CHAPTER 21 - BPOV
So far on our wall of memories, there are six hundred and thirteen photos. Every time a photo is attached onto it we have to add another tally to the chart so none of us have to count all over again. Our goal is to have this entire wall covered with memories by the time the show is over.
I haven't picked up my camera in a while. The last time I snapped a photo was two weeks ago which is the latest edition to the memory wall. It's a photo of Em, Ang and I backstage at the Ellen show. That day was all about experiences for the three of us.
I pick up my camera and bring it with me downstairs where Alice and Seth are out for a swim. Seth's favourite part of this house is the swimming pool and Emmett's room because of the Wii.
"Hi Bella! I'm back did you miss me?" He runs to me with cute blue arm floats on. I sure did miss this kid during the two days he was away. The house was much more quiet without him.
"You know I did kiddo," He jumps up to high five me. "The pool missed you too."
"I did too! This is my favourite place ever!" At first Seth wasn't comfortable with cameras following him around. Whenever Alice would take him out for ice-cream or something a camera man would be walking around behind them. He didn't like it and would often mention the camera man in the takes, which would make the camera man have to stop recording for a couple of minutes to talk to him about keeping it a secret. Payton had to sign some forms to allow Seth to be in the takes and on T.V. She had no problem with it as long as we didn't expose anything personal such as where they live or about their personal life.
"Want to come swim with me Bella?"
I take a seat on the patio chair resting my camera on my lap. Seth comes to join me, posing in front of me saying 'cheese!'.
I have to laugh because it's the cutest thing ever. This kid is all things cute. I turn my camera on, adjust the settings and snap a photo of him. This is definitely joining the wall of memories.
"By the way you smell nice! What is it?" he sniffs the air closest to me.
"It's the special perfume Ali bought for me. Do you really like it?"
He nods. "Mommy has the same one. She says not very many people have it. It was a gift from daddy. I guess you're special too!"
I laugh and give him a hug for being so brave talking about his daddy and not looking so sad over it.
He finds Alice at the end of the pool soaking up some sun. "Ali will you take a picture with me?"
Alice removes her sunglasses looking excited. "Of course!" He jumps into the pool and stays beside Alice. I walk over to take their picture and she reminds me to print them out later on after we take a few more to add to our wall.
I run upstairs to put my camera back and change into my swimsuit because Seth is a little demanding boy who won't have it any other way. He says we're his favourite girls ever.
"Bella will you sing for me?" Seth asks me right when I jump into the pool. He's always been asking me that lately and I'd sing a short nursery rhyme for him. "And not a kiddie song this time?"
I laugh wondering why he wants to hear my voice so much. "Why do you ask me to sing all the time?"
"Because I like your voice I think it's pretty." he flashes me his million dollar smile and I notice one of his front tooth have fallen out.
"How about we swim for a few more minutes and you can help me record a video?" I say knowing I have to update the channel. I've been meaning to, but I just couldn't find the time. Now that there aren't many photo shoot opportunities right now and I have a break from interviews and performances I can have this chance to record again.
"Cool! Am I going to be in it?"
"If you want to."
"I can't wait!" He gets out of the pool and runs to the second mini slide Jasper bought for Seth. Emmett wanted to try out the first slide, but he ended up breaking it so Jas had to go out and buy a new one.
"Hey Alice," I swim over to her at the end of the shallow end. "When are you going to tell Jas?"
There's a light brink of sadness in her eyes. "Bella you know I want to and I know it's the best thing, but I thought, what if he didn't know? What if we just pretended it never happened?"
"Do you really think that's what's best for you both?"
She nods, her eyes on Seth. I can see how much she cares for that boy, and I can see how much she wishes to have kids of her own one day. "What Jas and I have is so good Bella. I don't want one stupid mistake to ruin us."
"You love him a lot, don't you?"
"More than my heart can carry," she sighs smiling at Seth who's yelling out for us to watch him go down the slide. "I want to marry him Bella."
I think back to the night at the bar with Emmett, Edward and Jasper and how they were talking about Jasper wanting to propose to Alice. I smile at her and tell her it's going to happen one day, I'm sure of it.
"Do you really think so Bella?"
"I know so." I tell her with a smile.
"Well if we do I just want you to know that you are definitely my maid of honor!" She hugs me with so much excitement and happiness.
"As long as I'm not a best woman." I laugh thinking about Jake's wedding in a couple of weeks.
"Hi Esme," I balance the phone between my ear and my shoulder so I can use my hands to mix the bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough. Seth is hungry and says my cookies are the best he's ever had and asked me to make some. "I was just calling to wish you a happy birthday!"
"Who's birthday is it?" Seth asks me, dipping his finger into the bowl. I hold up my index finger to let him know I'd tell him in a second.
"Why thank you Bella," Esme is always so happy and cheerful when I'm on the phone with her. Edward says she's naturally that great. "It's so good to hear from you dear. How are you?"
"I'm great just making some cookies for the little one here." Seth smiles widely knowing it's him I'm talking about. He helps me scoop up the dough and place it on the cookie sheet.
"You and Edward had a baby already?" She sounds shocked and I know she's just teasing. It gets me wondering if we ever will.
"Not right now," I laugh into the phone. "I'm helping Alice babysit Seth."
"I want to say hi! I want to say hi!" Seth is jumping at my feet trying to reach for the phone. I lend the phone to him for a couple of seconds while I finish up the rest of the dough and place the tray in the oven. I set the timer and get the phone back from Seth.
"Go wash your hands in the bathroom okay?" I tell him and he nods obeying my orders. Sometimes I truly feel like I'm a mom. "With soap!" I yell out knowing he tries to get away with it.
"He's such a sweetheart." Esme sighs. I wonder if she ever thinks about adopting again. I wonder if she misses having kids in the house. I know Carlisle works often and she's at home a lot.
"He is. Listen Esme I really planned on getting a gift for you to mail it in time, but things at the mall didn't turn out so great."
"Oh Bella don't you worry about it. You calling me is already a gift, but what happened?"
"Crazy fans running after me, Emmett and Jasper," I think back to the mall two days ago and how much running we had to do. Security had shown up to help us get away. We ended up leaving the mall empty handed. "We couldn't get into a store."
"Fame must be overwhelming for you."
"Very."
"Well Bella I'm sorry I have to go to a meeting soon. It was nice talking to you again, and thank you for wishing me a happy birthday. Don't worry about the gift Bella, your love for my son is also enough. Take care Bella."
"Thanks Esme. Talk to you soon." We hang up.
Seth comes back into the kitchen showing me his clean hands. "Smell it," he raises his palms and I get a waft of vanilla. "See I used soap!"
"Good job buddy!" I high five him and start to clean up our mess.
Alice wakes up from her nap twenty minutes later and joins Seth and I in the kitchen for cookies and milk. Emmett and Jasper come home from work and Emmett snags the last cookie from Seth.
"Sorry kid, Uncle Emmy's hungry." He rubs his belly and chomps down the cookie.
"It's okay." Seth says. He's too nice. "I saved you three more cookies." He takes out the cookies from his pockets.
Emmett unwraps the tissue and his mouth starts to drool at the sight. "That's why you're my favourite kid ever!" He picks him up and throws him in the air gently. "You're the best!"
"I know." Seth smiles dimple to dimple. "Bella when are we going to go make a video?"
"Right now," I look up at the clock. It's 5 o'clock and Edward will be home in an hour. "Come on let's go." I take his hand and we go down to the media room.
We go through a list of songs he wants me to sing and we end up choosing "Mine" by Taylor Swift. There were a lot of Taylor Swift songs on the list, I guess he's a big fan.
"Mommy listens to her a lot. She says Taylor helps her go back to her high school days. Mommy misses them a lot." I remember Payton mentioning she's twenty-one which meant she was preganant with Seth at sixteen. She must've missed some of the events like semi-formal or prom. But I doubt she regrets Seth at all.
"Your mommy loves you, a lot. Don't ever forget that okay?"
"She tells me that everyday," he smiles at me holding the chain around his neck. "But let's get to business!"
Seth is a really special kid. He's going to grow up to be a great man someday.
"So are things with you and Edward alright?" Jessica asks me, standing at my bedroom door. Alice is on the bed flipping through her magazines. She looks at Jessica with a strange face probably wondering why she's here and why that's the first thing she'd say.
I nod with confusion. "Oh I heard your fight a couple of days ago..."
"Oh yeah we sorted it out. It wasn't really a fight."
"Oh," she looks down at her hands, which is carrying a laptop. "Well I wanted to show you this."
She walks in further and Alice turns off her iPod and closes her magazine. She hops onto my bed to join Jessica and I. Jessica places the laptop on my bed and scrolls through a gossip website that is familiar with my face.
She stops at a picture of Edward and Lauren laughing with coffee cups in their hands. The date reads July 13th, 2010 which is exactly two days ago. Our anniversary.
"They were spotted together having coffee..." Jessica tells me. "I figured you should know since the argument was because his phone was off."
"Jessica could you give us some privacy?" Alice asks and Jessica picks up her laptop saying she's sorry. She leaves the room and closes the door.
I don't know what to think or say...
"Did you know about this Bella? That he was with Lauren that night?" She asks me and I slowly shake my head no. Her eyebrows pull downwards, her sorry face on.
"Aw Bella I'm so sorry," she pulls me in a hug, but even that can't make me feel anything. "I'm sure there's a reason for it. Edward wouldn't just do that to you."
"He told me he was on set and they'd asked him to turn off his phone." I tell her trying to assure myself nothing happened and those pictures were fake.
"He should be home by now. You should go ask him."
That's when the tears start to kick in. They escape my eyes five at a time, my vision blurry. I feel... so upset...so angry right now. I know he can explain those pictures and what he was doing with her, but I can't help but feel so heartbroken. He said he was on set. He said they kept him for a few more hours. He didn't mention anything about coffee with Lauren.
Why would he grab coffee with Lauren?
Why does he look so happy in those pictures?
"Bella don't cry, I'm sure it's nothing." Maybe some people don't change after all.
"You're saying this about the guy who not too long ago hooked up with girl, after girl and never called them since." I know my voice shows obvious hints of anger in it, but I don't tone it down.
"God Alice I am so stupid! I forgave him about the secret dinners with Lauren. I believed him so easily and let it slide so easily. Of course he lied!"
"No sweetie he didn't lie. Edward loves you so much Bella and I know you love him that much too why would he throw away that love?"
"Because he hasn't changed. He's still the asshole that first stepped into this house."
"Bella don't be so harsh-" She begins to say, but Edward cuts her off by walking into the room.
"Baby what's wrong?"
"Baby. How many other girls have you called them by that? Five...ten...fifteen...maybe a hundred. Who knows."
"Bella-" The pain in his voice is loud and clear.
"Don't talk to me." I raise my voice at him with so much anger. I am so angry that not even his watery eyes can make me feel sorry.
"What are you talking about?" His voice is soft, so full of hurt. I wonder how many times he faked his hurt to a girl when she'd ask why he hasn't called. "What is she talking about Alice?" He turns to his sister.
Alice looks at me. Her eyes sting and for a moment I feel like a total and complete bitch. But I'm not going to pretend like nothing ever happened anymore. I'm tired of letting people break down my walls and messing around with my trust. It's time I finally speak up and fend for myself. I don't deserve to be treated like this.
"Like you don't know?" I look him in the eye. He really looks confused. "There are pictures of you and Lauren having coffee the night of our anniversary. The night we were supposed to have and the night you didn't call me. You couldn't turn on your phone for two seconds and give me at least a thirty second phone call to let me know I shouldn't wait up and get ready for a night that wasn't even going to happen? But you found the time to step out with Lauren and joke around with her. Did you forget about me?"
He runs his hands through his hair and pinches the bridge of his nose. He looks at Alice not knowing what to say. For once there isn't a sorry coming out of his mouth.
"Bella you don't have to yell..." Alice rests a hand on me when Jake and Jasper walk in. "It's okay just breathe, relax."
"How can I?" The tears are flowing faster and faster down my cheeks. Jake is at my side trying to wipe them away, but they keep being replaced. I don't want anyone else to see me like this. This is the most I've ever cried.
"Jake please go." I whisper to him and he gives me a hug before leaving. Jasper follows him out knowing I'd probably ask him to leave as well.
"Bella," Edward tries to reach for my hand but I push his away. "I know you're upset with me, but those pictures aren't exactly the way you see it."
"Then what Edward?" I say preparing myself for another one of his excuses.
"Those pictures of us were taken on set. Lauren is a part of the movie. She was casted just recently because there was a last minute drop out."
Alice nods her head saying that it's true. Why didn't I know? I feel so stupid yet again. Why is it that I always pick the littlest things to fight over? I'm an idiot...
"Bella you didn't know about it because you're not exactly the person who likes to keep track on entertainment news. Plus you've been avoiding the media lately to avoid seeing a story about you. You can't blame him Bella." Instantly I know she's right. I have been trying to keep away from anything to do with the media. I guess it was my mistake. Plus why does it matter so much to me if Lauren is in the movie? Oh right because she has only the biggest crush on my boyfriend.
I remember seeing an interview not too long ago that she'd done. They'd asked her who her celeb crush is and she replied with, "Hands down Edward Cullen. Gosh he is just so gorgeous!"
The interviewer had laughed and said, "Too bad he's taken, huh?" To which she responded with, "That could change!"
Is it so bad that I feel a little threatened by her?
"I'm sorry." I say before I brush past Edward and Alice and run down the hallway locking myself in the bathroom.
I sink to the ground crying out the last of my tears. I don't think I can face Edward right now. I can't imagine looking into those eyes and know that I've hurt him. I know how hard he fought with himself to hold the tears back when I'd looked at him with such venom and hatred.
Maybe it's best if I just back off for a while. We can't just go back to being the way we used to be. I'm sick of acting so bipolar around Edward. One little thing can set me off. I'd feel angry at one point, then guilty the next. And now that the tears have stopped I feel fine. I feel a little empty and alone, but I can cope.
All will be well my dear Bella. Just hang on tight. It'll all be over -D.
It'll all be over.
Oh jealousy...
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