Finally Get it Right Chapter 21, a dawson's creek fanfic

Thanks for the feedback everyone! Once again - if anyone wants to beta - please pm me! Please keep the reviews coming. Even though you may not like me for a while..

"Hello?"

"Hey Pace," Amber said, amazed at how much she'd missed his voice after only a couple of days.

"Amber hey! How was your Christmas?"

"Kinda sucked ass. Yours?"

"About the same."

Silence filled the phone as both attempted to figure out what they wanted to say.

"She knows," Amber said softly.

"Who knows what?"

"She knows about me and Dawson, she knows that you know. She hates me. She hates you. God Pace... I should have been the one to tell her."

Pacey took a deep breath, settling down on his bed. "You didn't tell her?"

"He did. Dawson. He did the honest thing. While I was the schmuck who couldn't tell her the truth."

Pacey shook his head, a dull headache forming.

"Yeah Dawson found out that I was with her that night."

"Oh God, how did that go?"

"Other than the black eye?"

"Oh Pacey!"

"Yeah.." he said awkwardly. He took a deep breath in attempt to compose himself. "So, are you bored to death yet? You feel like catching a movie later?"

"Yeah, that sounds nice."

Dawson looked down at the address he had jotted down on a piece of paper and up again at the mailbox. Her parent's house was exactly what he had expected, one of those large McMansion type houses with a porch that extended the entire length of the front. He pulled into the driveway. Realizing that this was the point of no return, he slowly reaching his index finger out and pressed the doorbell.

"Dawson? What are you doing here?" Amber asked, closing her door behind her as she stepped out onto the porch.

"I don't know," he said softly, wearing a serious look.

"You okay?" Amber asked cautiously.

"I owe you an apology," he said, sitting down on the top step.

She sat down next to him, leaving a large amount of space between her body and his. "Dawson, I'm a big girl. I knew what you were all about."

He smiled as he turned to look at her. "That's actually not what this apology is about. But for what it's worth, I'm sorry if I took advantage of you."

She shrugged her shoulders. "So you're not here about me. You're here about Joey. Is anything ever not about her?"

Dawson smiled slightly. "This isn't about her. It's about you. Well, okay, it's about me telling her about you and I."

She kicked a rock at her feet as she took a deep breath. "Yeah, I know. She already gave me a piece of her mind. She's pretty pissed."

"Honestly Amber, I thought that you'd have told her. I really did."

She met his eyes carefully. "I should have."

She slid a little closer to him. "How are you dealing with everything?"

"You mean the fact that someone I've called my best friend for as long as I can remember has been fucking my girlfriend?"

"I don't think they actually fucked, not that it makes it any easier."

He shook his head sadly. "It's my own damn fault. I pushed the two of them together. I was so busy worrying about her catching my um, indiscretions, I pushed her right into one of her own."

"I liked him you know," Amber said quietly.

"Who? Pacey?"

"Yeah."

There was something in her eyes that betrayed how much she had really cared. Dawson wrapped his arm around her and held her tightly.

"Pacey," Mike Potter said as he opened the door, a frown on his face.

"Hi, Mr. Potter. Can I talk to Joey?"

He shook his head, "She's not here Pacey."

"Can you tell her I dropped by?"

"I don't think so."

Pacey stared at him for a moment, taken aback by his rudeness. Mr. Potter had never liked him, but this was something different. He nodded his head, slowly turning around and walking away. He waited for Mr. Potter to call after him, but he didn't.

"Oh, Jesus."

Amber wiped her eyes and looked up at Pacey, and then at Dawson who had his arm wrapped tight around her.

"Pacey," Dawson said nodding his head with a slight smile on his face.

"You coming to the movie with us?"

Dawson looked over at Amber who nodded her head.

"Great," Pacey muttered.

This was going to be a long winter break.

Pacey cleared his throat as he watched Amber's elbow bump Dawson's for the tenth time. "I'm going to go grab some soda," he said softly. Without waiting for a response, he got out of his seat and headed for the concession stand.

Amber looked over at Dawson, a worried look on her face. "I think he's pissed. I'm going to go talk to him."

Dawson shook his head. "I think this is about me, not you. I'll go."

"Pace, wait up!"

Pacey spun around, his face angry. "Dawson, what the hell is this?"

"I don't know. But listen, my intentions are pure."

"Your intentions are pure? What the fuck does that mean?"

"It means I like the girl."

"And Joey?"

"Listen Pacey, I loved her. I did, and I still do. But, our parents have been planning our wedding since they put us in a crib together. Joey forced me to see a lot of things I'd been trying not to."

"Like her best friend?"

Dawson shook his head, growing frustrated. "You know what Pacey? I'm done with this conversation."

"Me too, Dawson, me too. Tell Amber something came up."

Dawson watched as Pacey walked away, wondering why even when he had the best of intentions, he still managed to fuck up.

"Hey Pacey?"

Pacey looked up as he threw the snow off of his shovel. "Dawson," he said flatly.

"I'm not here to fight. I just… have you talked to Joey?"

Pacey froze at the mention of her name. "Her father made it quite clear she didn't want to talk to me."

"She's apparently not speaking to me either," Dawson admitted carefully.

Pacey looked up at him quizzically.

"So I just went by. To tell her. About me and Amber. And her dad was so fucking weird. He wouldn't let me talk to her. He said if I wanted he would pass a note onto her. A note. What the fuck is that?"

"Has Amber gotten ahold of her?"

Dawson looked up from the loose piece of ice he was kicking. "Nope. No one's talked to her. "

Pacey shrugged his shoulders. "Well if she wanted our help, she'd be talking to us. I don't think it's anything to worry about."

Dawson's eyes tightened. "It's funny Pacey. I thought I was the asshole around here."

Pacey turned his attention back to the snow, not looking up as Dawson walked away. He wanted to defend himself, to tell Dawson exactly why he wasn't an asshole, but he couldn't find the words.

"Hey Amber," Pacey said, casually glancing across the hall towards Joey's room.

"I haven't seen her Pacey. She has to come back some time though. How have you been? Come on in?" Amber opened her door wide and took a step back.

Pacey followed her into the room, his eyes settling on Dawson only after he had entered the room.

"Hey Dawson."

"Have you come to join the great Joey watch?"

Something about Dawson's eyes had changed, become gentler. He watched as Amber comfortably slid her hand into Dawson's. And for the first time that he could remember, he smiled a genuine smile at Dawson.

"Hey Dawson… Mr. Potter is here" Pacey asked, indicating to the man standing outside of Joey's door.

"Mr. Potter," Dawson yelled.

Mr. Potter turned his head and waved slightly at Dawson. "Hey Dawson… Pacey…" he entered the room awkwardly.

"Where's Joey?" Dawson asked, silence blanketing the room.

Mr. Potter took a deep uncomfortable breath. "Joey will not be coming back to school this semester. Pacey, she asked me to pass this letter along to you." He handed Pacey the note, glancing awkwardly at Dawson.

"I'm sure she meant to send you one too Dawson."

"Is she okay?" Dawson asked, his face mirroring the concern of Pacey and Amber.

"She's fine Dawson. I'm going to get her stuff out of here. See you later Dawson."

"Thanks Mr. Potter," Pacey called after him as Mr. Potter shut the door behind him.

"Could he hate me anymore?" Pacey asked, shaking his head.

"Where the fuck is she?" Dawson asked, looking to Pacey for an answer.

"I'm gonna go read this. I'll be back guys."

"Okay," Amber said gently.

Pacey attempted to casually exit the room, his entire body shaking. Where was she?

He sat down on his bed and slowly opened the envelope. He felt his body relaxing at the sight of her familiar writing.

So by now you're back at school. And I'm not there. I'm not quite sure where to begin. I know it might seem like I'm running away. Taking a coward's route, leaving my father and a letter to do the dirty work. But that's not what I'm doing. Or at least It's not what I mean to do.

I'm doing something that I think you've been encouraging me to do this whole last year. I'm trying to find myself. You asked me once if I could find happiness without someone else - and the thought of being alone scared me so much that I went running back to someone I knew wasn't right for me. Because let's face it, despite what our parents say, Dawson and I were never a match made in heaven. I think we were fed that soul mates crap for so long that we didn't know we didn't have to believe it. We're just two dumb kids who stayed in a relationship because we cared about each other. As friends. And I hid behind him, because it was safe. If I'd dared venture out from behind him, I might have had to acknowledge who I was really in love with.

And Pacey, admitting how I feel about you scares the hell out of me. Because you have always scared the hell out of me. It's leaving this safe little cocoon I've created for myself. With Dawson, I was safe. I had control of my feelings. With you, I have no control. When I'm with you, I can't breathe, I can't think, I'm dizzy. I used alcohol to allow me to explore what I was far too scared to do sober. And that wasn't fair to you. But it wasn't a game to me. Ever.

I should have been honest. I should have told you how much I loved you. That I've loved you for years. Since we kissed in that closet. I used to wonder, why you never made a move after that kiss? I thought I made my feelings clear - and so my only assumption was that you weren't interested. You've never really made your feelings clear. There's a million times if you had just once said you wanted to be with me, I would have loved to. I still don't know. My heart tells me that you have feelings, that you and I have something really special, and that your reason for not declaring your feelings has to do with a lack of respect for me.

Because somehow, I've become that girl. That girl who can't live without a boyfriend. That girl who constantly needs someone around her. And I'm done with her.

So I've embarked on a journey of sorts. A journey to be away from Dawson, my dad, you, anyone who had any preconceived notions of who I am.

I know you're mad at me, and I know me leaving without saying goodbye won't do anything to help that. But I'm doing something that I really need to do for me. I don't know if you'll ever be able to forgive me for the terrible person I've been this year, or it you'll want to see me when I return. I just hope that someday, when I do see you again, you look at me, just once, the way you used to.

For what it's worth... I love you

Joey

He found himself frowning as he folded the letter back up, returning it to the envelope it came in. She loved him. He just didn't know what the hell he was supposed to do with that information

"So?" Amber asked.

"So," Pacey said, sitting down on the bed next to her. "It said nothing. It said everything. She says she loves me, but she's gone. So I don't get to do anything with this information."

Amber smiled. "Come on Pacey. You must have known how she felt."

He shrugged his shoulders. "It doesn't really matter anymore anyway. If she wanted to be with me, she would be."

"Because you told her how you feel and asked her to be with you," Amber asked knowingly. "Come on Pacey, you pushed her away time and time again."

"I wanted her to break up with Dawson because he was wrong for her, not because I stepped in. I wanted her to be strong."

"Well what did she say?"

"She said she need to find herself."

"Well that might be the first intelligent thing I've heard her say. So what's wrong with that?"

His eyes met hers. "What if finding herself means finding someone else? She's not so good at this being alone thing."

"Somehow I think you guys will find your way back to each other. She's fine, right? Did she say where the fuck she is?"

"Yes she's fine. And no, she didn't say where the fuck she is… So what's the plan tonight? We partying?"

Amber shrugged, "If that's what you want to do. Are you sure you don't need to talk?"

"Why talk when I can get drunk?"

"So what'd she say?" Dawson asked handing Pacey a beer.

"She's finding herself," Pacey muttered.

Dawson shrugged. "Sounds like a good idea for her."

Pacey sighed, knowing Dawson and Amber were right, but wondering why her finding herself required such secrecy… and not being with him.

He swallowed the beer quickly, and immediately set about finding another.

"Pacey… you sure drinking is what you want to be doing right now?"

"I'm sure, now where the ladies at?"

Amber leaned against Dawson, the two of them watching as Pacey walked confidently away, as if he didn't have a care in the world.

"What's up with him?" Dawson asked looking down at Amber.

"She told him she loves him."

"So he's off looking for ladies why?"

Amber shrugged her shoulders. "Damned if I know."

"Excuse me?"

Pacey turned, smiling as he realized a beautiful blonde was talking to him. "Yes?"

"Where'd you get that beer? Is there a way to get one of those without waiting in line?"

"I suppose I could share with you from my secret stock." He reached into his jacket pocket and withdrew a beer, and a bottle opener. In one fluid motion he removed the cap and passed her the bottle.

"Hmmm. And here I was thinking you were just happy to see me. I'm Christina," she said smiling as she extended her hand to shake his.

"Christina, as in Aguilera? You wanna get dirty?"

Christina giggled. "Always."

The room felt blurry, and her skin felt foreign to the touch as he helped her shed her clothes.

"Pacey… Pacey," she slurred. "That's a funny name."

He forced himself to shove all thoughts of Joey from his mind and he kissed Christina. She pulled him into the bed, tugging his shirt over his head.

He reached over to Dawson's drawer, knowing he would find a supply of condoms.

He removed his pants, the room spinning as he attempted to roll the condom on. Christina leaned over, kissing his neck. Which reminded him of Joey.

He rolled her over so he was on top of her, positioning himself between her legs. He felt himself enter her, but the moment was sensation-less. He felt nothing. She moaned beneath him, "You tease," she growled. He willed his body to go through the motions, it was just sex. Nothing new. But it refused to obey.

He sighed, withdrawing himself from her and rolling over.

"What the fuck?"

"Sorry – I can't do this," he muttered, scared to meet her eyes.

"I've got news for you, you already did it!" She got up from the bed grabbing her shirt and quickly pulling it over her.

"I just… I can't."

"Oh my god, it's my thighs – isn't it?" she asked, her anger subsiding, replaced by something worse. Sorrow.

"No, no. It's not your thighs. It's not you. It's just… there's someone else."

She rolled her eyes. "Well I hope she knows what a prize she's got. And I hope you realize, fucking me for 30 seconds is still cheating. And by the way. Christina Aguilera… worst pick-up line ever."

"Christina, I'm sorry," Pacey said softly, allowing his eyes to meet hers.

"Yeah I bet," she muttered, angrily opening the door.

"Christina?"

"Dawson."

Amber peered her head in around the girl. "You've got to be kidding me."

"In my fucking bed dude?" Dawson asked, shaking his head, as Pacey tied his sneakers.

"Don't worry, if it counts for anything, he can't fuck worth a damn, see ya Dawson."

Pacey stood up, feeling like a disobedient child as he walked over to Dawson and Amber.

Amber's disappointment was written all over her face. "Nice Pacey… really nice."

He hung his head as he exited Dawson's room, not sure if he was relieved or sad that no one chased after him.

Joey glanced at her watch. For a brief moment she thought about calling him. She picked up the receiver, feeling its weight in her hand. What if he was still mad? Or was with someone else? She put the phone back down. Things seemed easier this way.

"Joey, we're leaving. You coming or not?" a voice called up to her.

"I'm coming." She gave the phone one last look, and then ran out of the room.