A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. This is nothing more than a fan's attempt to prolong her enjoyment of this amazing series. I am not being compensated in any way for this story. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 21: "How do I Love Thee?"

Nessie was dreaming of the river again. The familiar nightmare had new elements of terror tonight. No matter how hard she tried to hang on, Jake kept slipping away from her. She felt the suffocating pressure of the water as the current pulled her under repeatedly. She had to find Jake. She had to save him. She couldn't see anything in the murky water. She couldn't find his scent, all she could smell was the sour, musty odor of the river. Jake would drown if she didn't find him soon. Where was he?

She was more human in this dream, more fragile. The rocks and tree branches embedded in the muck tore at her body as the current drug her along the river bottom. She finally surfaced spitting water and gasping for air. Jake was on the riverbank, her mother was crouched over his lifeless form, performing CPR. Nessie swam harder, calling Jake's name, but the current raged against her. It seemed to take hours for her to reach the bank and crawl to Jacob's side. That's when she realized Bella was not trying to save his life. She was draining him.

"Get away from him! Stop it Mom! You're killing him! You're killing Jacob!" Nessie tried to pull her mother off his body, but she wasn't strong enough. Bella lifted her face from Jake's ravaged throat and glared at her with maroon eyes. Blood dripped from her mouth as she hissed, "He's mine!"

"Wake up Nessie! Wake up it's just a dream. You're okay Sweetheart, I'm right here."

She opened her eyes and Jake's face was only inches from hers. Concern pulled his eyebrows together and the corners of his mouth down into a worried frown. He was alive. Jacob was safe. Nessie wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a desperate embrace. He responded by pulling her on top of his body and wrapping his arms around her.

"You're okay, baby. You're okay." He continued to whisper reassurances as he rubbed her back.

She was drenched in sweat. For a moment, Nessie wondered if she had actually been in the river. No, it was just a dream. She was in Jake's hammock. He was right here with her. They were safe. She instinctively placed her hand on his cheek to show him her terrifying dream and felt him stiffen. She became more lucid as awareness replaced her dream. She moaned in despair as she remembered… Jake did not love her. All the horrible revelations of yesterday crashed down on her and she wished she could return to her nightmare.

She tried to pull her hand away when Jake shuddered, but he held it tightly to his cheek and refused to let her withdraw.

"Why do you insist on believing that lie? I love you more than anything else… more than my tribe… more than my pack… more than my own life."

She struggled even harder, but he would not release her hand. "No! Damn it Renesmee. You will listen to me and you will share your thoughts so I can understand what is going on with you. I have to fix this."

"How dare you! You have no right to invade my mind!" She was furious. No one had ever done this to her before.

"I'm sorry Renesmee, but this is too important." He grabbed her other wrist and placed that hand on his face as well.

She let all the anger and resentment she was feeling flow through her hands and into his mind. Jake groaned from the onslaught, but still held her captive. "I understand Nessie, and I wish you could read my thoughts and feel my emotions. Maybe then, you would believe me when I say… I. Love. You." Jake was shouting the words through clenched teeth. "Do you love me, Renesmee? Do you?"

This was so unfair. "Yes, you son of a bitch, I love you! I love you more than anything else, more than my family, more than my life, more than…"

Jake released her mind and grabbed her head in his giant hands. He pulled her head down to meet his and crushed his mouth against hers. They had shared many different kinds of kisses: tender, gentle, passionate, desperate, lustful, slow and burning, quick and affectionate; but never had he kissed her like this.

This kiss was aggressive, forceful and angry. She did not like it. She tried to pull away, but he just deepened the kiss. He must have misinterpreted her struggling for passion. She tried to slide off his body, but he was holding her so tightly it was hard to move. She managed to snake one hand up to his face. She blasted him with multiple images and feelings all at once. Nahuel ripping her shirt off—fear. Jake kissing her mother—revulsion. Jake kissing her against her will—anger and betrayal. Her fist breaking Jake's nose—pleasure.

She found herself instantly on her feet standing in front of Jake. He was gripping her upper arms and shoulders tightly and staring wide-eyed and terrified into her eyes. "Oh Nessie, I'm so sorry! I thought… when I saw that you loved me and wanted me… I thought…"

She broke his grasp and slapped him as hard as she could across his face. "No Jake. That's the problem. You didn't think. All you did was act. Nessie turned her back and took three steps toward home before she heard her father's voice in her head.

"Go to him Nessie. He needs you. If you are going to be his wife, you need to learn to work things out together."

She squeezed her eyes shut, balled her hands into fists, and clenched her jaw but that didn't silence his voice.

"I will always love you and be here for you, but I won't interfere or allow you to run home when you fight with your mate."

She growled in frustration and yelled into the jungle, "Why does everything have to be so damn hard!"

"Because you're so damn hot?" Jake said, as if it were a question, and then laughed nervously. "Sorry."

Nessie laughed in spite of herself and turned around shaking her head. "That is so far beyond inappropriate for this situation it's absurd." Jake's shoulders relaxed and the corners of his mouth twitched upward. Nessie glared at him and his eyes widened with apprehension. "Just because you made me laugh does not mean you are forgiven Jacob Black. Not yet."

"Not yet? So maybe someday you will forgive me?" He swallowed loudly and the look on his face was so full of hope Nessie couldn't torture him any longer.

"Yes Jake, I plan to forgive you—for everything. I just don't know how."

Jake ducked his head and looked at her from under his lashes. "Um… can I give you a hug?"

Nessie sighed, puffing out her cheeks, as she exhaled. "Okay, but no kissing."

Jake wrapped his arms around her gently and she rested her head on his chest above his heart. He caressed her cheek and kissed her lightly on the top of her head. "Oh! Sorry… um I wasn't thinking… Again."

Nessie smiled against Jake's hand and he sighed with relief. "It's okay Jake. Those kinds of kisses are just fine."

"It sounds like we need to redefine the boundaries of our relationship." His husky voice resonated in his chest and the vibration tickled her cheek.

"Yeah, for now anyway." Nessie pulled back from the hug, but kept her arms around Jake's waist. "The most important boundary to me right now is that you never invade my mind again. When I want to share my gift with you I'll let you know."

"I'm so sorry Nessie; I was just desperate to…" Nessie pinched Jake's lips closed with her index finger and thumb.

"I'm not done speaking, not by a long shot. Can you listen without interrupting?" Jake nodded his head so she released his mouth.

"The other thing you can never ever do again is kiss me like you did a minute ago. I don't like… No I hate feeling like you were using me…"

"I wasn't using…" She pinched his lips again.

"I hate feeling like you were using me whether you were or not. I did not feel loved or cherished, or even desired. I felt used."

Jake tried to speak, but the sound was completely unintelligible. Nessie gave his lips a little pinch.

"I'm still not done, so shush. I want to move the boundaries of our physical relationship back to the earliest days of our first kiss. I don't want you to kiss me passionately until I can get the image of you kissing my mother out of my head."

Jake groaned but didn't attempt to speak until Nessie released his lips.

"Are you done now? Is it my turn?" Jake sounded a little indignant.

"Yes, it is your turn." Nessie let go of Jake and folded her arms across her chest.

"I am so sorry for offending you. I will never force you to share your thoughts with me again, no matter how desperate I am. I will try to make you feel loved, cherished, and desired every time I kiss you.

"I can't read your mind so you have to tell me or show me if I upset you." Jake reached out and wrapped one of Nessie's curls around his finger. He chewed his lip and looked hesitant, as if he didn't want to say what was on his mind.

"Spit it out Jake, I can't read your mind either."

He took a deep breath and puffed his cheeks out as he exhaled. "I would really appreciate it if you never hit me again."

"That couldn't possibly have hurt you. You are twice as strong as…"

Jake didn't pinch her mouth shut, but he did place his finger across her lips. "It didn't hurt my face. It hurt me." He slid his finger from her lips to her chin and lifted her face gently as he gazed into her eyes. He lightly trailed his fingers down her throat, across her collarbone, over her shoulder and down her arm. He wove his fingers through hers, lifted her hand to his heart, and whispered, "You hurt me."

Nessie felt her face flush with shame. "I'm sorry Jake; I won't ever hit you again. I promise." She swallowed the lump in her throat and lowered her gaze.

"I want to talk about the stuff that came up yesterday Nessie, but I don't know how. I am so afraid of losing you." Jake closed his eyes and Nessie felt her heart soften.

"Me too, Jake. I don't know where to start—how to begin. But we have to deal with it some how."

"Okay, how about this… why don't you tell me what is bothering you the most and I'll try to explain what happened."

"All right, what upsets me the most is this whole imprinting business. I am having a hard time believing that you really love me." Nessie squeezed her eyes shut against the tears that threatened to escape.

Jake groaned out loud. "I don't know what else to say, Nessie. How many different ways can I say I love you? Do you want me to count them?" All the tension in Jake's face disappeared as he closed his eyes. The corners of his mouth lifted into the sweet smile that always melted Nessie's heart. "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways"

"I love the way you cock your head to the side and look up to the left when something puzzles you. I love the way you hold your chin in the palm of your hand when you listen to the legends and stories of my people. I love the way you imitate Rose and Alice when you try to influence me with your feminine wiles. I love the way you throw back your head and laugh with your whole body. I love how you give yourself over completely to the hunt, moving with such feline grace and power it takes my breath away. I love the intensity of your eyes as you drain your kill. I love your compassion for others. I love your intelligent mind and quick wit. I love the beauty of your soul. I love how you love me."

Nessie didn't even notice the tears flowing down her cheeks. "That was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me, Jacob. Thank you." There was no denying his sincerity. It was obvious he believed his love was real. Maybe it was enough. What difference did it make as long as he believed it? She knew her love was real. They had been deliriously happy just two days ago. Would it be wrong to just accept his imprinted devotion if it made him happy? She would give anything to go back to the way things were. After all, the only thing that had changed was her perception of reality.

She almost did it. She almost believed him. Her heart was beginning to swell with joy when the cursed image of Jake crouched and ready to spring came into her mind. She recognized the image. It wasn't just her imagination embellishing Leah's words. She remembered!

She was in Rosalie's arms and had just finished drinking a cup of blood. Rose lifted her up in the air and she could see the giant man crouched behind the sofa. He was shaking. His muscles rolled and contorted beneath his skin. She was amused at the time. He looked funny and she didn't know enough to be afraid. She smiled at him, he looked in her eyes and… he changed. She saw him imprint. She remembered it. It was even more dramatic than she had imagined. There was no way that could have happened without magic of some sort.

Jake was staring at her, waiting for her to respond. What could she say that wouldn't break his heart? How could she explain it? She couldn't explain it, but she could share it. "Jake, come here. I want to show you something."

She took a deep cleansing breath and relaxed her mind and body before placing her palms on his cheeks. She wanted him to see and feel exactly what she had the day of the imprint. She did not want to distort the memory with her currently conflicted emotions.

"Oh." Jake sighed. "I see. Yes, of course. Now I understand." She felt his body relax and released him from her mind.

Jake kissed both of her palms and curled his hands around hers as he placed them on his chest.

"Okay, I'm going to be brutally honest. I hope you can handle it. I also hope Edward doesn't kill me." He knit his eyebrows together and bit his lip before continuing.

"Do you believe your father loves you?" Jake's face revealed the turmoil of his thoughts. It frightened and confused her.

"Of course he loves me. What does that have to do with imprinting? He didn't have to be zapped by a curse to love me. He didn't want to kill me…" She gasped as the awful realization hit her. Maybe he had. She knew her mother almost died while she was pregnant with her. What would she be willing to sacrifice to save Jake's life? The answer was absolutely anything.

"Did he… did he want to abort me?" She steeled herself, but it was still a terrible blow when Jake whispered…

"Yes, but it was only because he didn't know you and he was afraid of losing Bella. Once he was able to communicate with you, to connect with you like you did with Morgan's baby. He loved you. It happened in an instant. One second he … he hated you—I'm sorry; I know that hurts—but the next second he loved you so much he was willing to risk Bella's life to save yours. She is his soul mate and it would have destroyed him if she had died.

"He didn't need magic to change how he felt. He was able to feel the love you had for Bella while in the womb and so he learned a little bit about you. That little bit was enough to change fear and hate into love and hope. Never doubt that your father loves you. He was willing to die for you; he is willing to live in isolation to protect you from Aro, and the hardest thing of all… He is willing to let you go—to let you make your own choices. Do you believe me when I say Edward loves you with all his heart?"

She knew it was true. All of it. "Yes, I believe you."

"Do you believe me when I say that I love you?" She could hear and feel his heart pounding and she wanted to say yes, she wanted to make him happy, but she couldn't lie about something so important.

"I love you Jacob. I truly do, with all my heart and I can't live without you. I still want to marry you so what difference does it make if I believe your love is real or not? As long as we're together and make each other happy that's all that matters."

"I see." Jake was grinding his teeth. He dropped her hands and clenched his so tightly into fists that his white knuckles looked like drops of white paint across his russet brown skin. He was trembling and in danger of phasing for a brief moment. He took a deep breath and whispered, "So, where do we go from here?"

"How about home? Let's go home Jake. I want to see my family. I want to talk to my parents." She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. "At least you know Daddy is on your side. He believes your love is real."

"Yeah, there is that. How ironic."