There is no excuse for how long this took, but it's up now, so enjoy.

Week 31-May 25

Alice POV

Early Monday morning mom knocked on my door. "Alice! W're leaving in twenty minutes!" She called through the door.

I pulled the blanket over my head and prayed to God that this whole past week was a dream. I did not want to go camping with mom. I did not want to tell her my deepest secrets. Fuck, I didn't even want to admit my deepest secrets to my self. I mean, yeah, I could just not tell her, but I'm a shit poor liar and she'd figure out pretty fast that I was lying.

I had gone over last night what I was going to say to her. I wanted to make sure to word everything in just the right way. I've done some pretty bad stuff, and I'd like to not make things worse.

I rolled out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans and a big black hoodie, My hair was still electric blue and my lip ring was still in. I layered on the eyeliner and mascara and then grabbed my overnight bag.

Everyone else was already sitting around the table. We used to wait till everyone was down before we ate a meal, but lately it's just free for all. Eat when you can. I pulled out a chair and made a very big deal out of pouring my cereal. I was in a bad mood and I needed to make sure that everyone knew that.

Emmett and Edward were the first to leave. They stood up and grabbed their bags. "Bye." They waved. Edward went over to Bella and gave her a kiss and I felt like puking. I'm not sure what it is about Edward and Bella, but a little part of me doesn't like it. I hate to admit it, but I think it might be partly jealousy.

Bella was the next one to go. Her friend, the one with the baby, came and picked her up. Carlisle left next, leaving just me, Rosalie, Jasper and mom.

We ate in silence for a few minutes until finally I couldn't take it. "I'll be in the car." I muttered. I threw my bowl in the sink, grabbed my bag and dragged it out to the car. This week was going to suck, I could just feel it.

Jasper and Rosalie came out two minutes later then mom followed behind them. We first dropped Jasper off and then Rosalie. "Bye mom." Rosalie smiled, "Bye Alice." She flipped her hair over her shoulder and waved. "Have a nice week. Love you."

As much as I hate to admit it, I miss the old Rosalie. I'd rather have my bitchy older sister than this Jesus loving freak.

"So, uh, where exactly are we going." I asked once we were on the highway.

"You'll see." Mom opened the windows and turned the music up real loud. I sighed in annoyance and stared out the window.

"Just fucking kill me now." I said under my breath. I could totally use a shot of something strong right now. I had promised mom that I wasn't drinking, and I really did want to quit. I mean, after being kicked out of school I was totally ready to knock all of my bad habits. And I did...for a few days.

It's hard though. I feel like I can't function without something in my system. Vodka is like my new best friend. I can only see Lauren in the evenings, so all day I'm on my own. I honestly did want to get better. But I can't. I've only gotten worse. Lauren and I hung out with these high school guys Thursday and I tried my first cigarette and since then I've been hooked. I got some guy to buy a shitwack of smokes from 7-11 for me, and now I can't go more than a few hours without one.

"This is going to be so much fun." Mom smiled so wide I thought her face would crack.

I reached over and turned off the music. "Mom, are you really serious about this? I mean we can turn around right now."

"Alice, you and I need some mother-daughter time." She looked over at me and smiled.

I rolled my eyes so far back I could practically see my brain. I didn't mind spending time with her, it was more the whole telling her my secrets. I hated the idea of her knowing what I did.

"C'mon. Just relax. This will only be harder if you try to resist." She turned the music back on and started mouthing along to some old pop song.

I pulled out my cell phone, which I had gotten back early, and texted Lauren. I was about midway through my message when mom ripped the phone out of my hand. "Mother-daughter time," She said throwing my phone into her purse, "Means not texting our friends back home."

Was she serious. I could hear my pack of cigarettes calling my name from my bag in the trunk. "How much further?" I moaned.

"Just enjoy the ride. It's not too much longer." I turned and looked out the window at the sea of green surrounding us. I thought back to last May and almost started crying. It's insane how fast things change. This time last year Rosalie was normal, I was innocent and smiley, Bella was in Arizona somewhere, not pregnant yet. Our family was so perfect.

"Do you miss it mom." I said quietly. "How things used to be."

She turned the music down so that it was just a quiet hum in the background and started into the distance as if she was deep in thought. "If you asked me this any other day I would say no, of course not. But since we're being honest I'm going to tell you the truth. Which is that yes, I miss it a lot. I don't miss not having Bella, because I love her to death. But I do miss having a normal family. I do miss having two normal teenagers. I miss the old you. And as crazy as it sounds I miss the old Rosalie. I miss the Bella that was first here. I miss actually sleeping at night and not having to worry about you guys. I miss being able to let you go out and not have to worry if you're going to get arrested or something." She took a deep breath. "Sorry." She laughed under her breath, "I guess that's more than you needed to hear."

"No, no." I said quickly. "I guess I never knew..." I hated the idea of worrying my mom. She deserved to be able to sleep at night. She shouldn't have to deal with this.

"Your turn." Mom said.

"Huh?"

"I was honest about my feelings. Now it's your turn. I want into your head."

"Trust me." I muttered, "You don't."

"Alice, just try me."

"I don't even know where to begin." I bit my lip. I sure as hell wasn't jumping right into the dirty stuff.

"Start slow." She suggested. "Like...do you miss how things were?"

"Of course." I said quickly. "I mean, like, yeah. I guess. I miss thinking the world was this happy joyful carefree place."

"The real worlds a bitch, huh?"

I nodded slowly. "Yeah."

I think that this is the most I've talked to mom in the past few months. "Lets talk about Rosalie." I suggested.

I expected her to tell me to mind my own business, but instead she said, "What about her?"

"Her whole new found religion thing."

"I think it's good for her."

"How come she's handling things so good and I'm...not?"

"Rosalie had a very tough bit there at the beginning Alice. She didn't handle things very well at all. Now she's finally found a way of coping that works for her. I can't even begin to imagine whats going on in her head though. I think she is on a very day to day basis and this is her way of making peace with what happened, and if she thinks that God is going to help her then I'm not going to say anything. I'm just glad she's doing okay at the moment. It's very day to day in this family. One day everything is great and the next day things just fall apart. You can never really tell."

I just sat there nodding. I wasn't sure if she was talking to me or to herself, but either way I didn't want to interrupt.

"We're here." She said suddenly as she pulled off the main highway. We drove a little ways down an old dirt road and then stopped in front of a rustic looking cabin.

"Mom, where exactly is here?" I asked looking around. There wasn't really much around us. Just trees and...more trees.

"One of your dads colleagues offered to lend you and I his place for the week. I thought it was a little more civilized than tenting it."

"Good call." I said as I grabbed my bag and made my way to the front door. Mom unlocked the door and I walked in. There wasn't really much to look it. A small kitchen, a couch, a fireplace and a door leading off into what I'm assuming is a bedroom. I kicked off my shoes and walked into the bedroom. There was one queen sized bed, a small dresser and an attached bathroom.

"This is it?" I dropped my bag and walked into the living room. "Where's the TV?"

"This is not a week for TV, this is a week for you and I to talk."

"Are you shitting me." I sighed as I went back into the room. I opened my bag and stuck a pack of smokes into my pocket.

"I'm going for a walk." I said as I pulled on my shoes.

"But..." Moms smile faded, "I thought we were doing so well."

"Fuck, can I not get like ten minutes of alone time. I'll stay close. I just need some air."

I stormed out of the house slamming the door behind me. As soon as I was away from the cabin I lit a cigarette. I walked down the long driveway to the main highway then turned around. It was actually decently nice out and the sky was clear for once. I could see the cabin approaching so I took one final drag and then stomped it out.

"Mom?" I opened the door to the cabin and walked in.

"I'm in the room." She called.

Fuck. I was hoping to change clothes before she smelt me.

"How was your walk?" She asked as I walked into the room. She was lying on the bed reading some magazine.

"Nice." I said making my way to the bathroom.

"Alice!" She gasped before I made it.

"Yeah?"

"Jesus christ, were you smoking?"

"No!" I said defensively. She could tell I was lying though.

"Alice!" She groaned. "Why?"

"Because." I said flatly.

"Alice, I want to help you, but I can't help if you won't talk to me!"

"I don't know why, okay." I snapped. "It just helps."

Mom threw back her head and laughed. "It's not funny." I argued.

Now she was doubled over laughing. "Mom!" I snapped. "I'm so glad me feelings mean something to you."

"Alice, baby, I'm sorry. I know it's not funny. But that's how fucked up our lives are now. I have one daughter who hangs off the bible's every word, one daughter who is having a baby and my thirteen year old daughter needs alcohol and tobacco to be feel better. Fuck. I'm surprised that social services hasn't taken you away."

"Mom." I stomped my foot. "God." I fell back on the bed. "I hate you."

"Alice, I'm sorry." She sat down next to me. "I guess I just didn't realize how bad things really were."

I sat back up and stared at my hands. "I wanted to get better." I said, "But as long as I'm living in our house I don't think I can. I'll wake up in the morning and promise my self that today I'll change, and then I'll see Rosalie praying or Bella talking about the baby and then I fee like shit. Being thirteen is supposed to be about your first crush and becoming a teenager and stuff. Not about babies and rape."

"I know. Alice I'm so sorry."

"Mom, I know you're sorry, but it's a little too late." I crawled up the head of the bed and lifted the covers over me. Mom crawled next to me and wrapped her arms around me.

"So you drink to..."

"To numb myself." I couldn't believe how honest I was being with her. "When I'm at home I'm invisible. I was not ready to grow up yet, but I had to. You and dad used to always talk to me and make me feel noticed, but then you just stopped. I wasn't ready for it though. So to numb the pain I drank until all of my problems went away."

"How do you get alcohol?" She asked.

I hated this part. "Honestly..." I took a deep breath. "I'd like to tell you that I just got people to boot for me, which sometimes I do. But," This was the part I refused to admit.

"But..."

"Sometimes Lauren and I would hang out at the park with the high school kids. And the boys would buy us drinks if..." Lying here now I'm totally disgusted at what I did, but at the moment when I just need to be numb I'll do anything for some booze.

"Shit." Mom said under her breath. "Alice please tell me you're kidding."

"You don't understand."

"Is it really that bad?" She asked, "Is your life really that bad that you need to give total strangers a blow job just for some drinks?"

"Some days, yeah!" I cried. I pulled the blankets up over my head and buried my face in the pillow. We were both really quiet for a while, "I just wish we could turn back the clock six months." I whispered.

"Alice." Mom held me tighter. "I want to help you, but I don't think I can."

I rolled over and faced her. "So what, you're just giving up on me?"

"Of course not, I just think that we need some help." She ran her hands through my blue hair and I saw how sad she really looked.

"What sort of help?"

"I don't know. Let's get through this week and then we'll go from there."

"Back when Bella first got pregnant she told me that she had sex for the first time when she was thirteen, and that she always partied and drank and shit, and I remember thinking that thirteen was how old I was, and I could never imagine myself being like that. I thought that your life had to be really bad, like being raped and abused to feel like this. I thought that I would never be like that. But then..." I took a deep breath. "I'm just really confused. And I hate how it feels."

"Alice, I promise that I'm going to help you. Just don't give up on yourself, alright."

I nodded slowly. "Kay."

So yeah...this is part one, part two should be up soon. It will be up soon-er if you review!!!!!

Thanks!!

Love Alice