Jeez, another long chapter. It's like they just keep getting longer and longer. You all are lucky, I considered stopping after I got 3,000 words. I promised you all a dirty lemon though and I keep my promises. Once again, I own nothing Twilight, but now I have to get back to the real world where there is no dirty Edward...=( Oh wait, yes there is, he's just in my head, which means I don't have to share. Yay! =D Enjoy and please review.
Chapter 20
The Real World
"Love is the difficult realization that something other than oneself is real."~ Iris Murdoch
EPOV
I don't know what to think, what to say. My apartment's gone along with everything inside it, but the real tragedy is the loss of all those people, those innocent people who never did anything to deserve death. At least I would have deserved to burn for stealing the artwork, for involving my parents in my crime, and living a lie. Alice is right; I'm a pussy. I've been keeping myself safe, but at what cost? I'm having a hard time moving, tearing my eyes away from the window. The only thing I can feel, other than the aching in my heart, is Bella's soft arms encircling my waist, her warm body embracing mine, bringing forth in my thoughts an even worse outcome. Images of my Bella, charred and lifeless, flash behind my eyes and I squeeze her form, forcing the frightening and grotesque stills away. We could have been there, and while I might have belonged there, she didn't. I will protect her now no matter what it does to me because she is the most important person in the world, more important than me and the years I might spend in prison or the gruesome death I may face at the hands of Aro. Even if it breaks my promise, even if she hates me for it, I will keep her safe. She is my life now.
Beads of sweat drip down my body, sliding across my bare chest as I maneuver the large wooden dresser off the ground. My arm muscles are straining with the weight of it, burning more with every second that passes. Leave it to Bella to have a dresser made of real, heavy as shit, wood.
"Fuck! We'll have to turn it," I grunt when I reach the doorframe and realize it won't fit.
Jaspers groans in disapproval, sweat pouring of his face as we twist the dresser 90 degrees in the air.
Why she couldn't leave this is beyond me. To be quite honest, it's a real POS, all scratched up and destroyed from the years of use it got prior to Bella purchasing it at Good Will. I told her I would buy her a new dresser, a solid fucking gold one if that's what she wanted, but she insisted on having this one.
Once the monstrosity is on its side, we're able to slip through the door with about an inch of clearance on each side. We set it down against the newly painted wall as quickly as we can, but even with the weight taken away, my arm muscles smolder in the aftermath. Perhaps, this is my punishment or part of it anyway, for what my stupid choices caused last week. I'll never accomplish enough retribution to make up for the five lives lost that night. Maybe though, just maybe the pain counts towards my penance for a few of the 15 injured. In the slight chance that it does, I'd be happy to work my muscles until they scream for mercy.
I flex my arms, gritting my teeth at the pain. It eases the knot in my stomach the littlest bit. We've only got a few things left in the moving van- the new couches, and the new king size mattress and bed frame for Bella and I. I'm ready to get it done, but Jasper's bent forward with his hands on his knees, panting for air.
"I'm done," he says, strained from the furniture and boxes we've been carrying for the past hour. "We'll wait for Emmett to do the rest; he should be here soon with our van."
I don't want to wait though so I head out into the living room, looking for something heavy to move since I can't carry up anything by myself, there's nothing and it makes me want to scream. I want to get this festering knot out of my gut now. Is this the feeling Bella gets when people touch her, this nauseated, dizzy, aching to the point that you wish you were numb sensation? If so, I understand her reluctance at being touched by anyone except Alice and me. Only God knows why I don't give her the same feeling after what I've done. She's tried to tell me that it's not my fault, that the police said it was some sort of gas issue, but we all know that's a bunch of shit. We can't trust the police to tell us the truth, no more than we can trust anyone outside our tightly knit group of friends. The thought brings to mind the night five days go when we had to explain to Emmett and Rosalie why Jasper was moving out and why Alice and Bella wouldn't be coming back to work.
We were all sitting around the living room of Jasper and Emmett's apartment; my hands clenched around Bella's trembling fingers. She hates talking about it, about anything that reminds her of Charlie's death, so I tried to soothe her by stroking her hair, but I was just as uncomfortable as she was when Jasper reached her part of the story and Bella started to cry silent tears. The danger felt more real in that moment, more substantial. It was a reminder that I'm fighting for more than my own pitiful life and the fear that coursed through my veins at the thought of losing her was so thick, sticking to me like maple syrup and burning like acid. I couldn't hold her close enough, tight enough, to make it go away.
When Jasper finished, I was caught off guard by a reaction I definitely hadn't expected. Rosalie began to cry and not tiny tears either; she was bawling her eyes out. Bella and Alice ran to her side and even though it caused her to cringe in pain, Bella briefly embraced the sobbing mess that was Rosalie Hale. Once she couldn't fight the pain anymore, she curled back up next to me on the couch, leaving the comforting to Alice.
"It's my fault," Rosalie finally stated when the tears had run dry. She peered over at me and I was taken back by the remorse in her bright blue eyes. "I told Irina where you lived. I gave them the information they needed. I won't try to make up excuses; Irina said you were trouble and I was worried about Bella, about what you might do to her. I know you'll probably never forgive me, but I am sorry."
"There's nothing to forgive, Rosalie." The words fell out without a thought and I realized that I meant them.
I truly wasn't upset with her even though I knew by her sharp gaze that she would do it again if she felt Bella was threatened by me. My eyes flickered to Bella as I gave her hand a squeeze before locking on Rosalie again. Her lips turned up in a smile and the look between us said it all. We would both give anything or do anything to protect the ones we love. Of course Bella would find the only people in the world who would do exactly what she didn't want them to.
"Call me Rose, Edward." It was a simple request, but I knew what it meant. We had finally found common ground to stand on; we were equals.
Emmett took the news about Mom and Dad well, he punched a hole in the wall... at least it was better than my face. After Rose's melt down and Emmett's temper tantrum, we told them about our plan to move in together, hoping there would be safety in numbers.
"Okay, when do we move?" Emmett asked immediately, his gaze falling on Rose and then the rest of us.
"Um, well, it's actually just us four," I said gesturing to Alice, Jasper, Bella, and myself.
Emmett glared at me, cracking his knuckles, and I felt the blood in my veins run cold.
"But yeah, you guys could move in next door or something; that would be awesome. In fact, it would definitely be much safer," I corrected myself hastily, tripping over the words. Everyone laughed; the idea that I was scared of Emmett beating me to a bloody pulp was hilarious even to me. I guess it made us all feel a little better to have one of us be scared of something normal when we have something so much more terrifying to be frightened of.
"Hey, are you okay?" Bella asks, placing her hand on my shoulder and bringing me back to the present. The knots in my stomach ease off at her touch and I feel almost right again. I turn around to face her, placing my hands on her hips and bringing her close.
"Yeah," I reply, taking a full, deep breath of her strawberry scent before leaning forward to kiss her softly.
The taste of her sweet lips soothes me completely, erasing the sorrow in me that has seeped in since the fire, if only for a short time. She lets out a soft moan and stretches her arms around my neck to bury her fingers in my hair. I know that once she's out of my sight again it will all come pouring back - the guilt, the fear, the agony, but for now, I feel amazing. As long as I have Bella, everything is all right. Her love gives me strength, her gentle caresses and kind words give me something to fight for, filling me with hope. We'll make it all work, somehow.
"Ah, so I take it by the make out action that you didn't tell him Emmett's here with the truck," Jasper announces in a panted, wheezing breath, causing me to tear my lips away from Bella's as she blushes fiercely, making her look all the more kissable.
Jasper's standing at the door with our king size mattress, sweat dripping off his face as if he just stepped out of a shower.
"Um, Emmett's here with the new truck and Jasper told me to come get you so that you could help him bring up the mattress," she says and then, nervously bites on her lip.
I give her a big grin so that she knows I'm not mad.
"Oh, I should go help him then." I step away from her and walk over to slide the mattress the rest of the way in. I glance down at my imaginary watch. "Damn, I'm fast!"
I can hear Bella laughing behind me and it makes me happy even though Jasper's obviously not amused, considering he's still trying to breath.
"Told you that you could make it, Bro," Emmett hollers, clapping Jasper on the back on his way in with two dollies full of boxes with Jasper's name written on them speckled with tiny dots of water. "Better get a move on, Eddie, rain's starting to come in."
"Seriously, Emily," I seethe, turning towards him with my fists clenched. "For the billionth time, it's EDWARD! E-D-W-A-R-D, Edward!"
Emmett beams a grin and points a thumb at me while looking at Bella.
"Aw! Eddie finally learned how to spell!"
Bella bursts out laughing and suddenly, I don't care about Emmett calling me Eddie anymore. He's helping me, he's protecting me, and he's making my girl laugh. What more could you ask from a brother or your best friend?
"Come on, Emanita." I lock eyes with Emmett and then approach Jasper, getting right up in his face and talking to him in baby talk. "Jazzy Jizz Pants is tired. We need to hurry up so he can get some juice and take a nappy nap. Isn't that right, schnookums?"
He makes to punch me except I move too fast and before I know it, we're fighting down the halls, pushing and shoving each other like old times. The knot creeps back in with the distance from Bella, but this is worth fighting for too. I work past the pain, the guilt, the fear. I'm not going to let it bring me down, not today.
The trucks are all unloaded, the furniture is in place and the heavy lifting is finished, but the soreness in my arms has yet to dissipate. Thankfully, the knots are kept at bay by my proximity to Bella, even though I'm standing at the sliding glass door across the room, I can feel her presence as I used to feel the hallucinations that seem so long ago. She's unpacking with everyone else, even Rosalie and Emmett are next door, unpacking all their things. Unlike them, I find myself looking out the sliding glass door that leads onto the patio. We purposely found a place in the middle of an upscale neighborhood, far away from Toffee Coffee and my old apartment complex, but it feels like I could still look out and see the rubble, the flames. All that's out there is rain though, rain and storm clouds. I hear Bella giggle and look over to see her smiling at her friend. With Emmett and Rose in the know, I thought that would be the extent of our inner circle, but I'm kind of happy that I was wrong and that we told him. I can't say I felt the same way when he showed up at Bella's apartment four days ago though.
Bella was just finishing up in the shower when I heard a knock at the door. I'd been staying with her the last couple of days, helping her pack and keeping her safe. I knew it wasn't Alice at the door; Jasper just called and said that they were stuck in traffic and wouldn't be back for a while longer with dinner so I took every precaution, I chain bolted the door and grabbed a knife from the drawer.
"Who is it?" I asked through the door. A shouting voice answered.
"Where is she? I swear to god if you hurt her, I will fucking end you." Ugh…Jake
I thought about not responding at all, but that would be rude, especially since Bella was out of the bathroom now, dressed in her skimpy towel and staring at me. My pants tightened at the sight. God, she never fails to get me rock hard.
"Why the hell do you have a knife?" Bella asked.
"A knife?" Jake shouted, stupid paper-thin walls. "Let me in there right now or I'm calling the police."
I heard the beeping of a cell phone as the first number was put in.
"Shit!" I hissed, placing the knife on the counter and throwing open the door.
There he stood Jacob Black, hair disheveled and eyes red like he hadn't slept in days. He rushed passed me, shoving me slightly as he crashed into Bella, dropping the phone as she cringed at the contact. His arms wrapped around her and I felt the rage bubble up inside of me as Bella struggled to hold her towel in place while keeping the sickness inside of her at bay.
"I've been so fucking worried about you!" He cried. "You and Alice didn't show up for work the past few days and when Rosalie didn't show up today and Irina wouldn't tell me anything, I just had this terrible feeling that something was wrong."
I watched as the towel began to slip and I felt myself about to pounce when another person walked through the open door, shutting it behind her.
"Jesus, Jake. The girl's about to lose her towel," said the girl with long, pale blonde hair, the color of corn silk, and aqua colored eyes.
"Oh, whoops, sorry, Bells," Jake scrambled to apologize, turning to me. "Sorry, man."
The look on my face must have been enough for him to know that I didn't accept his apology because he picked up his phone and stepped away from Bella fast, coming to stand by the blonde girl.
"Um, I'm going to go put on clothes," Bella muttered, escaping the room as her face lit up a bright red.
None of us moved or spoke while she was gone. Instead, I stared Jake down as both he and the girl he was with looked at anything, but me. Only when Bella walked into the room and rushed straight to my side did I felt a little bit better.
"So excuse me, but who are you?" Bella asked the girl.
"Oh, sorry, I'm Kate, a friend of Jake's. We were on our way to meet up with some people and he seemed so worried about you that I thought it might help if we stopped by." Jake tried not to show the agony on his face at the word 'friend', but it didn't fool me. He stole a glance over at the blonde girl and I saw something else that I had never seen in his eyes before, longing. My anger disintegrated as I noticed the way he looked at her, the same way I look at Bella. Kate peeked at her watch. "Shit, we should go; we're meeting Leah and the others at the movies in 20 minutes."
Jake opened the door to leave, and gave me a nod- another apology. I nodded back- an acceptance.
"I'm really glad that you're okay, Bells." He gave her a sincere smile and stepped out into the hall. Kate followed, but before she closed the door, she said something that sounded surprisingly truthful.
"I am too."
"Romeo and Juliet, really, Bells?" Jake scoffs at the book as he pulls it out of the box and tosses it to her. "You don't have one decent book in here. You don't even have Harry Potter."
Bella rolls her eyes at him.
"You wouldn't know decent if it was staring you in the face, Jake, and who the hell is Harry Potter?" She places Romeo and Juliet on the new bookshelf I bought her, oblivious to the shocking question she's just asked. I have to admit even I'm a little taken back that she clearly has no idea about the wizarding world of J.K. Rowling. Emmett's been torturing me with the movies for years. He swears up and down that the Cedric guy in the fourth one looks just like me.
Jake's mouth hangs open like a gaping fish.
"Come on, Bells. Hogwarts? He-who-must-not-be-named? Ron? Hermione? Harry fucking Potter. They've made movies out of it, sold billions of copies?"
Bella shrugs.
"Oh, god, the humanity!" Jake cries, performing the all too famous face smack, which makes me chuckle.
Maybe I'll buy her a copy of the series, I hear the books are even better than the movies and I have to admit, the movies are actually really good.
"You know what's really a crime against humanity?" I ask Jake, not giving him the opportunity to answer. "The fact that you're still here when I could be alone with my girlfriend in our new bedroom."
"Jeez, I get it! I know when I'm not wanted," Jake complains, picking up his school bag. "I don't want to hang out with you losers anyway."
"Yes you do," Jasper cuts in.
"Yeah, face it, you like us!" Alice quips.
"Do not!" Jake argues, heading for the door.
"You don't have to go you know, I was just messing around," I tell him, even though a part of me wasn't joking.
"I know." Jake gives me a wink as if he knows that I'm at least partially lying. "I have a test to get to."
I don't know if he actually does or not, either way I'm grateful.
"Don't fail,"
"You neither," he counters, flicking his eyes over to Bella and I know exactly what he means. Don't fail at keeping her safe.
"Never,"
The door shuts behind him and I grab Bella by the hand, helping her up.
"We're going to bed," I declare to anyone who cares, my eyes locked on hers.
"The sun isn't even down yet," she mumbles.
"We're not going to sleep," I whisper and her eyes widen as the gagging noises fill the room. I look over at Alice and Jasper who have stopped making noises and are talking adamantly with each other like nothing's happened. "Seriously? Childish much?"
Bella and I laugh as I pull her into our room with the pale green walls. The green curtains are drawn, blocking out the late afternoon sun that peeks through the clouds, giving the room a soft green hue when I close the door and turn the lock in place. The laughing stops as the lock clicks and we both come to the same conclusion; we're alone, in our new apartment, in our new room. I feel lighter than I've ever felt before, like a weight's been lifted off me, all the worry and drama is outside that door, and in here it's just me and my Bella. I capture her body with one hand on her waist, pressing her against me. Bella gasps as her center becomes flush with my cock, hard as steel.
"I always ache for you, my Bella," I say the words with the softness of a whispered secret, slipping my hand across her cheek and gripping the chestnut hair so different from the fake strands of my long lost hallucinations and dreams. I've made new dreams now, new fantasies that I'm dying to fulfill with a woman who's so real and amazing that it makes my heart hurt. My hand trails from her side to the front of her jeans as I tug her head back, inching my lips forward.
"I always ache to fill you…to claim you over and over again," I groan, letting my mouth run along the exposed skin of her neck as she breathes my name.
"Edward,"
My hand drifts down, sliding along the seam in the denim between her thighs as she whimpers.
"Please, touch me,"
Unable to deny her, I unbutton her jeans and slip my hand underneath the heavy material and the light cotton fabric of her thong, my fingers touch wetness, and I moan with approval as I slide my digits along her folds, her already swollen clit.
"Do you ache for me too, love? Do you ache for my cock to fill your tight pussy?" I hiss, slipping two fingers into her body as she shudders in my arms, my tongue stretching out to glide across her neck.
"Always," she cries out at the invasion of my fingers and I hear music drifting into the room, a loud throbbing beat that ignites the carnal lust that's been building for days. I've hated being quiet for fear of being caught or disturbing Alice and Jasper, but the muzzle comes off now. I work my fingers deep into her sopping wet pussy, thrusting fast and hard as I press into her clit with my thumb, sucking and biting her neck like a desperate fiend or a vampire who can't get enough of her taste.
"Edward! Oh god!" She shouts, unable to hold back as I wiggle my fingers against her g-spot vigorously. My lips move up and I feel her shiver as my breath hits her ear.
"That's a good girl; scream for me…scream for me until all I can hear is my name coming from the mouth that sucks my cock so god damn well," I growl, still thrusting into her as I walk carefully forward, pushing her body back until her knees hit the white comforter atop our king size bed.
"Holy fuck! Edward, more…more!"
"Your drenched pussy feels amazing around my fingers. I want to feel you cum, to feel it as it flows over my fingers and then, I'm going to fuck you until you can't think," I snarl, releasing her hair, I begin to pull and yank at the denim of her jeans. I want her exposed, laid out before me like the fucking dessert she is, but I need my other hand. I make to slide my fingers out of her and she cries out in agony.
"Don't stop, god, don't stop!"
She looks down and realizes my dilemma so she helps me tug off her jeans and underwear before taking off her shirt and bra as well, moaning continuously as I thrust deep inside of her.
She's leaking all over me now, wriggling as she sits on the edge of the bed, screaming in delight.
"Edward…ugh! MORE!"
I try to ignore the throbbing of my cock, the desperation that's flowing through me as she bucks towards my hand, her elbows supporting her, her head falling back and mouth opening in a perfect 'O'.
"God, I want to ram my cock in your mouth right now, to have you swallow my cum as you drench my god damn fingers. Cum for me, Bella, cum for me before I can't fucking stop myself," I beg and it's as if I've said the magic words, her pussy tightens around me, clamping down on my digits as she cums harder than I've ever seen a girl cum.
"EDWARD!"
I feel it more than see it, the juices that spill out of her in a gush, but it's enough to nearly bring me to my knees. I've heard of it, I've seen it in porn, but that is nothing compared to making my Bella squirt, nothing compared to seeing the look on her face, the overwhelming ecstasy on her features as if she's seen a slice of heaven.
"Holy fucking shit," I moan, my lips crashing down on hers as I remove my hand and practically rip off my sweat pants. I can't wait anymore, not after seeing that. I force my mouth off hers and bend her over the bed, gripping onto her tiny hips as I slam my cock inside of her.
"Yes!" I scream, twisting my hand in the tresses of her sweat filled hair as she thrusts back into me. Leaning forward, I pull her head back by her hair so that I can whisper into her ear, even though the words come out choppy from the strength of my thrusts. "I'm going to make you-, cum like that-, every fucking day-, for the rest of your life."
"OH GOD! YES! Fill me with your cum, Edward! I'm yours, always yours!" Bella pleads, her hands clutching the sheets, her back arching towards me.
"Mine!" I growl, dropping her hair so I can grip her ass with both hands. I can feel my stomach coiling, my balls tightening with every movement. "Fuck, I'm gonna cum, oh, BELLA!"
"FUCK!" Bella howls, her pussy throbbing and pulsating around me with her second release as my cock stiffens and spills inside of her, the sound of our screams the only noise either one of us can hear.
My arms wrap around her as I fall from the heavens, kissing the silky skin of her shoulder blades, the back of her neck.
"Isabella Swan owns me," I whisper. "I love you."
Her reply is soft, exhaustion in her voice.
"I love you too."
"Seriously?" Alice screams from the living room, over the sound of the music.
"Loud much?" Jasper adds.
Without even seeing her face, I know Bella's blushing, but it doesn't stop her from screaming back.
"Oh, go fuck on a table or something!"
The wall on the other side of our bed pounds and Emmett's hollers come through as a dull roar.
"Good for you, Eddie, real pussy from a real girl! Now keep it the fuck down!"
Bella and I laugh as we disentangle ourselves and fall to the bed. She curls up into my side, her head in the crook of my arm, and I'm not sure about her, but I've never felt safer or more loved.
Stick that in your pipe and smoke it. Lol Okay, yeah, no idea why I decided to put that, but it sounded good. So there you go, I kept my promise. Now how about a review? It won't hurt, I swear! I can't guarantee your safety if you don't leave me a review though. I heard of someone going blind once after not leaving a review...What? It's true, I tell you! Don't say I didn't warn you!