Ich Liebe Dich

"Why are you here?"

"It wasn't hard to find you, and although I know you more likely would prefer to…mourn alone, I know what it feels like." Liesel spoke quietly and without a tremble in her voice even as she remembered of the naked despair and anguish Levi had shown them after Erwin's betrayal. "So…it wasn't for my abilities after all." After he had left, Liesel had not looked at Erwin. She was not yet aware of the anger building in her chest, or her gritted teeth before she had stood. Before, Liesel had respected him. The commander appeared to have a calm and cool aura, and his blue eyes observed and were collected even when Liesel had told of the darkest memories of the war. The dark-haired young woman had simply respected him because Levi respected him. She remembered the time when she had spoken carelessly about the commander supposed indifference when she had trained with Levi.

"Erwin feels the weight of those deaths as much as I do." Now she heard the said commander speaking to Levi once again. "I used my best hands and did the best I could." He used him as if he was a tool…a tool that could not speak. A pawn in his game…in the name of humanity. To advance humanity. Liesel had stared at Erwin, the respect she once had for him dead. Her dark blue eyes were souls, conveying the violent emotions unfolding inside. Then, she left and closed the door behind her.

Now as she stood behind Levi, Liesel thought back to where their situations were the opposite. She, alone and crying out her loneliness with Levi impassive and somewhat irritated. Liesel was standing behind the man who she had cried out to when she had first woken, confused and alone and frightened as hands clenched around her throat. The dark-haired woman waited for Levi to speak, for she could see his in his back clench and his hands hanging limply by his sides.

"What do you know?"

Although his voice was impassive, Liesel could almost see the emptiness in his eyes.

"The Favreau family served the king. All I know is…that the Reiss family is able to change the memories of the people…but the Favreaus are the keeper of the memories. Their ability lies in connecting the memories to each person. Even if…Eren is able to unlock the Reiss' ability, he won't be able to channel the memories into the people unless there is a catalyst."

"Catalyst?" Levi turned towards Liesel, his voice hoarse. "What do you mean?"

Liesel didn't respond for a moment. She didn't want to respond as soon as the information appeared in her mind. Still, the young woman steeled herself and began to speak, even as her voice started to die.

"The memories are stored inside a container inside the king's palace…and the catalyst has to drink the substance…and has to be eaten by…the Reiss Titan if the process has to be complete." Levi's expression didn't change even as tears traveled down Liesel's cheeks. Her face felt cold, as if the warmth had suddenly disappeared. Her chest felt tight, as if she couldn't breathe, and she felt her arms around her as she lowered her head onto her arms as she wept.

"That was why…the Military Police would have likely killed you, Levi. The goddamn assholes didn't want to the power of the king to disappear…so they would have…"

Suddenly she felt a cool hand cup her cheek. Her blue eyes, darkened with sadness, met dark gray eyes.

"You…why are you crying?" Concern seeped through his former impassive tone. "Everyone in the shitty world has to die sometime." An exasperated sigh escaped from him. "At least I get to be eaten by that goddamn Eren Yeager and not some stupid –"

"Then why do you regret the deaths of Isabel and Farlan?!" The dark gray eyes widened, shock and pain enveloping in those depths as he sharply let go of her chin. "Petra was important to you, wasn't she?! So why…" Levi was silent as he stared at Liesel's tears. Falling down her face, looking like stars as they fell onto the ground…looking like silver. "Why…?"

"I remember the moment when I found Isabel." Liesel felt her eyes lock onto Levi's, surprised at the calm, almost serene expression on his face. "I was thirteen. She was almost dead, lying with only a shitty t-shirt to cover herself as she lied among the trash. I held her hair and looked into her eyes. She wasn't even aware of herself anymore. I thought I should let her die." For a moment, Levi paused. "I didn't. I carried her to the base…and washed her and cared for her as she healed." A shuddering sigh came from him, and the dark-haired man allowed sadness to appear on his face. "Farlan…came to me after I beat his ass. He wanted to join me, he said. Everyone has left him." The sentence came out as a whisper. His voice rasped and was unable to continue. Levi gritted his teeth and dug his fingernails deeply into his skin as tears began to shed from his eyes.

"I hate how you do this to me, Liesel." Liesel felt herself gasp at the sight of tears trailing down Levi's face. His face was a mask of grief as tears continued to appear, gritting his teeth. "I…hate how they did this to me. Did you know that I screamed when they died? That I…wasn't even aware of myself anymore? I only knew they were gone. I…cried then too." Tears anew began to appear in Liesel's eyes at the sight of the broken man before her. "I…couldn't cry when she died. I…simply felt numb, unable to say a word even as I ordered her body along with so many others to be left behind. I heard of how you described your squads' death and your brother's…and I feel angry."

"Why?"

"I actually…feel again with you." Liesel started, stunned by the clear look in Levi's eyes. "The fucked-up past of mine…couldn't allow me to truly express myself even as I loved Isabel and Farlan as my family and Petra as my lover. I couldn't…fully show my soul to them." He swallowed, and closed his eyes briefly before he spoke hesitantly. "I hate myself for this…and I regret their deaths with every fiber of my being…which is why my eyes were shadowed with death when they found you. Even though I am not afraid of death…I was a shell of emptiness." Liesel swallowed, remembering the feeling of wanting to die and having nothing left. She remembered to of how she felt around Levi. Of how…

"I feel as if the sins of my past have been washed away when I am with you, and that I am…complete." Even though Levi did not approach her, Liesel could feel his emotions. She saw his eyes, clear again and no longer empty as he stared at her. I… she thought. Ich…

"How can you…feel this way knowing what I've done?" Liesel whispered. She wouldn't meet his gaze. "How can I…" How can I feel this way towards you knowing you are going to die?

Levi didn't answer. She felt his hand around her chin, strangely warm as she felt him tilt her head towards his. "Petra told me that you cannot mold how you feel," the dark-haired man said. "Like her with me…and I with her." He sighed, allowing his eyes to glance over Liesel. "If what you say is fucking true, then I will die." His face became grave. "I do not regret giving myself up to humanity. Even knowing the true history, I still…believe there will still be light in this world."

Liesel thought again of what she had told Historia long ago when both of them had been lost. The moments of peace outweigh the decades of war, she thought. The happiness of others and seeing the laughter on faces…is more worthy than hearing the screams of the dying and the tears of the forgotten. I think…the Titan-shifters know bits and pieces of my world…protecting humanity. Protecting humanity from itself, from the greed and violence and careless that makes us human. But… Liesel pulled away from Levi's grasp and walked towards the edge of the hill. She looked up, and could see stars. Beautiful stars…stars that she had seen with her squad when they could, marveling at its beauty.

"Eichenlicht, what the hell are you doing?" Liesel was outside of the base, sitting on the roof as she watched Edmund fume beneath her feet and see the other male soldier Erik shake his head. Claudia and Nina, both trying to suppress their giggles as the normally most reserved member of the group defy orders not to go out from the base past curfew. Liesel could see her brother scoffing slightly as he stood beside Edmund, a soft smile on his face as Liesel told them to come up and see the stars. Soon every night when they could, Liesel and her squad broke curfew and climbed up on the roof to see the stars. And then, suddenly, Liesel didn't have a reason to look up at the sky anymore. As she watched the stars and the light, it was then that Liesel remembered what the war that had taken millions of lives had originated from.

The belief of freedom and the ability to laugh and smile. It's odd…but even after all these years…more than a century…these beliefs are still here. The hope and dreams are still embedded in the humans who are fighting now. Liesel smiled, feeling it against her face, and felt tears travel down her cheeks. She wiped them away, knowing that she had been crying from relief and happiness and not from despair. And I think that they will make certain the dreams of those who died before them will be fulfilled. The dark-haired woman felt Levi stand beside her, observing her carefully. He is willing to die for what he believes in… Liesel thought as felt herself being swallowed by the bittersweet emotions surging through her. And I…I believe that is what a hero is.

"Levi." She called his name, softly and gently, and felt him turn towards her. She saw his eyes, alive and no longer dead to the world. Liesel felt tears prick her eyes again, and saw similar tears trailing down his own face. Friedrich… "Levi," she said again. His name felt so beautiful against her lips. She felt her fingers caress his face gently, and then ran her fingers through his thick dark hair. Liesel had once done this once, to a boy whose face mirrored her own. It was different though. She had not loved Friedrich Eichenlicht like a lover.

"Ich liebe dich." Even though he could not understood the meaning of the words, Liesel wanted to say them to him. His lips felt soft and gentle against her own. She felt his hands cup her face, and felt her fingers through his hair again. She felt his smile, smiling as his lips separated from her own. They found themselves holding each other, with Levi holding her chest as she lied against his back, her hands against his own as she felt his head against her shoulder. They didn't need any other words to express how they felt that night. Both of them simply lied against each other and took in whatever time they had left.

I did not mean for this to turn out to be a story where a main character dies, but it happened. Please do not kill me.