AN: Thank you so much for your reviews guys! I'm glad you like it. I know this chapter is more blah-blah again, but I hope you'll like it anyways.
Sam: Thank you for your sweet Review! I'm so glad it feels like the actual show for you, because I want them to be in character (not like in this weird AU people like carter called a finale) ;)
btw, if you have some time, check out my story "the nanny". It's also about b/r and ellie. Maybe I will write some story only about b&r and their life too. So, please check it out and tell me what you think!
Robin wakes up early in the morning. Her eyes are red and her had hurts badly. She cried herself to sleep yesterday. She really thought they could actually work out this time, but now she´s lying in her own bed instead of Barney´s with a big headache, swollen eyes and a huge heartbreak. After lying around for another 20 minutes, she accepts she won´t get anymore sleep this morning and drags herself out of bed.
She doesn´t feel like doing anything today, but she has to check her phone – she can´t miss a call from her boss. As soon as she takes her phone she realizes Barney has left her a text message. Unsure whether she should read it or not, she stares at her phone. Her tears are coming again, it´s just too much for her. The last few months were full of stress, she feels exhausted and also a little bit depressed. Her life has been so much easier when she was traveling around the world. She had a tight schedule and therefore no time for overthinking. It was perfect. And now everything is complicated. Maybe it´s New York – all those memories, all the people and most of all Barney- all of that is far more stressful than her job has ever been. Her phone buzzed: a message from Ellie.
"Hey, Robin. How are you? Why didn´t you say goodbye to me yesterday? I know I was asleep, but you could have woken me up. Anyways, thank you for keeping me company yesterday. Ellie"
Ellie- this was complicated too. She´s Barney´s daughter after all which doesn´t make things any easier. Robin really likes Ellie, but there is a little part of her that wishes more than ever that she would have never divorced Barney. It would have been far more easier now, there would just be her and Barney. No complications, no other people who would be affected if they fight or something. In addition to that it hurts her to see what a loving father Barney is for a child that isn´t hers. She feels awful to think things like that, but she kind of wishes Barney either had her child or no child at all. She couldn´t get children with him, so she finds it pretty unfair some other bimbo is allowed to get a little Stinson-baby after one stupid one-night-stand. Her mind trails away to her pregnancy scare and her and Barney´s two children she imagined that cold and sad winter day. Back then, she convinced herself, she is glad they aren´t real. That didn´t change that much because that way her career would have been dead- she´s sure of that. But she can´t quite turn off this teensy-weensy-little part of her that wished she and those two children would live with Barney in his apartement today. And what hurts the most is that Ellie is likely to look very similar to her imagined daughter when she is older. That kills her. It´s not that she wants Ellie to go away, she just wishes she would be hers. She wants Ellie to be her child that Barney loves so much.
Suddenly one of her dogs jumps on her lap. She pets his head, what calms her down and she finally takes that dumb phone of hers in her hands again. Robin scolds herself. What happened to her? She sits here with tears in her eyes afraid of opening a stupid text message and thinking about children she will never have. That´s not her. She´s an independent women, she doesn´t need children to be happy. She has a career she can be very proud of and she has had an awesome life. Great friends, great memories and a great husband. Her life was great, the only fatal mistake she made was getting a divorce from Barney. However, most of her life was absolutely nothing to be ashamed off (though her Robin Sparkles days still kind of haunted her). She always got what she wanted and she decides that this won´t change now. She will get Barney, she will try to be good stepmother for Ellie. If Barney doesn´t want her, it will surely devastate her, but she won´t regret it, because it would be far worse, if she doesn´t try it at all. She needs certainty, that´s all that counts. Of course she wants to spend her life with Barney, but she is a strong woman. It won´t be easy, if he really decides to refuse her again, but she will make it through it. It would be a happier life with Barney, but she doesn´t need a man to have a fulfilled life.
However, all her fears that Barney may refuse her go away instantaneously when she opens his message. A big smile spreads upon her face. She saw a movie once, a romantic comedy with Jennifer Aniston. When she watched it back then, she found it far too cheesy, but after all she finally understands the quote of the movie. "I can live without you. I just don´t want to.", is what Jennifer Aniston said to her boyfriend at the end of the movie. She never thought that quote would once fit her, but now it does- she is strong and independent. Of course she can live without Barney – she just doesn´t want to.