A/N: Thank you to all of you who are sticking with the story, I really appreciate it. I hope you kind of enjoy this update; don't worry, MerDer will be fine

Chapter 21

Something was wrong with Meredith. Derek wasn't quite sure what it was, but he knew that something wasn't quite right. She kept assuring him that she was fine, but she had been keeping him at an arm's length over the past two weeks, and then suddenly on Saturday, all communication stopped. He wanted to know what was going on in her head, but he wasn't sure that she would tell him.

It had started right after her birthday, when they had lunch together that Wednesday. Derek had tried not to be clingy after they talked the Sunday after; trying to give her space so she could study for her exam. But she wasn't back to normal on Wednesday, despite how much he had hoped she would be.

He had been waiting for about ten minutes in the hospital cafeteria before Meredith finally showed up. She was wearing jeans and her white pea coat, a burberry scarf around her neck, and Derek thought she looked like a model. A very frazzled model, he amended internally, but a model none the less. She watched her search for him, so he stood up, trying to catch her attention. When she caught his eye, her shoulders slumped slightly, and he could have sworn he saw her eyes widen, as if she wasn't really sure he would be there.

Derek smiled at her as she walked towards him, but was a little confused, because the closer she got to him, the more Derek examined her face, he saw that her eyes were filled with a strange mixture of fear and sadness.

"Hey Mer," he said as she finally stood before him, and Derek bowed his head to kiss her on the lips. At the last second, Meredith shifted so that Derek kissed her cheek, and then immediately sat down.

"Hi," she said softly, barely making eye contact. "How are you?"

"Tired," Derek answered honestly, smiling at her. "How are you feeling? Do you think your test went well?"

"What?" Meredith had spaced out for a minute. "Oh yeah, I think I did fine."

Meredith was quieter than usual during the meal. The only time she spoke was to ask him questions about surgery and the hospital; she didn't give him a chance to ask her any personal questions. Though she did loosen up and smile a few times, she still seemed out of it, like she was holding something back. When they had finally finished eating, they both stood up, and Derek moved to stand next to Meredith as she put her coat on. He kissed her softly on the lips, but Meredith pulled away far too soon in Derek's opinion.

"Meredith, are you okay? Because you seem not okay," Derek was very worried that there was something wrong with her, she looked so pale and tired; maybe she was coming down with something.

"Yeah, I'm great," Meredith tried to assure him, but she didn't meet his gaze, so Derek was not very convinced.

"You can tell me if there's anything wrong Mer," he offered, but she remained silent. "Well, I have Saturday off this week, so I was wondering if you wanted to go out on Friday night and then sleep over. Or, I could stay with you, because you said Cristina was going home for the weekend."

"Listen Derek," Meredith said slowly, sending signals off in Derek's head. "I have midterms coming up, so I think it would be a good idea if we didn't have sleepovers and stuff until after they're done."

Derek just stared at her for a few moments. This was not his Meredith. The Meredith he knew usually begged for a distraction, and it was usually he who had to force her to study. Now he was almost one hundred percent certain that there was something going on that she wasn't telling him about.

"Is that really what you want Mer?" He wasn't sure what she wanted, whether she was serious about just wanting to do homework, or if they were taking a break, or if she was dumping him. He really hoped it wasn't the latter.

"Yes Derek, I'm sure. I really need to study," Meredith snapped, but when she looked at him, he saw pain, and made a move to reach out to her.

However, Meredith took a step back, and gave a very small smile. "I have to go," she started. "You can call me when your shift gets out. If you want to."

"Of course I want to," he said, giving her his best reassuring smile. Suddenly, his pager went off, and he realized he had to go. "I gotta go, but I'll call you soon. Love you Mer."

"Bye Derek," was all she said before quickly exiting the cafeteria, leaving Derek very confused.

Derek had seen her once since then, and she had been just as quiet. Meredith had never been a big fan of PDA, but she had been willing to hold his hand in public and let him kiss her hello and goodbye. Now, she flinched whenever he touched her, if she didn't manage to step out of his grasp first. No sleepovers, no sex, and barely any conversation; Derek wasn't all that upset about the two week dry spell he was enduring, but he missed Meredith. He missed joking with her and hearing her laugh, because when they had spoken over the phone, her voice was hollow.

And now she wasn't speaking to him at all, and he was getting frustrated. This was the second time she had frozen him out in the six months they had been together, and this time he didn't know why. He understood after she met Addison, but this time there was no precedent, as far as Derek was concerned. It had been five days since she had bothered to answer the phone and talk to him, and he wasn't sure if he could do it much longer.

"Derek, you alright man?" Mark had come up behind him, sitting down across from him in the hospital cafeteria.

"It's Meredith."

"Is she still not talking to you? Damn, what did you do?"

"I don't know," Derek sighed. "She won't talk to me, and I don't know what to do. I love her, I really do, and I don't want to begin to imagine my life without her, but I just don't know…"

"Wait," Mark's head snapped up, and he dropped his fork. "You aren't thinking of breaking up with Grey are you?"

"I don't want to, but I don't think I can handle the cold shoulder. She keeps shutting me out, and doesn't tell me anything. How am I supposed to be in a long-term relationship with someone who decides that they aren't going to talk to me every other month?"

"Derek, you're being an ass," Mark began, and Derek was startled by how angry he was. "You have been head over heels in love with Meredith Grey from the moment you met her, and you would throw her away so easily? She loves you, but that doesn't mean that she's going to become the perfect girlfriend just because you're together. You said so yourself that her mother seems like a bitch and you think that some guy has messed her up in the past, so you don't think that maybe she's avoiding you because she doesn't know how to handle whatever is wrong? Do you want to be the guy that messes her up more? Because I don't think she'd come back from that."

"Mark, I wou-"

"She told me once that she was used to people leaving her and walking away, but that she has never cared about anyone as much as she loves you, and one of her greatest fears is losing you. She's never done the relationship thing before, so give her a break."

Derek sat there in shocked silence. He never thought he'd see the day that Mark would support a relationship of his. Mark was a huge proponent of casual relationships, and mocked Derek every time Derek dated a girl. But then again, looking back, Mark had never criticized his relationship with Meredith, he mocked their age difference and the amount of sex they have, but he never said one negative thing about her. Then again, Mark and Meredith were very similar with the bad parents and never being in a relationship, so that would explain why Mark was so supportive of them.

Derek hung his head. He was still frustrated, and he knew that he probably wouldn't have actually broken up with Meredith, but he felt like an absolute jerk for even considering it. He was supposed to be better than that; he wasn't supposed to threaten to run away when things got hard. But he didn't know if she needed help, and didn't even know how to help her if she did, and that really scared him.

"What do I do Mark?" Derek asked, looking up at his best friend.

"Don't give up," Mark stated. "Don't do that thing where you call her thirty times a day, because that's creepy and annoying, but call her once or twice. If she doesn't answer, then leave a short message. And I mean short; don't badger her, don't tell her to call you back, just tell her you miss her and you love her or something like that. Try to visit her, though that might be hard because her building is pretty secure, but you can give it a shot. Try not to worry about it too much; she loves you and really doesn't want to lose you, so just let her know that you're here for her without being too overbearing."

Derek nodded slowly. "I can do that," he resolved. "Should I call her when I get out of work, or should I wait until tomorrow?" Derek wasn't used to taking relationship advice from Mark, but he seemed to get Meredith, and he would do anything to figure her out.

As Mark opened his mouth to answer, but was interrupted by a phone. Derek grabbed his phone off the table, and a picture of Meredith popped up, indicating that she was the one calling him. Getting up and moving away from Mark, Derek answered his phone quickly. "Hello," he said, trying to sound calm and casual.

"Derek?" the voice did not belong to Meredith, but to Cristina. Derek immediately began to worry. He didn't mean to, but he didn't like the idea of Cristina calling him, it made it seem like Meredith was not okay enough to call him.

"Cristina? Where's Meredith? Is she okay?"

Cristina ignored his questions. "Are you working today?"

"I'm at work right now. Where is Meredith?"

"What time are you off?" Cristina continued to ignore his questions.

"Eight o'clock. Why Cristina?"

"I think you should come over when you get out." Cristina said softly. She wasn't speaking in her usual brisk, confident voice. No, the tone was more compassionate, almost sympathetic.

"Why?" Derek asked, but Cristina didn't seem to hear him. He heard another voice in the background, which he recognized as Meredith's. She must have asked who Cristina was talking to, because she heard him say "Derek." Suddenly, he heard shuffling noises, and Derek prayed that Meredith hadn't grabbed the phone to hang up on him.

"Derek?" Meredith said softly, sniffling. Oh God, Derek thought. She's been crying.

"Meredith, what's wrong?" But Meredith didn't answer; she just gasped and sniffled again, clearly trying to hold back a sob.

"Mer," he tried again. "Cristina told me that I should come over when I get out of work. Do you want me to come? I won't if you don't want."

"No," Meredith said softly, her voice shaking. "I think it would be good if you came over. I need you." She whispered the last sentence, and Derek wasn't entirely convinced that she said it.

"I'll be there," Derek said firmly as his pager went off. "Listen Mer, I have to go back to work, but I'll be there by eight-thirty okay?"

"Okay," Meredith responded, her voice still shaky.

"I love you Meredith," Derek said. "I'll see you soon."

"See you soon," Meredith said before hanging up, and Derek raced to the pit to help with an incoming trauma.

XXXXXX

Derek had practically run from the hospital to her building, and was currently cursing the elevator as it ascended to the eighth floor at a painstakingly slow pace. When the door finally slid open, he was face to face with Cristina.

"Where is she?" Derek barked, not meaning to sound angry, but he was so worried about Meredith.

"In the room," Cristina stated, ignoring Derek's tone. "She has a lot to tell you, so just let her talk."

"Fine," Derek said as he passed Cristina, walking as quickly as he could to Meredith's door. He knocked three times, and he heard movement on the other side. When the door opened, he saw a familiar sight, though one he had hoped to never see again. Just like a few months ago, Meredith's eyes were red rimmed and filled with tears, and she seemed terrified as she looked up at him.

Derek did the only thing he could think to do; he grabbed Meredith and pulled her into his arms. He rocked her back and forth as he held her tightly, and he felt her body shake occasionally as she gripped his shirt. He wasn't sure how long they stood like that in the hall, but eventually Derek walked them both into her room, and forced her to look up at him.

"Meredith," he said softly. "Please tell me what's wrong."

Meredith inhaled deeply, and spoke in a voice that only vaguely sounded like her own. "Please don't leave if I tell you," she croaked.

"Mer, I won't leave you," he said firmly. "Please tell me what's wrong."

"I-I, uh, I um, I m-might be pregnant."