He had 'acquired' the mandolin after Kamen
had heard one of the few minstrels in the Makai
playing in a village fair. For the first time
since he had known her Kamen had actually sat
still for more than thirty seconds. He could
still see the look of astonishment and surprise
when he had given the mandolin to her. It had
been worth the patch of fur he lost off his back
scrambling through the window stealing it from the
minstrel for her.
Kamen had created the most beautiful melodies
from this little stringed instrument after she had
taught herself how to play. Soon she started to
put words to the music and her voice could be
compared to angels. Many nights he had pretended
to be asleep so that he could listen to her sing.
His favorite song was about a man, all in black,
with a heart of fire.
Kurama laid the mandolin down, careful not to
harm it and hurriedly reached back inside. His
fingers searched around until he felt a flat,
slick piece of wood. His face became puzzled as
he tried to reason what it was. It revealed
itself to be a small wooden comb carved out of
black soapwood. Kurama gave a sigh as he turned
the badly fashioned comb in his hands. Kamen had
been five when she made this comb to pull the
burrs from his tangled fur.
It had taken her a week of not so secret late
nights to carve it from the slippery wood. Kamen
had apparently gotten tried of his complaints of
having sticky burrs in his fur and decided to do
something about it.
She had cut herself more than a few times
when the slick wood had slipped from her chubby,
child's hand, but she had been determined to make
it for him. As it turned out, the choice of the
soapwood had been ideal. The burrs and tangles
seemed to slide right out when she used it. The
comb had been her first birthday present to him.
In fact it had been the first one he had ever
received.
Kurama reached back inside the treasure chest
and eagerly anticipated what he would find next.
He fumbled around the bottom, but could find
nothing. He frowned slightly and ran his fingers
along the outside edge. He smiled triumphantly
when he felt a thin piece of fabric hiding there.
He looked at his prize and the smile slipped from
his face.
Dangling from his fingers were two long
ribbons of silk. Each one was the color of golden
wheat, and when they were in Kamen's hair they
could barely be seen. They were the ribbons Kamen
had stolen from the human woman Shiori on the
night that she had come to the Ningenkai to kill
him in his sleep.
Kamen had come that night to take Shuuichi's
life because he had taken hers. It would have
been a fair exchange, but Kamen had realized that
Shuuichi's death would have caused her mother
great pain, so she had taken these ribbons as a
reminder of what she could never have. She had
pulled the scrapes of silk from the nightstand as
the house slept.
Kurama clutched the ribbons in his fist and
damned them for what they represented. They were
a symbol of the pain that he had caused Kamen.
They were a reminder of the secret he had to keep
from her. They were the silk chains that had
bound him against telling her how he had really
felt about her. Every time he had worked up the
courage to tell her he would see those damn
ribbons in her hair and he'd falter.
Again he felt the pull of the chest and the
new object inside. With all his might he tried to
resist, he didn't want to know what else the chest
held for him. Against his will Kurama reached
into the box for the fourth and final time. His
trembling fingers immediately found what he
thought was a bundle of sticks. As he ran his
hand along the perfectly smooth, round shafts he
felt rough steel bite into the soft flesh of his
palm.
Before Kurama had the chance to pull the
object out, the wooden chest disappeared, leaving
him holding a bundle of arrows. He clenched them
so tightly in his hand that the wooden shafts
groaned and creaked under the pressure. Kurama's
hands began to tremble even worse than before when
he realized that they were the same arrows that
had brought Kamen so close to death that one time.
Her blood was still on them, aged to a deep
rust color that stained the gleaming arrow tips a
dull red. He could even see the marks along the
shafts where he had tried to gently pull them out
with his teeth.
They were the arrows she had taken for him.
She had thrown away her life to protect him from
his own foolishness. Up until the moment when she
had turned to him, the stolen dragon whip in her
outstretched hand, arrows sticking out of her tiny
back, he had believed that he could resist the
temptation of falling in love with her. What a
fool he had been.
Kurama tried to swallow around the thick lump
in his throat but he couldn't. There had been so
many times that he had wished to have arms instead
of paws so that he could hold her. He had cursed
himself for not being able to rock her until the
tears and the pain stopped. Kamen had known so
little comfort in her life, even from him, but she
had always been stronger than him in so many ways.
He had been afraid of her, of the feelings he
had for her and those she had for him. He had
known that she loved him more than she should
have. He had known that, despite her young age,
she had decided that he was her heart. He had
thought about pushing her away or finding someone
else for her to become attached to, but the
thought of anyone else touching her drove him
crazy. There just wasn't anyone good enough for
her, including himself.
How could that little youko child have gotten
that close to his guarded heart without him
realizing it? How could someone as willful and
belligerent as Kamen have worked her way so
completely into his soul? A small voice within
gave a laughing reply: 'The same way Hiei did.'
Confusion, deep and brooding, set into
Kurama's mind as he tried to separate Kamen and
Hiei in his feelings. Both of then aroused deep
emotion in him unlike any thing he had felt
before. His feeling ran deeper than love or
friendship. There simply were no words to
describe what he felt for them. He knew that if
either one of them were lost to him that it would
leave a hole in his soul that could never be
repaired or replaced.
He felt all consuming pain now knowing that
Hiei was dead and beyond his reach, but unlike
before when he had been ignorant of Kamen's
influence he knew that he could go on living only
if she was there to help him. Unfortunately
Kurayami was making sure that would never happen.
The thought of losing both of his dearest friends
to that bastard set Kurama's body into motion
almost before his mind was ready.
"Whoa, Kurama! Settle down!" Kuwabara
squawked as he was thrown backwards by Kurama's
sudden movement.
Kurama looked down at his friend sprawled on
the stone floor of the cave and the look of
anguish worry on his face. He tried to give
Kuwabara a grin of apology, but the effort was too
much. Right now Kurama was emotionally drained
and couldn't even think past trying to find Kamen
before it was too late.
"We have to find a way out of here. We have
to find Kamen quickly," Kurama informed his
friends as he made his way to the far wall.
Yuusuke and Kuwabara exchanged a worried
glance, but followed their comrade. Kurama turned
from the wall to give them instructions on how
they would proceeded when he felt a familiar
presence. His eyes reflected the same shock that
Yuusuke and Kuwabara displayed.
Kurama's heart stopped and waited for the
presence to come closer. He knew it was
impossible, he knew that Hiei was dead, but he
could feel the fire demon coming towards them.
All three of them waited in silence for Hiei to
appear, hoping that this wasn't some kind of
illusion.
As the presence got closer the walls and
ceiling that Kurama had previously weakened
started to rumble under the power. Waves of youki
rolled into the room from the other side of the
wall, making them step away. An invisible door
was outlined in a pale gold light.
Kurama suddenly realized that it wasn't Hiei
that he felt coming, but Kamen. As the wall
started to disintegrate Yuusuke and Kuwabara came
forward to flank him on either side. The sense of
doom that had permeated every pore of Kurama's
body was finally realized when the stone barrier
gave way and he could see the look in Kamen's
eyes.
Kurama was struck dumb with awesome power
that radiated from Kamen's changed body. This was
the first time that Kurama had ever seen his
former friend in her natural youko form. Kurama
looked past the beauty of her body and the strong
feeling seeing Kamen like this gave him, and saw
the hate in her emerald eyes. Kamen's whole
presence crackled with it, fueling the waves of
power that oozed from her fingertips.
Kurama felt his hopes of recovering Kamen's
love die. How could he ever get past the lies and
deceptions Kurayami had waived around her? How
could he possibly reach Kamen's tortured heart
when she felt so much hate towards him?
As Kurama slowly approached his one time
partner and friend, all he could think about was
the pain Hiei's death had caused him. He couldn't
possibly lose Kamen to this madman too. He *had*
to get through to her. He *had* to make her
understand, make her see that Kurayami was her
enemy, not him. He had to try, or his life
wouldn't be worth living.
======
end chapter 21
if your sickened by either one!
Broken Mask
Chapter 21
written by Kat(Aubuchon)Mayes
Kurama sat in the exact same spot Yuusuke had
placed him when he had collapsed. He remained
motionless and unseeing, giving his loyal
companions the impression that he was still in
deep, mindless shock from Hiei's death. Yuusuke
and Kuwabara looked at each other worriedly
knowing that Hiei and Kurama had a special
relationship that couldn't be explained in simple
friendship terms. They feared that their
remaining friend's mind had completely shut down
over the loss of the other, but nothing could have
been farther from the truth.
Inside Kurama's mind a war of thoughts, ideas
and memories was raging. They were all fighting
to be heard, all demanding to be known and to be
felt, but they were too much for Kurama's fragile
state of mind right now. Kurama tried to hide
from his thoughts, tried to forget them within the
endless void that was his troubled mind, but no
matter how far he buried himself they came. They
hunted him like a pack of wild dogs after a
wounded animal. In desperation, Kurama found a
dark corner of his soul, well hidden from the
rest, and crouched there in silent, consuming
misery.
Hiei was gone.
It was all his tortured mind could think of,
all his heart could stand in this lonely, empty
place. Hiei wasn't just missing, he wasn't just
away from him in the Makai, but gone, lost to him
forever. There was no denying it, no way to
ignore it. Kurama had known the instant Hiei's
soul was no longer on this plane. It was the same
moment his world shattered and fell apart.
How could that fire demon have gotten that
close to his guarded heart without him realizing
it? How could someone as mean tempered and rough
as Hiei have worked his way so completely into his
soul? More importantly, how was he ever going to
live without him?
Kurama curled tighter inside the darkness and
willed his life to stop. He didn't want to try
and go on without that fire demon there to make
every day brighter with his half hearted
complaints and grumbling. Kurama didn't want to
imagine a world where Hiei's silent company was
absent. He had a dreadful feeling that he *had*
tried before, lifetimes ago, and would be doomed
to a long, lonely life without him.
"It hurts, doesn't it? Having the one you
love torn away from you. Believe me, I've been
there before," a quiet voice behind him said,
breaking the circle of Kurama's thoughts.
"How did you find me?"
Yuurei gave Kurama a look that asked his
human form if he was stupid and then walked over
to him.
"You can't hide from me, Kurama. We are the
same person, only in different forms. The youko
side of us is here also, but he's just going to
wait for you to make up our mind."
Kurama started to back away from the
intrusion of his other selves, but then he
stopped. "What do you mean, 'make up our mind'?"
"I mean that even though the youko and I have
a say in what happens to us, you have the ultimate
control over our human body. I've came to change
our mind about dying," Yuurei glanced over his
shoulder and scowled, "and he just came to watch."
Kurama looked over in the same direction and
saw the silver glimmer of his youko self reclining
against an invisible wall. Youko Kurama barely
opened his golden eyes to acknowledge the pair in
front of him. With an almost evil smirk he
dismissed them and closed his eyes again.
"I really don't give a damn about this human
body we got stuck with so its death is no concern
of mine. If it dies over that sexy little fire
demon then we'll have our youko body back that
much faster. If the human body lives and goes
after the cute blonde we've become infatuated with
we're only side tracked a few measly decades.
Eventually, either way, I'll have control again so
I don't care what happens."
Yuurei glared at the self satisfied youko,
while Kurama cringed at the coldness of his voice.
Kurama knew that was how he used to be all the
time before he was born as Shuuichi. He knew that
somewhere along the line he had changed his
attitude and his outlook on life, but he had never
realized that such a large part of him still was
the cold, heartless bastard he once had been.
"Ignore him, Kurama. He doesn't mean half
of what he says. If he truly didn't care, he
wouldn't even bother to be here."
Youko Kurama opened his eyes again, but this
time they weren't controlled and emotionless. He
glared at Yuurei with an almost palpable hate then
looked off into the distance. Youko Kurama tried
to continue looking bored and unaffected by the
kitsune's words, but his taloned fingertips dug
into his folded arms and his silver tail lashed
behind him, betraying him.
"I don't care *why* you're here. Just go
away and leave me alone," Kurama said, his voice
cracking slightly remembering his recent loss. "I
don't want to live, there's no reason for me to
live anymore."
The soft fur on the back of Yuurei's neck
fluffed out with his annoyance at Kurama's
complete dismissal. With great force of will the
kitsune didn't scream out and thrash his human
self, that would accomplish nothing. He knew that
every moment he wasted here gave Kurayami more
time to work on Kamen's fragile state of mind.
With a fox's grin that rivaled his youko
persona's evil smirk Yuurei adjusted his strategy.
He had been saving this as a last resort, because
once it was done he would no longer be able to
invade this human body's consciousness. Once he
summoned all his memories, gave them to Kurama to
share, and received Kurama's in return, he had no
say on what those memories would mean to them.
A small part of Yuurei was worried about
this. What if Kurama's feelings for Hiei were
stronger than his feelings for Kamen? What if
after sharing his memories of Kamen and all that
they had felt for each other Kurama still wanted
to die? Yuurei couldn't imagine loving someone
else as much as he loved Kamen, but he also had
never seen someone dying with grief. It was a
chance he had to take.
"All right, Kurama. I'll leave you alone,
but before I can do that we have to be totally
integrated," Yuurei told him as a wooden chest
with gold hinges appeared.
"That contains all the memories I've
accumulated since our separation. You should have
a very similar one for me."
Kurama stared curiously at the small chest
before he placed his hand upon the polished lid.
He started to reply that he didn't know what
Yuurei was talking about when a small black
lacquer box materialized in his empty hand. With a
slightly bewildered look on his face, Kurama
handed the box over to his kitsune side. Youko
Kurama gave a disgusted snort that drew both of
their attentions.
"I'm not going to sit here and watch the two
of you torture each other," the silver youko said
with a hiss as he push away from the non-existent
wall. "I'd rather us die then watch the two of
you moon over them. Just remember, when I resume
control we are *never* falling in love again."
The youko dissolved into the darkness leaving
his two counterparts to stare after him. Stunned
by the bitterness in the youko's voice Yuurei
nervously looked at the tiny black box in front of
him. Whatever was inside would change his life
forever and both of them knew it. As a show of
good faith Yuurei opened his box first, and
immediately wished he hadn't.
The transfer of memories was instantaneous.
Once the box was opened Yuurei had no time to
think before he could remember. He felt his heart
constrict and the tears start to flow before he
could stop them. His whole body ached with
bittersweet longing for the fire demon that no
longer lived. His lungs hurt from the force of
effort it took to not sob his grief out loud.
Now he knew why Kurama was so willing to let
this life slip away from him. The pain was nearly
unbearable, equaling that which he had felt when
Kamen had been lost to him. Now the choice to
live or to die was not so clear to him. Hiei had
been their world, their reason to live in the
Ningenkai and this body. He looked into Kurama's
face for an answer to the pain, but there was
none.
Yuurei felt himself fading back into the
recesses of the mind he shared with Kurama and the
youko, returning to his proper place as a part of
the person known as 'Kurama' personality. As he
started to lose all sense of his unique identity
he thanked the gods that he was not the one forced
to chose between Kamen and Hiei. He hoped that
maybe one day in a future lifetime they could be
together again, but something told him that this
had been their chance and now it was gone.
Kurama watched the kitsune fade from sight
and with trembling hands Kurama pulled the wooden
chest in front of him. He didn't want to open it,
but he knew that if he didn't he would never find
peace. He had seen the look of anguish in
Yuurei's kitsune face as he received the contents
of the lacquer box. For a moment Kurama was glad
to share his grief with someone, even if it was
himself. For those brief moments Yuurei had
realized the scope of his... no, *their* feelings
for Hiei, but behind that shock was something
else.
Kurama had seen surprise and regret. The
surprise he could understand. Even he had been
stunned by the size and force of his feelings for
Hiei. The regret, however, unnerved him.
Wanting this experience to be over quickly,
Kurama opened the chest. The lid opened easily,
moving on well made hinges. Kurama expected some
kind of sudden rush of images and information like
he experienced the first time he and Yuurei had
come together, but nothing happened. Kurama
almost felt betrayed by the lack of response, then
he had the sudden sense that something inside was
calling to him and he had to take it out.
He carefully placed his hand inside and
probed the smooth bottom of the chest and pulled
out the object he knew to be there. At first he
was surprised to see the small mandolin, because
Kamen had accidentally broken it a long time ago,
but then he smiled. He caressed the slender neck,
running his fingers over where she had engraved
her name.
He had 'acquired' the mandolin after Kamen
had heard one of the few minstrels in the Makai
playing in a village fair. For the first time
since he had known her Kamen had actually sat
still for more than thirty seconds. He could
still see the look of astonishment and surprise
when he had given the mandolin to her. It had
been worth the patch of fur he lost off his back
scrambling through the window stealing it from the
minstrel for her.
Kamen had created the most beautiful melodies
from this little stringed instrument after she had
taught herself how to play. Soon she started to
put words to the music and her voice could be
compared to angels. Many nights he had pretended
to be asleep so that he could listen to her sing.
His favorite song was about a man, all in black,
with a heart of fire.
Kurama laid the mandolin down, careful not to
harm it and hurriedly reached back inside. His
fingers searched around until he felt a flat,
slick piece of wood. His face became puzzled as
he tried to reason what it was. It revealed
itself to be a small wooden comb carved out of
black soapwood. Kurama gave a sigh as he turned
the badly fashioned comb in his hands. Kamen had
been five when she made this comb to pull the
burrs from his tangled fur.
It had taken her a week of not so secret late
nights to carve it from the slippery wood. Kamen
had apparently gotten tried of his complaints of
having sticky burrs in his fur and decided to do
something about it.
She had cut herself more than a few times
when the slick wood had slipped from her chubby,
child's hand, but she had been determined to make
it for him. As it turned out, the choice of the
soapwood had been ideal. The burrs and tangles
seemed to slide right out when she used it. The
comb had been her first birthday present to him.
In fact it had been the first one he had ever
received.
Kurama reached back inside the treasure chest
and eagerly anticipated what he would find next.
He fumbled around the bottom, but could find
nothing. He frowned slightly and ran his fingers
along the outside edge. He smiled triumphantly
when he felt a thin piece of fabric hiding there.
He looked at his prize and the smile slipped from
his face.
Dangling from his fingers were two long
ribbons of silk. Each one was the color of golden
wheat, and when they were in Kamen's hair they
could barely be seen. They were the ribbons Kamen
had stolen from the human woman Shiori on the
night that she had come to the Ningenkai to kill
him in his sleep.
Kamen had come that night to take Shuuichi's
life because he had taken hers. It would have
been a fair exchange, but Kamen had realized that
Shuuichi's death would have caused her mother
great pain, so she had taken these ribbons as a
reminder of what she could never have. She had
pulled the scrapes of silk from the nightstand as
the house slept.
Kurama clutched the ribbons in his fist and
damned them for what they represented. They were
a symbol of the pain that he had caused Kamen.
They were a reminder of the secret he had to keep
from her. They were the silk chains that had
bound him against telling her how he had really
felt about her. Every time he had worked up the
courage to tell her he would see those damn
ribbons in her hair and he'd falter.
Again he felt the pull of the chest and the
new object inside. With all his might he tried to
resist, he didn't want to know what else the chest
held for him. Against his will Kurama reached
into the box for the fourth and final time. His
trembling fingers immediately found what he
thought was a bundle of sticks. As he ran his
hand along the perfectly smooth, round shafts he
felt rough steel bite into the soft flesh of his
palm.
Before Kurama had the chance to pull the
object out, the wooden chest disappeared, leaving
him holding a bundle of arrows. He clenched them
so tightly in his hand that the wooden shafts
groaned and creaked under the pressure. Kurama's
hands began to tremble even worse than before when
he realized that they were the same arrows that
had brought Kamen so close to death that one time.
Her blood was still on them, aged to a deep
rust color that stained the gleaming arrow tips a
dull red. He could even see the marks along the
shafts where he had tried to gently pull them out
with his teeth.
They were the arrows she had taken for him.
She had thrown away her life to protect him from
his own foolishness. Up until the moment when she
had turned to him, the stolen dragon whip in her
outstretched hand, arrows sticking out of her tiny
back, he had believed that he could resist the
temptation of falling in love with her. What a
fool he had been.
Kurama tried to swallow around the thick lump
in his throat but he couldn't. There had been so
many times that he had wished to have arms instead
of paws so that he could hold her. He had cursed
himself for not being able to rock her until the
tears and the pain stopped. Kamen had known so
little comfort in her life, even from him, but she
had always been stronger than him in so many ways.
He had been afraid of her, of the feelings he
had for her and those she had for him. He had
known that she loved him more than she should
have. He had known that, despite her young age,
she had decided that he was her heart. He had
thought about pushing her away or finding someone
else for her to become attached to, but the
thought of anyone else touching her drove him
crazy. There just wasn't anyone good enough for
her, including himself.
How could that little youko child have gotten
that close to his guarded heart without him
realizing it? How could someone as willful and
belligerent as Kamen have worked her way so
completely into his soul? A small voice within
gave a laughing reply: 'The same way Hiei did.'
Confusion, deep and brooding, set into
Kurama's mind as he tried to separate Kamen and
Hiei in his feelings. Both of then aroused deep
emotion in him unlike any thing he had felt
before. His feeling ran deeper than love or
friendship. There simply were no words to
describe what he felt for them. He knew that if
either one of them were lost to him that it would
leave a hole in his soul that could never be
repaired or replaced.
He felt all consuming pain now knowing that
Hiei was dead and beyond his reach, but unlike
before when he had been ignorant of Kamen's
influence he knew that he could go on living only
if she was there to help him. Unfortunately
Kurayami was making sure that would never happen.
The thought of losing both of his dearest friends
to that bastard set Kurama's body into motion
almost before his mind was ready.
"Whoa, Kurama! Settle down!" Kuwabara
squawked as he was thrown backwards by Kurama's
sudden movement.
Kurama looked down at his friend sprawled on
the stone floor of the cave and the look of
anguish worry on his face. He tried to give
Kuwabara a grin of apology, but the effort was too
much. Right now Kurama was emotionally drained
and couldn't even think past trying to find Kamen
before it was too late.
"We have to find a way out of here. We have
to find Kamen quickly," Kurama informed his
friends as he made his way to the far wall.
Yuusuke and Kuwabara exchanged a worried
glance, but followed their comrade. Kurama turned
from the wall to give them instructions on how
they would proceeded when he felt a familiar
presence. His eyes reflected the same shock that
Yuusuke and Kuwabara displayed.
Kurama's heart stopped and waited for the
presence to come closer. He knew it was
impossible, he knew that Hiei was dead, but he
could feel the fire demon coming towards them.
All three of them waited in silence for Hiei to
appear, hoping that this wasn't some kind of
illusion.
As the presence got closer the walls and
ceiling that Kurama had previously weakened
started to rumble under the power. Waves of youki
rolled into the room from the other side of the
wall, making them step away. An invisible door
was outlined in a pale gold light.
Kurama suddenly realized that it wasn't Hiei
that he felt coming, but Kamen. As the wall
started to disintegrate Yuusuke and Kuwabara came
forward to flank him on either side. The sense of
doom that had permeated every pore of Kurama's
body was finally realized when the stone barrier
gave way and he could see the look in Kamen's
eyes.
Kurama was struck dumb with awesome power
that radiated from Kamen's changed body. This was
the first time that Kurama had ever seen his
former friend in her natural youko form. Kurama
looked past the beauty of her body and the strong
feeling seeing Kamen like this gave him, and saw
the hate in her emerald eyes. Kamen's whole
presence crackled with it, fueling the waves of
power that oozed from her fingertips.
Kurama felt his hopes of recovering Kamen's
love die. How could he ever get past the lies and
deceptions Kurayami had waived around her? How
could he possibly reach Kamen's tortured heart
when she felt so much hate towards him?
As Kurama slowly approached his one time
partner and friend, all he could think about was
the pain Hiei's death had caused him. He couldn't
possibly lose Kamen to this madman too. He *had*
to get through to her. He *had* to make her
understand, make her see that Kurayami was her
enemy, not him. He had to try, or his life
wouldn't be worth living.
======
end chapter 21