A few days later…

Ariadne

I awoke to the sounds of moaning and the sound of feet running around everywhere. I opened my eyes to find I was in a very full hospital wing. Soldiers and doctors were milling about, caring for patients. I saw Mary Kat asleep in the bed across from me, her leg bandaged and propped up on several pillows. Bandages were wrapped around my own head. I thought of sitting up, but the thought of it made me sick. I laid my hand on my stomach and noticed something odd. I felt empty. I felt like I was missing something, but what?

I spotted Hanji as she was walking by. I called out to her. "Oh, Ariadne!" she exclaimed, as she came to sit beside me on the mattress. "How are you feeling?"

"Hanji," I said, gripping at her sleeve. "Hanji, I feel empty… Why do I feel empty?" I felt like I already knew the answer, but I needed to know for sure.

Hanji's eyes looked at me sadly. "Ariadne, I'm sorry…" She adjusted the blanket around me. "When you went outside the walls, your horse got scared and bucked you off, throwing you into a tree."

"That explains my head, but why do I feel this way?" I gripped her sleeve tighter and gestured to my stomach. I already felt tears running down my face.

Hanji grimace. "Ariadne, I'm sorry…"

"Stop apologizing." I said it harsher than I meant to.

She held my hand and squeezed it lightly. "After you were knocked out by the tree, a Titan picked you up. It nearly ate you, but one of your comrades saved you. You were dropped from about three stories up." She breathed in heavily. "You were bleeding from between your legs and it just wouldn't stop." She looked at me sadly again. "I'm sorry…"

She did not need to say the words for me to understand what she meant. I had miscarried. I knew it. I knew what the emptiness was I felt within my gut. It now felt painful when the realization settled in of what used to be there was now gone. I turned on my side and buried my face into the pillow, not wanting to let Hanji see my face as I sobbed. My heart ached painfully within my chest.

Hanji rubbed my back comfortingly until I had stopped crying. Although the tears had basically stopped, the pain was still there. I looked up at Hanji. "Where's Espyon?" I asked, my voice clenched from crying. "Could you go and get her for me?"

Hanji continued to look at me sadly. "She's gone," she said softly.

Gone. My best friend was gone. Another wave of sobs crashed over me, making me curl up on the bed. I did not know how much more I could take. I felt so guilty. It was mewho had forced Erwin into letting Espyon go outside the walls. Ishould have made sure she was safe. Iwas going to pay her back for all the kindness she had given me. Now I never could. I had not even seen her while we were there. It was utter chaos.

Hanji stayed with me until someone called her elsewhere. I continued to lie on the bed, staring at the curtain that separated me from the patient next to me. I did not want to move. In fact, I did not move until night had settled.

I was unsure of the time, but I knew it was probably around midnight. I slowly sat up on the bed and stood up on my feet. I lit a candle that was beside the bed and made my way towards the halls. I felt like I knew where I was going, but I did not pay much attention until I was outside the door. My feet had carried me to Espyon's room.

I opened the door and entered the room. It was just as she had left it. Clean and tidy. A full bookshelf was to my left while a desk sat to my right. The rest of the room was similar to mine with the bed in the corner and a side table next to it. I walked to the bookshelf and ran my fingers over the titles. I found a very thick book that was bound in worn black leather. I removed it from the shelf and made my way to the desk, setting the candle in the corner.

How I knew it was her journal I was unsure, but it just looked like one. I opened it to a random page and started reading. It had started with her first day as a Survey Corps member. She was proud to find herself among humanity's strongest. She talked of the people and the things she saw. I smiled, imagining a much younger Espyon with short hair like she always kept it. As I continued to read, I found that she was almost envious of the soldiers who went outside the walls, but then was ashamed when they would come back beaten and bloodied. A year or so into her military career, the first wall was breached by the Titans. During the attack, she had lost her mother and her younger brother. Her father later died in the second breaching of the walls five years later. My heart ached for her.

As I read, I found she was slowly falling for one of her comrades. She frequently mentioned him in her writings. She admired his leading abilities and his overall passion for protecting humanity. She wrote of when he first became commander when she was a cadet. My heart broke when I read one particular entry.

I wish he would see me. I wish I did not have dark skin so that he would take notice of me and maybe love me as I love him. Commander Erwin can be a kind man, but I don't think he's aware of it all the time.

Eventually, her writings were getting more spaced out. She described taking care of me when I arrived in this world. She explained teaching me German and how funny it was when I talked with an accent. She had begun to notice Erwin falling for me.

He's fallen for my best friend and there's nothing I can do about it. He has told me he never wanted to marry because he never knows when he's going to die, but I guess this is an exception now that she too is in the military. I should be happy for them, but it just hurts.

That was her last entry. Espyon was in love with Erwin. I felt like I had to apologize for marrying him, but what was the point? It is all said and done now and there is nothing to change the past. I noticed tear stains on the pages, smudging the ink. I did not mean to, but I added more tear stains.

I awoke to someone shaking me by my shoulder. I had fallen asleep at Espyon's desk. The candle was now only a nub and was completely melted. I looked up to see it was Hanji. I wiped my tired eyes.

"I thought I might find you in here," she told me softly, keeping a hand on my shoulder. "Erwin wants to see you."

Oddly enough, I did not want to see him. I shook my head. "No, no, I can't see him."

"You really should," Hanji insisted, kneeling down to get eye-level with me. "It's been a rough couple of days."

I nodded in agreement. "Fine," I gave in. She held my hand and pulled me out of the chair and the room and down the hall towards a secluded hospital room. She stopped me in front of the door and gestured for me to go in.

"I'll be outside if you need me," Hanji informed me.

I hesitated and then knocked. I heard a soft, "come in" and then opened the door. Erwin was sitting up on the bed, a book opened in his lap. The first thing I noticed about him was that his facial hair had partially grown in. The second thing I noticed was his right arm missing. I walked to the left side of the bed and sat beside him.

"Erwin," I said, staring at him. "You haven't shaved," I told him, trying to keep my voice light.

"Are you kidding me?" he said, jokingly. "I lost my arm and you say I haven't shaved?"

"Well, I was trying to avoid it," I replied, cracking a small smile. It somehow did not feel right to be joking with everything that happened. I held his remaining hand and caressed his face with my other hand. "I actually kind of like you with facial hair. It looks nice."

He nodded and stroked my hand with his thumb. "How are you feeling?" he asked, gesturing to my head.

"I'm alright. Just a bump really." The empty feeling had returned to my stomach. I suddenly started crying again. I leaned my head into his chest and sobbed. He put his arm around me and held me close, putting his face against mine. Through my sobs I somehow managed to tell him about losing the child that had begun to grow within me. He stayed quiet and held me closer to him. I knew he probably felt as guilty as I did.

After a while of sitting in silence, he leaned down and kissed me deeply. It was a sorrowful kind of kiss. When we pulled apart, he looked alarmed.

"Ariadne!" he exclaimed suddenly. "You're transparent!"

"What? What do you mean?" I looked down at myself, surprised to find I could see right through my self. I panicked. "What is this? Erwin!" I suddenly felt a pull in my chest. Familiar voices were sounding in my head. They were getting louder by the moment.

I supposed Erwin had guessed what was happening and clung tightly onto me. "No," he said firmly. "You can't go! Not now!" He kissed me again briefly, terror filling his eyes. The pull in my chest was stronger this time.

Hanji had entered the room. "What's going on?"

"Erwin, I don't want to go back!" I held him as tightly as I could, but it was no use. The pull was stronger and the voices in my head were much louder and very clear. "I don't want to go back to that world…"

I heard myself say it before I was blinded by a bright light. Something about it was familiar, but it did not stay bright for long. Soon my eyes adjusted and I was staring up at a tiled ceiling. I blinked.

Where was I?

I glanced around the room to find a window with cream colored curtains was open, allowing the bright sunlight to pour into the room. My mouth and nose were covered with a piece of plastic, giving me oxygen. I heard the annoying sound of a heart monitor to my right. The beeping sped up as I began to realize where I was.

I cried out and tried moving, but my body did not respond immediately. I heard someone come into the room. It was a nurse. She noticed I was awake and soon left the room, calling for a doctor.

A white haired doctor was suddenly at my side. "You're awake!" he exclaimed. "Do you know where you are?" I shook my head. "You're in a hospital in Germany. You were in an accident a little over a year ago. You're lucky to be alive."

GAAAAHHHHH

I want to keep going but I need to stop the chapter right there I'm sorry! I had originally planned to put this chapter into 2 parts, but I figured I might as well mesh it together since I hadn't updated in such a long time. Plus there wasn't really a good place to stop anyway.

I hope you enjoyed read this! I had a heck of a time writing it, but I pushed through my writer's block and this is the result. Anyway, thanks for reading!

(RIP Espyon D:)