When the Night Comes - Dan Auerbach
She sat alone in the cockpit, her legs pulled up to her chest and a mug of hot tea in her hands. They were in orbit around Illium and she was admiring the view of the sun rising over the planet, bringing light to one half of the it while submitting the other half to darkness.
It hadn't been an easy few days for her. After the disaster that was Sparatus's party, they had picked up the thief, Kasumi, and the biotic, Jack, before receiving an urgent wave that they had to travel to Horizon in the wake of a Collector attack. To her chagrin, Ashley had been there, and she made it very clear that she didn't trust Shepard.
After months of them working so closely together fighting Saren and considering Ashley to be a good friend, Shepard was hurt. Upon first seeing the former Gunnery Chief, she had a brief spark of hope that Ashley would want to be back on the Normandy, right at Shepard's side, but she was so wrong. Now, every night she had been plagued with the same night terror about facing Sovereign, who killed Ashley and continuously reminded her that he would destroy everything that she loved. As a result, she would wake up at the small hours bathed in sweat and she couldn't return to sleep as the images from the dreams were burned into the back of her eyelids.
It had been a great relief seeing Liara on Illium, and to feel the warm embrace of a trusting friend. But Liara had her own life now, and her own duties; Shepard understood that she couldn't just leave to go back to chasing bad guys on the Normandy. At the same time, Shepard was growing desperate for someone to talk to, because Garrus had turned into a stonewall figure. Every time she went to speak with him over the past three days, the result was always the same.
"Shepard, need me for something?"
"Do you have a minute?"
He would then pause, glance at his console, and point his thumb towards it. "Can it wait? I'm in the middle of some calibrations."
But she would never push it, knowing that he was recovering from a difficult encounter with his father and needed time. She took him off the ground team for a couple of missions, acknowledging that time off can be good for a person, but he just spent all of his free time calibrating, not accepting the time for resting.
Giving him time off had other positive results, though. She took Jacob to complete a mission for Zaeed and saved a group of innocent civilians, and she had a chance to test Jack and Grunt out on the ground at Horizon and both had performed admirably. The transport on the way to Horizon had been the perfect chance for her to speak to the two as well.
"Jack, Grunt, we're on our way to our first ground mission together, so there's something you both should know. Jack, you're not the only one Cerberus has put a lot of work into modifying. When they brought me back, they used implants on me. The implants improved my biotic and combat skills, but they also release a cell that repairs any cells damaged in any way. As a result, in the battlefield, you may see me regenerate from wounds. I also can't die."
"You say that so calmly, Shepard," Jack scoffed.
Shepard raised an eyebrow at her in response. "You tell people you're a biotic prodigy with the same degree of calm."
Jack laughed at that. "True. Guess we're both Cerberus freaks, then. Too bad they didn't torture you and pit you against others like yourself, or you'd be just like me."
"We'll get revenge on them, Jack, don't you worry." Her gaze fell to the krogan. "You've been quiet, Grunt."
"I don't understand what it means to not die. Okeer taught me that dying in battle is honourable. Where is the honour if you cannot die in battle?"
"We're fighting the Collectors, Grunt." Shepard stood up, holding on to a handle in the transport as it swayed while landing. "There is no honour, only saving the innocent. Now let's get down there and do just that!"
"Commander? I think you're in my chair."
Joker interrupted her reminiscing, causing her to jump a bit before flashing a wide smile at him. "Technically Joker, my ship, my seat."
"You're gonna make the cripple stand? Besides, I'd like to see you fly this thing half as well as I do."
"Alright, have your damn seat back. I know you just like it because you get to be so close to EDI."
He rolled his eyes dramatically as he took his seat back. "I think I'd rather have Saren as a copilot than that thing."
EDI popped up immediately at that comment. "Jeff, are you upset at my comment yesterday regarding your restroom break?"
"Yes, EDI, I'm frankly a bit disturbed that you've been tracking my bathroom time!"
"I just found it unusual you spent 37.3 minutes in the restroom during your shift, when the average human restroom time is approximately 4.4 minutes."
"Do we really need to discuss this in front of the Commander? I was reading Pilots Today and lost track of time!"
"Logging you out, Jeff."
Joker turned back to Shepard, making another dramatic eye roll. "AIs these days. Anyways, Shepard, where are we off to next?"
"Well, we have a lot of options. We can either stay here to recruit Thane and Samara and help Miranda look for her sister, or we could travel; to Aeia to look into Jacob's father's ship, to Bekenstein to help out Kasumi, to Tuchanka to help out Mordin, to Pragia to help Jack, or to Haestrom to recruit Tali."
"My vote's for a friendly face, Shepard, but doesn't it make more sense for us to save ourselves a few hours' travel and stay here?"
She rubbed her eyes with her fists. "Good point, Joker. I'll take Miranda and Jack with me, everyone else can go on shore leave."
"Are you just taking those two together to start a cat fight? Because I'd really prefer to see them fight on the ship. In a mud pit. In bikinis."
"I'll get right on that, Joker. Land at the port in Nos Astra and notify the crew of 24 hour shore leave while we get these missions done."
"Aye aye, Commander."
Miranda was alone in her office when her omni-tool pinged with a message from Shepard.
Miranda,
We're landing on Illium. Going to take a look into Orianna today and I'd also like you to come along with me to recruit Samara and Thane. Your skills are always appreciated on the ground.
Shepard.
She let out a huff when she glanced at the mission reports showing that Jack would be on the ground team with her. That will be a joy.
Her door pinged with an entry request, and her monitor read the ID of Kelly Chambers. Her brow furrowed in confusion, but she accepted the request.
"Thank you for seeing me, Miranda, I hope now is a good time."
"Now is fine, thanks, but we are expected to land in half an hour."
"I only need a few minutes of your time."
"Go ahead."
The yeoman took a seat across from Miranda, crossed her legs, and braided her fingers. "When I joined this crew, you requested that I notify you of any unusual behaviour among crew members. I've had some concerns about two of our crew members, and I've been doing some research with EDI."
Miranda leaned back in her chair. "Go on."
"First, I'm concerned about Shepard. EDI has been reporting that she's been having difficulty sleeping, only getting about 4 to 5 hours per night. She's also been spending excess of two hours daily in the cargo bay's exercise area. I'm concerned that the stress could be too great, due to her showing signs of potential PTSD."
Miranda covered her mouth with her hand in thought. It was undeniable that the Commander was either seen in the exercise area, training area, or the mess the majority of the time. She had attributed it to her dedication, but she could be using it as a distraction. "Thank you, Chambers, I'll be monitoring her closely. Who's the second crew member?"
"It's Garrus Vakarian, ma'am. We took shore leave on the Citadel last week, and he's been exceedingly reclusive since then. He calibrates almost ten hours a day, and the rest of his free time is either spent in the mess or at the shooting range. It seems unusual."
"Excellent observation, Chambers. I'll be assigning him to various tasks around the ship to gauge his response. Everyone else seems well?"
"Yes, the rest of the crew is well and functioning normally."
"Thank you, Kelly. You're dismissed."
Kelly left, and Miranda pondered over Shepard. Could the Illusive Man be putting too much pressure on her? She imagined herself in Shepard's position: being told to take care of a constantly growing crew, all while dealing with the emotional ramifications of her changes after Miranda brought her back. And what happened with her and Garrus at the Citadel that had been putting so much pressure on the both of them that they never rested?
One thing was for certain: the whole crew needed a chance to relax, and soon. Otherwise, the whole mission could go downhill quickly.
Recruiting Samara and Thane went off without a hitch, other than Miranda and Jack nearly killing each other every time they had to stay in an elevator together. However, Miranda was thrilled to watch her sister transfer into safety, and the mood on the Normandy was on the increase. That was with the exception of Garrus remaining emotionally blank, and the ominous feeling at the pit of Shepard's heart that she couldn't yet identify.
She blamed it on many possible things: the weight of the regenerating cells, the pressure to help so many of her ground crew, the knowledge of the Reaper IFF... She felt that she had to be in many places at once, helping many people.
But the one person she was most desperate to help was as responsive as a dead fish and she couldn't deny her frustration.
She would have given anything to see Garrus's mandibles flutter in excitement at seeing her again. To sit with him and eat in the mess. To train together. To fight on the ground together. To have his advice on where they should go and who they should help next. But whenever she tried to talk to him, she received emotionless blue eyes and an excuse about calibrations.
How many calibrations can a turian really do?!
"Shepard! Watch your left flank."
Samara's voice dragged her back into reality. Shepard brought her and Thane onto a shakedown mission investigating a Blood Pack base in the Xe Cha system to analyze how well they worked together. They were proving to be two seasoned fighters with excellent concepts of the layout of the battlefield, leaving her thoroughly impressed with both of them. However, the three biotics together left them in desperate need of a tech expert. One like Garrus.
A need to finish the mission and get back on the ship filled her, and Shepard went into 'combat mode'. She dove behind cover, and shot down the merc at her left flank; Samara jumped out of cover to shoot a powerful throw at an unarmoured vorcha, and Thane flanked a krogan that Shepard charged, lifting him helplessly into the air before Thane finished him with a headshot.
"Good work, team. Let's make sure we clear out this facility."
Thane jogged up beside her while they searched the area. "You move like water, Shepard. You have the body of an assassin and the soul of a leader."
Shots rang out from their right, which Samara silenced with a throw. "You'll have to tell me more about that religion of yours some time, Thane. But for now, watch my six and let's take these guys out."
The three worked as a team, biotics flying across the field. Thane used warp on an enemy vanguard, which Shepard took down with two clean pistol shots to the head. Samara jumped out of cover and sprayed down two vorcha with her SMG that she had rendered helpless with pull, and Shepard focused on their team leader, picking at his shields before Thane executed him with a deadly headshot.
The poor mercs never stood a chance.
"Clear," Samara called.
"Let's get out of here," Shepard said, calling Joker. "I'm tired of looking at vorcha."
Shepard was fuming. Zaeed, Miranda, and she had just returned from the Collector ship, and she had just let the Illusive Man have it for setting them up and risking the lives of two of her crew members at the hands of the Collectors. She was desperate to run upstairs to change before heading to the cargo bay to beat the shit out of a punching bag that she would tape the Illusive Man's face to.
She was absolutely sick and tired of the way that he operated. Everything was secretive, and she had a feeling he had a bigger scheme up his sleeve that she knew would come out before the end of all of this. Although she wanted to trust the Cerberus crew on her ship, she had difficulty trusting anyone who would be willing to work under someone like him.
Chambers waved her over while she waited for the elevator, causing her to roll her eyes while out of her line of vision.
"Garrus wishes to speak to you, Commander. He has a certain fire in his eyes."
Shepard's eyes lit up and she immediately headed down to the main battery without changing into her civvies. This must be important.
When she arrived in the battery, Garrus was pacing and looked exceedingly concerned.
"Shepard, I'm going to be upfront with you." Honesty was good. "I'm not sure if the Normandy is the best place for me right now."
Shepard's heart fell to the pit of her stomach. "Why?" she whispered, unable to form any other words.
"I have a lead on Sidonis, Shepard. I need to track him. I need the closure from my team on Omega."
"Garrus, I'll follow you to the end of the galaxy, and tracking Sidonis is included with that."
"It's not just that, Shepard!" he stopped pacing and threw his arms up. "It's... I don't even know where to begin, Shepard."
"Start from the beginning."
He was clearly agitated as he resumed pacing. "Shepard, my father is a difficult man. I've told you before about how he prevented me from beginning Spectre training."
"I remember."
"Well..." he sighed."Shepard, you'll have to bear with me, because this is exceedingly difficult for me to talk about.
"My family is very high ranking in the turian hierarchy. As a result, my father has always put a great weight on the success of Solana and myself so that we can maintain the Vakarian name. So you can imagine his disappointment when I left C-Sec to chase a rogue Spectre under a human Commander while my sister continued to make her way through the military ranks. He made it very clear that he had aspirations for me to make it to C-Sec command and would be disappointed with any other result. Even as a child, he chose my life path for me, which left me with a lot of confusing questions as I grew older about what would have been right for me.
"After I had been with C-Sec for a few years, my mother sent me a message. She had been having difficulty with her memory, so she went to a well-established Salarian doctor on Palaven." He met her eyes briefly, his filled with sorrow, before his gaze returned to the floor. "She has Corpalis Syndrome. Brain degeneration. No known cure. It starts with memories, and grows worse with time until she forgets what happened thirty seconds ago. Eventually her motor functions will go and it will kill her."
"Garrus, I..."
He put his hand up to silence her. "I've already come to terms with it, Shepard. Right before you found me on Omega, I thought I was done. So I called my parents. My father was his usually disappointed self and my mother..." She heard his voice catch in his throat. "She didn't remember me. She didn't even remember that she had a son."
Shepard touched his arm tenderly, but he remained silent, trying to rein in his emotion. When he continued, his voice was soft. "Seeing my father at Sparatus's was hard. It meant that he had given up on my mom, leaving her in Solana's care. He also said that I'm a disappointment for following you, that I should be in C-Sec where I belong, not chasing imaginary enemies."
"The Reapers are not imaginary!"
He sighed. "Regardless of whether he's right or wrong about where I should be, I need to bring justice to Sidonis. After that, I need to make amends to my sister and my mother. They need me. The turian people need me. You haven't had me on your ground team in six missions, Shepard, so you clearly don't need me."
She grabbed his upper arms and gazed into his eyes intensely. "The Reapers and Collectors are real. If we don't fight them, there won't be a galaxy for your sister and your mother. There won't be doctors to treat your mother. The galaxy needs you." She paused before whispering, "I need you."
He pulled away. "If you needed me, you would bring me on the ground missions."
"You think I only need you for the ground missions? To me, you're a lot more than just a great shot. Since the first day that you were on the Normandy, you've been a source of guidance, support, and inspiration for me. You've kept me from drowning on many occasions."
"I can't swim, Shepard."
"It's a metaphor, Garrus. It means that sometimes when I have a hard time keeping up what I'm doing, you're there to inspire me to keep doing it. I wouldn't have been able to take down Saren without you, and I'm damn sure that I won't be able to take down the Collectors without you. So listen to me now, Vakarian." She put her finger on his chest to emphasize her point. "We're going to set our course for the Citadel so that we can take down Sidonis together. After that, we're going to get Tali, because I know both of us need her on the ship. Then we're going to take down those Collector bastards and get you to Palaven so you can be with your family. That's a command. Are we clear, soldier?"
Garrus's mouth opened and closed several times as he looked to make an argument but found none. "Yes, Commander."
"Good." She spoke to the intercom. "Joker? Set a course for the Citadel."
Shepard left the room, and Garrus felt a surge of pride in his heart that he was able to work under such a great Commander. He reached under his cot to pull out the box containing his gift for her. He opened it and gazed at the contents, tenderly running a talon over it before putting it back under his cot.
The time to give it to her was soon. Not now, but soon.