Hey again! Forget that other chapter I wrote, this one is now the longest I've ever written. I thought about splitting it up into two parts, but I couldn't find the right place to split it up and longer chapters are better anyway, right? We're in the home stretch now, just two more chapters to go after this one. Look for the next chapter to come in Wednesday.

Enjoy!

Chapter 21

Already gone

*

Ten miles from town and I just broke down
Spittin' out smoke on the side of the road
I'm out here alone just tryin' to get home
To tell you I was wrong but you already know
Believe me I won't stop at nothin'
To see you so I've started runnin'

Life after you, Daughtry

He walked slowly, kicking a small rock ahead of him listlessly. He was alone today and that was something unusual for Sam Winchester. Normally, his older brother Dean would be waiting for him outside the school in his beloved Impala and he would drive them to wherever they were staying.

Not today.

He had screwed things up so badly. He would forever be alone now. It was his punishment and that was that. His brother would never be picking him up from school anymore. His dad would no longer have reason to be angry at him. It was better off this way. Maybe they could have a chance at having a normal life now, without him tagging along and attracting every dark thing that side of hell.

He sighed and put his hands in his pockets. He looked every bit the lost puppy he was.

"I can't stay here dad," Dean said suddenly. "I need a break."

"A break?" dad said irrediculously, "From what?"

"Sam."

Dean was right to want to leave Sam; maybe if he had stayed away, he never would have died in the first place. Maybe if the both of them would have stayed away, they would never have had to see how Sam had messed up so badly. Then maybe they wouldn't think so harshly about him the way they did now.

He sighed again. It seemed to be his new habit of late.

All around him, the streets were empty. No cars passed by. The sky didn't even have any clouds in sight. It was so lonely here. He felt so alone. He thought of Dean and how his presence made everything better.

A lone tear fell down his cheek. He smiled bitter sweetly. Even his tear was alone. He shook his head.

Dean could make him believe that everything would be okay even if the devil was staring into their faces. He missed that.

He looked at the ground.

"Are you doing this to punish me?" he asked boldly.

"Everything's about you, is that what you think?!" he shout out angrily, his face mere inches from Sam.

"No, I-"

"It never crossed your mind what it would do to me and Dean did it? You applying for college?" he huffed. "Why do you need all that education, a normal life?" his voice became quieter in a rare show of emotion. "Aren't we enough?"

Up ahead, that sky was starting to darken. Sam shivered in the silence. Alone with sighing, this seemed to be another habit he had picked up in the short time since he had found himself here. He couldn't ever seem to get warm enough. He pulled his coat closer around his body and watched as his breaths turned into small clouds before fading into nothingness.

The more he felt the loneliness and the coldness, the more he missed his family. He never would have thought he would miss his dad so much. Dean yes; but dad? Never in a million years. Funny he would only learn this after the nightmare he had been through the past few weeks. All he had needed was them.

They were enough after all.

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

Grandma looked sideways at Mary.

"Are you sure?" she looked at Dean. "You don't want any more little munchkins around this place?"

Mary laughed and shook her head.

"Dean is more than enough for me," she said fondly. "Me, John, and Dean…"

"Just the three of us," she said, "When we had Dean I knew we were complete…"

Lying on top off the covers, he curled up and turned toward the window, gazing at the cloudy sky in the fading light.

He had never met his grandma or grandpa. The only other family they had known was Bobby and Pastor Jim. They had become family when his mother had died.

Because of him.

In the Dream, if his mom had been happy with just Dean, then why had she had him? Did that mean that he was an accident?

He lay on top of the covers thinking these thoughts until the sky was dark and the only light coming through the shades was the dim light of an old street light.

Warm arms turned her around to face the man she loved.

"I love you Mary," he whispered pulling her in for a tender embrace.

"I love you too, John Winchester," Mary said into his chest.

Minutes passed as the pair stayed in their loving embrace. Nothing could have made the moment more perfect.

All was dark in small motel room. Only the faint light of a street lamp shining through the falling snow graced the room. Sam lay in a tight ball, the covers wrapped tight around him. It was as he was trying to use the blankets as a barrier against the images that were constantly playing in his mind.

His eyes were wide open, staring straight out the window and at the faint light that lay beyond. He couldn't sleep, not that he wanted to.

Was he in hell?

Was that why all these memories kept playing in his mind?

He sighed. Hell was where he belonged. With everything he had done, the people he had hurt, the demons he had enabled, he shouldn't have been so surprised at the thought of going to hell.

"This is the most awesomest birthday party ever!" the girl exclaimed.

Dean nodded his head vigorously.

"My mom is so cool!" Dean said, looking toward the back sliding door where he knew his mom would be watching.

"You got that right," the girl agreed.

Dean raised a gloved hand. Gracie raised hers too. They high fived each other and got back to work.

The memory shifted.

"My little football player," she cooed.

Dean smiled and pushed her away playfully.

"Little?" he said teasingly. "I'm taller than you!"

"Come here son," John said opening his arms wide.

"I'm proud of you," he said as he hugged him tight and let him go.

It was the sound of the school bell ringing that woke Sam from his memories. He looked around himself surprised. Dawning shown from his eyes as he remembered how he had left the school building at lunch time that day and had sat here meaning to close his eyes for just a few minutes. This had been weeks ago back to a time when all he had to worry about was if Dean and Dad would be coming back soon.

He put his head in his hands. Was this all he to look forward to for the rest of eternity? Living through all his mistakes again and again?

"I know it's not much," Dean said sheepishly. Gracie shook her head, her blonde waves falling over her shoulder.

"It's more than enough Dean," She said putting her hand out.

"So I take it that's a yes?" he asked tipping his head toward her hand.

Gracie rolled her eyes.

"Just put it on my finger already," she said good naturedly.

Nearly a month to the day, the happy couple were wedded in the back yard of the white two story house with the white picket fence. It was a day remembered by all as the day that a great love was cemented in the stars.

Dean could only watch confused as the scenes played out on front of him. He was but a passenger right now; a person sitting in a movie theater watching a sick horror film. Everything he was seeing was breaking his heart. The way Sam radiated loneliness and utter helplessness penetrated his very being. He had never thought that Sam would have been so depressed during this time, but what had he expected? That Sam would just watch TV and do his homework to pass by the time, unhurt by everything that had happened when he and dad had left and after the weeks of neglect?

What really confused him though were the memories that he had seen about himself and their parents. They hadn't happened. They weren't real. Why would Sam be seeing things that hadn't happened? He could tell that the memories were a major cause of Sam's depression and possibly what had helped in pushing him over the edge. Where had they come from?

******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************How strange that one event could have the power to change so much.

Dean would never have what Sam had seen. That dream had died the day he was born, forever changing his family's life and not for the better. He was a curse to the family. How would he ever be able to make up for all the bad he had caused?

The answer was that he could only make things worse. The past few weeks were testament to that.

Just as he had taken a few steps forward he heard the sounds of a vehicle approaching behind him. Glancing back he saw the driver swerve into the oncoming lane before regaining control. Judging by how fast the vehicle was approaching, the driver was speeding.

Just as he processed that thought, the car was in plain view and swerving toward him. There was nothing he could do but raise his hands to his face to shield his eyes from the bright headlights before he felt the impact of a brick wall, then the sensation of flying, and lastly the darkness of oblivion.

The next thing he knew Sam was reaching out to flip on a light switch. When the light flooded the room, the sight before him completely changed. The bed was covered in red. On the wall behind the bed, blood was splattered all over. Lying on the bed was a horribly mutilated body. It was the woman who had given him a ride and a place to stay in Spokane. She had been more than kind to him, more than he had deserved.

On the other side of the bed, was the long knife he had used to kill the woman. The scene before him changed again.

He was in another room, standing in front of another bed. Another woman's blood soaked the sheets she lay on.

He shook his head as the familiar tears made their way down his face. If only he hadn't been so easy to manipulate, so weak, then maybe these women would still be alive. If only he had been the son his father wanted, if only he had been like Dean. Dean would never have let the demon get the drop on him.

Dean next found himself in a dark park. In front of him, Sam sat on the ground rocking back and forth, his knees pulled in close to chest, arms wrapped securely around them. Sam was humming slightly. Through the dim light provided by a nearby street light, Dean could see Sam's breath form little white clouds as he exhaled.

In the shadows, Dean watched as a tall man shrouded in shadows approached them. He sat frozen as the man walked up to his spot. Suddenly the man pulled out a flashlight and shined it in Sam's face. Sam raised his hand to block the light.

"There you are," a gruff voice spoke. "You little ingrate."

Dean knew that voice. He didn't dare hope that he was wrong. Hope seemed to be something that was so out of reach right now.

"You probably thought that killing those women would impress me and make me take you back," the voice spat into Sam's face. "You are anything but a Winchester."

"I'm sorry."

Dean looked at the man, his face scrunched up in anger. With the way they had been acting toward Sam in the weeks leading up to this and with everything that he had seen Sam go through in their absence, Dean couldn't, no matter how hard it was, fault Sam for believing the demon so easily. It still made him angry though. Sam should never have been so easy for the picking in the first place. It was his fault.

"You should be Sam," the man said. Sam took in the face before him as if trying to memorize every detail. "Because of you, my wife, your mother, died. You took her away from us. If you had never existed then me and your brother would have had a better life."

He couldn't let this go on. He had to be able to reach Sam some way. After all he had to convince him to come back. Surely this wasn't just a one way road, with him watching and Sam reliving everything.

"Don't believe him Sammy," Dean pleaded. Sam seemed to pause for a moment before speaking.

"That's not true," he said forlornly.

"I see it in your eyes," the man said. "You know it's true."

Dean could only sigh as he watched Sam visibly deflate; what light was left in his eyes fading away.

"You can't give up Sam."

Sam sat with his back against the wall. He was back in his room in warehouse. The small fridge and the two ominous doors were just as he had left them. How much more of this could he take before he went mad; all these memories and no rest?

You can't give up Sam.

He had heard those words when he had been reliving the memory when he had first seen his "father" in the park. The voice had sounded like Dean. But that wasn't possible. If Dean was somehow here with him, then that meant he was dead too. He couldn't let himself think that.

Dean was alive; he had made sure of that.

But why those words and why now? There wasn't any hope for him anymore, not after everything he had done. What could he possibly hope for anyway?

With murmur the crowd suddenly parted. From within the crowd, two people emerged carrying a struggling man. His face was concealed by the shadows of the hood of his hoody that he was wearing over his head. With a barely seen movement of the hand, one of the people holding the struggling man pulled the hood off the man's head roughly. The man looked around the room.

Dean's eyes went wide when he saw himself in the crowd. He did not remember anything like this happing. He could only think that this wasn't him. But if it wasn't him, then how had the demon managed to get a hold of a complete look alike?

"You have to shoot this man," the old man said coldly.

Dean watched as Sam looked at the gun in his hand and then at the man in the crowd. He couldn't tell what Sam was thinking.

"I can't," Sam mumbled.

"What was that?" the old man asked harshly.

"Traitor!" Dean shouted.

Dean had half a mind to tell himself to shut up, but he knew it wouldn't do any good. Sam didn't seem to be able to hear him. So why would he expect his imposter to? Sam looked up from the gun. The other Dean now was looking at Sam with hate in his eyes. Dean growled at the man. Ever since he woke up in hospital and found out that Sam was gone, he had never once hated Sam or thought of him as a traitor. Sure he had his doubts, but deep down, he knew better. He knew Sammy even better than Sam knew himself.

"Why are you here Sam?" Dean yelled out. "Why are you with these demons?"

Dean watched as Sam started to shake. It seemed as if Sam was buried in a multitude of thoughts and feelings that he was struggling to control. Dean walked over to Sam and put a hand on his shoulder. It only went through thin air. However, it seemed to garner a reaction as Sam turned in his direction.

"Did you kill all those innocent people?" the other Dean pushed further. "Did you do it because of me and dad?"

"Sam," Dean said. "Don't cry."

He hated seeing Sam so vulnerable. It always broke his heart.

"Stop," Sam begged, "Please stop."

"Why did you abandon us for them," the other Dean said, hurt lacing his voice. He pointed at the old man. "Why did you run away to him?"

"Don't listen to him!" Dean shouted.

Suddenly a gunshot ran out.

All was quiet in the room, then…

"Why Sam?" the other Dean said brokenly. The people holding him let him drop to the ground.

Dean was horrified as he watched Sam stare in shock at the growing blood stain on the other Dean's chest. Sam looked at the Gun that he was now holding in his hands, his finger still on the trigger. Sam let it drop to the ground. Dean could tell that Sam was horrified as well even more so. How could someone even think of putting some else through something like this? He almost wished that the demon was still alive just so he could kill it all over again.

The people started leaving the room.

Sam rushed to Dean's side.

"Dean!" he said, shaking his brother shoulders.

Weakly the other Dean turned his head to Sam.

"Go to Hell," he spat.

"You go to hell!" Dean yelled viciously at the imposter.

Sam seemed to pause for moment. He turned around.

"Did you hear me Sammy?" Dean asked hopefully.

Sam only shook his head as if telling himself that he was crazy and turned back to the dead Dean.

It was too late for apologies. Dean had already faded away, he eyes staring at nothing.

"Oh Dean!" Sam cried mournfully into Dean's unmoving chest.

Sam was in darkness once more. He was back in the warehouse once again.

"Sammy?"

Sam gasped as he heard the faint whisper in the silence that drowned him.

"Who's there?"

"Sammy can you hear me?"

He was too afraid to speak any further, too afraid of what the voice would tell him.

In the darkness, Dean struggled to communicate with Sam. He knew Sam was there and he knew Sam had heard him. The gasp had given him away. After Sam had called out in response, he had spoken out again, but this time there was only silence. The scene before him changed before he could try anything more.

"Ever wonder about why I killed your mother?" the demon asked "I know you have."

Dean's ears perked up. He had always wondered though he never voiced his questions out loud. It was just something that they all did. Talking about mom was off limits.

"She didn't have to die that night," the demon informed him. "She knew that I would be coming, I told her not to interrupt, but what did she do? She tried to stop me. We had a deal. She broke it, so she had to die."

Sam shook his head viciously.

"She wouldn't ever deal with the likes of you!" he shot back.

'That a boy!' Dean thought. Their mother was no hunter, at least as far as he knew.

The demon only tutted.

"Ah, but how would you know?" the demon taunted, "You never knew the woman. She was quite the hunter in her own right, feisty."

Sam's eyes widened as his mother's background in hunting was revealed.

Dean's mouth dropped open. His mother a hunter?

"When I broke your father's neck, she was only too willing to deal with me," the demon revealed. "You should be thanking me that your father lived. Without me, you and your dear brother would never have been born."

Dean shook his head. The demon was lying, he had to be. But then again, their dad had always told him that demons always based their lies on some sort of truth. It was why they were so tricky to deal with.

"You're lying," Sam said finally.

The demon leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.

"Why would I come up with such a tale?" the demon said with a self satisfied smile. "I knew that any child that that woman would have would be special."

This was just too weird and he only felt that it would get much worse before the demon was through with his little revelation fest.

"Why do you need me so much?" Sam countered.

The demon lifted the corner of his mouth up in a small smile.

"That is for me to know and you to find out…if you can" the demon said, enjoying how much his words were frustrating the boy in front of him.

'Typical demon response,' Dean thought

"I won't do it," Sam said resolutely. "Whatever it is you need me for, I won't do it."

Dean had to smile. Sam was still Sam, stubborn to the core.

"You're so sure are you?" the demon started laughing. "Did you ever wonder why your dad seemed to treat you so differently from your brother?"

Dean frowned. He knew this a sore spot for Sam. As much as he wanted to deny, he knew he couldn't. His dad did treat them differently. In the past few weeks this had never been more obvious.

"Sorry, did I hit a sore subject there?" the demon laughed again. "You're father knew you were different, tainted."

Dean shook his head. His dad had kept so much secret from them; who knew what else he was keeping from them.

"You know I speak the truth," the demon said. "You always knew you were different from the other kids, from your brother."

"You want to know what I did to you that night in the nursery?" the demon said leaning forward. "You want to know why bad things always seem to happen to you and your family?"

Dean narrowed his eyes. Was there more to the Winchester luck than just bad luck?

"I fed you my blood that night," the demon said proudly. "My blood flows through your veins Sam, demon blood."

A look of revulsion came over Dean's face. So many thoughts came to Dean all begging for attention and overwhelming him. This was huge!

"I marked you as my own that night," the demon continued. "You can never escape me; I will always be able to find you and I will make you do my bidding."

"You are mine."

Sam took in the fresh air with a smile. It felt strange to smile after everything that had happened the last few weeks, but he was beyond caring anymore. He would smile while he could, even if it felt all wrong.

"Sammy?"

Sam looked all around himself for the source of the voice. It was much louder than the last time he had heard it, almost as if whoever was speaking was standing right behind him. However, he was as alone as ever. No one was there.

"I'm right here Sam," the voice spoke again.

This time it came from right beside him. He waved his hands through the air there, and found it to be empty. Where was this voice coming from?

"You have to come back," the voice spoke.

Back where?

"Back to me and dad," the voice answered.

Great, now the voice seemed to be able to read minds.

"Who are you?" Sam asked forcefully, eyeing the air around him suspiciously.

"How thick can you be?" the voice spoke again.

Sam frowned. There was no way.

"Dean?" he asked.

There was no reply. The scene in front of him changed abruptly.

Pulling him around a large tree that helped to hide him from the view of the other people at the park, Ruby pulled a large knife from under her jacket. It had a wooden handle and a jagged edge. She looked up at him seriously.

Sam could only stare at the knife that he would later use to kill the girl in front of him.

"Now, you don't really need this Sam," she said. "But it's only until you figure out your powers."

How could he have done something so vile as to drink demon blood? What had he been thinking?

Ruby pulled up her sleeves and dragged the edge of the blade across her arm, blood seeping out of the cut left in its wake. She offered her arm to Sam.

Staring at the blood on her arm made him sick. It made him hate himself even more. When he was a baby, he had not had a choice in the mater, but this? He had drank willingly, he had condemned himself fully, and in his stupidity dammed himself to this hell he was living right now where he had to relive every mistake he had made, see every person he had hurt, and hear voices that sounded suspiciously like his brother.

His father had been right. He was weak and selfish and now he was paying for it. It served him right.

If he was any other person, he would have given up as soon as he saw Sam kill the first demon. But he wasn't just anyone. He had stuck through it, through the second death and the third and all the torture that was involved. That Ruby chick was one sick person for suggesting the things she did but Sam wasn't any better for doing as she said.

It was all very interesting though. His brother had super powers. In another time this would have been the coolest thing to happen to them. But with the way Sam had gotten those powers, it wasn't nearly as cool as it was terrifying.

Watching Sam struggle to exorcise and kill the demons, with all the headaches and nose bleeds, made Dean want to rush over and stop him from hurting himself any further, but his influence in this place was limited as he was finding out. The last time he had tried talking to Sam had been better than before, but right he was about to make a break through, his ability to communicate had vanished.

On the sidelines, Ruby cheered Sam on.

"Kill this one Sam," Ruby said eagerly.

Sam smiled evilly and concentrated. The demon struggled but a quick hand motion froze the demon in place.

It was all too much like the night in the graveyard for Dean.

The act of actually killing a demon proved to be much harder than he had anticipated. Soon he was sweating and he could feel his nose dripping blood. Maybe he just wasn't strong enough to kill a demon yet?

Dean saw the determination in his brother's eyes as a fire seemed to light behind them.

Suddenly the demon let out a pitiful scream. An unearthly light started to flash beneath the skin of the demon, before it raised his head toward the sky in a final scream. It slumped to the ground slowly, dead just moments later.

Sam stumbled over toward the bed before collapsing into it. That demon had taken a lot out of him.

"Oh Sam," Dean said shaking his head.

Suddenly, the door opened and the lights came on. Ruby came into the room. She had a smile on her face.

"Hi Sam," she greeted.

She shouldn't have been so happy to see him. This was the day he had found out about her true loyalties and had first thought of killing her.

"I'm really sorry for this Ruby," Sam said.

Ruby looked at him confused, her smile slightly diming.

"I have to know," Sam said standing up.

He raised his hand. Before Ruby could protest, she was thrown backwards and pinned to the wall. Ruby's eyes spoke volumes about the fear she was feeling at this unexpected turn of events.

He saw a quaint village. People roamed freely, mingling in the streets. It was a happy picture of a different time.

The image changed as a scream rent the air. Cries of death range through the air from different houses.

Funerals took place just outside of town.

A child drifted off in death.

A woman cried.

Black eyes flashed.

Another pair of eyes opened surprised to be awake once more.

Yellow eyes flashed.

A fire burned.

A baby cried out.

A woman screamed.

Sam screamed.

"Stop!" he pleaded. He couldn't take this anymore. Memories were flashing front of him, memories from other people, from Ruby, from the yellow eyed demon, all mixing together. He had seen so much and now he was being overwhelmed by it.

"Please stop," Sam begged, praying that whoever ruled this hell would be kind enough to stop this torture at least this one time.

"You're only sorry that you don't control me any longer!" he screamed. "Why should you feel so guilty otherwise?!"

He shook his head, tears forming in his eyes.

Dean had to break through to Sam. He didn't know how much more of this he could watch. How it must feel for Sam to see this. He didn't want to Sam to suffer like this for the rest of eternity.

"You never cared back when it mattered," he shouted. "You turned your back on me and now you're sorry?!"

He kicked out at the car.

"You have no right!" he screamed for all to hear.

The scene fast forwarded.

Sam was standing over Daniel. With one last look around him, Sam pulled out his gun and aimed it at the hapless hunter. Firing the gun and hitting his target, he kicked the man aside and got into the car.

As Dean watched him drive away once more, he could only hope that he would find some way to get through to Sam before he was taken from this place. His mother never said how long he had, but he had to figure that he didn't have eternity to save his brother.

Next thing he knew, he was back in the graveyard.

"You seem to have the foolish notion that I can be saved," Sam said.

Dean took a deep breath.

"You can be saved Sammy," he replied. "Just come back with me."

"It's not possible," Sam said. "After everything I've done, the people I've killed, the abilities I have…"

Sam trailed off.

"Knowing this, are you so sure that I would want to be saved?" Sam asked.

Watching this all play out, all he could do was stare at Dean and wish that things hadn't happened the way they did. He missed his brother more than anything, but even more so, he felt he didn't deserve him. The two feelings fought in his mind for dominance as he took in the sight of his brother.

"Sam," Dean said. "This is your chance to right the wrongs you made. How many get a second chance like this? Would you be so stubborn to turn this away?"

Sam looked at Dean strangely. This wasn't how it had gone down before. Dean hadn't said that. What was going on?

"Don't give up yet Sam," Dean pleaded.

Sam though of how he had heard Dean speak to him before. Could it be? Was Dean trying to reach him? Was what he was telling him the truth? Did he really have a second chance?

But then again, who was he to deserve a second chance. The guilt that ate away at him, crushed the newly risen hope, forcing him to see reality. This was it for him. There was no hope for him.

"Goodbye Dean," he said finally.

Sam was really messed up as if he didn't know that already. If he couldn't reach him then who could? What could he do to make Sam see; to convince Sam that he was worthy of a second chance? He was at least reaching him now, though he wasn't sure if Sam was really aware that he was really here.

The scene changed and he found himself standing over Sam, a gun held in his hands pointed at the ground before him.

"Maybe you'll get it right this time," Sam taunted. "I guess seeing your little brother open a gate to hell is just too much to take, huh Dean?" the demon taunted. Dean felt his finger put pressure on the trigger. The sky above them flashed with light again. In the brief moment, Dean had looked at Sam. Maybe it was just the light, but Sam had suddenly seemed so pale.

"Shoot me Dean," Sam said.

"I'm not here to shoot you Sam," Dean said. "I'm here to take you back."

"All this time you have been playing me haven't you?" he accused. "The woman who gave me a ride, the police officers wife, Dean? All of it, just to get me to open these doors?"

Dean looked to the sky in annoyance. Every time he started, he was interrupted. Was Sam trying to make this more difficult than it already was?

"All that and so much more Sam," the demon said. "I've been playing you like a fiddle, but only because you asked for it."

Sam couldn't believe the demon.

"Who would ask for such a thing?" Sam asked indignantly.

The demon laughed.

"You asked for it by being so weak, by leaving yourself wide open to me," the demon said. "You were so hard to get to because of your family, but when they left you alone that weekend, all I had to do was send you a few dreams and you were mine."

Dean had it. He marched up to Sam and grabbed his shoulders. Surprisingly, he was able to grasp him rather than go right through him. Shaking him Dean struggled to get some sort of response from his brother.

"Sam, don't listen to him," Dean said. "You're not weak; you're one of the strongest people I know."

"Dean?" Sam questioned finally seeing him for what he was.

Sam was losing fast. His strength was failing him. He had used up too much of his energy on searching the demon's mind and little things like throwing people around and freezing them. That and that the opening of the tomb doors had all combined to drain him. Now he was only barely able to keep the demon frozen in place.

Suddenly a shot rent the air. He couldn't afford to see who was hit if anyone. All he knew was that it hadn't hit him. He had to concentrate. Hopefully someone would have the presence of mind to get the gun from the demon.

He knew he wouldn't last much longer.

"I knew you weren't bad Sammy," Dean said slurring his words.

What was going on? Dean had just been shaking his shoulders, now he was lying in front of him, bleeding his heart out, on death's door step, again.

"You're hurt," Sam stated, a tear falling down his cheek at Dean's words.

Dean only smiled.

"Just a surface wound," he said. He could feel Dean fading away.

"You were just-" he couldn't think of what to say. He was just so confused and lost.

"Why did you kill Dean?" he asked. "You promised."

"I never promised to not kill him, I only said I wouldn't hurt him, those are two different things," Ruby said.

He didn't think he would be able to get used to the way thing just up and changed so suddenly here.

"Do you think that your mother would have been happy with you joining sides with demons, murdering people, and opening the gates of hell?" Ruby countered. Sam was slipping in his ability to paralyze her.

Her words hit their mark once again as Sam recoiled at the thought. What would his mother think of him now? He was glad he would never know. It hurt too much to think of how disappointed she must be right now where ever she was.

With a fierce growl he plunged the knife into her stomach and watched with satisfaction as she looked at him in great pain, convulsing, as she lit up from within, before collapsing to the ground to the ground dead.

Sam stared at Ruby's dead body then looked up to the sky. All was dark, the lightened flashed, the rain fell, but he didn't feel any of it. He was numb. Living through this once was more than enough for him, but to have to live through it again? What would happen now; was this how he would really spend eternity; living this over and over again?

"You're nobody. You have no identity."

"What?" George Bailey asked in disbelief.

"Zuzu's petals. You've been given a great gift, George. A chance to see what the world would be like without you…"

Sam could only hope that where ever Dean was that he was ok and living his life to the fullest now that he, Sam, wasn't there to hinder him in the least.

"How can you think that?" a voice said from behind.

Sam turned. It was Dean, and he was standing there, no shot to the chest, alive and from the looks of it pretty angry.

"How can I not?" Sam countered. He would humor this apparition.

"You expect me to just carry on like there's' nothing wrong?" Dean questioned. "I lived for you Sam."

Sam frowned.

"It sure didn't seem that way before you left," Sam said.

Dean seemed to pause before replying. He walked up to Sam and put his hands on Sam shoulders.

"I know Sam, I know and I'm sorry for that," Dean said sincerely. "I was wrong."

Sam raised his eyebrows. Who was this and what did they do with Dean? Dean never said he was wrong; at least not so directly.

"Are you, am I-" Sam shook his head. "What's going on here?"

Dean took his hands off Sam's shoulder.

"You're not supposed to be here,' Sam said taking a step backward. "If you're here then that means it didn't work-"

Dean stepped forward again.

"It did work Sam," Dean said. "I woke up as if nothing happened to me and you…"

Dean couldn't speak for a moment.

"You were…gone."

Sam forced himself to look into his brother's eyes, even though he wanted nothing more than to turn away. The pain in them was too much for any one person to bear, but bear it Dean did.

"It's better this way," Sam said sadly.

If Dean had seen everything he had gone through, if he had seen his memories, then surely Dean couldn't still believe he was worth saving. If anything, Dean should be high tailing it out of where ever they were and getting back to his life. Sam had given him a gift, and he only hoped that Dean would take advantage of it.

"You're wrong Sam," Dean said. "You're absolutely wrong."

"How can you say that?" Sam said breaking down. "You saw, you saw what I did."

"And I can't blame you," Dean said. "Sure it was horrible and terrifying, but under the circumstances…I don't think I would have made it through the way you did," Dean said. "You're so much stronger than me."

Sam shook his head.

"You would have died before hurting those women," Sam said. "You would have spit in Azazel's face and let him kill you before you sold your soul."

Sam fell to his knees.

"You never would have killed me, no matter what it looked like."

It was the scene in Sam's nursery all over again. He went on his knees in front of Sam and took him in his arms.

"What happened, happened," Dean said. "You have a chance to make up for it, take it. Come back with me."

"What's the point?" Sam asked.

Dean pulled away from Sam.

"The point?" he asked. "I need you, and the world needs you."

"I suppose it would have been better if I'd never been born at all," George said looking away from Clarence.

"What'd you say?' Clarence asked almost fearfully.

"I wish I never been born!" George shouted.

"Sam!" Dean said shaking him. "Snap out of it!"

Sam blinked.

"Why?" he asked. "Why me; why a second chance? There are so many people out there who are more worthy than me and deserve it so much more."

Dean shook his head sadly.

"And you think your selfish," Dean said. "What you did for me, the whole giving up your life thing, it got the attention of people higher up."

Sam frowned.

"They sent me to you to help you come back," Dean explained.

Sam looked at the ground and thought for a while.

"What would I gain by going back?" he asked forlornly.

Dean seemed to hesitate and when he finally spoke his voice hitched.

"Your family, your life," he said. "The chance to save people."

Sam shook his head and looked up at Dean.

"It would only be another chance to mess up," Sam said. "I opened the gates to hell Dean, if I go back who knows what I would do."

"Sam-" Dean started.

"No Dean," Sam said standing up and pushing Dean away. "I can't do that. This," he motioned all around him. "It's better than taking the chance that I might do something worse. I deserve this."

Dean stayed where he was sitting brokenly on the ground.

"You can't expect me to leave here without you," he said. "Don't ask me to do that."

Sam took a deep breath, sorry for what he was about to do.

"I love you more than you will ever know, but I cannot go back to a world that is better off without me."

"Sam no-" Dean said.

Sam interrupted.

"It's my choice and my mind," Sam said. He didn't know if this would work, but he had to try. He didn't want Dean to be trapped here any longer. Dean needed to live his life and he needed to live it without him. Dean would understand someday. He had to. "I don't want you here anymore Dean. Go back to dad."

Dean stood up.

"No Sam," he said a sudden defiance creeping into his voice. "I'm not leaving without you."

A tear fell down his cheek. He hoped Dean didn't see. This was hard enough as it was. He shook his head.

"This is it Dean," he smiled sadly. "Goodbye Dean. Don't miss me, I'm not worth it."

"No!" Dean pleaded.

Sam shut his eyes against the pain in his brother's voice and willed him to be sent back to dad. Minutes passed in silence. When he opened his eyes, he found that he was alone once more. More tears started falling down his cheeks as he let himself fall to his knees. Soon he was a sobbing mess.

He really was alone now.

"Not quite so, Sammy boy," a voice echoed in his mind.

Sam's head snapped up and searched the area all around him, but he didn't see anyone else. The harder he looked the more panicked he became. He knew that voice. But he was dead.

Wasn't he?