The End

a Trigun fanfiction

XXI. TIME TO GO

JULY. AF0155-05-21. 7:30 AM.

When they locked up everything in the morning, Knives was nowhere to be found. Livio was bristling nonstop, muttering under his breath, and even Meryl seemed a little annoyed, so Vash went to look for him.

When he found his brother on an overlook over the second Plant, Vash stopped in the doorway. Knives knew he was there already, but he didn't turn around. It hadn't been hard to find him. It was possible that the others weren't looking very hard.

"Is there a reason you're hiding?" asked Vash.

Now Knives did turn around, sneering. "I'm not hiding," he snapped.

"Everyone's ready to go," said Vash, walking towards the balcony that overlooked the Plant. He could see their sister resting in her bulb; he had said his good-byes earlier that morning.

"Are you ready?" murmured Knives, facing their sister again and leaning down onto the rail.

Vash blinked. "What? Yes." He frowned. "Knives, what—"

"I remember what it's like to wake up after that," he said, and he turned to look at Vash. "Surrounded by ruins. I just want you to be sure."

"Knives, I feel fine," said Vash, sighing. "It was a shock at first, sure. Everything felt weird and painful. But I'm okay now."

Knives frowned and stood up straight, but said nothing. Vash clapped him on the shoulder in what he meant as a friendly gesture, but after he did it, it seemed like the wrong one.

"Don't worry," he said hastily. "Let's go down to the others."

"Is it too late to leave them behind?" muttered Knives.

Vash laughed and led the way down to the central room, where everyone else was waiting. Relief washed over Meryl's face, and it made Vash grin.

"Found him. Everyone ready?"

"Let's go then," said Livio, standing up. He started out the door, apparently unable to wait a second longer, and Millie quickly wrapped up the muffins she and Meryl had made for breakfast.

Meryl had packed everything so that everyone would carry one personal item and one group item, but she hadn't remembered that Vash didn't have an extra arm to spare.

"It's okay, Meryl," he said when she began to fret, "I can carry it just fine. Don't worry about it." He managed to shoulder both packs, but the extra one started to slip immediately.

Knives caught it and threw the strap over his own shoulders. "I'll take it."

"You don't have to," protested Vash. "I can – "

"I said I'll take it." Knives didn't leave any room for argument with his tone. He started down the hall and Vash quickly caught up to him with everyone else in pursuit.

They reached the final door out and Vash was about to step through when Knives put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. Vash glanced at him and gave him a confused look.

Knives pressed his lips together in an anxious line. Are you sure you're ready?

"Yeah, I'm—"

But something in Knives's eyes made him pause, and he suddenly remembered what Knives had said in the overlook.

I remember what it's like to wake up after that. Surrounded by ruins.

Oh.

Oh.

Vash turned his gaze to the wall ahead of them. What lay beyond that wall? What was left of July now? Would he have to face its destruction again, like all those years ago?

Surrounded by ruins, Knives had said. It was a little much to call Mesa Probe ruins, Vash thought. It was more abandoned than anything else. But then again, he realized, maybe Knives hadn't exactly meant Mesa Probe.

He had to face the ruins, just like he had faced all of his mistakes in the past. Before Knives could stop him, he pushed the door open and led the way down the hall, out of the Plant facility. He took two long steps out into the morning sunlight and stopped.

At first, the intense morning light blinded him, and when his eyes had adjusted, he wished he was still blind.

The front of the Plant facility had been blasted away—he already knew that—but it appeared that the rest of the city had been blasted away, too. A wide strip of the city was nothing but twisted metal and crumbling concrete. The city lay before him in the ruins Knives had warned him about. Entire buildings were obliterated, and those still standing weren't really "standing" so much as slowly dissolving under the hot sun. He could see melted metal protruding from the ground and glass that had shattered or melted, leaving behind warped metal frames or shards that would eventually join the sand of the planet.

It looked just like it had the first time he had blown up July, and suddenly, he could smell it, too, the way it was then—rust and decay and death—and he would have cried if he didn't feel so numb. For a moment, he thought that nothing had changed, that the last fifty years were just a hallucination and that he was still standing in the ruins of the Third City, that the insurance girls and Wolfwood and Livio had been a figment of his imagination, an illusion his mind created to keep him from going insane after seeing what he had done. He wanted to scream, but he could hardly move. Karen, David, Ben, Sae, all of the faces that disappeared that day but stayed burned into his mind—

A hand fell on his shoulder, and his vision cleared. He was bent over, looking down at his boots, his only hand braced against a wall. His mouth tasted sour and he spat. There were bits of muffin on the toes of his boots.

He looked over his shoulder and for a moment, he thought he saw Knives standing behind him, smirking and urging him to blow up more of July—destroy it all—but then something shifted in his mind, and it was Knives, but he was standing there with a sad expression in place of an angry one.

"I'm sorry," said Knives. Vash felt like his brain was spinning. He remembered the way Knives had said, "Yo, Vash," sitting on the desk of a dead man, and how afterwards the only thing Vash could think for a long time was "I'm sorry." It had never felt like enough. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

"I'm sorry, Vash," Knives said again. Vash stared at him, wondering who he was. The Knives that had activated the Angel Arm or the Knives that was standing before him now, apologizing for the first time in Vash's memory? Was this Knives real, or part of a hallucination?

"Who are you?" asked Vash.

Knives's eyes narrowed for a moment, but then he looked away. "I'm your brother, Vash," he said.

Vash nodded and slowly stood up, feeling Knives's hand fall away from his shoulder. They stood there for a long time, facing the wall. Vash was afraid to turn around again. He couldn't smell anything now except sand and stale city and his own sick. It was different this time. It wasn't as bad as the first time. He couldn't even smell death.

Knives was still beside him, waiting with him. Vash felt like he needed to say something. "I'll be all right," he said. "It's not your fault."

"Hmm," Knives murmured thoughtfully. "Yes, you're right," he said, somewhat breezily, and his change in tone surprised Vash. "I suppose it's safe to say that this time, it wasn't my fault. See? I am getting better."

Vash looked up to shoot him a glare, but Knives's slight smirk made him pause. Vash's eyes widened, and he had to keep from smiling as he turned away and rolled his eyes.

"Don't sound so proud of something you didn't do," he said, walking toward the others, who were waiting in the center of the demolished open square in front of the Plant facility.

"Hey, you want me to play nice with the humans—so here I am, not blowing their cities up."

"It doesn't count."

"You don't get to choose what counts every time. Give me this one."

Vash sighed, and when they reached the others, his grin was genuine.

"Sorry," he said. "Are we ready?"

"Vash, are you okay?" asked Meryl, and he almost lied to her, but the concern in her eyes made him falter.

"Yeah. Flashbacks. You know," was all he managed to say by way of explanation though.

Her eyes widened, and she suddenly reached forward and took his hand in hers.

"This isn't your fault," she said passionately. "The Earth Federation did this."

"She's right," said Chronica.

Vash nodded and Meryl dropped his hand.

"Well, let's go then," she said. "Millie and I will lead the way, since we know the best routes." She started to walk forward through the debris. "Millie and I have made arrangements, so we should be able to get out of here quickly."

Meryl began to talk about the arrangements, but Vash stopped listening. He looked around at the debris as they walked through what was left of this part of the city. At least the city wasn't completely destroyed this time, though maybe that wasn't a plus. A city full of humans could turn against itself in minutes under the pressure of having half of it wiped out. Chaos begets chaos. He should know that better than anyone.

They emerged from the broken part of town and Vash recognized a few buildings. One of his favorite bakeries was still standing – or at least the building that it used to be in was. Now the sign advertised a small time law office. The streets were vacant; these buildings were still too close to the destruction for people to want to wander near.

They took a while picking through the town and Meryl seemed to be taking them the long way around. Every once in a while, Millie would point out another direction and Meryl would nod in agreement, and then they would change their route. Eventually they emerged at the edge of the city and started to walk around the outside.

"Where are we going now?" asked Vash, confused.

"We have to go into town to get our transportation," said Meryl, glancing at him over her shoulder. "We're almost there."

They stopped only a few minutes later at the entrance to what looked like a ranch, the city visible just an ile behind it, and Vash balked.

"What?" he complained. "No!"

Meryl glared at him over her shoulder, leading them into the ranch. "Weren't you listening to what I said earlier? I told you we were taking Thomases." She walked up to a ranch hand and spoke to him for a moment. He left and came back with the three Thomases that Vash, Millie, and Meryl had used to get to July, and Meryl took the reins. She went to tie them to a post nearby and Vash pouted.

"We're taking them, Vash," she snapped, "so just get over it."

"No," protested Vash with a whine. "I hate Thomases."

"Why?" asked Livio. "They're convenient, aren't they?"

"And they're the cheapest for us right now," added Meryl. "We have three already from when we first came into town, and luckily someone still has them."

"Yeah, but it'll be so slow," said Vash.

"Stop whining," said Knives, shifting the bags on his shoulder. "You're giving me a headache."

"Well, you try to ride one and tell me they don't suck," said Vash, pointing a finger at Knives.

"It can't be that bad," said Knives, batting Vash's finger down with an annoyed frown. "Maybe you just suck."

Vash grabbed the reins of a Thomas Meryl was leading, and thrust them in front of Knives's face with a determined, challenging expression. Knives frowned deeper, but snatched the reins away.

"Fine," he snapped. Knives mounted the Thomas easily enough and it took three shaky, zig-zaggy steps away from them before Knives fell right off. The Thomas squawked and loped away from him in a hurry. Meryl chased after it, clicking her tongue.

Vash stood over Knives, laughing hysterically. "See, I told you so!"

Knives gritted his teeth, his eye twitching. "You're so annoying…"

Livio sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Well, maybe they just don't like Plants…"

Vash turned around. "Yeah," he said, hitting his palm with his fist. "Maybe!" He turned to Chronica, taking the reins from Meryl. She protested, because she had just caught the Thomas again, but Vash ignored her. "Now you try," he told Chronica.

"What? No." Chronica crossed her arms. "I'm not going to make a fool of myself like the two of you."

"Hey…" growled Knives.

Vash grinned mischievously. "So you're admitting you can't do it, or are you scared?"

Chronica glared at him, but snatched the reins away.

To Chronica's credit, she made it ten yarz before the Thomas bucked her off. Vash laughed hysterically again, falling down on the sand.

Livio sighed again. "We'll just have to find a car."

"No," snapped Knives. "I hate those metal death traps."

"Death traps?" said Vash, incredulously. "You rode a motorcycle all the way across the desert! Those are death traps!"

"Speaking of which," said Knives thoughtfully, "I wonder if the motorcycle was blown up." He looked toward the city, frowning, and then shrugged. "Oh well, wasn't mine anyway."

"What?" said Vash sharply. "Where did you get it?"

"Calm down. It technically didn't belong to anyone."

"Well we can't go looking for it," said Meryl. "You'll just have to deal with the Thomases."

"No!" protested Vash.

"I'm going to agree with the broom-head," said Livio, frowning. "If half our party is incapable of riding them, it's going to be more of a nuisance than anything."

Meryl nodded reluctantly and they finally settled on a car, since Knives was the only person who objected and it was majority rules. Meryl sold the three Thomases that they had, and they went back into the city to find a car. There were a lot still in the city, but Livio finally found a four-door station wagon that would suit their purposes well enough. It had six seats and tires fitted for desert wear, which made it higher up from the ground than it usually would have been. And it was free—the owner had left it behind when he fled the city on foot.

"Great," said Vash, once Livio had gathered them all around it and they decided to take it. "I'll drive!" He sounded really excited, and he started toward the driver's side door, but Knives grabbed the back of his collar and Vash made a choking noise.

"Hold on," said Knives. "You can't drive. You only have one arm."

Vash looked at the bandages that tied off his left arm, and then turned back, pouting. "But I have two knees," he argued, sounding hopeful and yet hopeless at the same time.

"You are not going to drive with your knees!" protested Meryl.

Chronica finally demanded that they stop, saying she had enough of Knives's driving. He did drive rather recklessly fast.

"That's a good idea," said Vash. "I need to do something anyway."

"What?" asked Livio. "If you needed to piss, you should have said so earlier."

"No!" Vash made a face. Livio could be so crude – and in front of ladies, too. Jeez. "No," said Vash, trying again. He looked over his shoulder at Livio, who was sitting in the back seat, passenger side, and smirked. "Target practice," he told him.

Livio grinned wolfishly. "Right."

Knives parked the car in the shade of a large rock outcropping, and Vash and Livio immediately jumped out and opened the back of the car to grab their bags.

"What – " Meryl began, but then Vash streaked past her in a red blur toward the rocks.

"Dibs on tea cups!" he shouted.

When they finally caught up with Vash and Livio, the two were unloading dishes from their bags and setting them up on top of rocks. Meryl's jaw dropped.

"Are you serious? You stole the dishes?"

"What? No one was going to use them," said Livio, placing a plate on the ground and propping it up with a rock.

There was a loud crash, and they all turned to see Vash standing over a shattered plate that he had dropped. He grinned.

"Heh… Oops." He leaned down to pick up the pieces and examined them. "Hmm… These are still good," he decided.

Knives rubbed his forehead. "Why are you doing this?"

Vash pulled his gun from its holster. He hadn't actually held it properly in a long time. In spite of his reservations about the Gate, it felt good to hold it again. Old habits really did die hard. He raised it and spun it around by the trigger guard. He was wearing his red jacket again and the black body armor, driving around the desert with Meryl and Millie. It almost felt like nothing had changed. But as he looked around at the others, he realized that most things—if not everything—had.

"I gotta practice," he explained. "It's been a while."

"And I just wanna shoot stuff," said Livio, suddenly holding two handguns. "I'm probably out of practice," he admitted. "Guns weren't allowed at the orphanage."

"Well, if I know my Livio – and I do," added Vash, "I'd guess that he'd still hit… ehh… three out of seven, maybe."

"What?" growled Livio. "Is that a challenge?"

Vash grinned. "Does it sound like one?"

Meryl groaned. "Men…" she muttered.

Millie just laughed. "Oh, I dunno, Meryl. It seems like they're having fun."

"But they're breaking perfectly good dishes," she grumbled.

"They're all ceramic," said Vash, loading his revolver with his teeth. He spun the chamber with his thumb and flicked the gun to click it into place. "It's basically made from sand. It's not like there isn't plenty around."

Livio and Vash waved everyone out of the way and stood a good twenty paces away. Vash raised his piece and leveled it for a moment, getting used to the weight. He aimed for a tea cup sitting on a rock and pulled the trigger.

The recoil was so great that he ended up missing by inches. He shook out his arm.

"Ow… Damn…" Vash would have rubbed the arm, but he was missing another limb to do so. At least his right arm wasn't burning anymore. He hadn't felt the ache since he'd gone into the bulb.

"You okay?" asked Livio.

"Yeah. I just underestimated the kick." He raised the gun again and aimed for the same tea cup, narrowing his eyes. He knew what he had to do now, at least. He could get used to the weight, and once he had his left arm back, he could compensate for the recoil with it. He just needed to hold his arm steady.

The next shot he squeezed off hit right on target, and Millie cheered as the tea cup shattered. Then a plate, a mug, three more tea cups, and a bowl, and then Livio stopped him.

"We only have so many targets."

"Right. Sorry." Vash spun his gun and stopped it to let the barrel rest on his shoulder. "Go ahead."

Livio knocked down the rest of the soup bowls and the pieces of plate that Vash broke and set up, and then he smirked over his shoulder at Vash.

"Three out of seven, eh?"

Vash shrugged. "Guess I underestimated you."

"Well maybe next time you should estimate me."

Vash laughed and turned around. "Do you want to try?" he asked the others. He was holding his gun out to Knives, and Livio made a noise of protest.

"You're going to hand that deranged homicidal maniac a loaded gun?"

"Genocidal," Knives corrected. "Homocidal assumes that I'm part of the same species. And you also assume that I haven't been armed this whole time. Rather careless of you." Livio glared at him, but Knives ignored it. He produced the submachine gun that Brilliant Dynamites Neon had given him from his pack.

"Whoa," said Vash, his eyes bugging. "Where'd you get that?"

"Your friend Brilliant Dynamites Neon," said Knives with a smirk. Then his eyes widened and his mouth dropped into a small frown. "Hmm… Speaking of which…" He reached over and punched Vash in the arm, hard.

"Ow!" whined Vash. "What was that for?"

"Some kid asked me to do that for him. And, well, I just wanted to."

"What kid?" asked Vash, but Knives had already turned away from him to shoot at the remaining dishes and the shots drowned out his words. Vash pouted, unable to rub his sore arm.

"Hey, don't hog all the targets," said Livio, grabbing Knives's arm after he had finished off a round.

Knives yanked his arm away from Livio. "Don't tell me what to do," he snarled.

"Knives, give someone else a turn," said Vash, noticing that Knives was slowly raising his gun to point it at Livio.

"My turn!" said Millie, hefting her stun gun up and shooting. The cross shot out and knocked down three plates at once. She grinned and turned back around. "Yay!"

Vash laughed. Knives's eyes were as wide as saucers, and Livio looked just as surprised.

"What about you, Meryl?" he said.

She frowned. "There aren't any targets left."

They looked over. It was true; Millie had knocked over the last of the targets.

"There are still some mugs," said Livio, shrugging. "But we were going to save those to use…"

"Mugs shmugs!" said Vash, skipping over to the rocks to survey the damage. "We'll use our hands! Hey look! There are plenty of plate fragments that are big enough!" He set them up quickly and then ran back over to the group.

"What about you, Chronica?" he called, and when they turned around, they saw that Chronica was still leaning against the car, twenty paces away from them, just watching them.

She shook her head very slightly, and Vash frowned and walked over to her.

"You okay?" he asked quietly.

"Yes, I'm fine. I don't want to play."

"Play?" Vash blinked, and then grinned. "Aww, come on. Have some fun."

She hesitated, and Vash didn't push her.

"Well, if you want to, you can always join in," he said, turning to rejoin the others.

It's irresponsible.

He turned back and frowned, confused. What is?

Her eyes flicked over his shoulder, and he knew she was watching Knives.

Everyone makes mistakes. He's trying to make up for his. We have to trust him.

I don't see why.

A flare of anger, and Vash pulled back, staring at her.

"Vash, what's taking so long?" called Livio. Vash waved at him with a grin and glanced back at Chronica.

There's still so much you don't know, he told her.

I think you're naïve.

Vash shrugged and walked back over to the group.

"What's up with her?" asked Livio.

"Who cares?" muttered Knives.

Vash shot him a look. "She's just tired," he explained. "And she doesn't want to waste rounds."

"Whatever," said Livio. "They're not in short supply."

Meryl shot off a few Derringers at the rest of the targets, knocking them all down, and Livio whistled.

"Nice shootin', girly."

"Yeah, but those pistols are generally inefficient," said Knives.

"Bigger isn't always better," retorted Meryl.

"They're a good size for her tiny hands," added Vash, and Meryl threw an empty Derringer at him. He did not bother to dodge.

"Yeah, but don't prostitutes use them?" said Knives, raising an eyebrow.

Meryl flushed. "Excuse me?"

"Sometimes assassins use them, too," said Vash quickly.

"They're too loud for assassins," argued Knives.

"Your assassins were all pretty damn loud," growled Livio.

"Yeah, like Mr. Conspicuous over here," said Vash, jutting a thumb toward Livio. Livio glared at him and Vash rubbed the back of his neck, giggling nervously. "Er… well, shall we keep going?"

Meryl looked up at the sky. The two suns were pretty high. "It looks like it's lunch time anyway. We might as well eat before we go."

They set up a small picnic under the shade of the rock spire, and Chronica even joined them, though she stayed quiet while they ate. Vash and Livio were still restless, so after they ate, Livio started throwing ceramic fragments for Vash to shoot at. He didn't miss another shot.

Chronica's driving was a lot more carefully controlled, and Vash thought she might want to talk more – at least through telepathy – but she kept her eyes on the road and ignored his prodding, so he let it go.

Livio had tired himself out running around throwing plates, so he was lying in the back bed of the car. The insurance girls were in the back seat, staring out at the desert. Sometimes Millie pointed things out, like the shapes of clouds or rocks, and eventually even Meryl joined in her search for animal-shaped things.

Vash was sitting in the front seat between Knives and Chronica, mostly for safety reasons. He would have liked to sit with his insurance girls, but putting his two siblings in the front seat together might have been dangerous. There was still a lot of tension between them, and Vash wondered if maybe it would help if Chronica knew why Knives had behaved so… recklessly over the years. Knives was still sore about Chronica's attempt on Vash's life, and Vash supposed that was a grudge that would just have to peter out over time, maybe once Chronica proved her loyalty to them. That's what Knives would require anyway. Vash was content with knowing that Chronica realized her mistake and was sorry for it. She had already apologized to him, after all, and he understood where she was coming from anyway. They'd both had important people taken from them by Knives.

Vash had put in his headphones after a while. There were only so many songs on the music player, and over the years, Vash had listened to all of them so many times that he knew most of them by heart. He hummed along for a while, until Knives elbowed him and told him to stop.

"Do you wanna listen?" he offered, taking out one of the earbuds.

"No. Just stop humming."

Vash put his arm over the top of the front bench, stretching. They had been driving for a long time and Vash was beginning to get sleepy from the repetitive scenery of the desert and the motion of the car. Apparently, Knives was getting the same feeling. He put his feet up on the dashboard, stretching them out as best he could.

"Put your feet down," said Chronica sharply, speaking for the first time in hours. "I can't see the rearview mirror."

"There's nothing to see but desert," said Knives, folding his hands behind his head and closing his eyes.

"If I slam on the breaks with your feet on the dashboard, you'll go flying through the windshield," she said through her teeth.

"Don't slam on the breaks, then."

"There might be an emergency."

"Then I'll fly through the windshield. I'll heal."

"Not as quickly as you used to," Chronica pointed out.

Knives snarled, but he put his feet down. Vash bent his elbow to touch Knives on the shoulder. Knives closed his eyes with a heavy sigh.

I don't trust her Vash.

Vash suppressed a sigh of his own. She's on our side.

She has been blind to the Earth Federation's corruption for years. It's a weakness.

No it's not¸ protested Vash. It's a mistake. She was raised by the Federation. It's difficult to turn your back on something like that.

How do we know that she has?

Vash bit his lip.

Don't be so naïve, Vash, scolded Knives. It's your naïveté that got you in this mess in the first place.

Vash frowned slightly and looked out at the desert.

I think we should tell her, he said.

No, said Knives, firmly. Obstinately. Vash had the feeling that they were never going to discuss it, that it was just going to be a tension between them that was never resolved. And he didn't want that. He wanted a clean start. He didn't want anything to come between them again. But this thing… This was staying, apparently.

I think we should tell her, he said again.

Knives turned to look out the window, leaning on his hand.

Think about it, will you? said Vash. Knives made no reply.

They were waiting to run into a town where they could stay the night, but the two orange suns were sinking slowly into the horizon, and it was dangerous to drive in this particular area at night. Vash knew a lot about Gunsmoke, but the desert sand tended to change shape.

Finally, Vash spotted an outcropping of rock to the north, and Chronica steered them over to the shelter the rock provided.

"Is this safe?" asked Chronica, as Meryl and Millie worked at flattening the sand and pushing hidden rocks out of the way.

"What?" asked Meryl.

Chronica hesitated. "Camping in the desert like this," she said. "Is it safe?" And it occurred to Vash for the first time that she was new to this planet. Why hadn't he realized that before?

Before he could reassure her, Livio laughed. "I'm sorry, do you need running water constantly, Your Highness? Don't worry, we do this all the time."

"Maybe we should get a tent," said Meryl, putting her hands on her hips.

"Oh, crackers!" cursed Millie suddenly, and they all turned to look at her in surprise. She frowned guiltily. "We didn't get any firelogs," she explained, her voice breaking.

Vash blinked, but Livio huffed.

"Leave it to me," he said, dragging something out of the back of the car. It made a heavy thump when Livio dropped it on the sand.

"What is it?" asked Meryl.

"An electric stove. We use them at the orphanage, because even fake wood is too expensive." He thought for a moment. "But maybe they'll splurge now that we have that huge donation."

Millie tilted her head to the side. "Huge donation?"

"Yeah. We got a check from some guy – Saverem or something."

Knives shot Vash a look, and Vash grinned nervously, shrugging.

"So how does it work?" asked Millie.

Livio flipped the top open and it swung on its hinges and hit the sand with a bang. There were two circles with corresponding dials, and when Livio tested one, the stove clicked and after a while, the circle began to glow with heat. He immediately turned it off to save the battery—which would need recharging somewhere along the way—and Meryl went to get the food.

While Meryl and Millie prepared dinner, Livio worked on setting up the rest of the camp as the sun slowly lowered, until the only light came from the stove.

2014-01-08