"Carl, I'm taking this back. I want you to stay with Eve okay?"
"Okay, mom."
I leaned out of the car I was in and watched Carl make his way to me from the car Lori had been digging through behind me.
I guess she trusts me to look after him. Since when did I become the babysitter though?
I don't particularly mind having him around, but kids don't do well with silence in my experience. Now babies are a different story. Kids too young to understand are easy to please.
Carl talked and I paid attention but he kept forgetting I don't answer the same way the others do. That didn't seem to deter him though. He just kept on keeping on.
I'll tell you what though, this kid is one resilient little twerp. All this happening around him and he's still curious about the world. He is definitely his father's son.
I watched Carl out of the corner of my eye while I dug through a suitcase I'm pretty sure belonged to a very lonely dude, judging by the amount of adult dvd's.
Seriously, who would think their adult films collection is more important to take in an apocalyptic situation than I don't know, say, a water bottle? A lighter, kitchen knife, food, rope maybe. You know, just, the essentials for survival.
I stopped what I was doing for a minute and listened to the silence.
He's being unusually quiet...What is he up to?
Dropping the suitcase on the floor, I looked at Carl and watched him jump up on the side of the truck just across from me; Peering through the dusty window.
He started to turn back towards me and I quickly diverted my eyes to the first thing I could find. Unfortunately for me, that happened to be a magazine called "Busty Asian Beauties Freaky Friday edition"
I glanced at Carl, hoping to God he didn't see that, but he was walking around the truck to the other side.
A relieved sigh slipped as I shoved that magazine as far under the seat as I could, out of sight, hoping it would never see the light of day again. Maybe someone will use it as fire kindling one day.
I slipped out of the backseat of the car, and went around the back side of the truck, scanning the area to make sure it's safe, and to make sure Lori's not watching.
I probably shouldn't be letting him do this, but how else is he gonna learn?
Lord knows Lori's not gonna let him do this, and he'll find a way to eventually. I'd rather let him do it here, now, where I can protect him in case something happens, then have him go off and get himself into trouble or worse. Circumstances aren't favorable to us these days. Anything could happen, I don't want Carl to end up out there on his own and not be able to fend for himself…
Sophia flashed through my head. We'll find her, and as soon as we do I'm gonna teach both her and Carl how to hide, and if I can get away with it, how to fight.
With a healthy cautiousness, I watched Carl grab the driver's side handle and jerk it open, jumping back with the door.
The body in the driver's seat didn't move -aside from the arm dropping, seeing as the door no longer supported it- as I knew it wouldn't.
If that corpse had been a walker, it wouldn't have stayed quiet while I was in the car next to it making noise. In other words, if it were live, I'd have killed it by now.
Carl stared at it in slight disgust for a moment, before moving closer. I did another quick check around, to make sure we hadn't drawn any unnecessary attention from either walkers or the much more vicious alternative...mothers. We'll both be in trouble if the latter spot us.
I wonder what he's after in there.
He tugged on something in the body's lap, something in a black leathery case but it didn't budge.
He grabbed the side of the truck and the steering wheel and pulled himself up onto the door ledge, almost climbing inside the cabin to get a better hold on whatever it is.
Errg, I can't see well enough from here.
Glancing around, I moved farther out, swinging out behind Carl so he can't see me and I'm close enough he'll know I'm behind him, but now I can see straight into the cabin.
I watched him tug on it again and again but just as I was about to move closer, there was a snap. Carl shrieked as he fell out of the cabin and I lunged forward, catching his head so he wouldn't crack his skull against the asphalt.
I stared down at him and Carl looked up at me, arms full of a leathery tool holder, with the tip of a shiny new hatchet coming out the top.
Oh for pancakes sake, even Carl found something useful. Damnit, I am bad at picking cars. I seem to be turning over every useless hunk of metal here.
I haven't found anything truly useful since this compass.
That fall was a close call but I couldn't help it. I started laughing. I shouldn't be, this isn't funny. He could've gotten hurt, but— his face! His feet almost went over his head!
Carl sat up, trying not to smile and punched me in the arm. "It's not funny"
I waved my hand while he hit me again, continuing to do so until I stopped laughing.
Ah, I needed that. I haven't laughed like that in a while.
I ruffled his hair, expecting him to swat my hand away but to my surprise he didn't.
I motioned at the tools and stood up, waiting for Carl to pick up the roll, both arms wrapped around it. Sometimes I forget how grown up kids can seem but still be kids. It's a strange phenomenon.
"Can I go show these to Shane?" he looked up at me anxiously and I nodded, watching him run towards a nearby green car Shane was working on.
I think that RV is starting to feel a little crowded inside. Five people crammed inside, and I wasn't even riding with them like I would have if I hadn't ridden with Daryl.
Lori came into my view as I watched Carl, looking like she was panicking.
That's my cue. I darted around the truck and made a beeline to my next vehicle, before she could see me.
I may have not thought that through entirely. Mmmm, not looking forward to the scolding I'm gonna get later for letting Carl do that, but I suppose in the end it was worth it.
We both needed the laugh, I'll take responsibility for that.
The sun's going down fast. I should probably head back. In the next ten minutes, it'll be dark.
I climbed up on the hood of a car and looked around, finding a path back to the RV that's almost a straight shot.
Jumping down, I started on my way back; Weaving between cars.
I wonder if they're back yet. If they've found her. If they had, someone would've come looking for me by now. Unless, we don't plan to move out tonight, what with how dark it's gotten.
It was dangerous before to drive in the dark, it's even more so now. We could run into another traffic jam, walkers, we could get lost, we could wind up in something we can't get out of.
I hate this...Not being able to do anything. If I knew how to track, I could be out there with them searching for her.
I made my way back and noticed everyone standing by the guardrail. They're back. I picked up my pace, almost running.
Daryl looked over as Rick stepped over the railing, and I came to a stop behind the Officer.
Rick was talking to Carol, and just by the look on her face, I knew.
I looked at Daryl for confirmation but he glanced at his shoes before looking at Carol.
What's that supposed to mean? He didn't shake his head, so she's not dead, right?
"I know this is hard, but I'm asking you not to panic. We know she was out there." Rick gestured behind him at the woods.
"And we tracked her for awhile." Daryl moved forward, up to the railing.
She's not dead. A relieved sigh allowed my tense posture to relax for a moment. Don't scare me like that, Daryl.
"We have to make this an organized effort." Rick stated while everyone moved closer to listen. Carol's on the verge of hyperventilating.
"Daryl knows the woods better than anybody. I've asked him to oversee this."
I glanced at Daryl before Carol's gaze caught my attention. I followed it down to large stains on Daryl's jeans. What is that, mud?
I moved closer, my leg brushing the rusty guardrail.
"Is that— is that blood?" Carol pointed
Daryl looked down, taking half a back, before looking at Rick with the closest thing to panic I've ever seen him have.
"We took down a walker." Rick took attention off Daryl and almost immediately the hunter looked more comfortable. All eyes on him, doesn't sit well with him, never has from what I know.
"Walker? Oh my God" Carol moved back and forth in dismay.
"There was no sign it was ever anywhere near Sophia." Rick assured her.
I moved closer to Daryl, so I could see around Rick, and Daryl stepped closer.
"How can you know that?" Andrea came around Carol's left.
Rick looked at Daryl, his turn to panic, and Daryl stepped forward again. The consternation of the group is almost tangible at this point. It almost makes it hard to breathe.
"We cut the son'a bitch open. Made sure."
Carol deflated right there. Slowly sitting on the guardrail, still breathing like she was on the border of a panic attack.
Rick shifted, taking a step back to give her a little space but she wasn't done with him.
Carol looked up at him, hate in her eyes.
"How could you leave her out there, to begin with? How could you just leave her!?"
"Those two walkers were on us" Rick leaned down to her eye-level again. Shane came up behind Rick and I stepped over the guardrail, moving next to Daryl, so Shane could take my spot.
"I had to draw them off. It was her best chance." Rick explained.
"Sounds like he didn't have a choice, Carol." Shane backed Rick up, like he's no doubt done a hundred times before.
"How was she supposed to find her way back on her own? She's just a child. She's just a child."
Rick crouched in front of Carol.
"It— It was my only option. The only choice I could make." Rick looked her in the eyes. He's taking this personally, isn't he.
"I'm sure nobody doubts that." Shane sat against the railing, next to Carol.
Daryl shifted closer to me, both of us glancing at each other. I watched Carol struggling with the most painful thing in history; A suffocating feeling spreading through in my tightening chest.
Lori wrapped her arm around Carol, rubbing her shoulder as mothers' do to comfort.
"My little girl got left in the woods." she whimpered before looking away from Rick.
The atmosphere grew heavier with every second. I'm surprised Rick was able to stand. Although he looked as if he was gonna fall as soon as he did.
He glanced at me and Daryl before moving away from Carol, towards the RV.
I can see almost see the dread weighing over him. I stepped back over the railing, Daryl following after me, and the others soon after. Everyone aside from Lori, and Andrea moving back towards the RV to let Carol do whatever it is she needs to right now.
What are you supposed to do in a situation like this?
I watched Rick head off into the sea of abandon cars, tempted to follow him but ultimately I pulled myself up on the hood of a car near Daryl's motorcycle. He needs to be alone right now.
Daryl came and sat next to me after a few minutes. He didn't say anything, but the disquietude around us didn't dissipate. It got worse with every second.
It isn't unusual for their to be silence between us, but not like this. Heavy, weighing on my shoulders.
It isn't awkward or tense, but it's not the usual comfortable either.
I looked at him, while he stared at the end of his crossbow intensely. I've never seen him like this before. Not even when he found out Merle was gone.
I don't know what to do. Should I leave him be? Try my bedside manner? What the Hell do I do?
He's worried about Sophia— I am too, don't get me wrong, we all are but I don't know what to do about it.
What are you supposed to do in the middle of an apocalypse when a child you've been with from the beginning goes missing?
Sophia's like a niece to me...We were supposed to protect her. She was supposed to be safe with us.
How are we gonna help her now?
This is doing my head in.
I growled in frustration, rubbing my eyes with my fingers and leaned my elbows on my knees.
I looked over at Daryl, watching him scowl at the world. He looks so tired, but I doubt any of us will get any sleep tonight.
No. Enough of this.
"She's gonna be fine." I laid back on the windshield, crossing my arms behind my head, training my gaze on the sky.
The overcast is covering most of the stars, but at least it doesn't smell like smog out here. In the countryside the air is cleaner than it was in Atlanta. It smells damp, and earthy. But not the dusty smell of dirt I'm used to.
Daryl shifted beside me, I assume to look at me.
The cool breeze blew strands of my hair over my face, some tickling my cheek, while others got stuck in the cracks of my lips.
"She'll be okay. She has to be..." I didn't want that to sound like I'm convincing myself, but we don't always get what we want.