Chapter 21

Jess struggled against Billy Aiken's tight grip and wondered just when it was that Billy had become so much stronger than he remembered and he increased his efforts to fight him off. Abe came to Billy's aid and Jess kicked out at him while he could still summon up the strength but it was an ineffective effort and Abe aimed a vicious blow at his ribs. Jess sank to his knees coughing blood. The breath had been knocked out of him and he found himself incapable of escaping their combined restraint. He ceased struggling and felt himself being dragged to his feet; his injured right shoulder pulled painfully up and away from his body as his wrist was shackled to one of the posts. His left wrist was shackled to a second post so that his arms were completely spread-eagled. He stifled the groan of pain that threatened to burst from him. He was damned if he'd give them the satisfaction of hearing him cry out.

Jess could see Millie standing just across the clearing watching avidly as he was being subdued by Billy and Abe. Danby stood behind her possessively, his hand caressing her bare shoulders while she smiled with pleasure at his touch and Jess thought his heart would break. This was the worst torture of all. What had happened to them since he'd seen her last? He was certain that Millie had cared for him as much as he cared for her? How could it all change so suddenly? He remembered Saturday evening at the dance; the exquisite torture of holding her so close and dancing with her, when all he'd wanted to do was to make love to her. "Millie…" he sobbed aloud. "Millie… why…? Why'd you lead me on like that…? I wanted you Millie… I loved you…" He saw the smile of sadistic pleasure on Millie's beautiful face intensify as she heard his anguished words. He closed his eyes briefly and wondered what they were going to do to him. He hoped he'd die quickly. The pain of his cracked ribs was magnified by the spread-eagled position and he was finding it hard to breathe. He felt his heart pounding in his chest, the heavy beat of it echoing the pressure of the pounding in his head. He saw Abe step in front of him caressing a leather bull whip and his worst fears, his worst nightmares materialised into reality. So, they were going to strip the flesh from his back, were they? Flashbacks of his horrific punishment in the Union prison camp rose in his tortured mind. Millie's smile seemed to widen as Jess remembered the pain that had burned into his back with each harrowing stroke they'd inflicted on him. He watched warily as Abe walked towards him, stopping as he came to stand in front of Jess. He smiled as he stroked the coiled leather against Jess's cheek and then abruptly he had gone from Jess's field of vision. Jess felt the muscles in his back and shoulders tighten as he waited for that first stroke of the whip. He wouldn't cry out. He wouldn't give any of them that pleasure… especially not Millie. "Oh God, Millie… why?" He called out to her. "I thought ya loved me Millie?" He heard the whistle of the braided leather thong as it snaked through the space between him and Abe. He arched his back and struggled desperately against his bonds as the whip came down, the pain exploding through his entire being; body and soul pierced by the unbearable agony. He strove to stifle the cry that surged up from his gut but it was torn out of him and he squeezed his eyes shut against the vision of Millie's smiling face. Suddenly, strong hands were gripping his shoulders and he struggled against the sudden pressure wondering if Billy was now adding to his agony but the pressure persisted, although he could see no one. The whip came down again, relentlessly and he heard a voice crying out to Millie again and again and realised it was his. Through the fog of pain that enveloped him he heard a voice calling his name but he continued to struggle, frantically trying to escape the grip on his shoulders. He heard his name called again and he was shaken roughly by the hands that gripped him. The voice was familiar to him but it wasn't Billy. Slim…! Oh, God…! Was Slim a part of this too? "Slim!" he called out "Slim! No! Not you…" The repeated shaking brought Jess partially back to his conscious mind. He opened his eyes and stared fully into the face of his assailant.

As his conscious mind finally broke free from the nightmare Jess realised he was in bed. Slim was trying to hold him down on the bed. "S-Slim…? Oh, God…" he groaned. "Slim… I… Please… tell me I've been dreamin'…." He was soaked in a cold sweat and breathing in shallow gasps. His legs were tangled in the quilt and he was shaking with the memory of the nightmare, the image of Millie's voracious smile burned into his brain. He blinked his eyes, trying to clear the vision from his mind.

Slim released his grip on his friend's shoulders and pushed him gently back down on the pillows. "Jess… Are you OK pard? What in hell were you dreamin' about! That must've been about the worst nightmare you've ever had."

Slim grabbed the glass of water from the table beside Jess's bed and held it out to his friend as he propped himself up against the head of the bed. Jess grasped the glass Slim proffered in a shaking hand, spilling water over the bedclothes. Holding on to the glass to steady it, Slim guided it to his friend's lips and Jess took several gulps before Slim pulled the glass away, afraid Jess would choke himself. As he put the glass back on the bedside table the door to the room opened quietly and Daisy stood framed in the doorway.

"Slim, whatever is the matter with Jess?" She hurried into the room and began to help Slim untangle Jess from the twisted chaos of his bedclothes. Daisy felt Jess's forehead but there was no sign of fever.

Embarrassed at waking Slim and Daisy, Jess was nonetheless grateful to have the closeness of two people who he knew cared about him. "It… it was just a nightmare Daisy…"

Daisy fussed at him. "Not just a nightmare Jess. It must have been something horrendous for you to cry out that way." She went over to the chest of drawers and pulled out clean, dry underclothes. "You're soaked through dear. Now get those wet things off and put these on before you catch your death. I'm going to make some coffee."

Jess leaned back against the pillows still shaking. He was cold, the soaked underwear clinging uncomfortably to his skin and the sweat on his body accentuating the feel of the chill night air wafting into the room through the open window.

Slim gave Jess a hand to peel off his damp shorts and handed him a towel. Jess dried himself off and made no objection when Slim helped him to put on the dry underwear. It wasn't a cold night but Jess felt frozen to the core of his being.

"Do you want to talk about it pard?" Slim asked when he was dressed.

Jess felt as if putting the nightmare into words might make it all the more real but despite this the words tumbled out of him and he couldn't seem to stop himself. "It… it was about Millie and Danby. Billy and Abe had me strung up so's I couldn't move. Abe was gonna whip me and Millie was leanin' against Danby, smilin'. She was enjoyin' it Slim; she was enjoyin' every damn minute of it." He poured out the details of the nightmare and Daisy stood by the door listening with an aching heart to the raw and ragged pain in Jess's voice.

Wrapping a blanket around Jess, Slim put an arm around his friend's trembling shoulders. "It was a nightmare Jess. It wasn't real; not any of it. Millie loves you pard. She wouldn't smile if you stubbed your big toe. You know that." The ridiculousness of Slim's last words penetrated Jess's mind like nothing else could have done and he gave a shaky chuckle.

"Yeah, Slim. You're right. But it was all so clear in my mind. I saw every last detail; I felt every touch of that whip and I could see Millie's smile burned into my mind even after I woke up." He swung his legs down to the floor and got up forgetting for once to put his pants on. "I need that coffee Slim. What's the time pard?"

Slim picked up Jess's pocket watch and followed him out to the living room. Daisy was sitting at the table pouring out three cups of coffee.

"It's just gone 02:30." Slim said as he joined his partner and Daisy at the table. "Have we got any dry sheets Daisy?"

Daisy tightened the belt of her robe. "Yes dear, I'll change them in a little while."

"No Daisy. You just let me have the sheets. There's no need for you to make up the bed. I'll do that" Slim said, looking over at his partner.

Jess was trembling and clutching his coffee cup as if it was all that was keeping him afloat in a raging torrent. He stared into space, his mind replaying snatches of the nightmare but as it began to recede and he came back to his surroundings his trembling began to ease and he looked a little less haunted. He looked up to find Daisy and Slim studying him anxiously.

"Aw heck!" Jess said suddenly. "I'm sorry I woke you both up with my yellin'. I just hope you can get back to sleep." He stood up still wrapped in the blanket Slim had thrown around his shoulders, clutching his coffee cup. "I'm gonna sit out on the porch awhile."

"Do you want company Jess?" Slim asked not wanting Jess to sit out there alone brooding over the nightmare.

"Nah, Slim. I'm OK. I… I just don't wanna go back to sleep yet. Not yet awhile. Just give me a few minutes alone would ya?" Jess pulled back the bolt on the door and stepped out onto the porch. He clutched the blanket tighter around him and lifted up his face to the cool night air breathing as deeply as his still sore ribs would allow.

Daisy went to her linen chest and pulled out some clean sheets. Slim stripped the soaked and tangled linen from Jess's bed and helped Daisy unfold the clean dry sheets, smoothing them out carefully and tucking the corners and edges in under the mattress.

"Thanks Daisy. Why don't you get back to bed?" Slim said.

"I will Slim, I will. But Jess shouldn't be out there alone" she said, remembering the tortured sound of Jess's voice as he spoke of the nightmare. "I heard him talking to you about it. I didn't know about that part of his experience in the Union prison camp."

"He never really talked about it to me. I always wondered about those scars on his back. I only found out about it after someone treated him to a repeat performance of it a few years back" Slim said grimly. "It's one of his worst nightmares… and mine [see Seduction by Barbara Taylor]; it was an experience neither of us ever wants to repeat and I'll always blame myself for what he went through then. I deserve the blame for it too, but Jess… he never did see it that way and he's never once reproached me. Andy and Jonesy were here when it all happened. We were lucky to get Jess back alive. We came too close to losin' him that time Daisy and I don't intend to let anyone get to him like that ever again. Not if I can help it."

Daisy was stunned by the intensity of Slim's words and for a moment she thought he was going to spill out the story to her but she asked no questions and the moment passed.

She patted his cheek gently. "You will check up on him, won't you dear?" Slim nodded and leaning down he planted a little kiss on her cheek.

"Well, good night then Slim. Don't either of you stay up too much longer. You both need some rest." Daisy went back to her room and closed the door leaving Slim standing alone in the living room. He turned and walked quietly over to the door expecting to see Jess on the porch but it was empty, except for the coffee cup beside the rocking chair.

o0o o0o o0o o0o o0o o0o

Jess sat on the porch looking out at the moonlit night for a few minutes listening to the murmur of voices in the living room but not hearing the words. He knew they were talking about him but he also knew it was only because they cared about him. They cared about him he repeated to himself. He was never more grateful for that than at this moment. Unable to shake off the oppression of mind created by the nightmare he put down his empty cup beside the chair and standing up he stepped off the porch in his bare feet. He felt the stones in the dusty ground biting painfully into the tender skin of his feet but he paid no heed. He visited the outhouse and then walked around past the bunkhouse and showers to the barn. As he passed the bunkhouse he heard the snores issuing from within and smiled to himself. No chance they'd wake up, not even if a whole tribe of Sioux were attacking.

As he approached the barn he saw a flutter of white caught in the moonlight on the barn door. His heart lurched in his chest and he walked over and pulled it free from the tacks that held it in place. He stood in the moonlight studying the crudely drawn map. He knew this place. It was up in the high country beyond the point Slim and Mort had described. Beyond where the tracks they had followed had petered out. He read the words below the map.

IF YOU WANT TO SEE MILLIE AGAIN, YOU BETTER COME ALONE.

DON'T BRING YOUR FRIENDS - I'LL KNOW IF YOU DO…

Jess folded the note and went to tuck it into his pocket suddenly realising he was dressed only in his underwear. He turned to go back to the cabin, the note still in his hand but Slim was standing behind him watching.

"Are you OK Jess?" he asked. He'd seen Jess take down the note and read it and he hoped Jess would tell him without being prompted.

Jess stood there looking at Slim, undecided as to what to do. "Yeah. I'm OK Slim" was all he said.

Slim returned his look steadily.

"What's the matter Jess? Don't you trust me pard? Not even after all this time?" He looked sadly back at his friend.

Jess studied Slim's face. He thought back over the many times Slim had sat and nursed him through injury and illness, the times he'd left and Slim had come after him and pulled him out of whatever trouble he'd gotten himself into. He remembered the care Slim and Daisy had shown to him these last few days and tonight, after his nightmare and he knew he couldn't shut Slim out. He handed the note over and stood looking down at his dusty bare feet.

Slim read the note in the same patch of moonlight Jess had used and turned to look at his friend. "Jess, tell me you're not thinkin' of goin' out there by yourself." But he knew the answer as soon as he saw the look in his friend's eyes. "You aren't fit enough Jess and you know it. You won't make it that far up the mountain. Have you forgotten already how the journey back from town affected you?"

Jess shrugged still looking down, unable to meet Slim's steady stare. "I'll be OK ridin' Trav. He'll keep me in the saddle. That's all I need to do Slim; just stay in the saddle until I get there. Nothin' else matters after that."

An icy sliver of fear worked its way into Slim's heart at Jess's words. He grabbed his friend's shoulder and Jess looked up at him then through those thick dark lashes, his jaw working slightly.

Nothin' else matters after that…? Slim thought. How could he think that way…?

"What the hell do you mean by that Jess?" he demanded. "Are you plannin' on just ridin' out to your death? Because that's what you'll be doin'. They aren't plannin' on you ridin' back out again Jess and what makes you think they'll let Millie go?" Slim tightened his grip on Jess's shoulder. "For pity's sake Jess, just wait until I can bring Mort back. I'll ride out at first light. You don't have to do this alone. We can hang back and trail you. We'll keep out of sight. They won't see us. Come on pard, we'll think of somethin'." Slim was desperate to keep him from going. "Promise me, Jess. Give me your word you won't go up there alone. I don't want to lose you buddy."

Jess heard the desperation in Slim's voice but he couldn't risk Millie. He knew there was a chance they wouldn't let her go but he had to try. There was always a chance they would. And maybe, just maybe, he could take them by surprise.

"And I don't wanna lose Millie" Jess said. "I don't wanna go alone Slim. Hell, it scares the pants offa me. But I don't have any choice Slim. I just don't have any choice."

Slim wanted to shake him but he released his grip on Jess's shoulder. He couldn't just give up on this. "Jess, there's always a choice. Just think about this carefully before you make your mind up. I'm goin' out at first light to bring Mort and his deputy back. There's more chance of the four of us gettin' Millie back safe and sound than if you just play into their hands and go alone. Just think about it, please." He could think of no further argument and just shook his head sadly. He hoped he'd got through to his partner but he could see no sign of it. Jess had that closed, mule stubborn look on his face. He sighed and put his arm around Jess's shoulders. "Come on pard. We should get back to bed. Whatever you decide to do, we both need to get some sleep."

They walked slowly back to the cabin Slim's arm still draped across Jess's shoulders. Jess brushed the dust off the soles of his feet before he stepped inside and went back into the room they shared. Slim watched him with a heavy heart before he followed him in.