A/N: Update Time! Thank you for all the support, you guys!

Chapter 21: Heartbroken

"You're L."

Light's heart clenched in his chest and he felt like he couldn't breathe. The man in front of him, Ryuzaki, was L. His Ryuzaki was L… Light could feel himself trembling. When he became light-headed, he finally took in a shaky breath.

L was watching him with a concerned look on his face. "Light-kun-"

"E-Everything was a lie…" Light's whole body shook as he shouted, "You've been playing me this whole fucking time!"

"Light-kun, I'm sorry." L reached a hand towards him.

"Don't touch me!" He smacked L's hand away and stepped back.

Light could feel tears forming in his eyes as he quickly turned his face away. He didn't want L to see. He couldn't let L know how badly he was hurting. Light was angry, but even more that, he felt crushed, shattered, broken. Ryuzaki had been everything to him. He loved Ryuzaki. He trusted Ryuzaki. But Ryuzaki was a lie. The most significant relationship of Light's life had all been a part of L's sick game. It had been just another way to manipulate Light, to fuck with him. Figuratively and literally. God, Light had lost his virginity to this bastard. He had given himself to L, the man he hated, so many times. Light breathed in grasps as his eyes stung with unshed tears.

L pleaded, "Light, please, I-"

"Stay away from me." Light hurried out the room.

He stormed down the hallway as the tears finally spilled over and streamed down his face. Further down the hall, Watari was standing with a tray in his grasp. On the tray, there was a slice cheesecake and teapot. The old man stared at Light in shock. He quickly stepped to the side as the teen rushed past him.

Light tore down the stairs and left the building, heading into the heavy rain. Within seconds, he was completely drenched. He shivered as the wind blew fiercely against him. He crossed his arms over his chest, trying to retain heat. Even in the downpour of rain, he could still feel hot tears streaming down his face.

Suddenly, he heard the sound of footsteps splashing behind him.

A hand touched his shoulder. "Light-kun-"

Light whirled around and punched L in the face. The detective fell onto the ground, splashing into a puddle. Light stood in front of L with clenched fists. L gazed up at him, then his black eyes widened. He could see Light crying. L could see how weak and pathetic Light must look… Light hated it. He hated what L had done to him.

Light growled, "Stay the fuck away from me. I never want to see you again."

Light turned and walked away while the wind howled in the pouring rain.

###

When Light reached the dorm, he was shivering from the cold. Water dripped off him, forming a puddle on the floor. Instead of changing clothes, Light immediately grabbed his suitcase and flung it on his bed. Then he opened and slammed drawers as he collected clothes. He quickly threw some belongings into the suitcase. He couldn't stay here for long. He needed to leave before L showed up.

Light's hand shook as he closed the suitcase. The zipper caught on his hand, pinching and tearing skin. Blood seeped from his hand, but he didn't care. The pain didn't even register. He needed to get the hell out of here. He needed to get far away from L.

Before leaving, Light realized that he had left his backpack in the auditorium. He couldn't go back for it. He couldn't risk running into L again. Even though he was soaking wet, Light didn't bother to change clothes. He didn't have an umbrella with him, and it was still raining heavily outside. He'd just get wet again. There was no point in drying off.

Suddenly, Light heard his phone buzzing in his pocket. Someone was calling him. He quickly took out his phone and shut it off. Light already knew who was trying to contact him, and he had nothing to say to the lying bastard. Light shoved the phone back in his pocket and grabbed his suitcase. Then he hurried out the dorm.

Light walked in the rain, heading toward the train station. He couldn't stay at Wammy University anymore. The whole place was associated with L. He needed to stay away from L. There was a painful tightness in Light's chest. His eyes were stinging again, threatening to tear up. After the first day of class, L must have decided to watch Light by becoming his roommate, Ryuzaki. L had lied to him for so long… He had infiltrated every part of Light's life and just took over. He had taken over everything. He had played Light for a fool.

When tears ran down his face, Light rubbed at his eyes. He was breathing in gasps again, sobbing. He had never felt pain like this before. This was the worst thing L had ever done to him. The worst thing anyone had ever done to him. Ryuzaki had been so close to him. He had meant so fucking much. And now, it felt like Ryuzaki had been ripped away from him. Only L was left. The man who had lied to him, betrayed him, used him…

Light removed his hand, letting the tears fall freely. He couldn't stop crying. Every time he thought of Ryuzaki, he felt a sharp searing pain in his chest. He was still trembling from the cold rain soaking him. Other than the cold and the pain, Light felt nothing else. He was hollow.

As he approached the train station, he noticed a black car parked in the street, facing away from him. He had a strange sense of déjà vu as if he had seen that car before. He remembered bits and pieces of the night he had been drugged. He had ridden in that car with L on the way back to the dorm. Watari must have been the driver.

Light froze on the sidewalk, staring at the car from a distance. The car was right next to the train station. L must have deduced that Light would come here. That meant L was at the train station, waiting for him. Fuck. Of course, the detective had figured out Light's next move. Now Light couldn't go to the train station. He couldn't go home. If he went home, L would just show up there. Light's family would let the bastard in their house. There was no way Light could tell his family the truth. He couldn't deal with Sayu's pity or his father's disgust… He had no idea what to tell them. L would probably manipulate them and control the situation like he always did. Light's mother would definitely believe any lie L could come up with.

Going home wasn't an option. But if Light couldn't go home or back to the dorm, where the hell could he go?

Light turned around and walked away from the train station. He knew that he'd have to face L again eventually. There was no running away from a man like that. L was the world's greatest detective. It would be impossible to hide from him. Light was trapped. Like always, L had him trapped. L was in control of everything, and Light was in control of nothing.

After walking aimlessly for a while, Light sat down on a bench. He was on a familiar sidewalk near the university. He leaned over and held his face in his hands. Tears weren't falling anymore. Light felt numb all over from the cold and emotional exhaustion. He didn't want to feel anymore, so he didn't. He succumbed to the sense of emptiness enveloping him. For a long time, he was nothing but a hollow shell, sitting in the rain without the willpower to move.

"Light?" A female voice called out to him.

He raised his head and saw Misa standing by the bench. She was wearing a black coat and held an umbrella above her head. Light glanced around and spotted Misa's apartment complex behind him. No wonder the street had seemed familiar. He was right outside Misa's home.

She held the umbrella above Light as she leaned towards him. "Light, what's wrong?"

Light opened his mouth to answer, but no words came out. He had no idea what to say. As his mind focused on Ryuzaki again, he could feel tears well up in his eyes. He turned his face away from Misa.

"Light?" She touched his shoulder, then she gasped. "You're freezing! Come inside. Misa will take care of you."

He shook his head. He didn't want her help.

She tugged on his arm. "Please, Light, come inside. Misa doesn't want you to get sick."

Misa's apartment… That was the one place L hadn't been to. And the detective probably wouldn't expect Light to go there.

Light stood and grabbed his suitcase. He allowed Misa to lead him into the apartment building. Light shivered as they took the elevator up to the sixth floor. Then he followed Misa into her home. She told him to wait in the living room while she hurried away and came back with a towel. Light took the towel and wrapped it around himself. He was still shaking.

Misa looked worried. "Do you have any dry clothes? You need to warm up."

"Yeah, I have clothes." Light took the suitcase with him into the bathroom and shut the door.

While shivering, Light quickly dried off and changed clothes. Luckily, the clothing in his suitcase had stayed mostly dry. He left the bathroom and found Misa rushing around the kitchen, opening and closing cabinets.

"D-Do you want something to eat? Are you hungry?"

"No thanks." Light sat at the kitchen table and stared down at his lap. He still felt so numb.

Misa sat in the chair next to him. "Light, what happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it," he muttered.

She nervously bit her bottom lip. "M-Misa is sorry for making you angry the other day."

He recalled seeing Misa smack L in the face. At the time, Light had been furious. But now, he wasn't angry at Misa at all. He'd actually like to see her slap L again. The lying fucker deserved it.

"It's all right. I forgive you."

She smiled. "You aren't mad at Misa anymore?"

"No."

"Misa is happy to hear that." Her smile faded as she gave Light a concerned look. "Did something bad happen? You look really sad."

Light hesitated. He knew that she'd keep prying unless he gave some kind of explanation.

His heart clenched as he barely uttered, "Ryuzaki…"

She shot up, yelling, "Did he hurt Misa's Light?! Misa will kill him for you!"

"That's not necessary." Light gave her a small smile, then sighed. "He…" Lied to me. Made a fool out of me. Hurt me. Light swallowed and blinked rapidly, trying to stop himself from crying again. "I-I broke up with him. I can't go back to the dorm."

"You can stay here," She offered. "Misa-Misa will take good care of you."

He let out another sigh as he reminded her, "I don't have feelings for you, Misa."

She looked hurt, but insisted anyway, "Y-You could still stay. We could live together as friends. Misa can be your new roommate."

Light wasn't sure about that idea. Her apartment was a good temporary place to hide, but to actually live here…

"You could even help Misa pay the rent, so we'd be like official roommates. And Misa could help you find a job as a model. That way you could support yourself." She sadly lowered her gaze as she mumbled, "Misa only wants to help you."

Light believed her. She was very easy person to read. She hid nothing. All of her emotions and thoughts were always out in the open. Even though Light found her annoying at times, at least she was honest. Light knew that she would never lie to him. And she definitely wasn't smart enough to manipulate or trick him. But, she was obviously still in love with him. Light didn't want to lead her on, so he had been honest with her. Just like she was honest with him… That counted for something. He craved honesty right now.

"Okay."

"Okay?" Her eyes gleamed with hope.

"I'll be your roommate."

###

In Misa's apartment, Light laid on the leather couch, staring at the floor. A whole week had passed since he'd last seen L. Light hadn't attended any of his classes. Yesterday, he had finally walked over to the campus and dropped all of his classes. It had been a risky trip. He still wasn't ready to face L. But Light had needed to officially drop out of the university. The campus counselors had been confused by his request. Since he had A's in every class, they had tried to convince him to stay and continue the semester. But Light had already made up his mind. He was done with Wammy University. He wasn't going back. The place had a strong affiliation with L.

For now, Light would work. He'd earn money, then he would attend To-Oh University. He could ask his parents for money, but then he'd have to tell them that he dropped out of Wammy University… Light still hadn't told his family anything. He didn't want them to know how fucked up his life was.

Light heard his phone vibrate. Then he grabbed the phone off the nearby coffee table. It was another text from L. Without reading the text, Light dropped the phone and rolled onto his side, hiding his face in the couch cushions. L had tried to contact him several times all throughout the week. Light hadn't responded to any of his calls or texts. L had apologized multiple times. A couple times, Light had almost messaged him back. He missed Ryuzaki. He had grown so attached to the man. Part of Light wanted to give in and forgive L, just so he could have his relationship with Ryuzaki back. But then Light would remind himself that Ryuzaki had been a lie, just another one of L's sick tactics.

How much of Light's relationship with Ryuzaki was even real? L was so skilled at manipulating him. It terrified Light. It actually terrified him that someone could successfully lie to him for that long. Usually Light wasn't fooled so easily. Why hadn't he seen the truth earlier? Why had he been so trusting, so stupid? For weeks, L had had Light in the palm of his hand. It irked Light to know that he had willingly submitted to the bastard. He had let L do whatever he wanted to him.

Now when Light remembered their intimate moments together, he always felt like crying. It had been L fucking him the whole time and Light hadn't even known it. The man he had slept next to so many times…had been playing him.

Light rubbed at his eyes as he took in a shaky breath. He was so sick of crying.

###

The next day, Light actually took a break from sulking and left the apartment. Misa had found a job for him. Light walked to the nearby photography studio and modeled for a few hours. Before the photo shoot even started, makeup and hair designers had spent a long time fussing over him. It felt strange to have so much makeup on his face, but the photographer, Demegawa, had insisted on it. Demegawa had claimed the makeup made Light look "even more fuckable", which Light didn't really consider a compliment. At least the pay was good.

After the photo shoot, Light left in such a hurry that he didn't bother to remove the makeup. Once he reached the apartment, he would wash it all off. While Light walked down the sidewalk, he had a strange sense that someone was watching him. He casually stopped at an intersection, waiting for cars to drive by. Then he glanced to the side and spotted a familiar face. Raye Penber from the FBI was heading down the sidewalk. L must have sent him. That bastard.

Anger surged through Light as he clenched his fists. He stormed toward Raye Penber.

"Stop following me," Light spoke in English.

Penber's eyes widened in surprise.

"Yeah, I know who you are, Raye Penber, and I know who you work for." Light glared at him. "Don't you have better things to do than stalking me for L?"

Penber replied seriously, "L hired me to be your bodyguard. He is concerned for your safety."

"Bullshit. He's using you to spy on me."

Penber frowned. "L warned me that you could become the Yotsuba's next target because of his association with you."

"I have no association with L," Light growled.

"He told me that you're his best student."

"Well, not anymore," Light scoffed. "I'm just a college dropout now, so kindly leave me the fuck alone."

He stormed away while the FBI agent followed him. They crossed the street, then Light turned and furiously glared at the man again.

"Seriously. Stop following me, or I will have to hurt you."

Penber looked unafraid. "L hired me. I'm only doing my job-"

Copying one of L's favorite attacks, Light suddenly kicked Penber in the stomach. The agent stumbled back and fell against a moving car. He rolled off the hood of the car and crashed onto the street. The car immediately stopped and the driver jumped out, asking if Penber was okay. Penber ignored the driver as he staggered to his feet. He wasn't badly hurt, but he was covered in scrapes and bruises.

"What the hell, you brat?!" He yelled at the teen.

"I warned you." Light crossed his arms. "Stop following me, or next time I'll push you in front of a moving train."

Penber stared at him in shock while Light walked away.

###

In Watari's office, L was perched at his desk. For the last ten minutes, he had been speaking to Raye Penber on the phone. The FBI agent was livid. Apparently, Light had physically assaulted Penber and threatened to kill him. L wasn't surprised. Light had become quite volatile after he discovered the truth. L cringed just thinking about it. The whole event had been a complete disaster. Every day L had been regretting his decisions. He should have told Light the truth earlier, much earlier. The lie had gone on for far too long. He was afraid that Light would never forgive him. L had already apologized several times. But it didn't seem to make any difference. Light was still avoiding him and wouldn't talk to him… What if L had truly lost Light this time? That thought was too painful to bear.

In order to appease Penber, L had agreed to talk to Light about the bodyguard situation. But since Light refused to communicate via call or text, L would have to visit Light in person. He was anxious about seeing Light. L was excited to see the teen's face, but he also dreaded it. He didn't want to see Light cry again. That had been heartbreaking. L hated knowing that he had caused Light so much pain. He had been sitting in the dark office for days, consumed with guilt.

But now, it was time to face Light again.

###

Back in Misa's apartment, Light was in the bathroom, trying to scrub the makeup off his face. He managed to remove everything except the eyeliner. Light stared at himself in the mirror. The black eyeliner was smeared under his eyes now. The dark circles reminded him of L, and that only pissed him off even more. Light searched through cabinets and drawers. Misa wore cosmetics all the time. She had to have makeup remover somewhere.

Light heard the doorbell ring, but he ignored it as he continued searching. Maybe Misa kept the makeup remover in her bedroom. Light could look there. The doorbell rang again. Just go away. He slammed a drawer shut in frustration. The doorbell rang a third time. For fuck's sake. Light stormed out of the bathroom and swung the front door open.

His heart skipped a beat as soon as he saw L.

L tilted his head to the side with a confused look on his face. "Eyeliner?"

Light immediately tried to slam the door, but L stepped forward and blocked the door from closing with his foot.

L grabbed onto the door, opening it further. "Light-kun, we need to talk."

Light's heart raced as he glared at the detective. "I have nothing to say to you."

"I understand that I have hurt you and I am sorry. But you need to let your bodyguard do his job."

"I don't need to do a single thing you tell me," Light snapped. "I won't let you stalk me."

L looked frustrated. "I am not stalking you, Light-kun. I am trying to protect you-"

"I don't want your fucking protection!" Light shook with anger. "I want you out of my life. What part of that do you not understand?!"

"I have enemies, Light-kun. It is possible that they could target you."

"I'll take my chances. Just leave."

L declared, "I cannot let them harm you, Light-kun. I love you."

Light's heart tightened painfully in his chest as his breath hitched. He could feel his eyes stinging, beginning to tear up. "D-Don't say that to me."

"It's true."

"You've lied to me the whole time I've know you," Light hissed. "Why the hell should I believe a word you say?!"

L had a distraught look on his face. "You don't believe that I love you?"

Light snapped, "I believe that you love fucking with my head."

"I was planning to tell you the truth-"

"Yeah, after we were already sleeping together. How convenient for you."

"Light-kun, that's not why I-"

"I trusted you. I fucking trusted you." Light trembled as a single tear spilled down his cheek.

He gasped when L cupped the side of his face. L wiped the tear away with his thumb as he stared at Light with worried black eyes.

"I'm sorry, Light. Please don't cry."

Light quickly shoved him away and slammed the door. "Stay away from me!"

As soon as he shut the door, tears were streaming down his face. Light locked the door, then he covered his mouth with his hand, muffling a sob. He didn't want L to hear.

"Light-kun…" L spoke to him through the door. "I will keep my distance, but Raye Penber is still your bodyguard. It is his job to protect you. Please don't take your animosity towards me out on him." L paused for a moment. "Stay safe, Light-kun."

Light could hear footsteps walking away. He leaned his forehead against the door as tears continued to fall. Light hated himself for crying. He hated himself for showing weakness.

But even more than that, Light hated how much he wanted L to hold him.

A/N: Oh, the angst!

Before people start worrying… Here's a reminder about myself: I like happy endings. LOL

Right now, I think there will be about 5 chapters left. That's just an estimation though.

Reviews are love XD