|Chapter 12|
|Date: 8/03/2184|
|Location: Aboard the Neema|
Nervous Stimulation was common knowledge amongst the fleet.
Like, really common.
If you didn't know about it and were a quarian, you were either dead, or an idiot.
And it wasn't just the quarians who'd made great use of NervStims.
Militaries from across the galaxy used them in the gauntlets they'd give their soldiers.
Which meant a soldier could load a thermo magazine or pull the pin on a grenade without fucking up and costing people their lives, or god forbid, their own.
While that was all well and good, it still didn't seem to be enough for the Migrant Fleet.
Quarian engineers, as a good example, had taken it a step further and turned their whole suit into a giant hub of feely-feely.
No engineer wanted to dive into the guts of their own ship and snag their suit on the sharp end of a pipe without even knowing.
But, as a quarian, if you didn't have an idea as to what full body stims were really for, you had the IQ yield of a brick.
Even then, it didn't seem to be enough.
Some quarians didn't have a significant other.
So there were stims for that too.
Automatic ones.
Tali, who'd long debated about it between her and herself, got one.
And to be entirely honest, she was embarrassed for herself. So embarrassed in fact, that she made up some intricate story about how Olasie or Enyah bought it as a gag gift for her. You know, for that 'just-in-case' moment for when someone would be breathing over your shoulder while you used your omni-tool. Afterall, having an app named FeatherGrinderX v2.9.8 wasn't the most unassuming thing alive.
Terrible, terrible name, Tali thought with a tight lipped expression.
When she started the thing before bed, anything she'd conjured up hours earlier to just return it liquefied away.
"Oh my." She murmured through a squeak.
She let it continue until her climax and left her with a warm tingly feeling from head to toe that'd probably last for the next hour or so. Still lying in bed, Tali sighed, turned on her back, and stared up at the ceiling.
A little noise from her omni-tool told her to rate the app. She sniffed at that. No chance in hell. She swiped away the notification and sat there wide eyed.
She didn't remember the last time she'd done anything like this before. Her thoughts went blank for a while, so she continued to stare at that little spot on the ceiling. Ten minutes pass and she started thinking of John. A small smile spread across her face.
"...Hey John." She greeted meekly, "...Just thinking of you."
She ruffled the comforter and brought it up to her chin to snuggle under better.
"Wanted to tell you that I still love you." She said with a small whisper, "And that I think about you everyday."
Her smile waned into nothing.
"I miss you."
-6 hours later...
Tali's omni-tool gave a ring.
…
…
Startled from sleep, she pried her tired eyes open and looked up to see who was calling her at such a terrible hour.
Juel.
Of course.
She accepted the call and lay back down in bed.
"Juel? Keelah, why do you make such a habit of calling me so early in the morning, damnit?"
"Sorry." Juel said, "Ever since our day cycles changed, it's been harder to contact you. Look. I'll change my schedule around to make it a little easier on you, okay?"
Tali closed her eyes and settled under her blanket. "Fine. Do it."
"I'll do it today. But that's not why I called."
"Why'd you call?"
He sighed. "Take a look for yourself."
She peeked one eye open and looked to see Juel's face get replaced to one of the Neema's hallways.
Both her eyes opened wide and she sat upright.
"Holy shit." Tali rasped, "Is that—"
"Yes, Tali. It's our shit alright. A couple thousand gallons of it sloshing around outside the septic tank."
"What the hell happened?"
Juel frowned. "A team was preparing it for hard transfer to the liveships. Cargo crane broke and it busted the septic tank. Now we've got anyone who's close by to help."
Juel zoomed in to show Tali the extent of the mess.
It looked bad.
"Keelah, it's all over the damn floor!" She cried as she teared up at just the mere idea of how bad it must've smelled.
His face came back to view. "Yeah. It's bad. We've sealed off the whole damn refuse station from the rest of the Neema. Now come on. I really need your help. Like, now."
"Okay. I'm up. I'll be right down."
Juel's face came back to the video. "Don't put anything on. And leave your clothes."
"Right."
"Oh. And Tali? Turn off your olfacs now before you forget. The smell will never leave you if you don't."
"Okay."
"Bye. See you soon."
He ended the call and Tali grumbled before lazily falling back on her bed.
"Keelah." She sighed with a grumble, "I don't want to do this."
-10 minutes later...
As she turned the corner, the first thing she saw was Juel wiping his visor slick with brown sludge.
She couldn't help but cringe.
"Tali," Juel greeted when he could see again, "Good. You're here."
"Where is everyone?"
"It's just you and I for this hallway."
"So... we're the only ones that're going to fix the septic tank?"
"It's a two man job." Juel said, "One to weld, another to watch."
"Okay." Tali sighed as she stared at the puddles of shit just outside the closed door, "How're we doing this?"
"We're lucky actually." Juel started to explain, "The septic tank was half empty when the dumbasses on cargo duty broke it. So the poop water is only about... eh, ankle high. I sealed the door off to stop it from getting any more out here. But we're going to have to go back in."
"Keelah."
"Yeah. We've got to be quick about getting in there." Juel said as he prepped the door, "So you ready?"
Tali took a hesitant step forward into the murky water with brown and green flecks.
She felt like barfing.
"I open the door, we run through, I close it. Got it?"
She nodded lamely at her fate.
"Got it."
"Go!"
The door opened and the two rushed through.
Tali whimpered through a cry as she felt both her feet sink ankle deep in watery shit.
"This— this is bad!"
Juel dashed through right behind her and closed the door before nodding proudly at himself.
"If it brings you any solace, we've both made ample contributions to the septic." Juel said before pointing at a large floating nugget of poo, "Bet that one's yours."
"Juel."
"Yeah?"
"Shut the hell up."
He waved his hands up in surrender before waddling over to a table and grabbing his tools.
"So, I had a drone get a look at the damage from inside the tank."
"And?"
"It couldn't tell or see much, so when we get inside—"
"We're going inside?!"
"—Oh yeah." Juel nodded.
"Why can't you just weld from the outside?"
"Would if I could. But I can't reach half the break with the torch. It has to be from the inside."
"This is not what I had in mind for today." Tali sulked as she wrapped her arms around her chest.
"Don't sound so excited." He grumbled as he prepared his acetylene torch, "The oxy acetylene tanks are already down there and ready to go for us."
He put the torch into his pack before hooking it over his shoulder and grabbing the ladder.
"Hatch is right up here Tali." He said as he began climbing, "Come on."
Tali grumbled and followed.
"How many litres?" She asked when they made it to the top.
"Two tanks interconnected with two small ducts. About 75,000 litres total between the two of them."
She gave him a sad stare. "That's a lot."
"Yeah. it is." He said with a frown before unlatching the door, turning on his flashlight, and looking down into it.
"You need to know something." Juel started before giving her his full attention, "This is the large tank. We have to get to the small one through the duct to fix the hole."
"We are literally going to swim in shit. That's what you're saying." Tali said with a monotone rasp.
"Yup. Let's get to it." He crawled down into the tank and Tali swallowed whatever was left of her pride before following in after him.
"Why didn't you ask Olasie or Enyah for help instead, you bosh'tet."
"Because you're available. Olasie's somewhere else and Enyah's at the bridge."
Tali grumbled.
Juel met the end of the ladder and sunk his legs into the refuse. "You know, it ain't that bad second time around."
As Tali sunk deep into the saucy brown, she couldn't help but feel her breath leave her.
This was not a good day.
Just when she thought it couldn't get any worse, she realized she hadn't met the bottom yet.
She sunk deeper and deeper until the goopy mud like consistency met her thighs.
"Oh. Oh god."
"Oh, stop. We're in suits."
"Doesn't help." Tali breathed, "Doesn't help."
"Come on. Through here." Juel pointed as he mucked toward the duct before clipping the flashlight to his helmet.
Tali's eyes narrowed even further. The ducts that connected the tanks? There was just enough room for their heads to poke just above the shit water. Everything from the neck down would be under.
This'd be the end of her.
She swore.
She mucked after him with a sigh.
When they reached the other side, Juel removed the torch from his bag and set it up with the oxy acetylene tanks.
"Okay." Juel breathed, "Let's get started."
Juel turned around and fought with the tubes to get everything set up.
"Be careful."
"I am." Juel said, "Don't worry."
The next minute or so was carried in silence as he got his equipment together.
"How you handling?"
Tali didn't bother answering because she knew he was trying to get a reaction out of her.
"Yeah. Guessed you'd say nothing." He grinned as he kept working.
"How long do you think this'll take?"
"No sure. Hard to tell with all the shit everywhere." He said as he leaned in close.
Then he slipped right on his way to the jagged and sharp metal.
In the time it took Tali to realize what was happening, it was too late for her to even do anything. "Fuck! Juel!"
As he tried to save himself from falling, he caught his arm against the serrated metal and slashed it from wrist to elbow.
What moments before was covered in brown shit, was now covered in blood.
Lots of blood.
He dropped the torch and felt nothing but shock. Seconds went by and he stared numbly at his bare and sliced skin.
"...Tali I—" He looked up and his empty stare met hers. "I'm—"
"—Going to be just fine— we have to get you out of here. Now."
She went to him and guided him back to the duct.
When they did, Tali froze. There was no way Juel could make it out of this one. Not without his arm getting bathed in this cesspool of septic water.
"Juel... Let me see your arm." Tali demanded. As delicately as she could, she gave it a look and winced. A steady flow of blood stemmed through the deep cut. He definitely nicked an artery.
"Come on." Tali said, turning back to the duct, "We can do this. We just need to hurry."
"I am..."
"You're okay, Juel." Tali assured, "You're fine."
"Tali... I'm losing too much."
"No. No. No. Come on."
He didn't move.
"Juel... You don't have a choice. You have to."
"Fuck—I know."
He sunk into the water until it met his neck and swam across the duct behind Tali.
Tali wanted to cry at the idea of losing Juel like this. She couldn't lose more people after all the things she'd been through in her life.
Not like this.
They finally made it to the other side and made their way up to the ladder.
"Break, Break, Break, we've got an emergency in septic tank access!" Tali called out through the ship's PA when she made it to the top, "We have a suit breach, Infection grade three! I need help now!"
She helped Juel up, climbed down the septic tank with him, and waited by the table with Juel clutching his arm dripping profusely with blood.
"Tali... I'm dead."
"Shut up, Juel. You're not."
Not a minute later, a quarian cleaning team with an anti-septic foaming water hose burst in and immediately sprayed them both down before putting Juel on a gurney, spraying medi-gel on his arm, and sending him on his way.
When Tali tried to follow, one of the men stopped her.
"No! You're unclean! You're under quarantine until further notice!"
"So are you! You're in here!" Tali argued, "You're unclean now too!"
"We've quarantined every hallway that leads to the infirmary to prevent this from spreading. Stay. Here. The less people out there, the better."
The door slammed shut behind them and Tali was left alone with only silence.
She fell to her knees, hands pressed closely to her chest as her mind raced to catch up.
"This can't be happening…"
|Two Long Days Later|
|Chapter 13|
|Date: 8/05/2184|
|Location: Aboard the Neema/Medical Bay|
"I need to get my dictation done, Hyuji." Taahn grumbled to his assistant, "You can make me a memo for that later."
"Sorry Taahn."
With a small huff, he went back to his computer before talking into his little mic.
"Let's see. Next patient is Juel'Kaan vas Neema, Date of birth 5, 5, 2158. Patient currently being held at condition 3 clean room for rehabilitation... Blood work shows a category 3 infection. Refer to lab work on patient's chart for review."
The doctor pulled up his previous correspondence papers.
"No Hematological problems. No history of excessive bleeding or clotting. Transfusions were seamless." He flipped the paper, "Denies skin rash or excessive reactions to foreign substances. No known medical allergies, severe or otherwise. Respiratory problems are not present. Denies asthma, coughing spells or KP. Endocrine levels green. Denies any cold, heat, or dextrose intolerance."
He looked over more of his papers.
"Abrupt history and physical exam was performed as patient was inducted into anti-septic spray room. No known case for hypotension. Pulse was low, measured at 45 at time of incident due to large laceration on his left arm starting distally from ulna to ulnar. Artery was severed."
BP was 72 over 40. Patient was in tachycardia before falling into bradycardia. Patient then had a life threatening cardiac arrhythmia and was treated with a therapeutic dose of electrical shock. Vitals stabilized after third attempt of resuscitation."
He shook his head. "Blood loss accumulative. Sepsis and gangrene are likely to follow. Organ failure to result. Flag me for future updates as the situation progresses. Refer to Dr. Ghoraan's correspondence for future information. Amputation recommended heavily. Decision to carry on with procedure will be decided at the end of the hour. End of record."
The doctor finished the dictation and leaned back into his chair.
"Damn poor soul. Pity if he doesn't make it. Especially for his girlfriend."
He webbed his fingers together and stared at the ceiling to try and remember her name. "...Tali'Zorah, I think."
He grabbed for the mic again before adding one more detail, "One more thing. Remember to contact Tali'Zorah on patient's status. That is all."
|Date: 8/05/2184|
|Location: Aboard the Neema|
"I understand this must be very difficult for you, Tali." Taahn said as he began explaining to her about Juel.
Tali nodded out of formality.
"Your other half had been put into a medically induced coma to—"
Tali stopped paying attention when she heard him say 'other half'. When the doctor was finally done speaking to her, she rose her hands up in apology.
"—I'm sorry. Juel and I aren't in, uhm, a relationship." Tali corrected awkwardly, "I don't want to sound so harsh, but he's just my friend."
"Oh." Taahn looked down at his papers embarrassingly, "Sorry. I just— I apologize."
"It's fine."
"Anyways. Juel's stable for now. But we won't know for how long. His recovery is looking bleak, Tali. I'd recommend that you pay your respects in case anything happens."
She nodded numbly at the doctor. "O—okay."
They both stood up and made their way to his room.
The doctor stopped, waved a hand to the glass door silently to show he was in there, and left.
She stared at the polarized glass door for a long while and finally decided to knock.
"Juel? It's Tali."
Juel opened his eyes and stared at the door.
"...Tali?"
His voice made her frown.
It sounded like death.
"Can... I come in?"
"I'm not wearing a mask." He muttered dryly, "You okay with that?"
"You okay with me seeing you without it?"
His tone was flat and, with what Tali could only guess, kind of aggressive. "Get in here."
"O—okay."
Tali opened the door, went through several jets of clarifying anti-septic mist, and entered.
Tali's mouth parted into slight shock when she finally got to look at him.
If he sounded like death, he certainly looked like it.
"...Hey." Tali said cautiously.
He didn't say anything.
Tali's shoulders sagged and she shook her head. "Keelah, Juel. I'm so sorry."
"Sorry for what." He said distantly.
She gave him an unimpressed look. What was his problem?
"Uh, because you almost died?" Tali said, exasperated that he'd ask such a stupid question, "Look at you."
He took in a slight breath before grimacing and closing his eyes. "Look. Olasie and Enyah already told me the same thing." Juel said before turning away, "You don't have to pretend. I think I'm aware that I'm still dying."
"No you're not." Tali said immediately, "You're going to be just fin—"
"—and I'm really getting tired of hearing that too." Juel interrupted, turning back to face her with his furrowed brows, "Just. Stop."
"Oh. Okay," She rasped sarcastically, "What do you want me to say then?" Tali threw her hands up in the air exaggeratedly, "Alright. Hope you make it! I'll bring flowers! We care about you. All of us."
He stared at her for a long moment with his dark halos before speaking.
"...Funny you say that, Tali." Juel murmured in a monotone, "You want to know what I think?"
Tali's stare remained leveled.
"What." Tali said with a partly defeated look, "What're you thinking, Juel."
Juel graced her with a ragged looking scowl. "Two days alone gives you a lot of time to think." He began, "And it made me think about you a lot, Tali."
The way he said that drained her face of blood.
"W—What do you mean."
"You've been using me."
She was so stunned into silence, she felt her heart almost fail her.
"And I didn't realize it until now." Juel continued, his face a mess of contempt, "Everything you've done, Tali. Everything you've said. I was just some escape."
He faced the wall across his bed and his eyes glaze over. "You're here because you can't bear to lose anything else. You're afraid. And you will go to any length to try and stop it. You're not here for me, Tali."
He faced her with his cold and icy eyes. "You're here for yourself."
Tali felt something cold grow in her heart.
She took a step back and said nothing.
What could she say?
She was afraid.
Very afraid.
Afraid of seeing someone she'd gotten to know after John's passing die.
Afraid of what was to come after if Juel wasn't going to make it.
Afraid to see that she'd been doing this more to protect herself than for him.
She'd been rationalizing away these past two days about how worried she was for Juel, when in reality, she was worried more for the impact this would make on her own sanity.
But Juel was also asserting that she'd been using him for the entirety of their friendship.
Was she though?
...Yes.
In a way, she was.
Juel kept his even gaze on her and didn't say anything either. Her silence was his answer.
"Tali? I think you should leave."
"Juel, I—"
"Leave. Now."
She felt tears well up in her eyes at his condescending stare.
She felt herself crumble under him.
"...I'm—I'm sorry." She choked in a murmur before finally turning away to the door, "God, I'm sorry."
Hours Later...
She tightened the brace around the drum filter for the sixth rotation before finally shoving the manifold back into its slot and sitting on the floor up against a wall.
With her arms hanging limply over her knees, she stared numbly at the machine across from her and thought over Juel.
Hiva, one of the Neema's engineers, caught notice her sitting in one of the filter rooms as he crossed the hallway and stopped whatever he was doing to see what was up.
"Tali...?" He said as he stood at the doorway to the filter room, "It's past your shift."
He glanced at his wristwatch, "Almost an hour past your shift, actually. What're you still doing here?"
The man sighed when his question went unanswered. Tali kept staring blankly off into space, Hiva largely ignored.
"...Thinking about Juel?"
Eventually, she nodded slowly.
He bit his lip and gave the ceiling a contemplative look. "Yeah. Visited him an hour earlier myself."
He decided to take a spot across from her by leaning on a desk. "He, uh—"
"—Doesn't look like he's going to make it." Tali sighed, "I know."
Hiva nodded and crossed his arms across his chest before staring at the floor.
"I bet it's not the only thing you're thinking about." He said finally.
Tali faced him for the first time since he'd entered.
"What do you mean."
"You're thinking of Shepard. You're afraid of losing someone else again. Maybe not as close as Shepard was to you... but close enough to make it hurt."
Tali was taken aback for the second time that day.
What the hell? How was everyone reading her mind today?
Just out of spite, she kept her lips sealed.
Hiva nodded, mostly to himself, and said nothing. Eventually, she broke.
"I've... lost so much, Hiva." Tali murmured sadly as she too stared at the grate just below her feet, "I just don't want to lose anything anymore."
"That's part of life, kid." Hiva said with as much compassion as he could put in his words, "Life's quite the pisser."
"What am I supposed to say to that?" Tali said, looking back up to him, "That's not helping."
"Didn't say it was supposed to." Hiva said honestly, "Just telling the truth."
"Hiva. I'm not in the mood for a philosophy lesson."
"No I suppose you're not." He agreed, "But it certainly looks like you could use someone to confide in right now."
"I'd rather not." She said with the shake of her head.
"Your glass speaks a million, Tali."
She scowled. "What am I supposed to say? That I've lost everything? Lost everything important to me? I tell myself that everyday, Hiva. And it's not making me feel any better."
"Maybe so. But you've made progress. Believe me."
"No, Hiva. I haven't." She grumbled frustratingly, "I don't know what the hell you're even talking about."
Hiva was a good man. Tali knew that completely. He had a great wife, a daughter he'd get to call his own, and was a fantastic engineer. Cared immensely for people. Bless his heart, the man tried to help everyone. And Tali really did appreciate his offer, but she really didn't want it right now. All she wanted was to be alone.
"Tali..."
"Hiva, I appreciate the attempt of companionship, but I'm just— I can't right now." She stood up and brushed past him to get out of here.
"...Fine. Okay." He said with the sad nod, "Keep your head on your shoulders."
She kept walking and didn't answer him.
Her thoughts were too jumbled to focus on a reply.
Thoughts about herself.
Thoughts about Juel lying on what pretty much amounted to his death bed while she desperately tried yoking herself out of wanting to admit she was more worried of herself.
Her way of thinking was ridiculously self-centered. She had no doubts about it. But after seeing the man you'd loved so intensely die?
Grief would do that to you.
Tali took a bend down a hallway and into the Neema's small pathetic looking courtyard that doubled as a hydroponic garden. No one would say it openly, but many of the plants in the small courtyard were fake. Made to look good for hosting events or a place to rest outside of your home. Aside from the occasional off time, seldom did anyone ever come here. Talk of renovating the courtyard into another storage closet always came up every so often. But the place stayed. No one wanted to give up on such an exquisite luxury. Especially for a ship with shitty hallways and frayed ceiling wire everywhere else except here.
Tali found a bench and sat down before numbly staring at the plants around her. Then she closed her eyes and exhaled slowly.
For a long while, Tali kept her mind blank.
No Juel.
No Neema.
Or Normandy.
No reapers or collectors.
Or Garrus.
No Liara.
No John.
No Lazarus.
Tali opened her eyes again immediately.
Lazarus.
She'd forgotten about Lazarus for a while.
Thinking of Lazarus immediately made her think of Liara.
Then Garrus.
And then, of course, John.
Her hands, kept firmly at her side, flexed into fists as she churned all the thoughts again in her head. Made her brain melt a little if she had any say in the matter.
She knew she was digressing from the present problem of Juel... but no matter how checkered and blurred the lines were, they had to be connected.
They had to be.
...Right?
Or was she finally losing it? Just... succumbing to some tinhat conspiracy by means of insanity?
Tali's empty and unblinking glare should've made her worried about that, but it didn't. Until she found out definitively what Lazarus meant, and whether or not John, Liara, and Garrus were connected, Tali supposed the brain melting and tinhat conspiracies would stay.
|Date: 8/05/2184|
|Location: Undisclosed|
"Miranda." The Illusive man intoned between a plume of cigarette smoke, "Good to see you. How are you feeling?"
"No worse for wear." Miranda answered, "Have you received my reports?"
"I did. I'm surprised to hear that we may be reaching our deadline sooner than expected."
"Yes."
"Excellent. How's neuroscience faring?"
"Dr. Wilson and his team have proved invaluable. We are receiving, as per his reports, partial brainstem function. Should I forward you the relevant information?"
"Please."
"Done. Anything else?"
"No." He said with the shake of his head, "Carry on."
She nodded once, terminated the channel, and left him, once more, to simmer over his work and thoughts.
Things were running smoothly.
Rather too smoothly, he would admit.
His appreciated the challenges that came with his job. Kept his mind sharp. His senses keen.
And while the news of the Commander's resuscitation (he used the term loosely) was all well and good, it wouldn't matter. It wouldn't have mattered if he would be alive six months ahead, two years ahead, or even now.
He still needed a ship. Still needed a crew and resources at his disposal.
And he still needed companions.
None of that was ready. And if it came to it, John would remain in a medically induced coma until he could get that all ready for him.
But everything was resting on John's resurrection. It was a monumental gamble for Cerberus to invest in. But TIM knew it'd be worth it. It was better than buying shovels for the graves they'd have to digging if they didn't stop whatever the hell was consuming the homes of humanity's distant planets.
"I'd be lying if I didn't have my doubts about this, Shepard." He said before swirling the scotch in his glass, "Let's hope I'm wrong."
He hoped he would be very wrong.