A/N: From here on the story is a bit 'AU' I think. The Morgana in the series has turned evil, but in this story Morgana comes to another decision, at least partly. I pondered whether I should alter my planned story line, to make it more compatible with the developments in the series but then I decided against it. I hope you'll like it anyway.

Please R&R

21. A price to pay

Morgana turned away from her sister to hide her chagrin. Her anger turned away from Morgause and to herself when she felt tears stinging in her eyes – again.

Tears of disappointment; tears of remorse; tears of longing – she could have thought of some other reasons for those burning eyes of hers and they all would have been applicable.

The times in which Morgause had been a heaven sent, a possibility to break free from a life in Camelot that had seemed to be a lie, an illusion as well as a death trap – those times had soon passed. However, her sister still had had something to offer to her. At first Morgause's training lessons had done wonders for Morgana's magic abilities, had given them purpose, focus and a new sense of direction. But finally, even this had faded away. Today Morgana preferred to train and exercise on her own.

To say that Morgause despised her sister's self-reliance and her independence of will would have been a gross understatement. The sorceress, brought up under the strict, hierarchical training regime of the Blessed Isle, had no more understanding for Morgana's quest for liberty than Uther had had.

It had been a bleak day indeed when Morgana had first realized that, while her hatred against the King hadn't diminished at all, her desire to be reunited with the others in Camelot was painfully strong. Gwen, Gaius, Leon, and most of all, surprisingly, incredulously, Arthur - from this day it had been a small step to understand that her bond with them was stronger than everything that tied her to her sister.

In the beginning Morgana had tried to explain her feelings to Morgause, however she had had to realize that, when it came to jealousy and ego-centrism, the difference between her sister and her former guardian was somewhat difficult to identify. In the end Gorlois' eldest daughter had played the last card she had had up her sleeve. Arthur was her brother. End of story.

The aim had been to tie Morgana closer to her sister. The outcome had been an alienation that had pushed Uther's former ward into a gruesome solitude which almost suffocated her. Morgause didn't even notice. Empathy wasn't exactly her forte.

When she had awoken from her first dream of Merlin, Morgana hadn't even thought about telling Morgause that her heart also longed for the young warlock who had tried to kill her. Since that moment Morgana's thoughts and her longings had been hers and hers alone. Morgause would never learn that her younger sister was almost dying of homesickness.

"Morgana, don't you hear me?" Morgause's anger was hard to miss. "I said there's a big chance for us in Maddox' plan. Tintagel is a strong power base from which we could easily take on Camelot."

"I heard you the first time you said that. It doesn't become more agreeable by the repetition" Morgana replied acidly. "Aren't you forgetting something? Your new Druid friend plans to get rid of Yvain Pendragon, that doesn't exactly open your way to Camelot's throne."

"Any road, Tintagel is our lawful heritage…" Morgause began a heated retort but Morgana interrupted her brusquely. Her skirts whirled around her ankles when she turned towards the door. "I do not see why you should waste your time on explaining your little conspiracies to me at all. They bore me to death, as you well know. I have to look after Gaius, he almost died on his feet when he and Maddox first came here."

"Frankly, I do not understand why Maddox troubled himself with the bag of old bones in the first place" Morgause snorted derisively.

"You may recall that your new Druid friend had tried to find you many times in the past. If it hadn't been for me and my wish to speak to Gaius when they passed us by, you'd never have shown your face to him. Maddox knew that without Gaius' help he'd never find you. And as a result the old man almost perished from exhaustion while the Druid dragged him along."

"Your concern for the healer is touching, Morgana. If only he had shown as much to you when you needed his help."

"Oh, but he did. If it hadn't been for him Uther had killed me years ago and you would not be forced to bother yourself with me. Now there's a thought."

"Morgana, wait. Wait, I tell you!" But Morgause yelled in vain at her sister's back. Morgana left the room and she had no intention to go back there any time soon. So she missed all the interesting negotiations between her sister and Maddox that were to follow. However, Uther's former ward didn't care at all about that. She preferred Gaius' company above that of her sister any day.

He did not realize it but the old healer's tales about the other people in Camelot comforted Morgana tremendously. Things came to a point where Morgana avoided Morgause altogether. When Morgana wasn't with Gaius, she spent her time outside the mansion, mostly on horseback. Or practicing her magic in secret.

One day she came back from one of her prolonged outings and searched for Gaius. She found him finally, on one of the balconies which overlooked the surroundings of Morgause's place.

"Are you going anywhere, Gaius? You look as if you had dressed up for a journey."

"Indeed I am" the physician replied. "Apparently Maddox and the Lady Morgause have come to an agreement. I was told we are leaving for Eire in the morning."

"I bet you'll be the only one who will be of any use to Arthur. The others could as well jump in the lake." She looked at him and saw him smile in his forgiving way. He for one had never chastised her for her hot temper. "I'll miss you, Gaius. I'll miss you terribly. It was so good to have you here."

"I take it this means you're not coming with us" Gaius said.

She sensed his disappointment and bit her lip. "I am not interested anymore in watching Uther suffer, at least not if Arthur has to pay the price for it. Or Gwen. Or Leon or any of the others. Even…."

"Even Merlin?" he smiled. "That's what you wanted to say, isn't it?"

She raised her eyes furtively before she looked down at her feet again and nodded. "Morgause had not asked for my consent when she made me the carrier of her sleeping spell but Merlin did not know that. He must have thought I had agreed to endangering Arthur's life as well as Uther's. He'd never forgive that. And frankly, if I had been in his shoes then and there, I, too, would have tried to kill anyone who tried to murder my brother. I cannot blame him for something I would have done without a second thought."

"And yet you do not want to be part of the great rescue mission?" Gaius still smiled good-humouredly but his eyes were weary.

For a moment she silently fought with herself but by now she had grown used to hold only her own council. So she only shook her head and avoided his gaze.

"But why, Morgana?" he insisted. "If Arthur still is a brother to you, why do you not want to come to his aid?"

"Because I am not convinced that this is what Morgause has in mind" Morgana replied coldly. "She told you that there would be a price to pay for her help, didn't she?"

Abruptly Gaius turned away and stared to the distant hills. He remembered this special conversation all too well. "Yes" he finally said. "She told me."

"And you agreed? You, Uther's most trusted, most loyal friend?"

"Morgana, I…" but Gaius voice faded away before he could go on.

"Loyalties are fickle things, are they not?" she said and he winced at the pain in her voice. "They're very changeable. When you first told me that Uther had sacrificed my father's life for Arthur's I should have felt more anger, more hatred than I had felt before but it was just the other way round. I forgave the King for killing Gorlois that day, but I will never forgive him for calling Aredian to Camelot, isn't that ridiculous? Do you know that at some point Aredian pondered to go for Arthur to bring the King down? But then he did not dare. Instead he went for you, Uther's best friend. And for me. For Uther loved me as best he could, as long as he did not know what I am. The King's love for me and his friendship to you were the reasons for which Aredian wanted to see us both dead."

Gaius turned towards her, his face completely aghast. "What?"

"I could see it in his mind when we first met" she said softly. "Uther had been foolish enough to promise him to pay any price he would ask for every sorcerer he would catch. Camelot is relatively densely populated, the witch finder could have made a fortune out of it, but there was the King who could have stopped him, delayed him any time. He had to break Uther without killing him. Aredian had the picture of Arthur being tied to the pyre ready in his mind but then he cringed back from the risk that Uther might love his son too much to give him up. And there were the knights and the army to consider. So the witch finder went for you and me. The fool didn't even know I really have magic! He only thought if Uther could be scared and intimidated enough to turn his back on his ward and his best friend, he'd turn his back on anyone Aredian wanted to destroy. While our ashes were still hot the King would have showered this reckless murderer with blood money from Camelot's coffers, he would have showered him with a fortune for breaking Uther's heart."

She looked at the flabbergasted physician and laughed with bitter sarcasm. "Aredian was a fair judge of character, I grant him that. If it hadn't been for his caution Uther himself might have had called the murderer of his own son to Camelot, all for his lunatic attempt to eradicate magic from this earth, isn't that ludicrous?"

"You have inherited Gorlois' special gifts" Gaius said. "You. Not Morgause."

"My sister is a great sorceress" Morgana replied, calmer now. "But a sorceress and nothing more. What I can sometimes see of the future and what I can sense in other people – I tried to explain it to her but she would not even begin to understand."

The young woman smiled the same way she had done in the last weeks before she had left Camelot. A trembling, halting and sad smile. "Morgause didn't want to hear of it. Apparently this special kind of magic would have made me an outcast on the Blessed Isle as much as it would have made me a leper in Camelot. Isn't that ridiculous? Wherever I go I'll always be a misfit."

"Morgana, child…." Instinctively Gaius raised his arms for an embrace but she turned away. Angrily she wiped her eyes with her fingers.

"But don't you see what this means, Morgana? You are the only one who can reverse the effects of Yvain's tampering with Arthur's mind without risking even further damage."

"Maybe."

"Then why on earth don't you want to try?"

"Morgause has an agenda of her own in this" Uther's former ward replied. "And this agenda is not really congruent with what you might wish to accomplish. It is not even compliant with what Maddox wants to get out of this. And I am not especially partial to her agenda either. You do not follow my drift?"

Gaius shook his head despairingly. Dear Gods, she had changed so very much. This aggressive sadness in her was horrible to behold.

"It doesn't matter" Morgana said. "One thing is certain. Never again Morgause would risk Arthur's life. She was truly horrified when her last attack on Camelot almost got him killed."

"But if she can't help him regaining his memories he'll…"

"One Pendragon for a father or the other – what does it matter?" she interrupted him. "Arthur would live out his life as Yvain Pendragon's son and as the Duke of Cornwall. Not all eyes would weep for him."

"Wouldn't yours?"

"Certainly not."

"Only a few minutes ago you said that you had no wish to see Arthur pay the price for Uther's suffering. What about that, now? What about Gwen? I thought she was your friend. She and Arthur are in love, in case you have forgotten."

"She once thought she was in love with Lancelot. Maybe she'll remember him if Arthur doesn't come back. Who knows?"

Gaius recoiled from her as if she had suddenly grown poison fangs. "I had no idea you could be that cruel."

"Life has been cruel to me. One gets used to it. It can even become a habit."

"And what about Merlin?" Gaius fired the last shot he had in his arsenal.

"What about him?" She braved him well he had to admit but even so he could hear her voice waver.

"He'd never abandon Arthur, he'd stay at Yvain's court if needs be. Yvain obviously lashed into him before, this time he might even kill him."

She nibbled at her lower lip and for a moment Gaius thought that he had won. But then she found her sarcastic smile once again and he could virtually feel her withdrawing from him and from the closeness they had shared only moments ago. Something had happened in her face, some thoughts had crossed her mind, he was dead sure of it but what it had been he had no clue.

"You don't give up easily old man" she said lightly, carelessly. "But I fear you and your friends will have to help yourselves. Go and aid my sister in cutting her pound of flesh from the Pendragons' bodies, I have more pressing business to attend to." With that she brushed the healer's cheek with her lips and abandoned him where he stood.

Gaius searched for her the whole night but she didn't want to be found. When the three of them departed in the small hours Morgana hid behind the castle walls' crenellation and watched them go. The old healer looked back several times but he did not see her.

"Good bye, old friend" she whispered. "At least you will not have to pay more than you could afford. Nobody has to sacrifice his very heart for a service that can't be delivered."

For the rest of the morning Morgana busied herself with all the unfinished business Morgause had left behind. Finally all the instructions had been given, to the servants, the stable boys, all bills had been paid and all orders had been placed.

With a light heart and very satisfied with herself the young woman packed a few things and went to the castle walls again.

There she sat down and collected her thoughts. So Maddox had needed four adjacent jumps to teleport himself and Gaius from Massilia to Albion?

Morgana had set her mind on needing no more than three jumps to reach her final destination.

She succeeded.