Behind Closed Doors Chapter 21: Sorry, a wrestling fanfic

She continued pacing the room long after Dave had went to sleep. She had been in deep thought the entire day, between her blow out with her brother, her feelings for Randy and how Dave fell in between.

She had made a wrong decision; a decision she would now have to live with for the rest of her life, regardless if she and Dave did stay together, which at this point was inevitable. She downed the last drop of vodka from her glass and slammed it on the nightstand. Dave began to stir in the bed, but she was relieved the see he was still sound asleep after hearing his snoring start up again.

She closed her eyes and thought of Randy for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. It was nothing new. She had been doing that since her decision to be with Dave. She knew now that those thoughts wouldn't end until she was fully over Randy, but she doubted that would ever happen. She had made a grave mistake when it came to leaving Randy behind. She knew that more than anything now. He was the one she couldn't live without, the one she loved with every fiber of her being, the one who made her smile even while they were apart. He was simply... the one.

But, she had screwed it up and after seeing he and Maria together, it only confirmed her deepest fears. She had gotten herself into the situation and she had tried eliminating the problem by only making it worse; picking the wrong suitor.

She walked into the living room area before letting the tears fall and it was something she couldn't hold back any longer. After the grueling, trying day she had, she didn't want to stop them. She had argued with her brother and over what? Dave? What if her brother and Shawn were right? What if Dave was a lying, conniving, cheater? What if he wasn't taking things seriously and decided to continue seeing his ex-wife on the side? What if...

She could be with Randy now. She could be happily sleeping in his arms, feeling the contentment her heart desired, feeling the love he had shared with her time and time again, feeling the passion that ignited both of their souls. The tears only feel more than as she felt completely sorry for every bad mistake and decision she had made in the either situation. She had hurt Randy. She knew that. He had told her that much. It was the last thing she wanted to do, especially after realizing the amount of love she had for him that poured from her heart. She had seen him cry and it broke her heart in two. This was the man she loved and she was doing this to him. She could have prevented this, but, she didn't.

Oh, I had a lot to say
Was thinking on my time away
I missed you and things weren't the same
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die

As she closed her eyes again, she smiled briefly, as if his lips were touching hers. She could almost feel his gentle touch; the touch that sent shivers up and down her spine and sent the electricity pouring through her entire body. She could see his face, his trademark smirk, his pouty lips, his perfect body. She wished she could touch him just once more; to kiss his pouty lips.

He had made her the happiest she had ever been. She wished above all else she could take back her choice, take back her decision to start sleeping with Dave again in the first place, take back hurting Randy. He was the love of her life and it took her letting him go to realize just that. She couldn't blame him for moving on and being with someone like Maria. Being with anyone for that matter. He deserved a shot at happiness, even if it wasn't with her. Even if Maria was just a rebound chick, who would fulfill his needs and wants for the time being. She knew he deserved so much better than what she could give him, but it still pained her being away from him.

The nights especially were killing her. It was then that she used to stay up just to watch him sleep; to watch his chest rise and fall, just to watch him breath. She loved hearing his little moans and whimpers in the middle of the night, too. She smiled to herself recalling back to those sounds and how peaceful and innocent he actually looked in those moments.

She had been so dumb and blind to not choose him. She would spend countless hours in the night, awake, thinking of Randy and how they used to be so happy together. How could she not see that they were meant to be together before now? She had never stayed awake just to watch Dave sleep, never watched him breath and his midnight noises, which consisted of him snoring, irritated her. It sure as hell did bring a smile to her face!

She missed Randy; craved him. She needed his love, she needed his attention, she needed his touch. She needed him.

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry

She decided to lie on the couch for a minute as she figured sleeping was out of the question for the night. She closed her eyes and continued to think of Randy and how perfect he was, in every way it seemed. She knew she was the one to blame for all of this; his heartache, as well as her own. She couldn't shake the feeling that she had just disregarded his feelings in the manner that she had. It pained her deeply now to think of what Randy must have been thinking during all of that.

If only she could reach out to him now and tell him how she truly felt. She was scared to admit it to him then. She was so afraid to admit her true feelings and instead, settled for a relationship with Dave where at least her feelings would be less hurt if something were to happen. She knew if something happened to her and Randy, like the case was now, it would tear her apart. It would break her heart into millions of pieces, as it was at that moment.

It was almost too much to get up in the mornings and the realize she wasn't with the one her heart yearned for. She wasn't with him, but Dave instead. It almost made her resent Dave to a point, but then she reminded herself she had gotten herself into this mess, no one else. Dave was just as innocent as Randy was in all of this. She was the one to blame. For all the hurt, the lies, the dishonesty. And now Randy was suffering for her carelessness.

This time I think I'm to blame
It's harder to get through the days
We get older and blame turns to shame
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die

After thinking of Randy and envisioning his face all day long, she finally drifted off and entered into la-la land...

They were at a secluded beach; just the two of them. She could hear the waves, feel the spray from the water crashing to the sand below their bare feet. She could even smell the salty, sea air.

And then there was Randy. With her, walking hand in hand as the sun set in the distance. He brought his hands around her waist and rested his chin against shoulder, kissing her neck every so often as they watched the sun setting together. She could feel his warm breath beating against her neck, as she closed her eyes, wanting to remember the moment forever.

He spun her around and captured her lips, causing her knees to almost give out. She moaned against his lips, as he wrapped his arms around her waist and deepened the kiss. She could feel her every last sense becoming weaker and weaker as she totally succumbed to his touches, his kiss. She melted in his arms, as he broke the kiss and his forehead met hers. They continued to stare into each others eyes, becoming lost in the moment as the world went on around them.

He smiled at her and caressed her cheek with the back of his hand, as she closed her eyes, feeling the warmth from his touch. She loved the way he made her feel; like there was absolutely no other girl on the face of the Earth. Just her and in that moment, she was his. That's all she needed. Now and forever.

"I love you Janie. I love you so much." he whispered softly as she opened her eyes.

"Oh,Randy." she said, clinging to him tighter. "I love you too."

"Marry me." he whispered into her ear.

"Randy..." she said, breathlessly, looking up at him.

"Marry me." he said again, his eyes pleading with her. "Please."

She felt the tears stinging her eyes as she smiled slowly and looking longing into his eyes. She felt her heart begin to race and her breath become labored as her voice was lost in her throat. She simply shook her head, signaling she would, as he smiled at her.

"Yeah?" he said, picking her up and swinging her around.

"Yeah." she answered, kissing him again.

"I love you, baby girl." Randy said against her lips.

"I love you too."

He sprung from the bed, feeling the thin layer of perspiration that had formed on his head. He looked around the room and after realizing he was alone, he finally exhaled a deep breath out. He closed his eyes and ran his fingers through his short hair as the tears formed in his eyes.

It was how he had fallen asleep in the first place and after having a dream like that; one that felt so real, as if they were together, it left him shaken and completely drained. It was his mind's way of playing tricks on him again. It had been like that ever since she left him. It was something he still had to deal with, but knew down deep he couldn't. Not yet. He kicked his feet off the bed and slipped his pants over his boxers. Sleep was inevitable tonight; he knew that.

He couldn't help but blame himself for the entire situation. What if things were different? What if he would have told her sooner how he felt, possibly before Dave ever returned? How did he get in the position he was in? How had they got into the position they were in? How did things go from wonderful and perfect to completely screwed up? How had he lost her, almost overnight?

He missed her so much. He wanted her here with him, to spend the nights together and face every new morning together, every new challenge, every problem. He wanted to touch her and hold her so bad. He had even caught himself reaching out in the middle of the night to find nothing but a crisp, lifeless pillow. It usually ended with him waking up and not being able to sleep again until his body was too tired to continue anymore.

He loved so many things about her; the way her lips turned into a smile, the way she would give him her famous puppy dog eyes until she got her way, the way she got so wrapped up into something she couldn't control her emotions fully, the way she would moan in the heat of the moment, the way she laughed. Seeing her smile made his entire world evolve, made his heart skip a beat, made him smile.

Then there was the physically things. Her eyes, her mouth, her picture perfect body, the smell of her hair, the way her arms fit perfectly around his body. His world revolved around her and even if she was happy with Dave, he couldn't be truly happy until she was back where she belonged. With him.

Every single day I think about how we came all this way
The sleepless nights and the tears you cried
It's never too late to make it right
Oh yeah sorry

He grabbed his key and entered the hallway, carefully shutting the door as to not wake anyone in the other rooms. As he turned, his breath caught in his throat and he stepped backwards until his back was pressed against the door he had just exited from. He closed his eyes for a second and when he opened them, she was still there. He almost pinched himself, not being able to believe she was actually right in front of him, just mere feet away from him, standing across the hallway from him.

He noticed her swollen eyes and the amount of sadness her eyes seemed to hold. He wondered if something had happened between her and Dave. He stepped forward slowly, not wanting to scare her. It was the first time they had seen each other since she had told him the news. He wasn't sure the range of emotions she might have been feeling over the past few days.

"Randy..." she said, almost as if she was out of breath.

He stopped then, as the sound of her saying his name echoed throughout his head, filling his senses and causing his heart to jump. She smiled weakly, as she dropped her head, not wanting him to see the tears. He stepped closer and cupped her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him as he wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Janie..." he whispered.

She gasped, hearing her name but a smile spread across her face, causing Randy to smile as well. He continued to stroke he cheek gently as he closed the distance between them even more. They were mere inches from each other as she looked up at him. He grabbed her waist, pressing her body against his as their arms wrapped around each other.

"I miss you." he said.

He brushed his lips gently against hers, as she moaned softly and melted into his arms. He felt her body shiver as he tightened his grip around her and pressed his lips against hers once again. She moaned again as she ran her fingers up his bare back.

"I miss you." she said, against his lips, as the tears fell from both of their eyes.

"I need you." he said, resting his forehead on hers.

"I...need you too." she replied, before he captured her lips once more in a deeper kiss.