If I went out the back door nobody would stop me
But where would I go?
Cause I ain't ever had a real home, so what do I know?
So I could keep running, hide until they find me
But what would that do?
If they could only know what I knew, what would it prove?
I should've seen the writing on the wall, instead I'm left to fall
Cause the longer I'm away, the more we stay the same
Looking back where I thought I knew it all, instead I'm left to fall
Did I throw it all away?
Mara POV
Two Days After Death
So maybe just bailing hadn't been my brightest idea yet. And I've had some pretty bad ideas. But you know, when crazy start calling and putting a leash on you, your more or less screwed after that.
"I can't believe she burned down your house," Danielle said nudging a charred end table with her foot.
"Yeah, well, I pissed her off," I said shaking my head.
"You piss everybody off," Lori shot at me, entering the room, and tossing a burnt something over her shoulder.
"Cry about it," currently, Lori and I fought about every thing. The girl just did not like me. Or I didn't like her. I wasn't sure which. Maybe both.
"Enough," Raziel cut in, halting the beginning's of what was sure to end up in a huge argument and probably a fight. I think she just hated me because she could never get the best of me in a fight. But boy did I love giving her the chance. I just smirked at her glare.
"Where would they have gone?" Marcus asked me, and I couldn't help the weird feeling that swept through me when he spoke to me. I was pretty sure it was because he'd killed me. Well kind of. I was too pissed off when they gave me the details, but basically, since he controlled the two psychic kids who had killed me, he ordered them to transfer their control over me to him. Thankfully, he hadn't taken Danielle from me, but I didn't understand why her hadn't. Maybe he felt about killing his last living relative, his own damn twin sister. I doubted it though, maybe it was some part of the plan he refused to share with any of us.
I couldn't help but feel a little disgusted with myself. I couldn't stand when people held control over me, and by God, if someone did, I put a bullet in their skull with a wide smile on my face. But I couldn't kill Marcus, now could I? In fact I didn't want to, that whole being sired to him thing. But the thought made me want to vomit.
"How the hell should I know?" I retorted, trying to stomp down the feeling of guilt I got. I wasn't a person that felt a whole lot. Certainly not guilt, and never for a stranger, which is what Marcus was. I was kind of blaming everything on being dead. Whatever it was about dying that made us strong, also made us want to please the person that gave us this strength. Which meant Marcus. It also kind of made me want to cut out my tongue or gouge out my eyes. Or something just equally as disturbing.
"You practically own all those idiots, you should know," Aaron shot at me pointedly. Everyone was looking at me now, as if I had all the answers and I was purposefully being a bitch and not telling them. I kind of was. I didn't know where they'd go. Probably another safe house. But we each had about six of them.
"Well I dont, the second I woke up you started beckoning at me like a freaking dog, so you didn't exactly give me the chance to chat it up with them did you?" I said coldly.
"If there's a way to find them, do it," Raziel said to me, letting his powers flare, that horrid burning feeling washed over me. Reminding me this guy was an angel. An angel I wanted to punch in the face, but an angel none the less. I made a personal vow to kill the first chance I got.
I just rolled my eyes and left the room. I had to admit I wasn't that surprised to find out that Bella had burnt down the house. She was temperamental that way. I wished she'd been a little more thorough about it though. Danielle came running after me, looking a little freaked out. Then again, she'd had that look on her face since we'd left the first time. "You alright?" she asked me quietly, as we moved upstairs.
"Well I died a few hours ago and I'm chumming around with a bunch of sadistic seven teen year olds that filleted a man for fun less then ten minutes ago. How do you think I feel?" I didn't mean to sound so harsh. But I felt weird, kind of off. Not off. But kind of distant, more so then usual and it was annoying the crap out of me. Why did I feel that way? Danielle didn't when she woke up, so why did I?
"You, Bella, and the others are just as sadistic as they are." But they weren't pack, they weren't Bella, or any of them. So no, i didn't like them.
"Touche."
We searched the house, but the entire top levels were nothing but collapsing and falling pieces of charred wood now. The basement was mostly intact. I pushed through a door into the infirmary. There were three beds in here, and one had been just soaked in blood. I moved towards it, seeing a small body shape in the dried flakes. Mine I guess. For a moment I wondered what time I'd died at. But then just shrugged it off. It didn't matter anymore.
"Mara?" I glanced over at Marcus and raised my eyebrows. Surprisingly, he'd given me quite a bit of leeway. Of course I knew why, and Raziel disapproved, and I think it was one of the many reasons Lori disliked me so much. I think she had a thing for Marcus, and now I was his new favorite. More by default than anything.
When they'd mentioned my brother up on the roof at the club, it had confused the hell out of me. But sure enough, there he was. Someone that I had assumed was dead along with everyone else. He should've been. So why wasn't he? And how the hell was he a psychic kid? Many of the unanswered questions.
"We need to leave, the others have returned to the boarding house."
"I see," I said running a hand through my hair. "What are you doing with these people in the first place?"
He gave me an amused look now. "Isnt is obvious."
"Humor me."
"After what you did five years ago, Azazel took me in. Your one in the same Mara. Azazel did the exact same thing you had. Picked up the best and gave them a home. I though you'd be happy. Isn't this what you wanted? You have the opportunity to re-shape the world, take it. Give in. Everyone else loves it and you belong with us, not with a bunch of kids who can't face up to the fact that there as dark as the rest of us. Stop fighting us, you'll be happier," he just strolled out after that, not even giving me the chance to respond.
I glared at the doorway he'd just gone through and ran a hand through my hair. But that was the problem wasn't it. I resented Marcus, I had since the moment I laid eyes on him. He had five years to come find me. But he didn't. Then he shows up out of the blue, and takes me from the people I considered family. He took me from Bella. I moved towards the door, and then glanced back at the bed.
But dying did change something in me. I knew it had. I could feel it, or rather it was the lack of feeling that made it so real. Sure I was a murderer, I killed people for things that mattered, at least to me. If someone had ever tried to make a move against us, we'd rain down on them like hell. If someone even plotted against us, they wouldn't live to see sunset. If someone took us from the others, you were in for the beating of a life time. If you got in my face too many times, I'd remove you. I'd even killed someone for flirting with Bella once, but i think was Bella's way of making a point to me.
But all of the dead psychic kids were worse. In the last two days I'd seen them kill six people for basically nothing. And they loved it. It was kind of unbelievable at first. They all felt nothing. Well, they did feel, but not a whole lot. No love, no real happiness, just some kind of pleasure of pointless killing. They argued, and fought with each other, they destroyed things constantly and the only joy they felt was when they hurt people. Is that what I had to look forward to?
The idea didn't bother me so much if it weren't for the fact that I still had people to look out for. Or was that the old me? Feelings were fading fast. Feelings that used to matter were slowly being pushed out the door. Maybe I wouldn't be so hateful with my new family if I really did just give in. Sooner or later, Bella would be with me anyways. So why not just give in? Marcus was probably right, maybe I would enjoy it. After all, the old me had died. There was no going back now. Right?
I left the basement, going upstairs and met up with everyone else out on the yard. I passed a still smoking charred body and cringed a little at the smell. Bodies did not smell pretty when they'd been burned alive. "Let's go, already, I'm fucking hungry," Jonathon called out the passenger side window.
"What are we eating?" I asked, climbing in next to Danielle. She still stuck close to me. I wonder how I hadn't noticed her lack of emoting. Maybe it was because she saw that I still cared about people and she wanted to too. Which left the question, if I gave in, would she follow?
"Pizza," Lori said, pulling out of the driveway.
"You guys get pizza all the time. Eat something decent for once."
"But the pizza boys are so cute," Danielle interjected.
"Yeah, until you skin them alive," I pointed out. Everytime they got take out, they killed the delivery person. I wasn't sure what the point of getting delivery was, considering they gave them the address of an abandoned house or building just to kill them. But I had refrained from commenting. Everyone was just crazy bloodthirsty at the boarding house.
"You know, you have a point. Maybe we should stop killing the cute boys, what a waste of a perfectly fuckable person," Lori said thoughtfully. "We could always just play with them afterwards."
"That's disturbing on so many levels. What, your going to start screwing them and then killing them?" I asked incredulously.
"Yeah, why not?"
"Because were not praying mantus'. Not that hard to get laid Lori."
"Says you, the last time I checked you were still hard up for a chick that's engaged to a guy," she shot at me smirk in place, "in case you couldn't figure out, I'm pretty sure that means she's over chicks, and I guess that means you too."
I didn't say a thing, just un-did my seatbelt and gave Danielle a look. She caught on pretty quickly and did the same thing. I tapped Lori on the shoulder, and as soon as she turned I struck out and hit her hard. "Fucking-," I didn't hear the rest and just threw myself out of the car as it began to spin uncontrollably. I hit the ground in a tumble and then scrambled off of the road when a black truck almost hit me dead on.
I sat up, a little winded, watching the car flip twice, twisting metal reached my ears and then it just slammed into a tree. Glass and bits of metal covered the road, and then the car fell away from the tree and onto it's now destroyed tires.
Danielle came to stand next to me. At least she knew what I was about to do. "You really need to see a therapist about your anger issues," she said, as we watched the steam, other cars slowed down to stop and probably help them.
Both Jonathon and Lori crawled out of the steaming and completely totalled car. They looked like shit. I felt very pleased observing there destroyed cocky expressions. "Nah, I kind of like venting my anger in unhealthy ways, I get to watch things like this," I said, as Lori stumbled into a stand, more then a little bloody and totally out of it. She hit the ground, passing out instantly. I smirked even more.
"Marcus is going to be pissed," Jonathon shouted at me glaring, blood sliding down his face.
"What's he gonna do? Kill me?" He collapsed now, passing out face down in the mud. Maybe I would enjoy this new found life after all.
"We should get out of here," Danielle suggested.
"Yeah, your right? Ever car-jack someone?"
She gave me a weird look and I just grinned. I walked towards the closest parked car. They'd stopped after Lori crashed. I opened the driver's side door and the woman screamed out loud. Her boyfriend or husband or whoever he was rushed for the car. When he got close enough I threw open the door hard, smacking him hard enough to send him sprawling backwards.
"Dumbass," I muttered, Danielle opened the passenger side door and the woman kind of just kept staring at me as if I were the devil himself. All I said was, "your in her seat."
She practically fell out of the car and I grinned when Danielle chuckled. Wasn't she nicer when I first met her? Here she was, laughing at a woman I managed to terrify doing basically nothing. That's kind of sad. How much darker could I have possibly gotten after dying? I didn't think there was anything much darker then what I'd already been.
I was only trying to keep Bella and the other's safe. That's because I didn't want her to become anyone's puppet. It can't be that bad right? I mean, Marcus was my brother afterall, he wouldn't make me possibly do anything that much worse then I was already capable of. I could keep Bella safe from them from the inside couldn't I? But now I kind of didn't want to. I felt, stronger somehow. More confident in what I wanted. What I wanted was Bella. But what I didn't want, was to take her any deeper into darkness then I already have. Not to mention, I was still going to die. Okay, so maybe I didn't know what I wanted anymore.
Start simple. Did I want Bella with me? Here? Hell no. That meant killing her, and I wasn't going to let anyone turn her into their butt-monkey. I might not have a choice. So, for starters, I still had to fix myself. Now, how the hell do I do that? I had no idea what's so ever, I didn't even know where to start looking. Maybe i should look into Azazel. This was going to get way too complicated.
There was a simpler solution though. Kill all the dead psychic kids for good. Second time would do the trick. But I needed to do that quickly, and un-seen. But then I'd have to kill the living psychic kids, and then a second time. There's no way I could kill that many people, that quickly without someone catching up to me. Well I did have Danielle. But I was under Marcus's control. If Marcus can control me, whose to say there isn't a way for someone else to even if I did cut his control over me. That made me a liability to Bella and the rest of my family. Would I have to kill myself too or something? I highly doubted I'd have it in me to do that. Well. Maybe. I guess it depends. Damn. I needed a new plan.
God only knows whose controlling my brother, cause I had no idea. I still didn't even have details of how he was still alive. Last time I checked, everyone from my normal biological family was dead. Then I wake up with my supposedly dead twin brothers voice in my mind. I made a note to find out what exactly happened five years ago, when we got to our new home.
My plan had far too many holes.
"Where are we going?"
"To the boarding house, I'm not sticking around to get arrested," I said shrugging, turning on the radio.
"The police are going to show up at the crash site and that woman and her boyfriend are going to report the car stolen. Your FBI's most wanted, every cop on this interstate will be looking for you," she foretold.
"Yeah, were uh, going to steal the cop car."
"What about when he calls the cops?"
"I dont think a deadman can call cops, you know, unless there the living dead. That's actually possibly, but doubtful."
She grinned, "should we chop off his head, just to be safe?"
"I can't see why not. Would you like to have the honor?"
"You read my mind," i smirked at that. Oh yeah, this whole dis-regard for everybody thing was normal for us now. Here i'd thought i was losing my mind.
Several hours later we pulled up to a huge old building outside of Salem. I thought it was a little cliche, but neither of us commented on it. "Why'd you total the car? You put them both in the hospital," Marcus questioned eyebrows raised disapprovingly, having come out onto the porch when we'd pulled up.
"Because Lori doesn't know how to keep her big mouth shut, I'm hungry," Danielle said dismissively, disappearing to search the grounds for dinner. I knew without a doubt, I could find her instantly if I needed to. It was weird, just a sort of knowing where she was. I wonder if my brother could tell who was where if he was in charge of so many of us.
I just grinned, "she's not wrong. Besides, I deserve some revenge, the three of you fucking killed me afterall."
"Get over it, that was ages ago," my brother said rolling his eyes.
"That was fourty eight hours ago asshole," I said glaring.
"But you gotta admit, being dead never felt better," he said all knowingly. I shrugged, and began moving through the house.
It was seemingly old and in a creepy hanted house way too, maybe late 1940's or something. There didn't appear to be a lot of the furniture, and as soon as I heard a crash, I understood why. A bunch of rowdy psychotic teenagers, yeah, i could see why the furniture was slowly diminishing in the house.
I could hear the others, they were scattered throughout the house. Things felt intense, louder, too. My senses seemed more intense, an extra after waking up dead i guess. "How'd you guys end up out here anyways?"
"Me," a voice said, and I spun, seeing a black eyed older woman. Demons. Great.
"There wasn't enough demon in the rest of us that you had to throw the pure bloods into the mix?" I asked my brother, unimpressed. She just smirked, as if she knew something I didn't. She probably did and I didn't like that much.
"They have their uses," was all he said, shrugging.
"What are you talking about? Throwing shit around with their minds, yeah, it's called dodgeball, I'm pretty sure we've all played sometime in our lives," I said in disbelief. I didn't like this much.
"Kali, why dont you go get Adrian," Marcus said, not taking his knowing gaze off of me.
"Whose Adrian?" I asked frowning.
"A demon," a horrible feeling of dread washed over me. I didn't like where this was going for some reason. We were strong dead, I mean, stronger then demons, in some ways. But still. Why would he need demons here?
"There's more then one here?" something just felt so wrong to me.
"Several. Haven't you ever done drugs before? Jesus, you sold enough of them the last couple years," he said rolling his eyes as if I was slow or something. How the hell did he know that?
"What does that have to do with anything?"
Someone appeared around the corner, they looked to be early twenties, and he looked thoughtful more then anything. I felt bad for the guy he was possessing, he was a good looking guy. Tall, decent build, probably worked out, dirty blonde hair, chiseled features. Then I realized something else. He looked a little like Dean. You know, without the harshness of being a hunter etched into his features. I bet they picked this guy on purpose, probably just to screw with me or something. This was too weird for me.
"Okay, so here's how this works. Azazel told me everything about what we are and what makes us so strong. It's demon blood, and it's more or less dormant in us. You'll get bits being the way you are, but nothing near as powerful as I want you. As I need you," oh god, this was going to end horribly. It wasn't hard to see where this was going it was making me feel kind of sick. Worse then sick. I think I'm going to throw up.
He was grinning widely now, like he'd bought me a puppy, "he'll give you small amounts at first. As much as he thinks you can handle. I personally picked out Adrian for you Mara," oh yeah, I was going to be sick. I felt like I was being pimped out by my own brother or something. Maybe not pimped out so much as, a blind date from hell or something, "Dont look so freaked out."
Finally, words formed, "Are you fucking insane?"
"Moot point, Mara. You can do this the easy way or the hard way. Just trust me, you'll love it."
"I'll love throwing my fist in your face if you dont let this go," I said coldly.
"No one will even know," he sounded like i was being the unreasonable one here.
"What the fuck Marcus? That's supposed to make your insane idea okay? I'm not okay with this! You know what? Fuck this! And fuck both of you!" I turned and began walking, brushing past the amsued demon and going for the door.
"Mara, stop," It was an order. I froze. Oh shit. I just froze up. Just stopped moving. Like my body wasn't even my own anymore. This was not a good feeling. "Go with Adrian, take what he offers you." Adrian walked past me and I just followed him like a good little lap dog.
I felt myself screaming and shouting and swearing at myself to resist all the way up the stairs. I was glaring at the demon, the entire way to the bedroom that was made up as my own. I couldn't stop anything I did. I couldn't really even form any words.
"Glaring at me wont make this any easier on you," the demon said, amused. I said nothing. "You might want to take your shirt off, it gets pretty messy the first couple times." He lifted off his shirt. Well I had been right about the working out thing. But I was not taking my shirt off for him. He shrugged when he realized this and I watched him walk across the room too close the curtains. "The other kids get nosy, climb the trees." Oh great, it was a sympathetic demon. Fan-fucking-tastic.
He moved across the room, locking the door, and flipped off the light. Leaving me standing in the small light that filtered through the deep red curtains. I couldn't see much of anything, until he moved closer to me. I jumed about a foot in the air when he appeared. Damn, it was really dark in here. Maybe it was the dark wall. Which also happened to be red.
He gave me a sort of crooked grin, putting his hands on my shoulders and pushed me back until I sat down on the bed. You know, I would've picked having sex with this guy over what was about to happen. It was making me nauseous, as if could be anymore nauseous.
He moved onto the bed, sitting behind me, if I didn't know any better, I'd say it was so that I didn't have to see his face or something. But it wasn't helping. God. I wanted Bella. Jesus, what would she think if she ever found out about this? What would my brothers think? I just wanted to go home to my family. Instead, I was trapped in this weird abstract hell hole.
He lifted a small knife, cutting a straight line about four inches long on his forearm, and I grimaced as I watched the beads pool. I tensed as soon as he touched me, it was gentle, and when I didn't relax, he put enough pressure, leaning me back against him. I dont know why I expected him to be cold, but his skin was as warm as anyone elses.
"Close your eyes," he breathed into my ear and grudgingly, I did. I didn't think I could watch this.
I felt it more then anything and I clenched my jaw, but less then a second later my lips opened unwillingly. My hands gripped the blankets beneath me so tightly it made my entire hand hurt.
The taste was almost explosive and I couldn't deny the moan I made instinctively. It was like tasting chocolate for the first time after we being lost at sea for years or something. But better. So much better. The liquid slid down my throat, and this warmth spread through my body, bringing every cell alive with power and I just felt so strong. Like nothing could touch me. It was amazing, and then started fading, leaving a sort of calm in me.
My body was just humming with this electricity, a kind of adrenaline. Like I could reach out in my mind and flip a switch on it, giving me a grip on the crazy things that you could do if you had an adrenaline rush. It was my power, I could feel it as strong as if it were a body part. It was the strangest sensation I'd ever felt, an invisible switch on power, it was a good feeling. It was a powerful feeling. I felt fucking invincible.
The rest of my senses returned, I was laying down, I realized. Someone had their arm under me. They were running their hands through my hair, and I even felt them place a small kiss over my hair. For a moment, I could've sworn it was Bella. It was really dark in here. When had the sun disappeared? How long had i been laying here?
Then everything snapped into place and my world came crashing down. I pulled away instantly, having thrown my body straight off the bed and knocking over the lamp. My head smashed against the wall and I flinched. But the pain was lost on me instantly.
Adrian, if that was even his real name, looked surprised with the movement. He regarded me carefully, "are you okay?"
I just stared. Oh crap. What have I done? Oh god. Oh my god. I was hyperventilating. I was panicking. This was just totally fucked. I tried to take a deep breath, but my stomach was churning. Oh god, what was in my stomach only made me feel twice as digusted. I felt disgusted with myself. And god only knows how many showers it would take to get rid of this self hate. Not enough. "Dont get sick," he said quickly, "it'll be far worse coming up."
"Fuck you," I spat hatefully. He ignored me though, standing up and going into the private bathroom I had. He flipped on the light, and I could finally see the rest of the room in shadow. He returned a moment later with a glass of water in his hand. I took it gratefully, squeezing my eyes shut when I saw something red mix with the clear cool water.
Someone touched me on the shoulder lightly and I flinched hard enough to spill the remaining water on my face. My eyes snapped open and I stared at Adrian, or rather the demon. "Just breathe."
"Fuck you," I said, for the second time, but it sounded more defeated and I just let my head fall back against the wall.
"I'm sorry," I found that hard to believe. "I advised against it. But your brother insisted."
"Oh yeah, cause what he says goes right," I shook my head, which was still back against the walls and I swallowed thickly. A huge ball had grown in the back of my throat. I squeezed my eyes shut as they glazed over and watered, "just get out."
"You dont seem to be handling this well."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" I asked, eyes snapping open and I turned to stare at him in disbelief. "I'm not handling this well? I want to set you on fire right now, and believe me I can." I felt really weird, kind of sideways, but a weird sideways. if that was possible.
"And yet, I get the feeling you wont," I struck out and punched him as hard as I could. He fell backwards, gripping his nose.
"That wasn't a very hard hit, I guess you still feel a little like jello," I gave him a dark look and he released his nose. But sadly, he was right. I felt off. I stood up too quickly, and when I almost fell backwards, he had moved behind me to help me stay righted. I pulled away from him, pressing my hand to the wall to stay standing.
"God I really fucking hate you right now," I ground out, as he stayed behind me the entire way to the bathroom.
"Get used to it, your stuck with me," I glared at him in the mirror. When I finally got a look at myself, I felt nauseous all over again. Red was smearing around my mouth, and down my chin, drops were splashed across my shirt too. I looked like a wild animal. I turned, shoved him out of the bathroom and slammed the door closed, locking it instantly.
I ran the tap, and fell backwards against the door. I glanced back at myself in the mirror and just turned off the light and let my body slide to the ground. A light tap sounded on the door and I just squeezed my eyes shut in return. Then I heard the door open in close in the bedroom. I was alone.
I let out a heavy sigh. I wanted Bella. Bella would never have let something like this happen. But no, I decided to screw everything up. God how I needed her right now. I felt my hands twitch, and pulled out my cell phone. Marcus had given me this disposable one for just in case purposes. I'm sure this wasn't the emergency he had in mind, but it fit my definition of emergency. I dialled her all too familiar number. I let out a shaky breath, hesitating at the last digit. It would be so good to hear her voice. I needed to hear her voice. But what would she say? What would i tell her? What could i tell her? I'd left. I'd just left. I'd bailed on her. I fucking abandoned her, again. She must really hate me now. Even if she wasn't mad and answered the call, she'd know i wasn't gone and she'd start looking for me. I couldn't let her do that. I needed her to stay safe.
But im pretty sure her burning down the house was her way of saying 'stay away' or something. I think that meant 'no' phone calls too. But again, I just needed to hear her voice, so badly that it made my chest ache painfully. No. I couldn't do that to her, or myself. I couldn't show weakness right now. Instead I just turned off the phone and sighed.
"God, I've really fucked shit up this time, haven't I?" I wasn't sure who I was talking to, maybe myself, maybe my alter ego. Who quite frankly thought i was acting like a big baby.
Who knows, maybe I was talking to God. Maybe I meant Bella was God. I'd always thought she was a Goddess. More like Artemis then anything, aside from the whole being sworn to virginity thing. Either way I thought of her a Goddess. Too bad she hated me. Artemis was crazy wrathful, and Bella was no different. I wonder what she's going to do when she sees me again.
I'd really crossed a line this time. I would never be able to come back from what I'd just done, and chances were it was going to happen more then once. Unless I did something about it. Marcus wanted me dark and strong. Fine. I would be the darkest person the world has seen. It wouldn't be hard. I was already damned to hell. So what the hell? Why not have a little fun? As long as it meant I didn't have a repeat of tonight. I would be good enough for Marcus to keep demon blood off the table. And dark enough that he stayed away from Bella. I wasn't concerned about the other kids, mostly Bella and my family. I could keep everything under my control until i had a good plan.
I could do this. I didn't have a choice. I needed to do this. I was going to do this properly, it would probably be the last thing i did. But either way, i was going to fix this. All of it. For Bella and for my brothers. I would go to hell and back for them. I was going to go through hell and back for them.
I broke it all and I'm put to the test, put your hand to mine and feel this emptiness
There's no beat in my chest, 'cause there's nothing left
No it ain't goodbye, it's a last caress
What's another dream, you can hardly sleep, can you believe bad things only happen to me?
God knows one day you will finally see, that scars will heal but were meant to bleed
Do you realize I would lie for you?
Please have my last breath, I would die for you, i know I'm no good but my heart beats true
You know I'm gonna fight, though I might be scared to lose
You took me in and I fucked it up again, an empty promise, no I won't pretend
'Cause in the end we need someone to solve em
Nobody can fix me if I'm part of the problem