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Chapter 20 – If Wishes were Horses
Concerned Quatre watched the still heavily sobbing Wing pilot. Since he had found him outside at the shuttle with Seven and the Doc some minutes ago Heero hadn't stopped crying. On the contrary, it even seemed to has gotten worse.
Hastily Quatre opened the door to Heero's room, led him carefully to his bed and sat him down there. Quatre didn't know what had happened outside but whatever it had been, it had caused Heero to completely brake down. Just now Quatre could do nothing else besides holding his weeping friend in his arms and stroking soothingly over Heero's back. He never would have thought that Heero of all people would ever need this kind of comfort.
Certainly a quarter of an hour had gone by before Heero seemed slowly to calm down again. The sobs quieted down and finally he fell completely silent. After Quatre had held him soothingly in his arms for some more minutes he finally let go of Heero and looked into his face.
"Heero?" he asked hesitating. "What happened?"
Heero kept silent and only stared with swollen eyes silently on the floor. Quatre sighed.
"Heero, I know that it's hard for you but perhaps you would feel better if you talk about it?" Quatre tried again.
Heero still kept persistently silent. Quatre sighed again. It would have been asked for too much that the reticent Wing pilot of all people would suddenly open up and talk about his feelings. Maybe Quatre should start and speak about his own feelings, maybe it would be easier then for Heero to follow his example. He took a deep breath and hoped that he wasn't about to make a huge mistake.
"I miss Duo," Quatre said quietly.
Heero's head jerked up and his surprised look fixed at Quatre's face. Quatre smiled lightly.
"Does it really surprise you so much?" he asked the Wing pilot sadly. "Duo is – was my friend. Of course I miss him. We all miss him. Trowa and Wufei too."
Heero still didn't speak but simply stared at Quatre. So far so good, Heero hadn't broken his nose yet, therefore Quatre thought it to be safe to continue.
"You don't have to be ashamed of your tears, Heero. We all cried – even if Wufei will surely never admit it." Again he gave Heero a little smile.
"I wanted to steal the shuttle," Heero suddenly whispered and lowered his gaze again.
Quatre stopped short and thought about what Heero was talking about when he remembered his first question about the events down in the garden. Apparently Heero was now ready to tell him what had happened out there. Encouraging he nodded at the Wing pilot.
"I almost succeeded before Seven stopped me."
When Quatre didn't respond Heero raised his gaze again and looked directly at him. "Don't you want to know why I wanted to steal the shuttle?" he asked with astonishment in his voice.
Quatre smiled sadly again. "I don't have to. I know it already. You wanted to go and rescue Duo."
Heero grimaced with pain. "Why?" he croaked hoarse, his cobalt-blue eyes almost flashed angrily.
"Why what?" Quatre asked confused.
"Why have you all already given up on Duo? Why don't you want to help me rescue him? I thought you were his friends. You're still claiming to be. But I seem to be the only one who really wants to have him back..." Heero closed his eyes agonised.
Quatre grabbed Heero at his shoulders and shook him slightly. "Heero, how can you say something terrible like that? That's not true! We all want Duo back!"
Heero tore his eyes open again and stared angrily at Quatre. "If that's so, why don't you want to rescue him?" he called enraged.
"Heero..." Quatre shook his head helplessly and let Heero go again. "If it would only be about what I want then I would be out there in that gigantic cube and would sort out each and every damn drone separately by hand, as long until I would have found Duo! But fact is that it's absolutely hopeless to get to Duo, let alone to ever find him again! You have to finally understand it, Heero! Try to accept it! Please, Heero!"
Heero stared at him for some moments, then he pressed his eyes closed again. "I... I can't. I can't give him up. Please don't ask that of me, Quatre. I simply can't," he finally whispered completely desperately.
Quatre shook his head helplessly. He simply wasn't able to make head or tail of Heero's behaviour. "Heero... Just what had happened?" he asked completely confused, and this time his question didn't relate to the events outside at the shuttle but to the weird behaviour of the Wing pilot. And strangely Heero seemed to understand him.
"It's all my fault." Heero looked into Quatre's eyes again. When Quatre didn't seem to understand immediately, he added, "Duo's assimilation. It was my fault. Not that of Dr. J or the other scientists. But mine alone."
"That's nonsense, Heero. It's not your fault that Duo had been assimilated. If it's someone's fault at all then at best that of the Borg, who had gotten into their head to conquer our dimension, but not you. Don't torment yourself like that!"
Heero only looked sadly at Quatre and Quatre knew, no matter what he would say now, Heero wouldn't listen to him. He was apparently of the opinion that he was to blame and he wouldn't be talked out of believing it – no matter what arguments he could argue. Quatre thought about it hard. Maybe, if he knew why Heero so vehemently insisted on blaming himself...
"Why is it your fault?" he therefore asked the Wing pilot.
"I..." again Heero lowered his gaze and stared at the floor. "We have been fighting before we left for the mission..."
Quatre raised his eyebrow. Oh yes, they all had noticed that Heero and Duo had been fighting shortly before they had left for that fatal mission, but it hadn't been the first time that those two had been at each other's throat – even if never before filled with bitterness like that. But before he could say something in that regard Heero continued.
"I don't mean the fight during the mission briefing but the one before that. After we had..." Heero stopped and his gaze wandered aimlessly over the wall. He swallowed and continued, "I... I've said and done things that hurt Duo terribly and drove him to act like he had on the mission. That drove him to storm ahead without any caution only because I... because I pushed him away..."
Quatre could hardly understand the last part of the sentence because Heero lowered his voice more and more and had started to cry again during the end. The sight of Heero's completely motionless face and open eyes from which tears flowed down silently and continuously laced up his throat and let tears raise into his eyes too. He really wished he could do something to ease the suffering of his friend at least a little bit. But right now he couldn't think of anything else than embracing Heero again and rock him back and forth soothingly.
They sat there for some minutes, together, and cried at the shoulder of the other one. Finally Quatre let go of Heero again and when he noticed the deep exhaustion on the face of the Wing pilot he shoved him back onto the bed gentle but firm.
"Try to sleep," he said and covered Heero. Then he sat down on a chair near the bed. Quatre knew the Wing pilot only too well. He would wait right here till he really was sleeping – it would even be best if he would stay for the reminder of the night anyway, only to make sure that at least tonight Heero wouldn't do anything stupid again. Heero would keep on trying to rescue Duo. As long as he would succeed or be killed in the process.
Quatre sighed deeply. For some minutes now only deep and regular breaths came from Heero's direction. Carefully he stood and approached the bed silently. He stared down at the sleeping face of the Wing pilot for some moments, then he sighed again.
"I really wish I could turn back time," Quatre whispered sadly, "Then I would somehow prevent Duo from leaving the formation. So that nothing of all that would ever happen." With a last sad smile he finally turned away again and made himself as comfortable as possible on the chair. For sure it was going to be a long and uncomfortable night.
Trowa sat on the terrace of Relena's house and looked out into the garden. Although it was a beautiful afternoon he couldn't really enjoy the sunshine. There was nothing to do. For four days they had been staying now in – how had Quatre called it? Barbie's dream house? Trowa smiled slightly. That name was more than fitting.
After lunch Relena had insisted that they all should go out to enjoy the beautiful weather. And because it was easier to get along with her if everything ran by her plans they were all outside now. Wufei was sitting a little away from them on the floor and was meditating – or pretending to meditate to avoid a conversation with Relena. Seven of Nine was sitting at a small table, one of those fancy devices in front of her and seemed to calculate something. However, she never seemed to be satisfied with the results because she angrily frowned again and again and then started anew.
And that left only the small circle of Trowa, Quatre and Heero to talk with Relena. The Holodoc had disappeared unnoticed sometime earlier – or maybe he had simply deactivated himself. Trowa sighed silently. He started to wish he could also simply deactivate himself when needed like the hologram. Relena caused wishes like that in other people.
Actually, only Quatre was talking with Relena. Trowa was his usual quiet self and Relena seemed – thank god – not to expect anything else from him. And Heero... Heero still seemed to be absent-minded, even though not as bad as on the evening of their arrival and the day after. Meanwhile he seemed to react more or less to his surrounding at least – even if he still didn't initiate talking he answered to direct questions after all.
Since Heero's last rescue attempt – Quatre had informed him and Wufei about it – they also saw to it to never leave Heero on his own. During the day one of them was always by his side, and during the night they took turns to sit in the chair in his room and keep watch over Heero. Neither Trowa nor the other two pilots would allow to lose another friend.
"What? Can you repeat that, Relena?" Quatre's surprised voice suddenly tore Trowa out of his thoughts.
"Khushrenada simply ignored me!" Relena called indignant. "He didn't speak with me, didn't look at me – I believe he even pretended to not notice me at all! Such impertinence! Had to be because of that OZ training. He was like a robot, just like I said before! And the others weren't better!"
"The others? What others?" Quatre sounded clearly worried now. Trowa bent forward. Apparently the conversation seemed to turn to more interesting topics now. Amazing!
"The other OZ!" Relena called upset. "And almost everyone else at that awful peace conference too!"
"Relena, maybe you should better exactly tell us everything what happened at that peace conference from the beginning," Quatre said and looked concentrated at Relena. "And please try to exactly remember how the people came across to you."
Trowa couldn't quite realise what his friend was expecting of this story, but it seemed to be very important to the blond boy.
"Oh..." for a moment Relena seemed to be speechless and only stared at Quatre surprised. "Alright. But why do you want to know that?"
"It's really important," Quatre urged again. "I fear it has something to do with the reason why we have to hide here."
"Hm," Relena closed her eyes for a moment and seemed to think. "Well, Khushrenada and the other OZ were extremely impolite from the beginning. And someone like that had gotten the training of an officer! They simply ignored me. And then, after all speeches had been made, Khushrenada and Dermail led the conferees separately into an adjoining room by turns for some secret meetings. Hah, they surely concocted plans against me! Why else would all conferees have ignored me at the end of the conference? They even couldn't look me into the eyes anymore! They only constantly blinked ashamed, and then the quickly walked away!"
Relena's penetrating voice apparently seemed to have aroused interest in Seven of Nine because Trowa noticed that she had laid her tool aside and listened intently to Relena.
Quatre slowly turned his head in Seven's direction and stammered unbelieving. "Could it be... I mean, is it possible..."
Seven of Nine nodded. "It seems so. That Khushrenada – does he take a high position at OZ?"
"Yes," Quatre confirmed the question.
"It makes sense. The Borg probably assimilated some high-ranking officers first and started then to work into all leading position from there – and after that they are surely going to assimilate the lower ranks into their collective too. After all, the orders of officers are seldom questioned, as absurd as they may seem. That way the Borg can assimilate a big number of people unnoticed. An extremely efficient tactic. Not particularly fast, but effective."
"But... That means that every participant of the peace conference had been assimilated! That they're all Borg now! All important people of earth and the colonies!" Quatre cried horror-stricken.
Trowa could absolutely understand the trepidation of his friend. If that was true then they couldn't hope for any help from official side.
"That's right. Even if the Borg had changed their tactic they are still extremely efficient," Seven confirmed Quatre's presumptions.
Quatre paled, and Trowa suddenly didn't feel so good too. Even Wufei had a slightly green shimmer on his face – what confirmed Trowa's assumption that he wasn't really meditating. The idea what the Borg could cause in those high positions was frightening, to say the least.
"Borg?" Relena called out completely confused. "What's a Borg? And what has it to do with the peace conference?"
Quatre turned his attention back to their hostess. "The Borg are a new and extremely dangerous enemy that appeared a short time ago. If they assimilate people – uhm, how should I explain it?" Trowa could see how Quatre tried hard to find a short and as understandable as possible explanation for Relena.
"They have a way to control people," Quatre spoke again. "It's called 'assimilation'. And assimilated people don't have an own will any more, they only do what the Borg want. And I fear, that's what happened at the peace conference, Relena. Khushrenada assimilated all participants – that is, all except you. That's really strange," Quatre mused. "Why didn't they assimilate you?"
All four pilots stared stunned at Relena – even Heero. Why had she of all conferees been spared?
"Pink," Trowa suddenly heard Seven of Nine murmur. Quickly he suppressed a betraying grin. He remembered only too well Seven's reaction to that overly much pink that constantly surrounded Relena – and if all Borg reacted just as sensitive as Seven to that colour then it was only too understandable that Relena hadn't been assimilated.
"What?" Quatre asked and turned again to the ex-Borg.
"Uhm," Seven cleared her throat, and if Trowa hadn't known it better he would have said that she blushed a little bit. "She probably had been just lucky. Or she wasn't important enough."
At Seven's last statement Relena fluffed up indignantly and called, "Not important enough? What's that supposed to mean? I'm a very important member of the peace movement! I'm Relena Peacecraft!"
"Please don't get upset, Relena," Quatre calmed her. "Better be glad that you haven't been assimilated. Believe me, it's not a pretty fate – I wouldn't wish it to my worse enemy." Quatre lowered his head sadly, as well as Trowa and the other two pilots. Apparently they all had to immediately think at Duo. Trowa sighed. Quatre was right, he wouldn't even wish such a fate for the princess of pink.
"What? What's up? Why are you so sad all of a sudden?"
Trowa raised his head surprised. He wouldn't have thought that Relena had so much empathy. However, with her next words she proved straight away that it wasn't really distinctive.
"Whatever it is, it couldn't be that bad. You're acting as if someone died!"
Trowa noticed that Heero had gotten dangerously still at these words again. He had raised his head and fixated Relena with a piercing look that didn't promise anything good.
"Relena... you surely already wondered why Duo isn't here with us."
"Well, no, not really. Actually, I was just glad that I hadn't to endure his pert way. Why?"
Trowa looked tensely at Heero, ready to jump up and stop the Wing pilot at any time should he try anything stupid. But Heero seemed still to be able to keep in check because he only clenched his fists and glared at Relena.
"Relena," Quatre reproved her, "You shouldn't speak like that about Duo. He is – was our friend and we've lost him during our last mission. I'm sure you can understand that we're all very sad because of that. I hope you're able to respect it."
"Oh," Relena said and seemed to have lost her speech for some seconds. But the next moment she had recovered again and rushed to Heero's side where she clung – again – to his arm. Trowa rolled his eyes. Couldn't that woman see just how dangerous that was at that moment?
"Oh my poor Heero!" Relena cried, "Is that the reason why you're so quiet? Because you're mourning for your – friend? But you should have told me at once! Then I could have started immediately to cheer you up!"
Heero sent Relena one of his most dangerous deathglares and tried to free his arm of her grip.
"I don't want to be cheered up by you," he said with monotone voice.
"Oh, but of course you want! Don't take it to heart too much! Yes, you lost a comrade, but if you're honest then you're way better off without that impertinent Maxwell!"
With a movement fast as lightning Heero jumped up and pressed Relena against the wall of her house. One hand lay round her throat, with the other arm he held her so that she couldn't move a bit – only wriggle her legs at best. Trowa blinked surprised. Heero had moved that fast that he hadn't been able to react and prevent him from doing that. And if he was honest he didn't want to. It was high time that someone put Relena in her place.
"Listen exactly," Heero hissed between clenched teeth into the ear of the girl. "Don't ever speak like that about Duo in my presence! Damn, don't ever speak like that about Duo at all! You know nothing about him! You have no right to insult him or condescend him! Duo is more worth than hundreds of your kind! Should I ever hear you talking snidely about Duo ever again I'll strangle you. Do you understand?"
Relena only stared at Heero with frightened eyes and didn't move.
"Do you understand?" Heero repeated his question and closed his hand round Relena' throat a little firmer. Relena gasped and nodded hastily – even if the movement was only minimal because Heero was still holding her throat. But instead of letting Relena go Heero kept on glaring at her and didn't move. Worried Trowa stood up to remove Heero from Relena. After all, she was their hostess, it would be highly inappropriate to strangle her. But Quatre was faster.
"Heero," he called with gentle voice, "let her go, please." And amazingly Heero obeyed. He removed his hand from Relena's throat and stepped back, but kept on glaring threatening at Relena. Slowly Relena raised one hand and rubbed her bruised throat, but didn't move otherwise just kept on standing there pressed against the wall and looking at Heero with frightened eyes.
No one noticed that they weren't alone any more because their attention was directed at Relena and Heero.
"I'm really sorry to interrupt this 'peaceful little idyll'," a mocking voice sounded. "But won't nobody greet me?"
Trowa and the others turned around immediately and stared surprised at the newcomer. It was Wufei, who interrupted the silence finally.
"Zechs Marquise!" he called astonished.