Chapter 21 - No Happily Ever After Here

As they walked into her apartment, Lilly went right for the bar, pouring herself something brown as she scowled at him.

"Lilly please, it's something all my wives have done, hell, everyone has done. Its just a bit of showmanship," he tried to explain to her as he shut the door behind him.

"Oh, so its all fake but you felt like embarrassing me for the fun of it?" she asked, sucking back her drink and pouring herself another one...then sucking that back as well.

He walked over to her and slipped her arms around her waist gently, pulling her back against him warmly. "It's over now, let's just forget that...let's go into the bedroom, you know I can make you feel better," he whispered in her ear, kissing it gently.

Lilly sighed and closed her eyes, "yes, because there's nothing you can't fix with your dick right?" she asked.

Offended, he turned her around and looked down at her. "You're the one who wanted this, you made this deal, you could at least fake being happy. All I ever do girlie, is for you, yet I don't ever get a thank you. I just get fucking yelled at" he said pissed off.

Her eyes went wide and she pulled her away from him, tears started to stream down her face.

"Fake it? You want me to fuckin fake it? I wouldnt have to fake it if you, just for a minute, would actually care about something other than how others perceive you and getting your dick wet all the time!" she yelled.

The both just looked at each other for a moment before Lilly moved to the couch. She started to sob. "You took what should've been a really special day between us and made it into a cheap disgusting show. I wouldn't have to fake shit...because I do infact love you...and I hate myself for having these feelings. Every Time I think I'm seeing the real you...you-you back off! Like god forbid the woman that honestly loves you see's the man you really are," she said between sobs and sniffles. "But if all you want is fake adoration and sex whenever you want it, fine. I can do that and you'll get nothing else from me," she said standing up. "Well? Come on, it's our honeymoon, let's do this thing!" she said and headed into her bedroom.

Hurting deeply and not really sure why, he followed her into her room where she was taking her dress off. Leaving her bra and panties on, she moved to lay on her back...just waiting for him with no excitement in her eyes or anything.

Just looking at her, he moved his shoes and jacket then climbed onto the bed besides her. "Girlie, please, I do lov-think highly of you...and this has been one of very few happy moments I've had in my life," he said in his relaxing baritone, tracing his fingers over her bare stomach.

"I don't doubt you, whenever one can add to their harem, it has to be a good day," she said looking straight up to the ceiling.

"I don't understand Lilly..."

She sat up and looked to him like -seriously?-. "I'll try to explain this to you. I love you Negan and I love you enough to not have any other men in my life. But it's very apparent that showing off is more important to you then loving me. I want to be enough for you. Do you really think when someone loves another person...they want to have to stand in line to get to them? Remember when I made up 'Keith'? Well that is exactly I feel right now. Can you imagine what it would be like for me...spending time with my amazing husband only to have him go to another woman right after our time together?" she asked him, hoping he'd understand.

Negan frowned and looked down to his lap, "I take care of those women Lilly."

"Fuck them! They can fend for themselves. There isn't another you I can run to...and there isn't anyone in this stupid ruined fuckin world I'd accept a ring from," she said so so distressed.

He hated to see her so sad, he reached out and cupped her face which she hated...because she was so drawn in by his touch.

She cried softly, "I just want you...and you alone. If i'm selfish for wanting my husband to myself then so be it. And how long Negan?"

"How long till what?"

"Until you find another pretty woman you feel the 'urge' to protect and marry...and i'm just shuffled down along the line?" She pulled her face away and looked down to her lap, "Please Negan. If you can't love me like a husband should...then just stay away. Stay away until you want to have sex and I'll give you what you want in order to keep my end of the bargain...but otherwise stay away," she said then let out a shuddering breath, "Because it hurts too much to have you around...as a constant reminder of what I can't have," she whimpered, pulling away from him then cried into her hands.

His heartbreaking for her, he got up, put his shoes back on then left her apartment. Simon was outside making sure no one bothered the new couple.

"Hey...why are you out? Need somethin..." Simon started to ask but was cut off.

"I need to talk to someone, come on, I need your point of view on something," he said.

Simon just nodded and followed his friend downstairs and to the backyard where they would be mostly alone (his home was being cleaned) except for the guards but they were on the fences. Negan pulled out 2 nice cigars and lit them both for himself and his friend.

"Thanks, whats going on? She icing you out because you said that may be a problem," Simon mused.

Negan swung Lucille on his shoulder and let the smoke lift from his mouth. "Look..we're gonna talk and I need you to be completely honest. Completely...fucking honest Simon. No yes-man shit..and all this doesn't leave us, got it?" he told him seriously.

Simon nodded, "Of course, I understand."

Negan licked his bottom lip, "So...you know that at one time, not too fuckin long ago, Lilly and I were an item...a serious item."

"I remember," Simon mused wondering where he was going with this.

"We split because she didn't want to be one of my wives...even tho I offered her Lucilles ring and a top position as the head wife."

Simon snorted a bit, "And you thought that would make her happy?"

"Well yeah! Why the fuck not!?"

"She's not like the others Negan. She actually loves you and no one who loves someone...wants to end up having to take turns being with you or be told 'i love you' when you're saying it to 7 other women. Just because everything is in the open...doesn't mean its not cheating," he explained to him.

Negan blinked, "So..I'm cheating on her?" he asked.

"Exactly. Like...dude, she at one point was dying...and you still kept your wives. That's like telling her, 'I care but hang on, it's date night'...imagine being her and having to deal with it, because meanwhile, she's actually in love with you," he told him shaking his head sadly.

"I need my wives..." he excused himself.

"For what man? So other people can see them and go 'whoa look how many wives he has'? Meanwhile they're all dead-eyed, quiet, and show no emotions around you? Negan...everyone can see that, no one is fooled. You know what would be more impressive? To see a wife devoted to you while she fights at your side as your left-hand woman and they would figure out quickly that if -something- happened to you...they would have to deal with Lilly's wrath."

Negan looked up to the sky, "God fuckin damn it...you're making good points. But, I do take care of those women," he said like he had a damned good point.

"Fine, yes you do...but only because you set the price too high for medication. Some of the girls need meds that will keep them from dying but if they got it without problem, they could be a productive member of Sanctuary. If you gave it to them right away, we could most likely assign them to work that we need done...and they'd be happy and healthy to do it. The others...the ones who just can't survive on their own? Why aren't we teaching people here some basic shit? How to handle a gun or how to use a melee weapon," Simon asked.

"It's not my job to make sure they can fight."

"So what...you plan on marrying every single woman who can't take care of herself? It would be a lot easier on our supplies to teach them some basic skills...which means less protection if or when they have to go out to farm or scavenge," he said shaking his head. He couldn't believe just how much he was trying to hold on to his precious concubines. "You wanna rebuild and shit man, but you don't actually want to do any of the micro-managing," he said softly, afraid he had gone to far with his words

Negan looked to him, his hand tightening around Lucille but..he stopped and relaxed. "Cock-sucking damnit...you've actually made some good points," he mused simply.

Simon turned to look at Negan, his cigar in between his fingers, "Okay, what I'm gonna say next will be sort of personal but...it's important so...at least tell me before I 'meet' Lucille, alright?" he asked.

"I told you man, be honest, ya dig?" he reminded him.

Simon took a breath, "You told me when Lucille was in her last stages...you ended your affair. When we all thought Lilly wouldn't survive thru her appendix problems...you didn't do the same. So be real with yourself, do you love her...as much as Lucille?" he asked gently.

Simon panicked inside as Negan moved Lucille..but it was only to set it against his leg. Negan rubbed/stroked his facial hair a bit, "I do. I know I do, hell..I put Lucille's ring on her finger."

"Then why didn't you let your other wives go?" Simon asked sternly.

"You know, for awhile I was really fuckin scared Lilly was gonna end up hating me and just drop me...at least I'd have my wives to run to. When I realized just how much she dug me I started to to realize just hoooooowwww much!" he leaned back "I dug her," he said chuckling and shaking his head. "If this was the old world...my wives? I wouldn't call them after a one-nighter, but Lilly? Shit, I turn into a teenager in love around her."

Simon nodded a bit then looked up to the night sky, "Just tell her you love her man...and let the other wives go. You will never ever have what you and Lilly had...never, with no one else, and especially not with her if you're not willing to do something so damn simple," he told him.

"Simple huh?" Negan asked him with a smirk, putting the cigar in his mouth.

"Real. Fucking. Simple." Simon said, putting his cigar in his mouth as well.

Negan nodded a bit and he clapped his friends shoulder warmly before heading inside without him.