AUTHOR'S NOTE: So the adventures of EJ and Uncle John continue in this chapter – or EJJo I suppose LOL . Uncle John is simply a joy to write for and he has a perfect straight man in EJ who is usually unflappable and that is why it is so much fun to have John getting under his skin.  I'm so sad in the show that they didn't make more of their relationship and really much of John's character with his amnesia. I think there was endless potential to re-invent John and breathe new life into a well known character and have a lot of fun with it. In the next installment of this saga – "Wild Horses…" – Uncle John really comes into his own and it is just hard not to love him IMO, even if you weren't a huge John fan before. I'm not sure how a diehard John fan would go with this version of him though because he is quiet different but then old John always had a slightly cheeky way to him which I'm trying to show in new John – just in a very dry, straight faced way. It's hard to know if some of the stuff Uncle John does is from honest ignorance or whether he's just yanking people's chain. LOL

Now just a quick side note to pufkinz about the site "Forbidden Love" – can't reply via PM for some reason. Yes, you do have to have 30 posts and PM the mods for the password to the Smut Hut for the naughty stuff so sorry about that. LOL It is quick and easy to get the 30 posts though – just do a lot of welcoming to people and join in on subjects and agree with people. ;) Unfortunately here and there are the only places you can catch up on my stories and the FL does come with all the bells and whistles – especially my "Fated" story where I've got moving gifs to illustrate some chapters – I know a girl who's clever. ;)

So I'm just posting this one chapter for now and will try and do some more posting soon. This is a favourite EJJo chapter of mine – after the hotel bed one of course, that still makes me laugh – self involved I know but true. *blush*

Toodles… Lou

Chapter TWENTY-ONE

Later that same day EJ and John walked along the docks until they came to some boats for charter that they'd been told would take them up the Mississippi through the Bayou. As he approached EJ could hear the men working on the docks talking to each other in French. He stopped in front of one man and smiled at him.

"Pardon, parlez-vous anglais?" he asked the man in flawless French.

"What did you just say?" asked John with interest.

"I asked if he spoke English," explained EJ to one side and saw the man shake his head, "Non?"

EJ smiled again.

"Pouvez-vous m'aider?" he asked politely, "Où se trouve location d'embarcations?"

"What did you say?" asked John again and EJ sent him a vaguely annoyed look.

"I asked if he could help us and where we could hire a boat," he replied.

"Oh," said John, seemingly satisfied with his answer.

The man said nothing but pointed out another man further on down the docks.

"Trout droit?" he said, "Merci beaucoup."

"Straight ahead," said EJ getting in before John could ask as they started to walk, "And then I thanked him."

"So you speak French," pondered John, taking in this new information.

"I was taught it in grade school and I used it often with my racing in Europe," explained EJ casually, "They speak a Cajun French in these parts but we can still understand one another."

"Hm," said John, seeming to think on that for a moment, "Do I speak French?"

"I have no idea Uncle John," said EJ in exasperation.

"Say something in French," said John.

"I just did," he pointed out but relented when John just stared at him, "Fine - Il faut prendre quelle direction, pour aller vers le centre ville?"

John pursed his lips and seemed to think hard on it as they walked down the docks.

"Well?" prompted EJ eventually.

"I got nothing," admitted John blankly, "I guess I don't speak French."

"Which way to the town centre from here?" said EJ.

"Back the way we came of course," said John with a frown, looking at EJ like he was a bit of an idiot, "We just came from it fifteen minutes ago."

"No Uncle," sighed EJ.

"Yes we did!" protested John, "I may have amnesia but I can recall that far back!"

"I was translating what I said," said EJ through clenched teeth, "The question was about the town centre."

"You can speak French but you've got no sense of direction," pondered John almost to himself, "I know which I'd prefer to be able to do."

EJ blew out a frustrated breath at his uncle's obtuseness, trying to work out if it was intentional or not.

"Aidez-moi, je vous prie!" he muttered under his breath.

"What?" queried John innocently but they were now standing in front of the man that had been pointed out to them so EJ just ignored him.

"Bonjour comment ça va?" he asked of the man, "Location d'embarcations?"

"Oui," said the man who looked to be in his early thirties or so.

"Bon," smiled EJ and introduced himself, "Je m'appelle EJ Wells."

EJ used his mother's name just in case.

"Où est...?" EJ pointed on the map at the possible places that they thought Lucas might be hiding out in.

John wandered off to the side a little as he listened to the two men talk back and forth in French, sticking his hands in his pockets and surveying the comings and goings of the busy dock with some interest. A woman approached him and smiled invitingly up at him, John arched an eyebrow and tilted his head at her which she took as encouragement.

"Uncle," called out EJ after a little bit and John turned back round from where he'd been talking to the woman and sauntered back to where they were standing.

"Felix here," he nodded at the other man, "Is going to take us up the river tomorrow."

EJ looked at Felix.

"Quel est le prix s'il vous plait?" he asked.

"Cent dollars," Felix replied.

"For a hundred dollars he will take us as far up as here," EJ indicated on his map again for John's benefit.

"Sounds like a plan," said John, "Tomorrow it is then."

oooOOOOooo

Sami inched her way slowly into Lucas bedroom, being very careful not to make a noise and disturb him as he lay dozing. She had Ali all ready to go in the car in her car seat, all she had to do was get the car keys out of his pocket and then she and her daughter were out of there. Originally Sami had tried to hot wire the car but as soon as she got in behind the wheel and stuck her head under the dash like she'd seen them do in movies she realised that she had absolutely no idea what to do next. So Plan B was to get the keys from Lucas. She inched ever closer to him her heart pounding so loudly in her ears that she was afraid that he was going to be able to hear it and be woken up.

Sami edged into the room, cringing as an old floor board creaked but Lucas didn't stir so she kept going. Very slowly she reached out a hand, watching his face all the time for any signs that he might be waking up and grabbed the top of the keys that were poking out of his jeans pocket between two fingers. Very carefully she began to pull on them, trying to gently dislodge them from their pocket without them making any noise or moving too much. Sami bit her lip in concentration feeling like each passing second was an hour but finally she managed to get the car keys out of his pocket. She almost sobbed with the relief. Carefully she backed up, turning around slowly and heading towards the door.

"Going somewhere Sami?"

She froze at the sound of Lucas' voice suddenly, her heart practically jumping out of her mouth. Sami then tried to make a bolt for the door but Lucas was too quick for her, leaping out of bed and getting in front of her, slamming the door shut before turning around and advancing on her angrily.

"What are you doing Sami?" he asked her, his face hard.

"What do you think I'm trying to do Lucas?" she asked him, her chin going up defiantly, never one to back down from a fight, "I'm getting my daughter the hell away from you."

"Our daughter," Lucas reminded her, "Our daughter Sami. She was created in love, yours and mine - our love for each other."

"Let us go Lucas," said Sami, taking a step back as he continued to advance on her, "They are going to find us and when they do…"

"They're not going to find us Sami," said Lucas confidently, "I've made real sure of that. Right now your father is probably in Mexico if he followed all the clues I left him, maybe he can work on his tan some while he's there."

"EJ will find me, find us," said Sami, ignoring his weak attempt at humour, "EJ always comes for me."

"He does seem to have a knack," agreed Lucas bitterly, "But not this time Sami."

"Oh why?" she taunted him, "Because you've outsmarted him? Unlikely Lucas!"

"Because he's dead," lied Lucas cruelly, enjoying the look of horrified disbelief on her face.

"You're lying!" she accused him, suddenly feeling sick, "You told me that he was alright!"

"I needed you to stay calm," said Lucas, his lips pressed together giving them a particularly mean look, "Stefano had him killed the night you and the twins were taken. It was easy, he was unconscious from the drugs you were all given. Stefano didn't want Junior getting in the way for his plans for his grandson so he did what he had to do."

Sami took an unsteady step back, feeling as though she couldn't breath. It couldn't be true, EJ couldn't be dead. Her heart felt like it was being ripped out of her chest at the thought she would never see her husband again, the man she'd loved like no other. This couldn't be happening. She looked at Lucas with stunned eyes, trying to make sense of such a cruel blow and saw that the malicious satisfaction in his face. Sami let out a strangled cry and launched herself at him, clawing at his face, hitting him with her fists and all the time screaming at him.

"You bastard!" she screamed, "You murdering bastard - I'm going to kill you!!"

Lucas was caught off guard for only a split second reacting quickly this time, not like he'd done at the hospital when she'd last attacked him. He managed to grab her wrists and shove her roughly backwards, forcing her back towards the bed. Sami's legs hit the bed and she stumbled back onto the bed, Lucas going with her as he refused to let go of her wrists. The breath was knocked out of her as all of Lucas' weight landed on top of her suddenly. He pinned her arms above her head, straddling her now and stopping her from moving away. She writhed under him, angry grief stricken tears spilling down her cheeks now as she tried desperately to break free.

"Are those tears for him?" asked Lucas angrily, a bit out of breath from their struggle now, "Are you crying for that bastard Sami? Is that it? Are you sad he's dead?"

"Don't!" she screamed at him, "Don't say that!"

"Maybe I've been doing it all wrong," said Lucas harshly, "Maybe that's how you like it nowadays huh? Like it a bit rough now is that it? After all you fell for the man who raped you didn't you? Maybe I should take a leaf out of Junior's book - it seemed to work for him after all didn't it Sami?!"

Lucas leant down and pressed a fierce kiss against Sami's unwilling lips the weeks of frustration and powerlessness he'd been feeling suddenly overwhelming him. She had fought him about everything and he wanted to punish her for that, make her feel the pain he was feeling so that she'd understand what it was that she'd done to him with her rejection. Lucas tasted blood in his mouth and he didn't know if it was his or hers but wouldn't end the brutal kiss.

Sami frantically tried to escape his grasp but it was useless he was just too strong for her. She began to panic squirming under him wildly trying to break free. His fingers bit cruelly into her wrists and she knew her skin would be marked with bruises because of it. He wasn't relenting and Sami began to fear that he was actually not going to stop and it terrified her.

The sound of Ali's crying drifted into the bedroom from where she was still strapped into the car and both of the adults froze. The sound of his daughter's cries seemed to bring Lucas back to his senses and he loosened his grip on Sami, breaking the kiss. Sami gave a choked sob of relief and scrambled away from him, covering her bruised and swollen mouth, looking at him in abject horror.

"Sami," said Lucas hoarsely, reaching out a regretful hand towards her, "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to…"

"Stay away from me!" she sobbed, flinching away from his touch, "Don't you ever touch me again!"

Sami stumbled off the bed, running towards the door to go and answer her daughter's cries. Lucas watched her go and cursed his temporary loss of control that had caused this, knowing he'd created yet more obstacles for Sami and he to overcome in his frustration. Lucas fell back on the bed and covered his face with his hands despairingly.

oooOOOOooo

The boat that EJ had hired chugged along the river, its noisy motor becoming part of the back ground noise as they moved along. There were quite a few other boats on the water that passed by, fishermen, tourists and people just generally getting about on the water. EJ and John sat at the front of the boat whilst Felix kept to himself overseeing the engine that occasionally smoked and spluttered. John looked around with interest at all the going's on. EJ looked up from the map he was studying on his knee to note his uncle's rapt attention.

"Is this your first time on the water?" he asked, momentarily forgetting his uncle's situation.

"Thanks to my brother just about everything is a first time for me nowadays," said John with no particular malice which EJ found to be rather surprising.

"Do you hate what my father has done to you?" asked EJ curiously, "Taking all of your memories I mean."

"I don't know," shrugged John, "Sometimes I think I should thank him."

"Why?" asked EJ intrigued, tilting his head at him.

"How many people get a do over in life?" asked John, "I mean a real one - a complete blank slate."

"But it's only for you," pointed out EJ, "Everyone else remembers the old John."

"Yeah I know," he said with a roll of his eyes, "If I hear one more 'the John I know would never…" story I'm ready to start taking hostages."

"I'm going to go ahead and take that as a figure of speech rather than an actual threat," said EJ wryly.

"If that makes you feel better than sure nephew, knock yourself out," said John expressionlessly.

EJ grimaced and returned to his map reading, trying to familiarise himself with their surrounds so that if they did find Lucas then he would be ready. There was relative silence for awhile but EJ knew that was too good to last and he was right.

"I was thinking…" began John.

"Oh god," said EJ flatly, not looking up from his map.

"You know how in the beginning I wasn't sure about drinking coffee again after I lost my memory?" he mused, "You know, because it was all black and weird looking."

"Mm," said EJ wondering where this was going but still not looking up - it was best not to encourage him too much he'd found.

"But I really liked the smell of it," continued on John, "So I gave it a go. It was kind of bitter but I got used to it and now I really like it."

"Yes," said EJ slowly, determinedly still reading his map.

"Well I really like the smell of gasoline," finished John.

This made EJ look up at last to see his uncle looking at him expectantly.

"Uncle John!" said EJ firmly, "You can't drink gasoline!"

"Are you just saying that because it's an acquired taste or…" John quizzed him.

"I'm saying it because it will kill you!" exclaimed EJ in horror - just what the hell went through this man's head minute to minute anyway?

"Phmf," he said dismissively and waved a hand at him, "They say the same thing about coffee and look how many people drink that."

"But drinking gasoline will kill you instantly!" said EJ, his voice starting to get louder, "None of that waiting around for thirty years business for side effects. You'll be dead after the first mouthful!"

"So you're saying you have to dilute it a bit," mused John, "Okay - how much?"

"Don't drink gasoline!" snapped EJ and gave him a desperate look, "Ever… under any circumstance! Do you understand me Uncle John?!"

Sometimes EJ felt like he had three children rather than two with his uncle around - unbelievable!

"Fine," said John a little huffily, "Don't get your briefs in a bunch - I won't drink gasoline… even though it does smell good. Happy now?"

"There are no words," said EJ sarcastically and attempted a deep calming breath before going back to his map with a shake of his head.

He looked up suddenly then and fixed John with a fierce look as a thought occurred to him.

"What?" asked John when he saw the way EJ was looking at him.

"Just promise me something Uncle," said EJ determinedly, "If you can't remember if something is edible or not ask someone before just hoeing in - okay? Please?"

"Alright," shrugged John, not exactly sure why his nephew was making such a big deal about all this, "I'll ask before I try and food anything."

EJ opened his mouth to say that wasn't the right way of saying that - you don't 'food' things but decided to let it go. He didn't want to give John too much information all at once. The important thing was that he thought to ask before eating things that might kill him. EJ wondered just how many things this man had eaten, mistaking them for food. It didn't bear thinking about really.

There was silence for another mile or so and then before John spoke again.

"So," he said suddenly, "Brazilians…"

"Which were you contemplating eating?" asked EJ with a wry smile still concentrating on his map, "The nut or the people?"

"This isn't a food question… wait - there's a Brazilian nut?" asked John interrupting himself this time, "Hm… maybe that explains it."

"Maybe that explains what Uncle?" asked EJ, curious despite himself.

"There was this woman at the docks," explained John, looking thoughtful, "When you were hiring this boat. She just came up and started to talk to me and then she offered to show me her Brazilian for twenty bucks."

EJ made a kind of pained grimacing expression that John didn't seem to notice - continuing on blithely.

"But that seems like an awful lot of money just to look at a nut," pondered John, looking at EJ expectantly, "I mean, how great can it be really? Twenty dollars worth of great? What's so special about the Brazilian anyway, is it really huge or weird looking or something? Can you do tricks with it or what?"

"Uncle John, do you have that list you started with Samantha on you?" asked EJ straight faced, "Because if you do I have something I'd like to add to it."

"But…" John went to protest but EJ stalled him with a raised hand.

"I'm instigating a time out policy," said EJ imperiously, "You say something horrifying and then you're not allowed to speak for twenty minutes after that - understand?"

"So which was the horrifying thing?" asked John in confusion, "The gasoline or the nut thing?"

"Let's call it a forty minute time out because they were equally horrifying," said EJ and looked at his watch, "Starting… now. Oh and if you speak before your time is up we have to start again."

EJ looked at his uncle who was making a petulant face but rather remarkably, was doing as EJ had instructed.

Oh God, why hadn't he'd thought of this before?!

All of those bizarre conversations could have been avoided or at the very least cut back a lot if he'd just thought of having a time out before now. Maybe he hadn't been too far off the mark in thinking of John as another child - a strange, hairy, fully grown child of course but none the less, this actually seemed to be working. EJ tried not to look as stunned as he felt and went back to his map reading - this was too good to be true.

"So are you going to tell me when my time is up?" asked John suddenly, "And what if I've got really something important to say like - hey, should that be on fire? Does whistling count and what about humming? Can I talk to other people or is just you that I can't talk to? Can I talk to myself? How do I know…"

EJ rubbed his face tiredly with his hand as John continued with all of his questions.

Yup, definitely too good to be true alright.