"I told you," Holly announced; looking exceptionally pleased with herself. She was sitting at the small table, sipping her morning tea and watching Gail clatter round the kitchenette.
"Told me what?" asked the cop, as she inspected a frying pan.
"I told you that one day you'd cook for me. That night we watched Iron Man, remember?" the brunette clarified, her wide grin only intensifying when Gail frowned at her. She did remember that night…mainly because it was one of the first times she had wanted to kiss Holly, when the other woman leant over her on the bed.
"It's just a bacon sandwich, Lunchbox, I'd hardly consider it cooking," she grumbled.
"It still counts!" Holly argued.
"Whatever," Gail replied, turning the heat on. "Anyway, I think what you actually said was that you'd be sitting there with a beer, passing judgement. So where's the beer?" she asked.
"It's breakfast time!"
"If breakfast doesn't count as a meal that you can have a beer with, then it doesn't count enough to be called cooking," the cop announced confidently, satisfied with that logic.
"Well I can still pass judgement if you like," Holly muttered, not impressed with having her victory wiped out.
But Gail was done with that conversation and instead moved on to her favourite subject as she laid out the bacon in the pan. "Who is the dirty cop, Hols?" she asked, missing the eye roll the doctor threw in her direction. They had exhausted this topic once again yesterday and she was tired of talking about it.
"Maybe they're all in on it," she replied flippantly, but Gail grunted and waited for a proper answer. But the brunette didn't have one and simply shrugged her shoulders in defeat. "It would explain how whoever it is knew everything we were doing!" she offered the slim justification for that theory.
The blonde shook her head. This was the problem they kept coming back to; not one single person from the team had been involved in every incident, apart from Gail herself. In particular, the first time Holly was actually attacked was when the two of them had gone jogging but that had been a secret between her and Sanderson. And it couldn't be Sanderson, they had already worked that much out. Yet he was the only one who knew that Holly would be out that morning. They could have just been unlucky and been spotted by a watcher who decided to try their luck. But Sanderson was also the one who had completed the check of the local area before they left and he was supposed to make sure they weren't under surveillance. Did he miss something? That was the only explanation for those thugs being there that day – unless they had prior knowledge. And as it was an off the books outing, Gail knew damn well she hadn't told anyone and she was pretty sure Sanderson wouldn't have passed the info on to McGregor. Holly didn't even know until ten minutes before we left she told herself, but as soon as that thought crossed her mind, it pinged up another possible leak. What if Holly had told someone?
"That day we went jogging; did you tell anyone?" she asked urgently, the bacon forgotten for a moment as it sizzled slightly in the pan.
"There was nobody there Gail, it was only the three of us," the pathologist replied.
"No, I mean did you call anyone? When I left and you were getting ready, did you call your Mom or Lisa to tell them you were going for a run?"
"No! But what difference would it have made if I had? They wouldn't have called up McGregor or Chen to tell them!" she said, thoroughly confused.
Gail rubbed at her eyelids. "They could have listened in though," she said without thinking, distracted by yet another theory falling by the wayside. As soon as she said it though, she froze. Holy shit. Holly still didn't know about the phone tap. Please don't let her notice what I just said, she asked whatever higher power there was out there, eyeing up the brunette from behind her fingers.
"How? They weren't there Gail, they can't eavesdrop on a phone call when they're not even in the house!" Holly laughed. All this going round in circles had clearly fried Gail's brain. McGregor would have to have Superman style hearing to hear a phone conversation from his hotel two miles away from her place. However, when she met her girlfriend's eyes and saw the panic in them she realised the blonde was nervous. What wasn't she telling her? Holly wondered. Suddenly, the jigsaw pieces came together and she nearly choked in shock as she stumbled to get her words out.
"What…Gail? Listened in? What do you mean? Gail, are you telling me that my phone was bugged?" she asked.
Blue eyes widened and the blonde hesitated, not knowing how to answer.
"Gail. Was my phone bugged?" Holly asked again, her voice dangerously low.
The cop swallowed hard and came clean. She had no other option; Holly had asked her outright. "Yes," she answered simply.
"What the fuck? Since when? And how?" the brunette stood up behind the table, her complete shock leading her to react physically.
"From the beginning. The tech guys sorted it on the first day; they put a tap on your phone so we could listen to the calls. If we wanted," the blonde explained.
"Oh my God," Holly spluttered, suddenly feeling rather ill. "All my calls? You listened to all my calls?" She cast her mind back over some of the phone conversations she had had over the past few weeks and felt a flush of embarrassment rush to her cheeks. She'd spoken to her Mom about her feelings for Gail. She'd laughed with Lisa about it…and bitched about being under house arrest. All along Gail and the other cops had been listening. Oh God. She looked down on the guilt ridden woman in front of her and saw the other woman wince.
"Not all of them…" the police officer hedged and at that point, Holly's shame turned to anger.
"How dare you? How fucking dare you!?" she yelled. She spun away from the table and paced furiously across the kitchen. Her conversations with her family and friends were private. She had a right to that privacy, whether she was under protection or not. And the team had trampled all over that. Gail had trampled all over that. She felt sick with anger. All that uncertainty and all that dancing around each other they had done; Gail saying that she was scared. It was all a lie. Gail knew exactly how Holly felt about her all along, because she'd heard it from Holly herself when she had spied on those phone calls.
"Holly…" the blonde began, but the doctor rounded furiously on her.
"Don't. Don't even try to make excuses, Gail. You are so far out of line here, I can't even tell you!" she exclaimed.
Gail flinched as the forgotten bacon spat hot fat and she turned the heat off before taking a step towards Holly. "I know. I'm sorry," she said softly, eyeing her girlfriend with the same caution one would approach a cornered wild animal.
"You're sorry?" the pathologist threw back, her voice dripping with disdain. "You've had total access to spy on me, to listen to my private conversations and you're sorry? You've betrayed me," she told the other woman, and as soon as she said it she realised that was exactly how she felt. Betrayed. Holly wasn't stupid, she knew what sort of power the police had these days. Granted, she hadn't expected them to be using some of the more covert techniques on her; she was a witness, not a suspect. In fact, she wasn't even a witness - her sister was. She thought she could trust the guys that she had welcomed into her home over the past month or so. She had always felt like the six of them were a team and not her bodyguards. She certainly never suspected that they were watching her, but it turned out that they were poking and prying into her life like she was one of the gang members they were trying to get locked up. And worse still, the woman that she had fallen for during this crazy period was in on it.
She never would have thought Gail could be so deceitful and unethical. Sure, the blonde was snarky and downright rude on occasion, but Holly had always thought she was honest and straightforward. But Gail's even worse than the rest of them, she thought. She invaded my privacy and then used the knowledge to play me. The doctor felt hot tears well up in her eyes and knew she had to get away. She wouldn't cry in front of Gail, she wouldn't let her see her like this. She turned her back on the other woman and marched across the cabin towards the front door, grabbing the stolen jacket she had claimed as her own on the way.
"Wait, Hols!" Gail called after her. However the furious brunette ignored her, yanking the door open and striding through it. She heard Gail's footsteps clatter across the floorboards behind her but didn't slow down.
"Where are you going?" yelled the police officer as she desperately tried to pull her own jacket on whilst juggling the cabin keys as she locked the door behind her. She ran to catch up with Holly but the other woman refused to even look at her. "You can't just walk off, Lunchbox!" she said, "Come on, slow down,"
"Leave me alone, Gail," Holly warned her as she continued to stomp down the path leading away from the cabin.
"Come back and talk to me about this," the blonde pleaded. "I can explain,"
"I don't want to hear it. Right now I can't even look at you!" Holly shot back, wishing the cop would just back off. She couldn't have this argument now. She didn't want to be anywhere near Gail because she was so angry with her, she knew she would explode and probably say something she regretted.
"You can't just run off on your own, Holly, remember?" Gail told her, almost jogging to keep up with the doctor's furious strides.
"I can do what I damn well please, Officer Peck! It's my life, despite what you might think. You're not in control of everything I do!" she yelled, deliberately using her rank and surname to put a barrier between them.
"I know; I don't want to be! I'm not trying to be," Gail replied.
"Yeah well you should have thought of that when you were listening in to my fucking private calls!" Holly retorted, coming to a stop and facing Gail square on.
Gail halted her trotting and faced the other woman. She reached out to place a hand on her arm but Holly shook it off immediately and gave her a fiery glare through the tears that were now spilling over and rolling down her cheeks.
"Don't!" she said again.
"I'm sorry," Gail replied reflexively, starting to panic a little. She had never seen Holly look so furious.
"Just leave me alone, Gail. I need some space," Holly told her, shaking her head.
"I'm really sorry, but I can't. I can't just let you go off; we don't know if it's safe here," pleaded the blonde.
"Argh!" Holly yelled, throwing her hands up in the air. "I am sick to death of this! I can't even be pissed off without one of you poking your nose in!" She realised the cop wasn't going to let her stroll off into the forest on her own but all she wanted was some alone time to cry and maybe yell a bit. She turned and marched off again and Gail could hear her cursing under her breath.
"I have to come with you, Holly," she called after her from her stationery position in the middle of the path.
"Do what you like, Gail. But don't talk to me. I can't be held responsible for what I say to you right now," Holly shouted back as she sped up.
Gail blinked. She could deal with that instruction so took it as permission to follow the brunette. She followed her down the twisting path through the forest. She had no clue where Holly was headed therefore she steeled herself for a long walk. She stayed thirty yards behind the other woman, deciding that was close enough if anything happened but far enough to respect her privacy. To be honest, she had no idea what to say to Holly in order to make this better anyway, so the gagging order wasn't a bad thing. Gail hadn't liked the idea of the phone tap from the start but when Sanderson had said it was a standard operating procedure, she'd gone along with it. She should have been stronger and refused to do it; like McNally. Fucking Princess McNally. Gail had only listened to a few conversations before it made her uncomfortable. And she knew the rest of the team had stopped listening too…although that didn't excuse it in the first place. When she and Holly had become closer, she had felt increasingly guilty about eavesdropping on her phone calls. But in all honesty, she had forgotten they could even do it as other things had kind of overtaken that fact in her mind - things like the overwhelming urge to be near the nerdy doctor…and wanting to kiss her senseless. It wasn't like she ever heard anything particularly private either; apart from that initial admission that Holly thought she was hot. But at the time, she had thought Holly was talking about Sanderson! She groaned. It didn't matter what she had heard, she knew that. It was the principle of the matter. Gail knew she had to apologise…if only Holly would listen. The doctor had every right to be angry.
Eventually, they came to the lake and Holly trekked around the waterline for a few hundred meters before sitting down on the pebbled shore. Gail stopped and found herself a spot to wait, leant back against a tree trunk twenty yards behind where the brunette sat. She watched as Holly ran her fingers through the pebbles surrounding her, picking out the odd one and launching it into the lake. The low plopping noise each stone made as it hit the water was the only sound Gail could hear around them when she first settled back against her tree but the longer the silence stretched on, the more she was able to discern. She heard the rustle of the light breeze in the tree tops above her and the call of birds she couldn't see. She could also hear the quiet sobs of the hunched over woman sitting amongst the pebbles and Gail thought her heart would break from the sound of it.
It took a while but the sobbing finally stopped. Soon after that, so did the stone throwing. Gail really didn't know how long they had been there. She had last looked at her watch thirty minutes ago but at that point they had already been at the lake for some time. During that time, the blonde's guilt had only grown and so had the panicked feeling churning through her stomach. She had fucked this up yet again. Things had been going so well between her and Holly, despite the chaotic and scary situation they found themselves in. But now the pathologist was hurt and Gail knew there wasn't anything she could say to make it better. She had betrayed Holly's trust; they all had.
As she pondered that thought, Holly finally broke the silence; "You're still here," she said, her tone showing that it was a statement not a question.
"Yeah," Gail answered.
"I thought cats liked to run away?" Holly asked and the cop winced. She knew that analogy would come back to bite her in the ass someday. It seemed the question was rhetorical though, as Holly didn't turn around but carried on speaking. "Come and sit here with me,"
Gail raised her eyebrows in surprise. Holly's voice was at a normal volume now but the fact she wasn't looking at Gail showed she was still upset. But she wasn't yelling so that was a good sign, right? On the other hand, maybe she was done thinking and now that she had calmed down this was when she was going to do it. Holly was going to break up with her. They had only declared they were officially together yesterday and now they were already over. Even with Gail's disastrous relationship record, this was a brand new low. Her heart sank and she swallowed the lump in her throat before making her way over and settling herself down next to the other woman. She wanted to put her arm around Holly's shoulders but didn't dare touch her.
"I'm sorry," Gail started, deciding to just get that sentiment out there once again before Holly dropped the bombshell.
"I need to know what you heard when you listened to my phone calls," the pathologist said, ignoring the apology but still keeping her voice calm. She stared out over the water, her expression inscrutable.
"Um…I heard you talking to Lisa on the day we first met, because you had to cancel dinner with your friends. And I listened to a couple of calls with your Mom, but I honestly can't remember what they were about. I promise you, I stopped after those first few because I didn't think it was right," Gail told her, hoping Holly would believe it.
"But the others still listened?" asked the brunette.
"Yes, for a while. But nobody did it with the intention of spying on you or finding out your personal business. Nobody talked about anything they heard. McGregor said they always do it on these jobs, because they have cases where people don't want be guarded…" the cop tried to explain.
"Nobody wants to be under police protection! Well what a surprise!" Holly interrupted sarcastically.
"We all stopped listening when we realised there was no need. And I really am sorry for even doing it in the first place but I was trying to do my job that's all. I wasn't trying to invade your privacy, or hurt you," Gail said sadly. She was still bracing herself, waiting for Holly to dump her so it came as a surprise when the doctor acknowledged that.
"I know you weren't," she said.
"You do?" squeaked Gail.
Holly sighed and looked at Gail for the first time in over an hour. She saw the guilt written all over the blonde's face and took a perverse pleasure in knowing that at least her girlfriend understood what a big deal this was. But she did believe that the cop hadn't deliberately done this. When Gail had first let it slip and she had hit the roof, she had thought the other woman had been playing her; listening in to her private calls and learning all of her thoughts and feelings before using that knowledge to engineer their relationship. But now that she had calmed down and had time to think it through, she knew that really wasn't the case. That didn't stop her from being mad of course. She had asked Gail what she had heard just to confirm the conclusion she had already come to…Gail hadn't heard anything particularly revealing. She had stopped listening before Holly had spent hours talking her mom's ear off about the beautiful blonde cop. And once she had gotten over her initial rage, Holly also had to admit that she knew Gail's approach to their burgeoning relationship wasn't an act. Her initial skittish nerves and clueless avoidance, followed by the eventual submission to her feelings had all been too impulsive to be anything but genuine. Yet despite that realisation, she was still fuming about the whole situation and she tried to explain that to the police officer.
"I am so angry about this Gail. I get that to start with it was part of your job. But I think it's an outrageous part of your job and if I had found out about this when I was home, I would be putting an official complaint in to McGregor's superiors. But I'm not at home and you're the only one here, so you're the one I'm mad at!" she said, her voice rising along with her temper. A tear escaped and she swiped it away.
"I was part of it. You can be mad at me," the blonde admitted quietly.
"You should have told me. Fine, so you stopped listening. But the others still were and that's an invasion of my privacy that you knew about and didn't stop,"
"But it was my job. I liked you more than just a job…but you're saying I should have jeopardised our entire operation?!" she argued, despite her resolution to not turn this into a shouting match. Gail couldn't help feeling a bit wound up by all this. Fine, it couldn't have been nice to find out you'd been bugged. But she had only been doing her job!
"Oh right, so you liked me, but not enough? Is that it? This is all just a bit of fun, no need to actually be honest here!" Holly snapped back, but when she saw the hurt in Gail's eyes she immediately wanted to take that back. They both watched the sun bounce off the water in front of them, the picturesque scene at odds with the heated words they had exchanged.
"I did my job. That's all," Gail replied sullenly.
"That's not an excuse,"
"Yeah, it is actually. And you need to accept it," the cop told her, her eyes narrowing as her anger bubbled away under the surface.
"Right, so every time you do something I don't like, then I just have to put up with it because of your line of work?" Holly fumed, her fears from a couple of days ago coming flooding back. She couldn't reconcile cop Gail with girlfriend Gail, but the blonde seemed to switch between the two so easily.
"We're done with this conversation," Gail said firmly and Holly couldn't help notice that she had slipped into the cold and commanding tone she used whenever she was in her police mode. Sure enough, Gail stood up and folded her arms across her chest in the classic cop stance that Holly had teased her about all those weeks ago.
The pathologist shook her head. "Oh, are we?" she asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
However, the blonde ignored it. "Get up. We're going back to the cabin,"
Great, thought Holly. Fucking Robocop is back. "Don't order me about Gail, I'm warning you," the pathologist replied, barely holding back her disdain for how the cop spoke to her.
The cop didn't respond and her expression hardened as she stood there on the cold, pebbled shoreline. She failed to notice the dangerous tone in Holly's voice as her mind was still replaying the comment about this being "a bit of fun". If that's what she thinks then what's the point in working this out? The other woman may as well just split up with her now. She moved back towards her spot against the tree, deliberately not looking at the brunette.
"We're going back now," she said again.
Holly turned her head to look over her shoulder. She had recognised the hurt that had flashed across her girlfriend's face moments ago but she wasn't feeling exactly rational about this. She got up and walked over to where the police officer stood.
"Go on then Officer, lead the way!" she snapped.
Gail wanted to challenge the heavy cloak of disdain that had choked the air between them but settled for simply shrugging her shoulders and gesturing for Holly to follow. They walked back to the cabin in silence and when they arrived, Gail let the pathologist in. Holly immediately went through to the bedroom and shut the door behind her, so the blonde stayed in the living room. Feeling cold all of a sudden, she placed some kindling and lit the fire, watching the flickering flames lick around the logs. She pulled the curtains across, shutting out the daylight so the firelight cast a glow over the shadowy room. She perched on the couch and pushed away her hurt feelings, concentrating on how she was going to stop Holly from leaving. The two of them may have been finished before they had even really started, but the danger wasn't over and the doctor couldn't go home. They had come this far and Gail still had a duty to protect her. It would be hard, but they had to stay here so Gail resolved to stop the brunette from walking out, whatever it took. You could always arrest her, she supposed. Yeah, because that will go overwell right now!
Considering Holly didn't really have anything to pack, the blonde was amazed that it took her over an hour to emerge from the bedroom. She steeled herself for the argument they were about to have but when the doctor spoke her voice was composed.
"I shouldn't have said that about us being a bit of fun. I didn't mean it," she opened with, much to Gail's surprise. The cop could only nod in response, pleased that Holly had said that but sensing there was a 'but' to come. Sure enough, the brunette continued as she sat down on the opposite end of the couch; "I'm just mad that you didn't tell me."
Gail wrapped her arms around her legs and tucked her chin onto her knees. She knew what Holly was saying, but she wasn't sure what else she could have done. "When though? When would I have told you? I didn't even know you to start with, I couldn't ignore an order from my boss and tell you exactly what was happening within five minutes of meeting you!" she rationalised.
"I don't know! When we started to get close? When you kissed me in my bedroom? When we got here and it was just us?" Holly threw her hands up in exasperation.
"By that time I wasn't even thinking about your phone calls! We'd all stopped listening a long time ago! It hadn't even crossed my mind for weeks!" Gail implored.
"That's a pretty poor excuse Gail, and you know it!" Holly yelled.
"I was doing my job!" the blonde yelled right back.
"And that's part of the problem, you know that right?" the doctor asked. "I hate the way you can casually slip between being my girlfriend and then being my bodyguard. You change, Gail, did you know that?"
"I don't change! I'm still me!"
"Yeah, you do. One minute you're sweet and caring and the next second the cop comes out and everything is short and sharp and you're ordering me about,"
"I'm always short and sharp. That's just the way I am, Holly," Gail replied, her mouth set in a hard line. What did the brunette expect? She had made it clear from the start that she had a job to do. She thought Holly understood that.
"No you're not. Not with me, not when we're together. But it's like you can flick a switch and pull down your barriers without so much as a second thought," Holly argued.
"You really think it's that easy?" asked the blonde incredulously. How could Holly not see how hard it had been for her? "I am constantly fighting myself over this! You make me feel conflicted and I hate that. I feel like I'm not doing my job properly and then when I am being a cop, I feel like I'm not being your girlfriend properly either!"
"You can be a cop, I get that, I really do! And I know I agreed to follow your lead when it came to my safety but you don't have to go all hard line to make that happen!"
"This is exactly why I held back from you to begin with. Mixing business and pleasure never ends well. We can't have a personal and professional relationship at the same time," Gail stated, her voice cracking on her last sentence. She knew it would come down to this. She had known from the start which was precisely why she had fought her feelings. And now it was happening. Just when she had decided to let it all go and be happy with Holly, the job loomed it's ugly head over them and ruined it all. She sucked in a deep breath. Keep it together, Peck, she told herself. You've still got a job to do… even if you hate that damn job right now.
They stared at each other for a beat, before they lapsed into an awkward silence, both breathing hard. It was minutes before Holly spoke again.
"Sorry. I didn't come out here to fight with you. I guess we're both struggling with that transition, eh?" she said sadly. Although she was still fuming, what Gail had said had struck a chord. She knew the blonde had been struggling to fulfil what she saw as her duties but she hadn't realised that had led Gail to feel so inadequate…in both roles. Suddenly she understood why the police officer came across so uncompromising sometimes; Gail was terrified of making a mistake and something happening to her as a consequence.
Sure enough, the other woman confirmed that. "I couldn't deal with it if you get hurt, Holly. So I'm sorry if you think I'm too serious and that I overstep my authority, but I'd rather you were safe even if that means you hate me,"
"I don't hate you, Gail, far from it," replied the pathologist, wanting to make that clear. "But I don't like it when you talk to me like some Rookie. If you ask me to do something and explain exactly why then I promise you I'll do it,"
"Well I don't mean to give you orders," Gail acknowledged. "But I know sometimes I do – it's just my training. We're supposed to be official and be able to give commands. Sometimes there isn't time to explain; it would actually make a situation worse. And if you're in danger, I have to be quick and decisive. Just know that I'm not trying to be disrespectful,"
"I do know that. But I'm not used to it. You've had years to get that attitude ingrained, whereas I don't get a lot of orders in my career!"
"I guess not. But this isn't exactly normal life right now,"
"Okay. And I don't deliberately ignore you, I promise. I just never quite know when you're in cop mode and when you're just my girlfriend,"
"Can't I be both?" Gail asked, in a small voice. She knew what was coming; Holly was going to end things between them.
"I think that's something we need to work on. And it will probably be easier when we're not in the middle of this mess," Holly suggested, waving her hands in a vague gesture to indicate their current situation.
Gail felt a flicker of hope when the doctor said they should work on things but that was extinguished with the follow up. Holly thought that they should break up and try again when all this was cleared up? She supposed that was better than ending things completely of course but she couldn't help feeling like her stomach had dropped into her boots.
"I'll try not to be such a cop with you. But I can't promise it'll never happen. I'm just scared sometimes, Holly," she admitted, deliberately not looking at the other woman.
Holly nodded carefully, pleased that Gail had finally confessed that. She felt the need to reciprocate and explain why she had been so hurt earlier.
"I'm scared too you know. It's just…I've told you so many times lately that I trust you. I've trusted you with my life in fact but more importantly I'm also trusting you with my heart now too. When I found out about the phone tap, I felt like you had betrayed me and that was really hard to take," she said, her voice low once again.
Gail felt her own heart clench at that statement and tried to respond, but there was really nothing she could say. She wanted to tell Holly that she could trust her, that she would never intentionally let her down. But she already had…and over something so stupid. She deliberately lowered her voice and tried to stay calm. "I never meant to do that. And I know you think I'm making excuses to squirm out of it, but it's the truth – listening in to your calls was something I haven't even thought about since those first few days. If I'd stopped to think about it, then yeah, I would have known how it would make you feel and I would have told you. But I can't change that now,"
"No. You can't," Holly stated.
The blonde tried to quash the sick feeling that rolled through her body at the flat tone in Holly's voice. "I'm sorry," she said, "But we need to stay here, you can't leave. You know that right? I get that you don't want to be with me but until things are safe…I don't know what else we can do. I'll stay out of your way as much as I can but you need someone to keep you safe,"
"What?" Holly asked, snapping her head round to stare at the cop once more.
"I'm just saying, you can't really go anywhere else right now…" Gail began again, but the brunette interrupted.
"No, what was that about me not wanting to be with you?"
"I just meant that even though you're breaking up with me, we're going to have to stick together for a little while longer," the police officer explained fighting to keep her emotions in check. Why is she still dragging this out?! Holly had been trying to break up with her for hours now and it was like the knife in her chest was being slowly twisted round. Gail just wanted to get it all out in the open, agree to stick to the plan and stay here. Then she could go and sob her heart out in her new bunk room.
"Gail, I am not breaking up with you!" Holly exclaimed.
The blonde blinked and shook her head in a vain attempt to work out what was going on. "You're not?"
"No! We've only been officially together for a day!"
"I know, but we're fighting and I let you down…" Gail said, shrugging as if her conclusion made perfect sense.
"Hey," Holly said, lifting her hand and placing it on the other woman's knee, bridging the gap between them. "Couples fight Gail. I'm not leaving you based on one stupid argument. I'm just trying to explain to you why I'm hurt so that we actually communicate, not so I can break up with you!"
"I do understand why," Gail told her quickly.
"Good! And I understand why you didn't tell me, I do. You were in a really difficult position and I believe you when you say you didn't mean to hurt me. So you haven't let me down. I spent the last hour in the bedroom thinking it through and now that I'm a bit more rational I do know that," the pathologist explained.
"I thought you were packing up, so you could leave," Gail admitted and she chanced a glance at the woman sitting beside her.
"I haven't got anything to pack," Holly joked. "I'm still wearing your stuff!"
"I'm sorry. You know that, right?" the cop asked.
"I know. And I'm sorry for exploding at you. I'm still a bit mad, but this isn't a deal breaker, Gail. I forgive you. I'm not sure I'll forgive the police force as a whole for abuse of power but that's not your fault," Holly told her sincerely.
The blonde nodded, relief flooding through her. But she wanted to hear Holly say it once more because she couldn't quite believe she hadn't screwed this up quite as much as she had first thought. "So you're definitely not breaking up with me?" she clarified, surreptitiously crossing her fingers down by the side of her leg where Holly couldn't see.
"Do you always assume the absolute worst in every situation, or are relationships a special case?" asked the doctor.
"Pretty much, yes," replied Gail, completely seriously.
"We're going to need to work on that too," Holly mused. "No, I am not breaking up with you. In fact, right now you need to move your knees so I can cuddle with you," she said, deciding she needed to properly reassure the cop. Not to mention the fact that she needed a hug herself to help push away the stress of their argument. She shuffled her body across the sofa and shoved at Gail's legs which were folded up in front of her body. The blonde dropped them to the floor and lifted her arm, allowing Holly to tuck herself under it before she draped it over her shoulder. The pathologist didn't miss the almost imperceptible sigh that left Gail's lips and felt the stiffness leave her body as they both relaxed into each other's arms.
"I don't like fighting with you," murmured the cop and Holly grinned into her side.
"Me neither. But this was only our first fight," she pointed out.
"We've only been together a day," Gail stated darkly.
"Well I doubt we'll have a fight every single day of our relationship, going forward,"
"Hopefully not. Though I don't know if you noticed, but I'm pretty…"
"Belligerent? Argumentative?" Holly cut in, with a small grin.
Gail raised her eyebrows. "Keep that up, and we might be about to have our second fight,"
"I'm joking," Holly hastened to add. "I think you're pretty great the way you are,"
"I was going to say pretty bad at relationships," continued the cop.
"Stop that," she admonished, gently pinching Gail's side to emphasise her point. "I picked that fight and we both said stupid things. So don't blame yourself for everything that ever goes slightly wrong,"
They lapsed back into silence and watched the flames dance in front of them. Holly would have been quite content to lie there all day, propped against Gail's side with her arm flung over the other woman's waist, but it was the blonde who broke the peace and quiet this time.
"Do you think we still would have met? If it hadn't have been for all this I mean. Do you think you and I would still have met?" she asked, sounding thoughtful.
"I guess so. We work for the same division; I think you'd have been into my lab sooner or later," Holly replied. She had only been in her job a couple of months yet she had met at least half of the local cops already. In fact, she recognised some of the names she had heard Gail mention; Nash, Swarek, Epstein, Price had all crossed her path at some point. It would have only been a matter of time before Officer Peck showed up at the door, probably with a weird piece of evidence if the rest of Fifteen's visits were anything to go by.
"Hmm," Gail agreed. "Or maybe over some gross dead body in the woods," she suggested.
Holly laughed. "Romantic. Why do you ask?"
"I don't know. It's just we met in pretty strange circumstances. I just wonder if things would have been different if this hadn't happened with your sister," mused the blonde.
"You mean would we have wound up together if we hadn't been forced to spend so much time with each other?" Holly asked, with a flash of intuition and a worried tone to her voice. This is what she had been frightened of all along; that the blonde had gotten caught up in the situation and would suddenly realise this is not actually what she wanted. Her hand which had been tracing lazy circles on Gail's ribs stilled as she waited for the cop to reply. Gail noticed the unease however, and caught Holly's palm in her own, linking their fingers together and squeezing.
"No," she tried to reassure the other woman. "I think we still would have gotten together even without all this. It's all been so intense but I think that just sped things up, you know? It hasn't created anything that wouldn't have already been there,"
The pathologist let go on of the breath she didn't realise she was holding. "I know what you mean. Things would have been different if we were friends first. But I don't think I ever would have not been attracted to you, Gail," she told the other woman.
Gail rolled her eyes and tried to deflect the compliment with a gentle barb; "Perv,"
"You're beautiful, Gail," Holly said with a shrug. "But it's more than that. Do you know when I first knew about you? When you told me your first name to wind McGregor up. I thought then 'I'm going to like this girl'. Spending lots of time together just cemented my first impression," she explained.
The cop pulled Holly a little tighter against her, glad that the brunette felt the same way that she did. "You're right. I would have been attracted to you too. It might have taken me even longer to realise if we weren't stuck with each other every day. But eventually, you would have smiled at me when I wasn't expecting it and I would have been a goner. That's what happened when I met you, did you know that? You smiled at me and I couldn't help smiling back,"
"Isn't that what you're supposed to do when someone smiles at you?" Holly laughed, although Gail's assertion quashed her nerves down even further.
"No. You're supposed to wonder what they want from you," the blonde answered, seriously. "But you smile is contagious, Holly Stewart,"
The pathologist couldn't hide her pleasure at that compliment and looked up to give her one of those perfectly infectious smiles that made the police officer grin back. "It's sickening really," Gail said.
Holly ignored the jibe, knowing it wasn't serious. "So, you're not worried that this isn't real?" she asked, wanting one last bit of reassurance that Gail wasn't feeling confused about how she felt. "That things are only intense between us because of the situation and that once we're back to normal things won't be the same?"
The blonde pondered that one carefully, wanting to give an honest answer. "Everything has been intense. Like you said earlier; you are trusting me with your heart…and that's big. It's a little scary," she said, honestly.
Holly bit her lip, she knew she shouldn't have said something so loaded with emotion, but she had been upset and angry and it had slipped out. "I didn't say it to scare you. But I can't help how I feel," she replied.
"I know you didn't. And I'm not just scared, I'm excited too. I know how I feel, Lunchbox. I wouldn't have chosen any of this; your sister being in trouble, the attacks or moving here. But I'm not sorry it's happened either. It feels right," Gail expounded, looking deep into Holly's eyes.
The doctor searched her face for any sign of uncertainty, but found none. "I feel the same," she murmured and craned her neck upwards to peck Gail lightly on the lips.
Gail smiled when Holly drew back. "If we had met normally then I would have pretended I wasn't attracted to you and you would have decided not to pursue the straight girl. Then we would have been friends before some shit happened to bring us together. So basically, nothing would have changed!" she announced, shrugging her shoulders and rolling her eyes once more.
Holly laughed. "Well maybe a few details. We wouldn't have had our first fight over my phone being bugged, that's for sure,"
"You haven't met my mother. It's entirely possible she might try that when she finds out I'm dating someone," the blonde shuddered at the thought. Of course, maybe her mother would be so taken aback that her someone was a woman, she might forgo her usual spying techniques. That revelation was a bridge she would have to cross sooner or later.
Holly laughed, assuming Gail was joking but soon stopped when she realised the other woman was deadly serious. "How about we don't do the whole 'meet the parents' thing for a few months?" she suggested.
"Or maybe a few years?"
"Deal," Holly ceded, and she linked her pinkie finger with Gail's to seal the agreement before settling back into the blonde's side, thoughts of their earlier fight fading as they cuddled closer and Gail's fingers danced up and down her side. She hummed happily at the thought of a few years, as Gail had said. She knew it had been a throwaway comment but she couldn't help treasure it a little. Maybe it was naïve to think things wouldn't be different between them if circumstances weren't so crazy. The intensity had obviously magnified everything, which was risky, but it also helped. Maybe when they weren't forced to spend 24/7 together, life would get in the way. They wouldn't have been forced to address things and Gail might have done her impression of a cat. But right now, all she could think was that they would deal with that if and when it came. And that conviction was why precisely why she couldn't hold on to her anger about the phone tap. But if she ever saw McGregor again, well he'd better hope he was the snitch and was safely locked up because although she could forgive Gail, her boss was a different story entirely.
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AN/ Sorry for all the swearing. Turns out Holly's language is disgraceful when she's angry.
Thanks to Kravn for beta-ing, and to Denise2019 for releasing balloons in her review, which made me smile. :-)