Hey, earthlings!
Look, forgive me if this as funny as it could be. I'm not asking; I'm ordering you to forgive me. I had a meltdown earlier today AND I'm still trying to digest all those ideas y'all gave me AND I'm only human AND I'm presently being forced to read a book about the history of an element AND I'm tired, gosh-dog it. So forgive me. And still review, if you please. It makes me feel better when I get lots and lots of reviews!
Do I have a shout-out? Oh, yes, DO I EVER have a shout out. Redlily188 accused me of stealing her sleep, beauty, and homework time, so she deserves a shout out! Know what else she did? She actually told me there was a part in my story she didn't like. Thank you, lily-person, for giving me a much needed kick in the ego in a positive way. Here I was, thinking I was perfect… (Nah, kidding, I still think I'm perfect.) Now, the rest of you, don't start thinking you can get away with this. I may need it, but I LIKE when you stoke my ego! Remember, flattery will get you anywhere! (But not that stupid tavern in Main Square…)
Also, thank you JumpingOverMountains. Here I was, browsing through the reviews for another story (NOT MINE!) and I spot a bunch of references toward me! Thank you, I'm glad I am one of your favorites, but let's hold back on the funny-duel-off. I am only funny because the extreme mental energy I put towards it. (I'm going to explode soon, I know it.) And I also saw the 'broken goblet' reference… and I quote: "Arthur really needs to stop throwing things at Merlin. One of these days he's going to end up lobbing a broken goblet, and seriously hurt him." Thanks again, it made my day! I feel like a legend in my own time!
Arthur strolled into his room and saw Merlin sitting on his bed, reading a sheet of notebook paper. The sight of it filled Arthur with horror; only one person in Camelot used notebook paper…
Merlin looked up. "Hi, Arthur."
"Kitty O sent a new chapter?"
"Not exactly," said Merlin. "And you say it like it's a bad thing."
"Isn't it?"
"Of course not! She's a wonderful writer!" defended Merlin, seriously considering challenging Arthur to a duel again.
Arthur shook his blond head. "Look, you wait until she writes a song about your teddy bear, and then tell me how great she is!"
Merlin shook his head. "Want to hear this note?"
"NO!"
"…Too bad. Dear Arthur and Merlin, it reads, this is not a story or a list or a letter: it is a questionnaire. You will read and answer the questions. If you get them wrong, there will be amusing and unfortunate consequences. If you don't answer at all, same thing. Sorry, I'm really hard-pressed for a chapter this week."
Arthur groaned. "I guess we have to do this, huh?"
"Looks like it."
"What is the first question, Merlin?"
" One. 'Which character do I like least?'"
"…Me," moaned poor Arthur. "She hates me."
"Nah, she doesn't," said Merlin soothingly. "She picks on you because she loves you."
Arthur thought about it some more. "If it isn't me, it has to be Morgana. After all, she didn't try to kill anyone else. Right?"
"Not that I know of. I'll put Morgana."
Merlin pulled out a ballpoint pen and wrote down 'The Lady Morgana' on the paper.
A/N: Are they right?
"Okay, next."
"Do we have to?"
"Arthur, stop whining. Nothing bad has happened yet! Two. 'Who do I like most?'"
Arthur sighed. "That, at least, is a no-brainer. She's dating you, right? Who else would she like most?"
"I don't know…" muttered Merlin. "She's not very romantic. She wouldn't even let me kiss her in Chapter 13."
"Oh, come. On. Put Merlin. Right now."
"But what if it is someone else? I don't want consequences."
Arthur walked over the manservant and yanked the paper and pen from his hand. "I'll put it," he growled, sitting on a nearby chair and using his knee to write the word 'Merlin'.
A/N: Well, is Arty right? This is a tough one… not!
"Three. 'Who am I torn about?' Well…" started Arthur.
"Uther. It's Uther."
"Right-o. I'll write it."
A/N: I'm not even going to ASK you…
Merlin took the paper back and read, "Four. 'What chapters are my favorite two?'"
"That one is harder. What do you think?"
"Well, knowing Kitty like I do, she always thinks the beginning is best and the last is worse."
"Chapter One and Two?"
"…But she also likes lots and lots and lots of reviews! So what was the earliest one with really enthusiastic responses?"
Arthur's face fell. "Do I have to say it? I HATE that chapter."
"Yeah. I think we have to."
"But it left me with such emotional scars."
"…Consequences, Arthur."
"Chapter Three. Arthur and Merlin Read a Fanfic." Under his breath he grumbled, "A slash fanfic, nonetheless."
Merlin wrote it down. "What else?"
Arthur shrugged. "You know, I think I remember her mentioning this review… What was it they said? 'The most original reveal fic'? Something like that. I think Chapter Four, Merlin Fesses Up, is the other one."
"Which was that?"
"Sorry?"
"I don't remember what happened in it."
"That's the point, Arthur." Merlin ignored Arthur's confused look and wrote it.
A/N: Let me put you at ease. Those are the correct answers. What are your favorites?
"Five. 'What is my favorite color?'"
Arthur spluttered, "What? How in the world are we supposed to know THAT?"
Merlin continued, "It says, 'Hint. I changed my eye color twice in this story. (The Buzz in Camelot and When you Mix Magic and Spies.) It is one of those two colors.' Thanks, Kitty, for the sporting chance." (A/N: Welcome! Only fair, right? Besides, I have to make some difficult, or there is no way you'll miss one and have Arthur… er, nevermind…)
"What were the colors, Merlin?"
"Turquoise and purple."
"Which one do you think is it?"
Merlin shrugged. "Turquoise?"
"Purple. Girls like purple… its all royal and stuff."
"Maybe."
"Sure it is. Put purple."
"Okay." Merlin did.
A/N: Don't worry, y'all, not much more of this torturous chapter. (OHH! Torturous=AWESOME WORD!) Were they right?
"Six. It asks what a raven and a writing desk have in common."
"What's the answer?"
"Inky quills, Arthur. Inky quills."
He wrote it down.
A/N: Take that, Alice in Wonderland!
"Seven. How many fics has she written and how many were for Merlin? What are the others for and why did she write them?"
Arthur cursed, but Merlin smiled and looked up.
Arthur followed his gaze. "What?"
"I'm looking at the top of the page… It says there the number."
"I see nothing."
"I'm cooler than you. Fourteen fics. I only remember her putting me in nine, though."
"Yeah, but Merlin, you were dead in The Aftermath."
"True… golly, that was a disturbing story! Oh, and I wasn't born in the one about Ygraine. So 11. What happened to the other three?"
"No idea."
"Oh, wait… let me picture her profile page."
Arthur waited patiently as Merlin's eyes glazed over.
"Okay," said Merlin. "Three stories for an American Western called Bonanza."
"Why would she want to write for that when she can write about me?" asked Arthur in disbelief.
Merlin raised an eyebrow. "Uh… they are cowboys. She's a girl. They have guns and Indians and lots and lots of angsty deaths. Come on, Arthur. This one is a little obvious."
Arthur grumbled, "Yeah, I'll bet she gave them teddy bears too."
Merlin ignored him and wrote it down. "That was the last one!"
"Yay."
"I wonder how we tell her we finished."
Arthur shrugged. "Shouldn't she just know? She is writing this as we speak."
"How will we know if we got them all right?" asked Merlin, but before he even finished the sentence, there was a bang.
Merlin jumped up and scooted away from the sudden explosion of smoke that came from where Arthur had been sitting. He stared in open-mouthed horror and coughed with a mouthful of smoke. Had Kitty just killed Arthur?
But no. It was worse. Where Arthur had been, there sat a fluffy, light blue bunny.
He groaned. "Not funny, Kitty. Not funny at all."
A/N: Yes, it is. He makes a beautiful bunny. Anyone for rabbit stew? KIDDING! GEEZ! I know it wasn't all that funny, but you people are lucky I tried at all. So please review but not too harshly. Which one did they get wrong?
I will permit Arthur to be human for this week's ep, okay? And by the way, no chapter next Friday. (And the Sunday might not be up until Monday, so sorry!)