21
The nurses had told her to get as much rest as she could, but she was so wired after everything that sleep was the last thing she could imagine doing. She couldn't keep from just gazing at them in awe, amazed that until a few hours ago they had been inside her. It was difficult to imagine how they had possibly been able to fit, something which drew a smile from Elliot when she mentioned it. He had stayed by her side ever since the birth and seemed every bit as enthralled by the two tiny little boys as she was. It moved her to see him taking such an interest in them, for despite everything, she had to admit she had been worried about how he would feel once they were actually born.
The twins were lying together fast asleep in the crib pulled up beside her bed and she was leaning heavily back against the pillow on the bed. She was physically drained. The birth had been hard, yet at the same time so invigorating. It was still difficult to get her head around it all. The whole experience had been so overwhelming. She was certain it was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life, yet the fact that she had got through it and come out the other side with two amazing little babies filled her with a huge sense of pride and achievement, unlike anything she had felt before. That said she couldn't help feeling amazed that other women could go on to have child after child. Even though the birth process had been wonderful in many ways, right now the thought of ever doing it again filled her with something akin to sheer horror.
"Are you sure you can't sleep?" Elliot asked her gently, taking her hand in his as he spoke. "You look exhausted."
"Maybe in a while," she replied, squeezing his hand back.
"I love you," he said. She smiled and replied the same. He leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips.
"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, surprised to see her eyes filling with tears.
"I don't know. It's probably the hormones."
"Come here," he said, wrapping his arms around her as best as he could and drawing her close to him. "You did amazing. I'm so proud of you."
"Look at them though, Elliot. What if…"
"Liv, stop it. You're going to be a wonderful mother. Stop worrying."
"They're so small. They could be absolutely anything."
"Yes they could." He had understood the real meaning behind her comment, but it was hard to imagine anything other than a future full of potential for both of them.
Later
"Something's wrong with him," she said worriedly, holding Jacob in her arms and staring at him intently.
"What do you mean?" Elliot asked, deliberately trying to sound calm. He could see she was serious.
"He seems floppier."
"I'm sure he's fine, but if it will give you peace of mind, let's check with the nurse, okay?"
"Okay," she said nervously. At this point he felt the first twinge of fear stab through his gut. Not wanting to show her just how concerned he was, he forced himself to move more slowly and calmly than he felt as he reached for the call button. He pressed it firmly.
The nurse appeared promptly and on hearing their concerns and taking a look at the baby, immediately called the paediatrician in to take a look. Elliot watched Olivia. Her face was almost completely drained of colour as she anxiously answered the doctor's questions about how Jacob had been since the birth.
"Olivia, we're going to need to take both babies to the NICU for further tests," the doctor informed her solemnly.
"Both babies? But Kai is fine, isn't he?"
"I'm sure he's fine, but if there is something going on with Jacob, then we need to make sure it's not going to affect Kai too, so I'd rather take them both for testing at the same time. They'll probably be back with you in a couple of hours. It's just a precaution."
"I want to go with them."
"Olivia, they will be in good hands. You need to rest and build your strength up. I promise we will let you know the second we find anything out."
"Please let me go too," she begged desperately.
"Liv. It'll be alright," Elliot said comfortingly. "Let them do their jobs."
She nodded reluctantly, watching as the staff quickly and efficiently took her babies away. It was such a helpless feeling.
Once they had gone her tears fell unchecked. Elliot had no idea what to say, other than to keep on repeating that it was only a precaution and that they would be fine.
"But what if they're not, Elliot?"
"You have to stay positive, Liv. Wait until we know more, before convincing yourself something terrible is wrong."
"I should have known it was too good to be true."
"Sweetheart, please don't think that. It's going to be OK, I promise."
"Only it's a promise you can't make, can you?" she said miserably.
…
She was convinced that waiting to hear what was going on with her babies would be going down as one of the worst experiences in her life yet. Her mind was racing with all kinds of awful possibilities. She tried telling herself everything would be fine, but the more time that passed, the less able she was to keep her mind from teetering towards all kinds of worst possible scenarios. After almost two hours, she was literally a stone's throw from leaving the room and heading to the NICU herself, when finally the door opened and the doctor appeared with the nurse close behind him, carrying Kai in her arms, apologising for having kept them.
"Is he OK?" Olivia asked, relieved beyond belief to see at least one of her babies. The nurse stepped forward and handed him to her and she immediately took him into her arms, holding him tightly and showering him with gentle kisses.
"This little man is just fine," the doctor smiled, so he has been released from the NICU. Unfortunately, however, his big brother's blood tests revealed he has low blood sugar and so he will need intravenous fluids for a while until his levels stabilize."
"Low blood sugar? Why?" Olivia asked, dazed.
"We're not entirely certain to be honest with you. It could be any number of reasons. We will be running further tests on both of them to rule out anything genetic, but it could be one of those things we just can't explain."
"Is it life threatening?" she asked nervously.
"Not now that we have caught it," replied the doctor. "Severely low blood sugar can sometimes result in learning difficulties as it affects mental function, but since we have caught it relatively quickly, with treatment we don't think he will be adversely affected."
"Oh God, Jacob…" she muttered, the only words seeming to penetrate her brain being "learning difficulties" and "affects mental function" and that cancelling out everything else the doctor was saying.
"We have put him on antibiotics as a preventative measure as sometimes an infection can be the cause of low blood sugar."
"Is he going to be alright?" she asked again, still dazed about what this all really meant.
"We are treating the low blood sugar successfully, Olivia. We're going to get him back to you as soon as we can. In the meantime, the nurse will show you how to use a breast pump. As his sugar levels stabilize we will increase oral feeds and reduce the amount of IV fluids until he is sustaining himself completely by mouth. Once he's feeding normally, he'll be able to come back to you. Do you understand?"
She nodded. It still didn't feel real.
"The nurse will answer any questions. Don't hesitate to ask anything at all. I will back to talk to you again later. I'm afraid I have more patients to see right now."
"Thank you, doctor. Can I see him?"
"Yes. The nurse will arrange everything for you."
…
After nursing Kai, Olivia was taken to the NICU. It was a shock seeing him lying there. She had seen tiny babies in the NICU before, but it was completely different now that it was her own child. His tiny little body somehow seemed even smaller when dwarfed by the size of the incubator. The main nurse in charge of his care explained that they had been unable to find a good vein in his hand, so they had connected the IV to his foot. They were planning to attempt to feed him the tiny amount of breast milk that Olivia had managed to pump just before she had come to visit and they were hoping he would tolerate the feed well. The nurse seemed positive that he would respond well and not be kept in the NICU for too long. She encouraged her to keep pumping as much as she could, since giving him breast milk was the best thing she could do for him right now.
After the visit, Olivia returned to her room, where Elliot was waiting with Kai, feeling much happier having seen Jacob and talked with the nurses. Having Kai to care for also helped to take her mind off things a little, although she was naturally still extremely worried. Kai was nursing almost constantly as her milk hadn't come in yet. The nurses explained that the more she nursed, the quicker it would likely come in, so she put him to her breast every opportunity she got and in between feeds spent time using the pump. She could only draw out a few drops of colostrum at a time, but she was told that even a tiny bit would help, so she kept at it, determined to do what she could to help her little son.
…
Elliot had popped home while she and Kai were napping to fetch her some more things and bring her laptop. Despite all of the nursing and pumping, she still found herself with time on her hands and so she was glad to have the internet to browse. Of course she went straight to Dr. Google and inevitably started severely scaring herself. Eventually Elliot stepped in and insisted she put the laptop down.
"Liv, you heard the doctor. He's going to be alright. Stop doing this to yourself."
"I'm just so scared, El."
"I know, I know. I'm worried too."
"I just keep asking myself if I could have done something earlier. I should have noticed something was wrong sooner. Maybe it wouldn't have got so bad? Maybe we could have intervened before he needed an IV."
"Or you could have noticed a lot later and it have been worse, but you knew something was wrong Liv. Thanks to you, he's going to be ok!"
"It was so horrible seeing him lying there in that incubator," she continued. He's so small. The needle in his foot looked so huge compared to him. I hate the thought of him hurting and not being there to comfort him."
"Every hour he's getting stronger."
"I hate being away from him, Elliot."
"He'll be back before you know it and all this will be a distant memory. He'll be OK, Liv. I know he will."
…
The next day she was officially released from the hospital and so spent all of her time alternating between the NICU waiting room and the NICU itself, trying to divide her time between her two sons as best she could. Jacob was improving, but he still wasn't quite out of the woods. Whenever she was with either Jacob or Kai, Elliot would stay with the other one in her absence, so that they would never be left 'alone'. As the day went on, Jacob's condition was continuing to steadily improve and they were starting to hint that if he continued making such good progress, he might be released as early as the next day. It was a huge relief. Thankfully they had no reason to believe that he had suffered any permanent effects from the low blood sugar, since it had been caught in time and he had responded very well to treatment.
…
The following day, Jacob was declared well enough to be released as an outpatient and finally they could all go home together for the first time. Olivia's milk had come in fully by now and she seemed to be producing plenty. That morning in fact, when she had awoken after a much needed three hour stretch of sleep, she had immediately felt the difference in her breasts and had looked down, reminded of the scene in `Look who's talking` where Mollie is shocked to discover her own sudden new busty appearance a few days after the birth of her son Mikey. It was fascinating how, in just a few hours, things could change so radically. Once again it hit her just how amazing the whole birth process really was.
Once they were safely inside her apartment, with the boys still sound asleep in their portable car seats, she sank down onto the sofa at Elliot's insistence, while he made her a hot drink. She took a look around. She had only been home for a couple of minutes, but already the place looked and felt radically different. Life had completely changed.