"The Best Laid Plans"

by Furor Scribendi

2008 Scribendi Productions

March 11th

The Shogi and Go Club was usually a hive of activity, as students learned the intricacies of both styles of games. The motto there was "A second to learn, a lifetime to understand." They had guest speakers come in to talk about the games, people who had been playing them for 20 years, 30 years, 50 years, and, just now, were starting to understand how it operated. Today, however, today all was silence.

Suguru sat at a desk, staring at an ad in the paper and sighing endlessly. On the other side of the desk, Hamadi also stared and sighed. Kawahara stood above Suguru, arms crossed, shaking his head ruefully. A few other boys knotted about the desk in happy quietude.

The object of desire was a full-page ad for Basho Books. They were going to be having a book signing on the upcoming Saturday, but it was no ordinary author. Riho Asaoka was going to be autographing copies of her newest book, "A Lifetime in Photos", a massive tome of many of her best pictures.

"Riho. Riho, Riho, Riho, Riho, Riho," mumbled Suguru.

A hand clasped him on the shoulder. "Give it up. You'll never make it. You won't get 25 meters from the house," offered Kawahara.

"But…but this is the meeting of a lifetime. It may, nay, it never WILL happen again!" whined Hamadi. There were mumbling consents about the table. "To let an opportunity of this magnitude just slide away would be like arriving 10 minutes late for the start of the universe!"

"Perhaps Mahoro isn't the most up-to-date person there is, but you are not going to pull off your scam and make it work. She will see through it like a cloudless day. 20 meters. Not even 20 meters." Kawahara spread his arms wide, and then shrunk the distance.

"I'll figure out something," puzzled Suguru. "Mahoro is good, but not that good."

"Excuse me," injected Kawahara. "Not that good? Isn't this the same person who chased you to Hokkaido? 900 kilometers? OK, maybe you didn't get ALL the way to Hokkaido, but you got chased out of town. 15 meters for you, tops!" Suguru looked at Kawahara with an irked expression.

Kawahara sat down. "This is why it cannot work and I will enumerate, in graphic, livid detail." He counted off on his fingers. "First, you have to get out of the house; second, you have to get to the book store; third, you have to get the autograph; fourth, you have to get back into the house and fifth, you have to get the treasure hidden. You might as well throw a pork chop past a hungry wolf! 10 meters. That will barely get you to the street!"

Kawahara went to a Shogi board and began to walk his fingers across it, one finger per square, counting out as he moved. "One, two, three, four, five, six, se…ARGHRGH! ARGGHRGH! Mahoro has wrestled you to the ground! She is standing over your prone body, foot on your back, arms raised in victory, loudly proclaiming, 'Dirty thoughts are bad!' You lay there in utter humiliation.

"Then, she drags you back into the house. You dig your hands into the lawn, to prevent this from happening, but it is to no avail, as deep furrows in the ground show the futility of your plan and your resistance to your arrest!" Kawahara pulled his hand back across the board, kicking his "legs" to emphasize the potential humiliation. "Help me! Help me! Finally, she will get mad as you now have grass stains all over your clothes."

Suguru smiled, stood up and went over to two boys playing Shogi at a nearby desk. "Sometimes, you may need to make a sacrifice to fool your opponent into an alternate way of thinking." He placed a tile on the board and the opponent had to look at things in a different manner. "Now, was I foolish in making that move or is it part of a bigger plan?" Suguru returned to the paper.

"Mahoro is a real homebody, so all I need is a plausible explanation as to why I will be out of the house for such an extended period of time. Perhaps, being with my friends, as you show me your latest video game, Kawahara, right?"

Kawahara mused. "Right, right." He nodded his head as the plan began to unfold.

"Your part in all of this is a judicious call, placed Friday evening, explaining this, and it all falls into place," said Suguru, in a satisfied tone. "She will be none the wiser."

Hamadi tapped the paper. "8000 yen for the book, but you get a free autograph with it. She will sign additional items for 4500 yen, like other approved books, pictures and DVD covers. Gentlemen, we cannot stand idly by and let a defining moment in our lives pass us by, like an errant bus!" He stood up and began to orate.

"If we don't do something, we are going to regret this. We will regret it today and every day for the rest of our lives. We must organize and be resolute in our determination. Nothing can deter us from the end goal. As long as we are unified in our action and stout in both body and spirit, there is no way of…"Hamadi stopped, as he realized that he had backed into someone. He turned about to find himself looking into the steely gray eyes of Mr. Ryuga. "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Hamadi freaked out and ran towards the paper to hurriedly close it and fold it up as small as he could.

My Ryuga came close and held out his hand. "Please?" Hamadi reluctantly put the paper in his hand and Ryuga began to unfold it. As he opened it, his eyes were riveted. "Riho Asaoka is coming to town? A new book of hers?" He then looked up at the boys, and then closed the paper.

"As you know, dirty thoughts are bad, but…" He opened up the paper and looked at the ad again. "If you will go look at this ad elsewhere, we'll call it even." He handed the paper back to a drenched Hamadi and left the room. Hamadi collapsed in a heap, wheezing heavily, wiping his brow with the newspaper.

"You know, he did return to me the book of Riho's that he confiscated from the rooftop that day," said Suguru.

"Only to have Mahoro confiscate it back. You told us this very sad story, indeed," Hamadi sat upright.

"OK, let's be logical about this," said Kawahara, as he pulled up a chair and got Suguru's attention by sitting right in front of him. "Let us say for a moment that you are somehow able to get out of the house that day for the amount of time it will take to get the deed done. Do you have 8000 yen about? I mean, this is some serious coinage we are discussing."

Suguru nodded. "I do, I really do. I have been saving up for some time, not for this, but when an opportunity arises…"

"Where can you hide it, once you get it? Have you thought of that? This is a lot of time and money and effort invested, only to have it….CONFISCATED!" Kawahara pointed a finger right at Suguru's nose. Kawahara motioned to Hamadi. "Help me out on this."

"Yes, Riho is so beautiful." They both turned to see Hamadi, gazing with loving rapture at the ad, lost amid his own thoughts. Kawahara sighed in exasperation.

Suguru smiled slyly. "There are places she hasn't even begun to figure out. At the most, only about 20% of the total treasures have been uncovered. And she has never found the Core Treasures. I can make this work. And speaking of which, I need to get home to put my plan into action."

"What about the newspaper ads? She's going to find out," Kawahara called out after Suguru, flapping the newspaper about as Suguru waved goodbye.

"Taken care of. My strategy is working just fine. She won't know what hit her."

"Just make certain she doesn't return the favor, Suguru," said a stony-faced Hamadi.

Gathering up his books, Suguru left for home, lost in thought. "Riho. Riho." He was imagining what it would be like to gaze upon the object of his adoration, as she wrote some hot, steamy message of love on the book. 'To my dearest Suguru, I hope this will get your through the coldest of winter nights. All my love and devotion, Riho Asaoka.' Working out the details of his plan again and again, plotting what he was going to do, what he was going to say, how he was going to do it, he was home before he knew it.

"Mahoro, I'm home," he called out, as he took his books up to his room.

"Suguru, it's so nice that you are home. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes."

As he turned to go upstairs, Minawa was right in his face. "AARGH! Minawa! What can I do for you?"

"Welcome home, Master." She just stood there as they exchanged stares at one another.

"I…I have to go to my room." And he left as she watched him go up the stairs. At least she seems happier since Hamadi finally confessed his feelings for her, he thought, but there is still a melancholy about her. There was something hidden deep within her that she, herself, could not give voice to. Or, maybe, didn't want to give voice to.

Shutting the door to his room, he moved a table that was in the corner and pulled up the carpet. He tugged gently to reduce the noise of the Velcro that held it down firmly. Once the floor was exposed, he opened a small panel, which led to a secret chamber, holding some of his treasures. "The book will fit here PERFECTLY!" He imagined the book in the proper position, resting there happily with his other treasures. He smiled and restored everything to as it was.

"There will be no repeat of the wall fiasco," he smirked to himself. "Not even Minawa will be able to uncover this location." He came downstairs to the dinner table. "What are you cooking tonight, Mahoro?"

"Just a simple rice omelet. Something nice and light," said Mahoro, as Suguru sat down. Just then, Shikijo came into the house.

"Boy, I am beat and famished. These days are getting longer and longer. When will dinner be ready?" she said, as she sat at the table, next to Suguru.

"Don't you have any other relatives you could be visiting? Who actually like your company? Perhaps your mother and father would enjoy your presence for the evening and, I am sure, they have a more sumptuous feast at the ready for their middle daughter than what is offered here," snorted Mahoro.

"Naah, since you are now the Cooking Shogun, you need to constantly hone your skills, as sharp as the knives you use. Also, this place is just so much closer. And speaking of closer…" Shikijo shoved nearer to Suguru. "…I really don't see what the fuss is all about. What do you see in her? She is only two-dimensional, whereas I…" Shikijo thrust herself out, nearly smothering Suguru in the process. "…I am fully THREE-dimensional and in living color as well!"

Suguru's eyes nearly exploded from his head as Shikijo was in severe danger of losing a button or two from her blouse. Shikijo felt herself being forcefully slammed back into her seat, the firm hand of Mahoro on her shoulder. "Here, have some rice." A plate clunked in front of her. "And who are we talking about?"

Suguru felt panicky, but he could not stop Shikijo from going on. Anything he did would draw more attention to him and with Mahoro right there, there was no way to explain away any of his actions. Perhaps he could fake choking on something. Shikijo spoke a bit, before putting some dinner in her. "Why, Riho Asaoka, that's who."

"Oh, ecchi." shrugged off Mahoro. Suguru relaxed. "I think Suguru learned his lesson about that from a few days ago, didn't you?"

He nodded like a bubblehead doll. "Oh, yes, I certainly did! I was taught a really good lesson! No getting around that! You really drove that point home! I don't think there is any need to bring up anything more about any of that, not in the least. A lesson well taught, a lesson well learned. Nothing more needs to be said or mentioned or discussed!" He tried to get Shikijo to be quiet, but she was not paying attention. Minawa brought over the glasses for everyone.

"Oh, a beer, here, please? I am just parched!" Shikijo waved at Minawa, who went back into the kitchen.

"Although I understand his infatuation with Riho, we have come to an understanding about this area and that he is not going to act in a lewd manner towards women." Mahoro spoke with confidence as Minawa clapped her hands in approval, shaking the beer in the process.

Shikijo was impressed. "Well, you're taking this very calmly. Especially since…..she's coming to town on Saturday!" Suguru gasped at the statement, dropping his chopsticks to the floor, the flop sweat gushing from his brow like a fountain. Minawa let the beer slide through her hand and it hit the floor with a solid thud, rolling about.

Mahoro froze, her hair horns twitching actively, her eyes getting larger and larger. As she began to tremble, her body filling with the building rage, Shikijo continued on casually, speaking between every bite. "You know that every red-blooded man in Hiryu will be there, having the privilege to be able to drool over each real inch of her. I am surprised you didn't read about it. You get the paper, don't you?" She got up to search about.

"I don't remember getting the paper today. In fact, I don't remember seeing the paper for the last few days," Mahoro said through clenched teeth, turning and glowering at Suguru. He tried to hide, but there was no place for him to scurry to. He felt himself melting under the steely intense glare of Mahoro.

"No matter, I have a copy of today's paper." She went to her purse and pulled it out, opening it to the page, which she laid in front of Mahoro. Sitting back down, Shikijo turned to Suguru. "And I know you are already working on a plan to get down there, aren't you?" She gave a wicked smile. Minawa began to cower behind the kitchen island as Mahoro's anger swelled.

Shikijo yakked on and on. "I know that if the object of my desire was coming to town to autograph their latest book, I would personally move Fujiyama to get down there. What was the plan, a day out with the guys? I heard a new video game was released and you could certainly spend a Saturday afternoon blasting zombies. Or perhaps pretending to blast zombies? It's a good plan."

Why is she doing this, thought Suguru. I didn't think she cared one way or the other, but I am getting sabotaged. As Shikijo continued to eat, Mahoro lost it.

"I forbid this! Dirty thoughts are bad!" barked Mahoro. "How many times must we go through this? I never heard anything about it, but I know you saw 'The Bounteous Maid at Work'! Did I not make my feelings clear on this point? Was last week just a futile exercise?"

Suguru sank in his chair as the verbal barrage from Mahoro continued. This was worse than when she first came across his stash back in June. That lecture went on for two solid hours. Minawa peered from behind the island, paralyzed as to what she should do next, if anything. Shikijo leaned over to Suguru, taking his hand underneath the table into hers and giving him a squish. "That's OK, little man. I would be more than happy to do this as a favor. A big favor for you."

Mahoro was incredulous. "As a teacher, how can you even condone such behavior?"

"You are right. I should take a better stand on this. Mr. Misato…" Shikijo turned fully on Suguru. "…it would be best if you understood completely how to best handle women. Anything you see in a book or magazine is filtered through someone else's eyes as to what women are like. You need a fresh perspective. And I can help you best with that! A REAL woman, one of flesh and blood, right here before you!" She positioned herself so Suguru could not miss that she was a real woman.

He looked over to Mahoro, whose face was red with anger and frustration. He did not think he had ever seen her this angry. In fact, he did not believe there was even a word to describe what she must be feeling. If steam poured out of her ears, it would not be that shocking or surprising. What was she going to do? Suguru's mind was a dizzying blur. He couldn't do anything to help himself or his cause.

Infuriated, Mahoro snatched up the can from the floor and shook it frantically as she moved towards the table. Then she slammed it in front of Shikijo hard. It exploded, drenching Shikijo in a waterfall of beer. She gasped and sputtered as the contents emptied itself upon her. As Shikijo wiped her face dry from beer and foam, Mahoro moved right in on Suguru. "If I have to weld myself to you, I will do so. You are NOT going! I will make sure of this! Dirty thoughts are bad!"

Suguru sagged. Perhaps Kawahara was right, except he didn't even get ten meters. Closer to zero or even less than zero. The rest of the evening was a blur to him. He did not even recall getting into bed for the night, but tomorrow was already not going to be a good day.

MAHORO'S SYSTEMS WILL CEASE TO FUNCTION IN 131 DAYS.

End Notes

The date is partial conjecture, in relationship to the Summer TV Special. There is even an argument afoot that the reason it is called the "Summer TV Special" is that it was shown on TV in the summer, and not that it takes place during the summer.

If you are aware of the timeline, you know that the absolute earliest Minawa shows up is December 8th. The weather in the Special is spring-like, so that puts it into March, but Mahoro takes her savage beating at the hand of Professor Metherius on March 22nd, just a bit after the official start of Spring, so it cannot drag on after that. Besides, those are rather busy days for her as well, as she is in hospital from 3/22 to 4/3 or thereabouts.

And since the end times are particularly frantic, there is actually no time for a story of this nature to sneak in, so it is going to be earlier rather than later.

But you cannot hope for an early, balmy February, so I stuck with March. I imposed a date of March 1st for the start of the entire Special affair, with it concluding on March 6th. Clues like "Several days later" are rather vague and I need some kind of "resting time" between the end of that attack and the beginning of this approach.

The last time I checked, a yen was worth about a penny (OK, 0.009), so I would assume a book of this magnitude for Riho would be about $80 USD. I have a wonderful book called "Les Heroines Disney" (yup, it's all in French and completely unavailable in the US) that a friend nicked for me in Paris and it was 70 Euros at the time (about $75 USD).

I also went to a baseball card sale convention event one Labor Day, where Joe DiMaggio was signing. I was struck at the incredibly tight restrictions placed on his $50 autograph (and he wasn't even signing his full name), but that you could buy approved pictures and there were certain items he would autograph and other items he would not.

For those a bit confused about the exchange between Suguru and Minawa, she had what I called her "Happy Day", when Hamadi confessed his love for Minawa and she finally accepted that she was not a loser, but a real person. Admittedly, it only happened the day before all this (March 10th), but I did not want anything to cross over or intrude on THAT wonderful day for her.

Not that is all honestly matters, as we are about 11 days away from this point from The Horrific Beating, so this really is one of the few, last happy days she will genuinely get. OK, maybe it isn't all that happy, but it isn't really terrible.

I was even debating a couple more stories to tell within that 11-day gap, but I am waiting for something more to occur. I had one person inquire if I was going to write something for EVERY day, from June 17th to April 5th, that was not accounted for, but I responded that not every day is exciting, and I don't know if you could get all that worked up about Mahoro going to the Four for 500 yen Panty Sale.

I have a few vague ideas, but nothing has firmed up, as I am working on another Ariel story as well, so I will work towards a pooling of an additional 13 tales before I commit to a "third season" (as it were). If my muse so wills, I would like to have another 26 tales, so I could have "More In-Between Days."