He didn't remember falling sleep.

Most people don't. One minute, he was sitting on his couch, the next, darkness. It was the first time in weeks that he didn't have a nightmare. It was the first time he'd actually slept. Peacefully, exhaustedly, he slept.

Silence filled his ears, darkness his eyes.

No thoughts, no worries, no nightmares, no fear.

But it was all gone before he even had the chance to realize it was there.

His phone buzzed on the table, unnecessarily loud. He wondered silently to himself why he'd even left it on. He kept his eyes closed, hoping that maybe whoever was calling would hang up if he didn't answer at first.

They didn't.

It rang mercilessly, the peace was disturbed and any hope he had of drifting back off into his sleep was destroyed. So, slightly irritated, he opened his eyes and leaned towards the phone, but when he read who was calling, his irritation turned to worry.

He immediately answered, "Erin?" He asked, eagerly.

"It's me."

Her voice was soft, weak, and maybe even vulnerable. He couldn't tell. She sounded weird, off, but then again, he remembered she'd been acting the same way before.

Jay took in a deep breath, his initial worry starting to fade as he heard her breathing on the other side, "Hey…" He said softly, "I'm glad you called…" He said, gulping.

He felt weird when she didn't say anything, but he pushed on anyway, "About before, I…I was out of line with all the stuff I said." He admitted, "You were right…and…I really want to be there for you Erin, but…you're gonna have to let me."

And then she sniffed. Jay recognized that sound, even through the phone.

"Are you crying?"

Erin sniffed again and then took in a deep breath, "C-can you come over?" She asked softly, "I…" She sniffed, "I don't want to be alone."

Jay was up before she even finished talking. He started looking for his coat, "Yea, of course." He said quickly, hoping she wouldn't take it back. He grabbed his car keys, his jacket and slipped on his shoes hurriedly before walking out of the house, "I'll be there in a few." And then he hung up.

He didn't like this. He didn't like hearing her like that. She didn't sound like herself. She sounded sad and vulnerable and broken. And he hated that. He hated the thought that she was broken. It wasn't fair.

It was raining when he got outside. He jogged out to his car and got in quickly before driving carefully over to Erin's apartment. He walked up to her floor and approached her door. He reached out and knocked gently, unthreateningly.

A few minutes passed and no one answered so he knocked again. Another few minutes passed and then finally, he heard the door unlocking from the other side. Slowly, it came open to reveal Erin. Her hair was messy, her eyes puffy and red. And even more shockingly, her hand was bleeding and she was holding a napkin to it. "Hi." She said, offering a smile.

Jay didn't return it. He looked down at her hand, "What happened?" He asked, reaching over gently and removing the napkin from her hand. It looked like a small cut, not too alarming, but he was still worried.

Erin shrugged a little bit, "I was trying to cut an apple and the knife slipped." She shook her head, "It's nothing." She pulled her hand away, turned around and walked back into her apartment, to the sink where she started to wash her hand off.

Jay walked in after her, shutting the door behind him. He stood next to her, watching. Something was off. He recognized the look in her eyes and his heart dropped, but he didn't know whether to bring it up or not.

But Erin already knew what he was thinking, "I don't want to talk about it." She said as she finished washing off her hand. She turned towards him.

"Then why did you call me?" Jay retorted.

Erin took in a deep breath and looked over at the counter, "I don't know why I did it." She shook her head, "I wasn't going to. I really…I just lost it, you know?" She ran her fingers through her hair, "It just seems like lately I haven't been able to find it that much anymore." She said, tears coming to her eyes.

Jay felt for her, he really did. He'd seen drug abuse before. Coming back from the war, he'd had a few fellow Rangers that fell onto that path because of PTSD. He'd watched their lives spiral out of control and he wasn't ready to do that with Erin. Stepping forward, he pulled her into a hug, wrapping his arms around her, "It's gonna get better." He promised.

Erin didn't reply, just relaxed against him, not truly believing it. "How do you know that?"

Jay shook his head, "I don't." He shrugged, "But I think if you work at it, it won't get worse." He said as he pulled back and started ushering her to the couch where he sat her down. "When did you shoot up?" He asked, glancing at the empty medical bottle on her counter.

Erin blinked a few times, "I can't remember." She said softly, "I'm sorry."

Jay sat down next to her, "No, it's okay. I was just trying to figure out if you were going to be coming down soon." He said, looking at her. A moment passed before he spoke again, "What happened?" He asked, "Where did you go after you left my apartment?"

Erin closed her eyes, "My old neighborhood." She said slowly, "I walked there from your house and I was going to get some from old friends, but I ran into someone who convinced me not to."

"Let me guess." Jay smiled a little bit, "Another old friend."

Erin nodded slowly, "Yea. So…we went out for coffee instead, but when I got home and went to bed. The nightmares were just so vivid and…awful that I couldn't take it. I had to get away from it." She said, closing her eyes, "But I don't feel any better. I don't feel far away. I feel…" She looked up at him, "I don't know how I feel, can I say that?"

Jay nodded, "Yea."

She met his eyes, hers clouded, "Jay, I'm sorry for what I said…earlier." She said suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, "I was just…on edge and mad and I don't know, it just felt like a flashback…" She shook her head.

"Your life was rough, huh?" Jay said with a nod, secretly curious, "You never talk about it."

Erin was staring forward, "I don't like to." She said quietly, "There's not a lot of good things to remember." She looked over at him, "You never talk about your time with the Rangers." She shrugged, "Why relive something that hurt so much the first time?"

Jay looked down, eyebrows creased in thought, "I think it's important to remember what happened…" He shrugged, "I don't avoid talking about the Rangers because I don't want to talk to about, I avoid it because the stories aren't stories that are easy to tell. It's hard, but it's important to share it with someone." He said.

Erin looked over at him, "Why do you want to know so bad? It's not glamorous." She said, shaking her head.

Jay met her eyes, "Because it's who you are." He said with a shrug, "I'm your partner, we've been friends for a while and I just wish…I don't know, I wish you'd open up to me, especially after everything that's happened."

Erin didn't look up, "I don't open up to a lot of people."

A few moments of silence passed between them until Jay broke the silence, "When I got sent to Afghanistan, the first time, my parents were terrified. My dad's uncle died in Vietnam so he was just scared of war in general. They didn't want me to go through with it." He sighed, "My sister was the only one who really took my opinion into account. She told me that protecting the country was honorable and serving it was brave. And that really stuck with me. So I told my parents I loved them and then left."

Erin watched him as he spoke, "What are you doing?"

"I'm telling you what you want to know." Jay replied before delving back into his story, "We, uh, we saw a lot of things while we were over there. There was never a 'worst day', like I can't say 'this was the worst day', it was like every day had something: good and bad. I saw women beaten by their husbands, men and women being forced to stay quiet by over powerful organizations, I witnessed, more than once, parents handing off weapons to their children…sometimes bombs." He shook his head, "But I also saw a lot of kindness, women who helped children get to safety, men who were brave enough to talk to us, families who gave us hospitality and kindness." He sighed and took a long moment before continuing, "But we lost a lot of guys out there."

Erin gulped, knowing where this was going.

"I met a guy while I was out there, his name was George Westinghouse and we all went by our last names so we just called him Wes. Me and that guy, we were friends before I even learned his name. He looked approachable and he just had this way about him, he was a leader. And then, when I actually met him, he told me he was from Chicago. And we got to talking about the Bears and the Blackhawks, our favorite bars. He was a real stand-up guy." Jay said with a small smile, "And this one day, he and I were up on a roof, trying to help the sniper set up and he was going on about this girl he had back home. He said she was an art major at UChicago. I believe his exact words were, "I have no idea what the hell you do with a fucking art degree, but you know what I don't even care? That's how crazy I am about this girl." And then he laughed." Jay smiled a little bit, "He looked at me, asked if I had any girls waiting for me. I said no. And he asked how a handsome guy like me could be single and I just said, you know, I hadn't found the girl yet."

Erin watched him closely, her high fading.

Jay smiled a little bit, "And he said, "You'll know when you've found her. When we get back, you'll know. She'll be everything, even to hard ass, like you." And I just smiled."

Jay ran his fingers through his hair, "I was facing him when it happened. I didn't even hear the sound of a shot. It was just like one minute he was standing there, smiling, and the next he jerked backwards and fell to the ground, shot in the chest. I hit the ground after him, for cover. I crawled over and put my hands over the wound, even though I knew it wasn't gonna help. He asked me if he was gonna die and I didn't want to lie so I said maybe, but he knew what that meant. And he told me to tell his girlfriend he loved her and he handed me his tags, wanted me to give them to her. I promised I would. And then do you know what he said to me?"

Erin shook her head.

"He said to me, 'Jay, you're gonna make it home. And when you do, I want you to think about this. Think about the trenches and the war and these guys because damn it, we're brothers and we love this country and that matters. All of this matters.'" He shook his head, "I still remember it like it was yesterday."

Erin watched Jay's eyes cloud as he told the story. She reached over and took his hand, unable to stop a few tears from streaming down her face as she listened. She rubbed his arm as he continued to tell the story.

Jay took in a deep breath, "We got him out of there a little bit after that. I didn't move my hands until we were rolling him into the hospital…" He took a pause, "And he lived."

Erin stopped rubbing his arm and turned.

"Yea, he lived." Jay said with a small smile, "That son of a bitch lived, after all that drama and I'm gonna die, tell my wife I loved her crap, he lived." He laughed a little bit, "He still lives in Chicago." He let out a sigh, "But there's a reason this story is so important…because a few days after he got out of surgery, I visited him and gave him back his dog tags and we were talking and he said, 'Jay, one day, you're gonna meet a girl back home that you can't get enough of, a girl who makes you crazy and she's gonna ask you to talk about war and you probably won't want to tell her all the sad stories and stuff so tell her this one first.'" Jay paused, looking at Erin, "'And if she cries and takes your hand and makes you feel safe, you'll know you can tell her all the rest.'"

Erin smiled a little bit and looked up at him, "I want to meet that guy."

"Yea?" Jay shrugged, "He's probably still around." He took in a deep breath, "I thought I should probably start with a story that has a happy ending." He said with a small smile as he raised his eyebrows at her, "Your turn."

Erin rolled her eyes and took in a deep breath, "Not a lot of my stories have happy endings." She said blankly.

"Aw, come on Erin." Jay said as he reached over and pulled a blanket off of the coffee table, putting it over his legs because he was chilly, "There's gotta be something."

Erin didn't look at him, "Oh yea, sorry. I forgot." She said, her sarcasm rising up quickly, "Yea, there was that one time, this was one of my best memories actually, yea, it was winter and my brother and I were freezing and hungry in our house, mother nowhere to be found. I couldn't remember the last time I'd eaten a full meal, let alone had a shower, so my brother and I shoplifted at a nearby store. The owner called the cops on us and we got put in jail for a night, but you know what? It really wasn't that bad because it was the first time in weeks that I'd had an actual meal." She said with a bitter smile, "How's that for a happy story?"

Jay shook his head, "Don't do that, Erin. Don't push me away." He said to her.

"I'm not trying to…" Erin said softly, "It's just, I really just feel like my past is…" She shook her head, "I don't want you to judge me because of the things I did when I was younger." She said.

Jay looked at her, "I won't."

Erin shook her head, "You did when the whole Sandoval thing blew up in my face. And I don't blame you for that, but it's not fair for you to ask me to bring up my past when you're just going to judge me for it." She said.

"I'm sorry, I won't." He said, "I promise I won't."

Erin shook her head, "You say that now, but you don't know." She said, turning away from him.

Jay closed his eyes for a moment and sighed deeply, "Hey." He said, touching her shoulder, "I'm sorry." He said, "Don't pull away, I'm sorry." He said, leaning forward and putting his arms around her, pulling her into a hug.

Erin wrapped her arms around his torso as they leaned back against the couch, "I'm sorry." She said quietly, "It's just one of those things." She said, shaking her head, "It's just one of those things, I really just can't get past and I don't know why."

"Well, maybe it's time to change that." Jay said, looking down at her, moving some hair out of her face as she looked up at him.

"Yea," she said softly, "maybe."

They sat there for a moment in silence, Erin resting her head against his chest, "Jay."

"Hmm?" He asked, eyes closed.

Erin paused, "When you got back, did you ever find the girl...?"

"No..." Jay said with a shrug, "There were a few that I considered, but...it never worked out..." He shook his head.

"And now?"

Jay smiled a little bit without opening his eyes, "Well, there is this one girl." He said, chuckling, "And well, I don't know...we hang out a lot and she's great, but I feel like she doesn't notice me..." He said, a smirk playing on his lips as he leaned back on the couch. "It's like she doesn't even know I'm there, let alone how I feel about her..." He added, "What do you think?"

A small smile formed on Erin's face, "I think she knows."