Hey, guys! First of all, thank you all for your prayers and concern. I really appreciated your kind words and patience. Thankfully, my mom is feeling much better. It was a little touch and go there for a while, but she's mostly back on her feet. I actually had to ground her when I caught her trying to clean (Moms!). Lol! Lucky for you, I managed to find some free time to write. So please read and tell me what you think!

Chapter 21

Then

Nathan rubbed his hands over his eyes and let out a labored breath. He was not looking forward to today. Dreading it, actually. It had been months since he'd seen his father. The last image he had of him was Dan yelling as he got shoved into the back of a squad car. Nathan's obligation to him ended there. He hadn't gone to the prison to see him, nor did he want to. He was done.

Nathan liked to think that he wouldn't have gone today, even if his testimony wasn't required. But when it came down to it, his mother needed him. She was the only parent that he had left. As hard as it would be to see his father, it would be ten times worse for his mother. Nathan had to go with her and support her in this.

Checking his watch, he saw that he would have to head back to camp in a few more minutes. He'd be cutting it close, but he just couldn't drag himself away from the lake yet.

"Oh, hey. Sorry," Haley apologized. "I didn't realize you were here."

"I won't be much longer."

A look of panic seemed to cross her face. "What?'

"My mom's picking me up for Dan's hearing."

"Oh, right." Her face had visibly relaxed, but her body still looked tense. "Are you okay?" She took a seat beside him. Nathan noticed the distance she kept between them. Usually Haley would be snuggled into his side.

"Yeah. I've just been dreading this."

"I know. But you're going to be fine. Dan can't hurt you anymore."

"I just have this bad feeling. Plus, Andy will be there. How strange is it that I'll be meeting my mom's new boyfriend while we deal with my crook of a father?" Nathan shook his head. "This is all so screwed up."

Haley took his hand and squeezed it. "You're one of the strongest people I know, Nathan. I understand that it seems really bad right now, but you will get through this." She hesitated for a moment before saying, "Would you...would you want me to come with you?"

Nathan glanced at their intertwined fingers. He wanted so badly to say yes. "Thanks, but no. I can do this on my own." Haley had already suffered through the roller coaster of hell that was Dan Scott. He didn't want to subject her to any more of that.

"Okay."

He thought he detected a hint of disappointment, but she simply smiled before removing her hand from his. Nathan felt the loss instantly. Once again, he got the weird feeling that something was off with Haley. She hadn't been the same since the basketball game.

He hadn't seen much of her, which wasn't unusual. They were both busy, and it wasn't like they could hang out without raising suspicion. But whenever they were around each other, Haley avoided his stares. She came off as cold and distant, which was completely unlike her.

Today was the first time she'd actually gotten close enough to touch him. Nathan wanted to ask her if something was wrong, but he didn't have the time. He made a mental note to discuss it when he got back. Right now, he had to deal with a particular demon from his past. The dread felt like a lead balloon in his stomach. He prayed everything went smoothly. But then again, when had he ever been that lucky?

Haley could feel a migraine coming on. Most of the afternoon was spent with Chris. He'd made her sing the national anthem over and over again until it was just right. Haley wanted to keep it traditional, while Chris wanted her to add some personal flair. They'd eventually settled on a compromise that they could both live with.

The day, unfortunately, wasn't over. Chris was teaching a vocal class and had asked Haley and Jake to help out. All Haley wanted to do was go back to her cabin and curl up with a magazine that Peyton had given her. There was a section about decorating your dorm room and how to make it feel more like home. Stanford had sent a welcome letter with her housing information, which Haley's parents had then forwarded to her. She'd nearly squealed when she saw it. Her big move to California was only a few weeks away. There was so much to plan.

It would be a welcomed distraction, despite the sorrow it also dredged up. Camp would be over soon. Haley and her friends would all return to Tree Hill, only to pack their bags yet again and go off to college. They were on the cusp of one of the biggest changes of their lives. Worst of all, Haley didn't know where she and Nathan stood. She'd been prepared to let him go, but things had become infinitely more complicated since they'd kissed and started spending time together. It was part of the reason she'd been avoiding Nathan over the past few days. The other was sitting at the front of the room, talking with Chris about breath control.

Haley would love to teach Toni a thing or two about breath control. In particular, what happens when one has their hands around your neck and squeezes. Haley had avoided her since the basketball game. She couldn't believe the things that Toni had accused her of. She was completely out of line. And yet, Haley couldn't help feeling like she was the one who'd done something wrong. Toni's words about Nathan had pierced her.

At first, she'd thought maybe Toni just had a crush on Nathan and was frustrated that they were only friends. But when Haley started to examine what exactly she and Nathan were doing, it gave her a queasy feeling. What exactly were they thinking sneaking around and kissing? They weren't a couple anymore. Maybe they were holding each other back, even if that wasn't their initial intention.

Stanford was her future. Nathan was her past. They'd already parted ways once. This tryst or whatever you wanted to call it kept them connected. How would they say good-bye this time? Could they? Who would be the one to make the clean break? These long-suppressed questions were inescapable, growing louder inside her mind with each passing day.

Haley walked down the row of campers just as Chris announced a short break. He whispered something to Jake before bolting from the room. Haley looked curiously to Jake who mouthed "bathroom." With a smile, she nodded and took a seat in the back. She was still lost in her miserable thoughts when she heard someone mention Nathan. At first, Haley attributed it to a figment of her imagination. Nathan's usurpation of her mind was spilling into her real life.

She honed in on a group of girls to her left. Immediately, Haley recognized the strawberry blonde. She was the girl Nathan had been dodging at the Fourth of July dance. Kara, she remembered.

"Come on, tell us what's going on with Nathan?" one of her friends, Simone, begged.

Nope, she definitely hadn't imagined it. Picking up a song book, Haley attempted to look busy while eavesdropping on their conversation.

"There's nothing to tell," Kara replied.

"Oh please," said the brunette. Leslie was her name. "Nathan is always dropping by your cabin. Spill."

"I'm serious. Nothing has happened...at least with me." She sent her friends a look that implied juicy gossip was to follow. Sure enough the other girls leaned in, demanding details. Kara was eager to oblige. "He's sleeping with Toni."

"No way!" Leslie exclaimed.

Haley almost fell out of her chair. It felt like someone had punched her in the stomach. It couldn't be anything more than conjecture. Nathan would never sleep with Toni, she'd reasoned. Not while he's with me. Except, Nathan wasn't technically with Haley.

Haley was relieved to hear Leslie voice her disbelief. "How do you know? I thought they were just friends."

"They might be friends with benefits or secretly dating. But they are definitely sleeping together. I saw it with my own eyes."

"You walked in on them?!" Simone retorted. "How built is he? He's going to play college ball at Duke, you know. The guy has got to be packing."

"I wish he'd been naked. It would have been the only consolation for the awkwardness. Toni had just taken a shower. She came out of the bathroom, looking all hot and bothered, and was just about to drop her towel."

Leslie covered her mouth with her hand. "No way!" Apparently, it was her phrase of choice.

"Yes way," Kara replied. She got that wicked look again, causing her friends to lean in closer. Haley found herself doing the same. "And get this, she called him superstar and asked if he was ready to score!"

The girls started giggling. Meanwhile, Haley was trying not to be sick. Her whole body had begun to shake as tears burned the back of her eyes.

"When was this?"

"I don't know. A few weeks ago, I think."

"Why did you wait so long to tell us?" Leslie demanded, smacking her friend's arm.

"Toni made me promise not to tell anyone." Kara rolled her eyes. "So don't you dare repeat what I just told you. Have you seen Toni hanging out with the guys? She's kind of tough. I don't want to be on the receiving end of her wrath."

Leslie and Simone promised not to say anything. Seconds later, they were back to dissecting Nathan and Toni's supposed relationship.

"They're definitely doing the dirty," Simone agreed. "But why do you think they're hiding it? I mean, he and Toni seem close anyway. Why not just admit to it?"

"Maybe they want to play the field," Leslie suggested. "But if it's just sex, who cares? I'd still make my move on him."

"Which is why I think they're actually dating," Kara said. "Toni is super territorial with him. And let's not forget that Nathan's ex is here, too. I think they've kept it a secret because they don't want to piss her off. I heard that bitch is crazy. You saw the big fight she had with Stacey at the campout."

"Psycho," Simone agreed.

"Ssshh," Leslie quickly hushed them. "She's right over there."

Haley tensed when she heard them talking about her. She could practically feel their judgmental gazes. If she stared at the song book any harder, she would burn a hole in it.

"Do you think she heard us?" Simone panicked.

"No, I don't think so." Kara said after a few seconds, seemingly satisfied by Haley's lack of response. "But we can chat more about this later."

Simone and Leslie agreed just as Chris came flouncing back into the room.

"All right, you tone-deaf posers," he announced. "Again. And this time, try to actually hit the right notes. You sound like a bunch of pre-pubescent cats!"

Sometime between Chris's twisted encouragement and the practice vocal arrangement, Jake had walked over to Haley. "Are you okay?" he questioned.

She sat rooted in her chair, trying to hold it together. Shaking her head, she whispered, "No. I-I need to get out of here."

"Can you walk?" Obviously, Jake knew something was seriously wrong. Without another word, he helped Haley to her feet and snuck her out the door.

"But Chris-" she began to protest.

"I'll deal with him later," Jake said and led her into the small studio room. No one would be able to overhear them in there.

No sooner had they sat down, Haley started crying. Jake put a comforting arm around her and pulled her into his side. He didn't say anything, even as her tears soaked through his shirt.

Minutes later, Haley sniffled and wiped furiously at her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Jake. I didn't mean to freak out on you."

"It's okay," he assured her. "I just want to know what's wrong. Are you sick?"

She snorted. "Not physically." He waited patiently for her to continue. Unable to keep it inside any longer, Haley told him all about Toni and Nathan and what she'd heard Kara say.

"Kara could be lying to save face in front of her friends," Jake explained. "Nathan and Toni are just friends. We would know if something was going on."

"How? Does Nathan ever talk about other girls with you?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Then you can't say for sure. You guys don't even know about Nathan and me, so how would you know about that?"

"You and Nathan?" Jake inquired. "I thought you guys had agreed to be friends-or, you know, at least friends-ish." At the guilty, cryptic look she was giving him, his eyes widened. "Has something else been going on?"

Haley figured she might as well be honest with Jake. At this point, she could use a fresh perspective. It was much different talking to him than the girls. Brooke, Peyton, and Kat, although they meant well, would be dissecting every little thing she said. With Jake, he was willing to simply listen before giving his opinion. "Yes. Kind of. I mean, we've been hanging out a lot on our own."

"Like friends?"

"Sort of...but more."

"So you're dating?"

"Not exactly."

"Are you still qualified to be a Clean Teen?" he joked.

"Yes!" Haley exclaimed with an elbow to the side. "God, Jake, what kind of girl do you think I am?"

He rubbed his ribs and chuckled. "I'm sorry. I'm just trying to work through this. Way more has been going on than I thought. It's kind of blowing my mind."

"Nathan and I kiss, and that's it," she explained, blushing furiously. "And we talk. It's...I don't know what the hell it is."

"But it's something?" She nodded. "How long has this been going on?" He held up a hand. "Wait, let me guess. Dare night?"

"Yes, sort of. We did kiss. For some reason Nathan didn't share the picture. But nothing really started between us until a week later."

"Who made the first move?"

"He kissed me." Haley briefly told him about some of other times she and Nathan hung out. He didn't need to know all of the gory details. When she was finished, she placed her head in her hands. "God, I feel so stupid."

"You're not stupid. You're just in love."

"I don't know if he is. God, what if it's true? What if what he has with Toni is what he had with me?" she cried. "Not that it even matters. We're going in two different directions. Maybe it's good that I found out. Maybe I'll finally be able to let him go."

"I can't speak for Nathan," Jake declared. "To be honest, I've been closer to you this summer than him. But what I do know is that Toni is not you. No matter what happens, she could never erase what you meant to each other. And if there is something going on between them, it's okay to be hurt and angry. You might have broken up with Nathan, but he's the one that started this."

"I kissed him back."

"Doesn't matter. If he had no intention of getting back together, then he shouldn't have put you in that position," Jake said, sounding angry. He took a moment to calm down. "The only thing you can do is talk to him. Talk to him before you jump to any conclusions. That's my advice."

"What if he and Toni are together?" she murmured.

"Then he doesn't deserve you." Jake wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "And you can go off to Stanford. Go to Stanford, and never look back."

Now

Nathan had heard enough. "Stop crying." He turned around to face Haley and was met with her sad, doe-like eyes. He bit back the urge to comfort her. She didn't deserve it. "You have some nerve."

"What?" she replied, taken aback.

"'I'll never love anyone like I've loved you.' How can you say that to me?" he retorted. Simply repeating the words made him furious. "Want to know what I remember? Do you want to know what will always stay with me? The day you destroyed us."

"Nathan-"

"Shut up, Haley," he ordered. "It's my turn to speak. All I've ever wanted to do was make you happy. From the moment I met you, I knew I'd never be the same. And I haven't. I'm a better man for knowing you. I loved you, Haley. Hell, I even told you that I was going to marry you someday." He noticed her flinch at that but kept going.

"You were my future. So why would I want to spend four years apart? It seemed ridiculous. You stood by me through everything with Dan. If it weren't for you tutoring me, I probably wouldn't have even graduated. The least I could do was go to Stanford with you. It was a no-brainer. I thought you'd be thrilled, because I knew you'd never actually ask me to give up Duke for you. You were totally fine with it at first. So imagine my shock and dismay when you tell me after graduation that you actually don't want me to come with you."

"Nathan," Haley interrupted forcefully. "You sprung it on me at prom. I barely had time to process it. Even then I wasn't sure about it."

He rolled his eyes. "So much for being honest."

"Don't do that. Prom wasn't the right time to discuss it. I didn't say anything because, I had to be sure of my feelings."

"Well, you made your feelings more than clear."

"I was being honest," she retorted.

"You were being stubborn," Nathan contradicted. "Suddenly, you knew what was best for us. For me. I remember you looking me in the eye and telling me I didn't know what I wanted. Like I was some child who didn't know his ass from his elbow. Like all the plans I'd made were completely foolish. It was the first decision I'd made for myself since getting away from my father, and you just trashed it."

"That wasn't my intention."

"I felt like you didn't believe in me. You'd said as much when you said you wouldn't support me. It was like everything we'd been through was a lie. For someone who was supposed to love me, you were trying your hardest to push me away. Then you said it. 'I think we should break up.' Six little words and it ended just like that."

"You never let me explain," Haley interjected. "You just walked away."

"You said you didn't want to be with me, Haley!" Nathan argued. "I wasn't going to stay there. What, did you want to reach into my chest Indiana Jones style and rip out my heart? Because, trust me, your harsh words were more than sufficient."

"I didn't think you'd get so upset. I never meant to hurt you," Haley stated. "The whole situation just escalated. I know you think I'm some heartless bitch, but I never thought that conversation would lead to us breaking up. It was a moment of desperation, and I played the only card I thought I had. I thought it would put things in perspective. That you'd be more reasonable."

"How in the hell is breaking up with me supposed to make me more reasonable?!" Nathan challenged.

"I don't know! I felt like you weren't listening to me. You had it in your head that you were going to Stanford and that was it. I wasn't the only one being stubborn that day. I wanted you to take me seriously."

"Well, in the future, it's seriously fucked up to break up with someone to prove a point. If you love someone, you fight for them. You stay together and make it work. So spare me the bullshit about how much you love me, Haley, because you threw it all away!" he shouted.

"I know I screwed up," Haley exclaimed, not backing down. "I knew I was wrong the second after I said it. I'll admit to that. But it's not like you're completely innocent in all of this. I may not have handled the situation the right way, but it doesn't mean that I wasn't justified in my feelings then or now. Because you've done a hell of a lot to sabotage us since then. So you can spare me the bullshit about your broken heart."

"What the hell have I done?"

"What haven't you done?!" Haley argued. "I tried talking to you at the beginning of the summer, but you didn't want to hear it. You were a complete jerk and went out of your way to hurt me. Then, when it seems like we things might actually be getting on track, I find out that you've been sneaking around with Toni!"

"You knew we were hanging out."

"Yeah, but I didn't know you were sleeping with her!"

Nathan was seeing red. "What about Chris? You expect me to believe nothing is going on there? He's a sleazy musician who's slept with half the girls at camp."

"He helps me with my music. That's it. I'm sick of having to justify myself to you. You're the last person who should be pointing fingers. As far as I'm concerned, you've claimed the title of sleaziest. How many other girls were you sleeping with before hooking up with Toni?"

"Wouldn't you like to know," he countered caustically. Nathan knew that he was pushing her over the edge, but he didn't care. This was a long time coming. Their friends had locked them in this shed to duke it out, and now the gloves were coming off. If feelings got hurt in the process, so be it. There was nothing left to lose.

"So much for me making you a 'better man,'" she said, her fingers forming dramatic air quotes. "Is that another one of your bullshit lines you've perfected?"

"At least I'm not a homewrecker," Nathan accused. "Maybe I can't prove anything is going on between you and Chris, but I know for a fact that you and Jake are more than just friends."

Haley bristled, outraged. "You take that back." She took a menacing step toward him.

"No. I know what I saw. All the signs were there. I just didn't want to believe it." He towered over her tiny frame.

Haley closed the distance between them and raised her head indignantly. Jabbing her finger into his chest, she replied, "Jake is my friend. And he's been there for me this summer a hell of a lot more than you have."

"I bet he has," Nathan scoffed. "So tell me, how do you plan to break it to Peyton? All this time you've made her believe that you were in the studio practicing. I bet you made a lot of music behind those sound-proof walls."

"Like you and Toni were 'practicing.' How many times did you give her the full-court press?"

"At least she's single, which is more than I can say for Jake. It can't be easy banging your best friend's boyfriend behind her back. It's a wonder you get any sleep at night. Then again, I'm sure Jake is singing his sweet little melodies inside your head."

"You sound like an idiot!"

"And you look like a slut! How do I know you and Jake weren't creeping around behind my back when we were together? It was probably all part of your plan. You get rid of me and spend the summer cozying up to him. Then, when you've had your fill of him, you'll probably move on to Quentin. Clean Teen, my ass!"

Livid, Haley's hand rose as if it had a mind of its own and landed squarely across Nathan's cheek. The hard slap seemed to resonate in the tiny space. "I hate you, Nathan Scott," she breathed, her voice trembling.

Nathan stared hard back at her. "The feeling's mutual."