Disclaimer: Unlike Grey's Anatomy I've never really won anything. And well Grey's won last night. So yeah...I don't own Grey's Anatomy.

So this update is immediately following the last one. The last one ended with Derek holding Meredith as she cried. So this one picks up with that. The only switch is that it's Derek's perspective instead of Meredith's. Yeah...it's just picking things up where they left off.

Enjoy!

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Her tiny form shaked in my arms and her tears started soaking my shirt. I never liked Ryan. But after that, I hated him. I didn't hate people, I never hated people. But Ryan had hurt Meredith. I didn't like the idea of Meredith hurting, even if it meant turning to me. I could kill him, I could really kill him. Her hands clung to my shirt as tiny sobs escaped her mouth and I stopped thinking about hating Ryan.

"Meredith..." I started to say soothingly, rubbing my hands along her back. "It's okay, I'm here."

The words had been meant to calm Meredith but instead she started crying harder. "No...no...you can't be here," she choked out.

"Mer, what are you talking about?" I said gently, trying to keep the panic out of my voice. What did she mean I couldn't be here? Where else would I be?

"You...just...you should go," Meredith said quietly, squirming her way out of my arms.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked, upset that she wasn't in my arms anymore. And even more upset that she was pushing me away when she obviously needed me the most.

"Derek, yesterday..." she started, slightly gesturing towards the foyer.

"Yesterday will be dealt with later, Mer," I cut her off. "Right now you need..."

"That's the problem," she said cutting me off, sounding strained. "We said things yesterday. Both of us said things yesterday. After...after that I can't need you. I...it's getting too complicated. We both know that we're not friends, at least not in a real friend way. I...and you...it's just complicated. I can't need you."

"Meredith, we can figure this out," I answered, hoping that I sounded at least a bit convinced.

"How Derek, how are we going to figure this out?" Meredith demanded.

I wanted to pull her into my arms again, remind her who I was, that no matter what I was always here for her, even if it was complicated. I wanted to tell her the one constant in my life had become her. God,I wanted to hold her. But I couldn't, not now. None of that would help us right now. "I don't know," I whispered knowing it offered her no help. But knowing that nothing else could be said.

"My life was so much easier before I knew you," Meredith said with a small laugh. "I had a demanding job, a loving boyfriend, dysfunctional friends. No one knew my secrets, no one knew me. But I was happy because life was simple. And now...now it's a mess. Derek, you smiled at me in a bar and made my life a mess."

"I know I did, Mer," I said sighing. "You're not alone in this."

"What are we going to do?" Meredith said, leaning beside me against the counter.

"I don't know," I said again.

"I'm with Ryan, at least I think I'm still with Ryan. And more importantly, you're with Addison. You're married to Addison. I shouldn't even be having this conversation with a married man. I shouldn't be having this conversation with you. Derek, this is bad. Bad in ways I can't comprehend," Meredith said.

I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from laughing at her rambling. "I know. I know. But Addison...she's just, we're not what we once were. We never will be that again, we just...we can't. And with you. With you it feels different, everything feels different," I said.

"It shouldn't, I'm just me. I'm nothing special," Meredith said quietly.

God, she's wrong. But I know her well enough to know that now isn't the time to say that, she'll just argue and I'll argue back and nothing important would be solved. I'd say something and she'd laugh and I'd laugh back and we'd go back to pretending, pretending that whatever this was wasn't as important as it actually was. And we couldn't do that, not again.

"Der, what do you want?" she suddenly asked, breaking the silence that had fallen between us.

I pause and think about her question. I want to make my marriage work, at least I think I want to make it work. I'm not sure if I can, but those vows, they meant something. But Meredith meant something, she meant something pretty big. "I don't know what I want," I answer her honestly.

"I know you don't," Meredith answers. "I don't know either. I don't know what I want."

"Maybe we should take some time..." I said, trailing off, hoping she'd agree. Hoping she wouldn't slap me and kick me out of the kitchen.

"To figure out what we want," she said, nodding.

"Yeah," I nod, happy that she seemed to understand, happy that she seemed to agree. "Time to figure things out."

"I think we need time, lots and lots of time," Meredith said, looking a tad happier than she had since Ryan walked in, looking more relaxed.

"Time," I said nodding.

"I never meant to end up this dark and twisty, you know," Meredith told me, smirking my way as she wiped residual tears from her eyes.

"I know, neither did I," I said smiling back and heading towards the oven, "Now I believe there's a steak with your name on it."

"Hmm...that sounds good," Meredith said smiling.

Time. We could take time, time to figure out what is that I wanted. And why not pretend to be friends while we're taking time.

How I wish I would save my soul, I'm so cold from fear.

I like this update. Heavy things happened the night before but in face of everything that was happening with Ellis they had the time to pretend it didn't happen, to just live in the moment that Meredith really needed Derek. But now Ryan yelled at her and it really made her remember everything that happened so she tried to kick Derek out. But well, that's not going to happen. Instead they agreed that neither knows what they really want but they're going to take time to figure it out. But are still eating the steak, lol.

Another update will be up later tonight...maybe before Grey's but definitely after Grey's.

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