Bacon and Morning Afters Chapter 21: Help Me Out, a supernatural fanfic

Chapter Twenty-One: Help Me Out

The sirens all came to a stop. The lawn was full of other cops. John stood in the front lawn, trying not to disturb the crime scene. He had come home to find his fiancée dead. Thank God he'd been out with Jodie Mills, discussing his case, or they'd try and pin this on him. Tears pulled in his eyes. He didn't know what he was supposed to do without Ellen. Jodie was calling the boys, John was standing all alone as he watched cops going in and out of his place. He didn't know what to think and he didn't know what to do. He didn't know what the boys were going to say. He was finally… he had finally been ready to move on and marry Ellen. She loved the boys like they were her own. The tiny silver lining was they were tying this to Balthazar's guys, so he was off the hook for the man's murder. John was glad about that. He could go back to work if he so chose. Right now he wasn't sure that was something that he wanted.

A few feet away, Jodie was dialling Dean first. She knew that he was going to take the news so much harder than Sam was going to, although why exactly she knew that she wasn't sure. She waited for Dean to pick up, and when she heard the kid's voice in her ear she almost faltered. She didn't know how to say the words she needed to say. "Um, Dean, it's Jodie." She said, and once he'd started to greet her, she stopped him. "No, hon, I have news." It all came out, that she and John had been out to lunch to talk about the case, and that someone had broken in from Balthazar's gang and killed Ellen. She didn't know what he was going to do and that kind of scared her. Jodie waited on tenterhooks for what he had to say.

The words sounded foreign to Dean. What the hell? Dean's throat filled with a lump, and he wondered how he was going to tell this to Cas. How was Jo going to take this?! And the kids? Dean was trying not to have a panic attack. Cas was upstairs with Jamie, getting him down for a nap. Dean had to keep his emotions as in check as he could. He finally spoke. "So… is Dad off the hook then? Or are they blaming him for this too?" He asked, his tone a bit cold as he spoke.

Jodie was a little relieved there wasn't any yelling. And she could handle the question that he posed to her. She didn't know what he was going to do when she told him but she could handle it. "Your dad's in the clear. They've decided that this has to do with Balthazar trying to get to your dad, even if he's not alive, which means they figure John didn't do anything to Balthazar. Who cares what logic they've come to, your dad is off the hook." She said. "The body's already been… well they know it was Ellen, and so the only thing to do is just grieve. Try and relax as best you can. I know it's going to be next to impossible, Dean Winchester, but I need you to try. For your Dad and Jo, okay?" She said, her tone a bit motherly.

When Jodie got that tone with him, Dean's eyes brushed with fresh tears. This was a nightmare. He managed to say that he would, and that he had to go. She said she understood and they hung up. Dean curled into a ball on the floor. Ellen was… she had become family. First Bobby and now Ellen? How far was this guy's cronies going to go in his honor? Dean tried to keep calm. He didn't want to have a panic attack. He finally had a good heart and he wanted to keep it that way. Dean cried though, big sobs that shook his entire body. How were they going to do this? Ellen hadn't been involved in anything, other than with John. Dean tried to sit up, but he fell right back to the floor, sobbing.

This is when Ben and Claire got home. They were sort of getting along. Claire saw their father in a ball on the floor, crying, and she dropped her bag and knelt next to him on the floor. Ben seemed unaware of what to do, he'd never seen Dean like this. Claire put her hand on Dean's back. "Dad?" She asked, trying to get a reaction out of him other than crying. "Dad…. I'm… I need to know what's wrong." Claire said. She felt a bit like the parent, but as a conversation about her being in contact with Michael was still coming, she didn't think that feeling would last. "Dad… seriously. What's wrong?" She asked. Then her eyes caught Ben's. He was looking at her with a sort of disgust look on his face.

"What, Ben?" Claire asked, her tone a bit firm and a lot angry.

"You… you call him Dad." Ben said, and he meant it. He didn't know why that bothered him so much. Or why he had to take it out on Claire. It wasn't her fault that he hadn't been in Dean's life until now. That was his mother's fault. And as much as he missed her, he was pissed at her as well. That she'd kept him from getting to know his dad. Ben met his older sister's (if that's what he had to think of her as) eyes and defiantly said, "Even I don't call him Dad. He's my dad for real, Claire." Ben knew there was going to be a row, as his new "dad" Castiel would say. He hadn't taken to calling him Cas, and he certainly wasn't calling him dad. He just wasn't ready to do that. It was still hard to imagine Dean Winchester with a man.

Claire's head snapped up, Dean forgotten for a moment. She stood, folding her arms. "Look, Ben, you're a Winchester by birth. Okay? I got it. But I'm a Winchester just as much as you are. My dad is married to Dean, and I accept them as a couple. You don't. You're going to have to get over that good and fast. Because they're together whether you like it or not. And whether you like it or not, Dean's my dad. Frankie's my sister and Jamie's my baby brother. I'm a part of this family whether you like it or not." Claire told him, her tone cold. "Now, I don't have time for this childishness. Something has happened and my dad is upset, so if you aren't going to help me then get the fuck out!" This last part was yelled. Claire was getting tired of her little brother's attitude. She got that he'd lost his mom, but he wasn't even trying to consider himself a part of this family.

And it finally was a family, Lucy had come to her senses and dropped the lawsuit. Claire thought it had to do with the fact that she was seeing Charlie. She knelt by Dean again, wanting to find out what had happened to make him act like this way. "Dad?" Claire asked, his tears seemed to be drying up a bit. Then he was telling her that Ellen had been shot while she'd been home alone. Claire sat down against the wall in shock. "Grandma Ellen?" She asked, her voice shaking with fear. She didn't know what to say or do, and it was hurting her quite a bit. She reached out and took her dad's hand, and held on tightly.

When his daughter's fingers closed around his, it seemed to center him. Dean moved to sit up next to her on the floor, leaning onto the wall. They looked at each other for a moment. "She's… she's family." Dean managed to say. He was so upset that this had happened. Dean closed his wet eyes. "I know that we still have a talk coming. But I can't do it right now. And let me tell you this part. Grandpa is let off the hook for killing Balthazar. He's been cleared of all charges." He knew that this would make her feel better, and he was glad. It made him feel better too, a bit. At least John wasn't going to go down for a crime he hadn't committed.

Before either of them could say anything, Cas came down. He had successfully gotten Jamie down for his nap. He saw his family on the floor with tear stained faces, and he froze where he stood. "What… what happened?" He asked, fearing the answer. When Dean told him it was Ellen, Cas almost fainted. "Okay… I can't talk about that right now. Let's talk about the fact that your son stormed upstairs and slammed his door shut, Dean Winchester." Cas said, he had to focus on something that wasn't Ellen or he was going to break down and then he wasn't going to be of any use to anyone.

Dean sighed. "He got into a fight with Claire, baby. It's okay." He didn't want to talk about what Claire had said to Ben. All of it was valid. Ben wasn't really trying to be in this family. Dean got why he would be pushing Claire and Jamie away, but Frankie was his blood relation. Dean didn't know why the boy refused to accept that he was in a family with two dads. Dean was trying to get to know him. He really was. He didn't know how he was going to manage that with Ben pushing everyone away. Dean met Cas' eyes. "Please, baby, just drop it for now, okay?"

When his husband met his eyes, Cas knew that he had to drop it. He sighed. "Okay. Fine. I was going to start putting together lunch. Is that… is there something that we need to be doing?" He asked, and was glad when he got a no. Cas leaned down to kiss Dean. As he did he whispered, "Get up off the floor. At least go and wallow on the couch." Cas' blue eyes met those green ones, and Dean was having a hard time keeping it all in, Cas could tell. "Claire, will you give us a minute?" He asked, and she nodded, heading into the kitchen.

Once they were alone, Cas helped his husband up off the floor. "Hey. You don't have to hold it all in for me. You can be upset. You can be as upset as you want to be." Cas told him, brushing his thumb across Dean's cheeks, wiping away the tears. He didn't know how they were going to make it through this, and he knew that's what Dean was worried about. Cas kissed him. "I swear, we will make it through this. We have to be there for Dad. You know that he's going to take this so much harder than the rest of us. He's lost a second person that he was going to spend the rest of his life with. Believe me, it takes its toll. I know from having one experience, I can't even imagine how John must feel."

"You think that hasn't occurred to me?!" Dean asked, his voice rising a little. He felt so guilty though because it wasn't Cas' fault. He closed his eyes as Cas bristled. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I know that you aren't trying to be a jerk. I'm being a total asshat all on my own." Dean said. He didn't know how John was going to make it through this. Mary had almost killed him. It had taken him so long to be open to a serious relationship. Not that Dean blamed him for that. It was hard after what he'd been through. This wasn't going to be easy on any of them. He didn't even know how he was going to help Jo through this. Although he did know how it was to lose a parent. Dean knew that it was going to be hard for Jo. Not that he blamed her.

Dean brushed his hand across his cheeks, trying to keep the tears off his cheeks. He was trying to keep it all in, he knew that he didn't have to be holding it in for Cas, but he had to. Or it was just going to upset everyone, including the kids. Dean sighed and looked at Cas, who seemed to be still a little upset Dean had snapped at him. "I'm…. go on and make lunch, baby. I'm sorry that I snapped at you. I didn't mean to be an ass, I really didn't."

Cas didn't know what he was going to say to Dean, but what he'd said had hurt him. Cas looked at him. "Dean, I know you're upset. Anyone would be. Ellen is your family. But I'm not going to pretend that you snapping at me like that is okay." Cas told him. His anger was surprising him. He hadn't expected to still be angry after Dean apologized. He could tell that Dean really was sorry. "I know that you're sorry. But I need a minute." Cas looked at him a moment longer and saw the anguish in those eyes. But he was still upset and he went into the kitchen. He was going to make mac and cheese and hot dogs for lunch. It was one of Frankie's favorites. Cas was still reeling from what Dean had said. He wasn't used to Dean snapping at him like that. They'd never really had an argument before. Cas moved to get out a pan of water for the mac and cheese. It was just… how was this something that they were dealing with? Ellen being gone. It wasn't fair.

He was surprised when Ben came into the kitchen. Cas looked at him as he came in. "What's wrong, Ben?" Cas asked. Cas hadn't felt like Ben was actually trying to be a part of this family. It was as if he was here because he had to be. Cas knew that Dean was trying to be his dad. He wasn't upset that Dean had a child with someone else. He knew it was pointless to be upset about things like that. Cas hadn't exactly been the virgin Mary before he met Dean. And he was the first man that Dean had ever been with. So Cas wasn't going to be upset if there were kids that Dean had. Just because you were safe wasn't a 100% guarantee. Cas moved to get out hot dogs while he waited for Ben to tell him what he was feeling.

It was hard for Ben to adjust to being in this family. Ben moved to get a soda out of the fridge and cracked it open. He moved to sit at the kitchen table. Ben had been thinking about what Claire had said to him. Ben knew that he wasn't really having an easy time adjusting to Dean being with a man. Ben wanted to try and talk to Cas, try and get him to see how it was hard for him. From everything that he'd heard about him it was hard. Ben took a long sip of his soda and looked at Cas. "Castiel. I want to talk to you." He didn't want to tell him what Claire had said. Ben wasn't wanting to confirm that she was right about what she'd said. Because as much as he didn't want to admit it, she was. Ben waited till Cas had turned to face him before he kept talking.

"I know that I'm not really trying to meld myself into this family. I want… I do want to get to know Dean. I do. He's my dad. I don't really know how to accept that my dad is married to you. From everything that my mom told me, that wasn't ever going to be possible." Ben said. He shrugged one of his shoulders. "I know I need to try harder. Because even though it's hard for me, I know that you guys aren't going to break up." Ben had found himself wishing that the entire time he'd been in this family. Ben knew that was selfish. He also knew that he wasn't being fair to Frankie. She was his blood relation. Ben knew that she loved Cas just as much as she did Dean. Ben just wasn't ready to be that way just yet. He was trying to be nice to her, but he knew that she didn't like him. And he knew why.

His stepfather just looked at him and waited for him to continue. Ben didn't know what else to say. He didn't know how Cas was going to react to anything that he said. "I want to be able to call Dean dad one day. I just can't right now. It's not his fault that he was never in my life before now. It's not. I know that. I'm not blaming him for not being there. That's really not an issue. It was my mom's fault. As much as I miss her, I'm pissed as hell that she didn't tell Dean that I was his son. It's going to bother me possibly for the rest of my life that I don't get to yell at her about that."

It was something that Cas didn't know about from experience. His parents had always been married and in love. He knew that he was going to have to try and help Ben though. "I understand that it's hard to adjust to Dean being married to me. It was a very quick thing for us. We didn't expect it. Now granted, at first we wondered if it was because Dean was dying, and needed a new heart." This is when Cas had to pause, that was still hard for him to think about. "We're not going to break up." Cas agreed. It really wasn't something that was going to happen. Cas moved to check the water to see if it was boiling yet. "I'm sorry that you're having a hard time adjusting. But you know that you can talk to us about anything. Even if you feel that it's hard to adjust to Dean being with me. I know that it's hard, believe me, I get it. I had some trouble with my own family. They didn't want to accept me as what I am. So I get your reticence."

It was hard for Cas to imagine that Ben might not ever be okay with Dean as he was. With a husband. Cas wanted that to not be the case. Dean really wanted to get to know Ben. He really did. Cas knew that Dean was having a hard time as well with Ben being so stubborn and having a hard time adjusting. Cas really felt that was the case, that Ben was being stubborn. Everyone had been welcoming to him. Cas didn't know what Claire had said to him during the fight that Dean had told him about, but he had a feeling that it had led to this conversation. Cas wasn't sure what it was going to take for Ben to be okay with having two dads. "I know that you're having a hard time adjusting. No one is going to expect you to adjust immediately. But you have to try and be okay with your dad being married to me. Because that's not going to change."

It was hard to hear, even if he already knew that. Ben took a deep breath before he spoke. "I want to be okay. Claire might not think that I want to be okay, but I do. I want Dean in my life. And that includes you. I just need some time to adjust." Ben was going to say more when there was noise from the front door, and Jo and Sam had arrived with Laura. Ben knew what it was like to lose your mom. Ben moved to go over to Jo, who seemed very upset. Ben waited until she'd handed the baby to Cas before he moved to hug her. "I'm sorry about your mom, Aunt Jo."

Jo was very surprised that Ben came forward to hug her like that. She hugged him back. They hadn't had a lot of interaction, but she knew that Ben liked Sam. Jo was doing her best to keep the tears at bay. It was hard, dealing with this. Jo hadn't expected this to happen to her mother. And she felt like it was all her fault. She was the one who had turned Balthazar down in the first place. Jo didn't know that it was really healthy to blame herself for this. But she did anyway. Jo brushed some of her blonde hair out of her eyes. This was all so hard to handle. She was already dealing with the fact that she would never carry another child. She was so heartbroken about that. She wasn't necessarily surprised, after what she'd already been through with babies, but it still hurt. She realized she had to say something back to Ben about what he'd said. Feeling like she was underwater, she said, "I appreciate that, Ben."

Her mom wasn't going to get to be there when she married Sam. Jo was working to keep the tears from falling. Jo watched as Ben left the room with Sam and Laura, to go and talk to Dean in the living room. She turned to Cas. Cas was probably her best friend. She wiped tears that had escaped off her cheeks. Jo stepped closer to Cas, and he put his arms around her. Jo let him hug her, trying to see if she could calm down. She was definitely letting herself feel things. Jo sobbed on his chest. She was too short to be able to reach his shoulders. She tried to keep herself from having a panic attack. Jo managed to speak through her sobs. "Cas, she's not going to be.. She's not going to be in Laura's life. She's not going to get to see me finally marry Sam." Jo was hurt. She was so angry at who had done this to her mother. "I feel like this is all my fault."

When she said that she felt like it was all her fault, Cas felt bad for her. "Jo, no. This isn't your fault. You can't look at it that way. I know why you think that. Because this is because of Balthazar. But this isn't your fault. You were harrassed by him. What he did was wrong. You turning him down was the right thing to do. You had no idea that this was going to happen." Cas hated that Jo was blaming herself. Cas knew that he couldn't stop that, but he could try and help her. She stepped back then, seeming to stop crying. Cas knew that it was going to come and go, the tears. He also knew that she hated to have people see her upset like that. Cas didn't blame her, it was really hard to let someone see you so vulnerable. Cas wasn't sure that he liked it himself. It was dependent on who was seeing him that way.

He moved to add the noodles to the water. They needed to eat. Cas was the one who in a crisis made sure that people still took care of themselves. He wasn't sure why that was. It was just another good reason why he and Dean were together, because Dean had a tendency to let things get to him, at least, since Cas had known him. Cas didn't think that was a bad thing. You couldn't keep things bottled up inside. Cas stirred the noodles with a fork. "You guys need to eat, I'm cooking a huge amount of mac and cheese and some hot dogs. I know that you might not feel like eating, but we all need to eat. We're going to need strength to get through this." Cas didn't know how any of them were going to do this, since they were still reeling from Bobby, but they had to try.

Meanwhile, in the living room, Dean was talking to Sam. Ben was there, but he was just listening. He was holding Laura on the couch. Dean brushed his hand through his hair. Sam seemed kind of in shock. Dean was more worried about their father than he was the rest of them. John had honestly barely made it through losing Mary. Dean brushed his hand through his scruffy chin then, he was really having a hard time not being fidgety. He finally spoke. "Sammy… I'm sad about Ellen. She's family. I hate that this happened to her. But… I'm more worried about Dad than I am us. He barely made it through Mom. I know you don't remember, but I kind of do." It had been a long time, but Dean had vague memories of how John had been after they'd lost Mary. It had been extremely hard for them all, but Dean remembered being really worried about his dad.

That was how Dean was though, he worried more about others than he did himself. He'd never complained about the life he'd been handed, and he knew that that made him a better person than he thought he was. Dean met Sam's eyes, he'd been crying. Sam wasn't one to do a lot of that. Dean wasn't either, but it's not because they felt like it wasn't manly or something. It was just something that they didn't really do when they were dealing. Dean brushed his hand across his eyes. "Sam, this might be when we lose Dad. I don't… I don't like thinking it, but I wouldn't be surprised if Dad tried…." He couldn't say it out loud, but he knew that Sam got what he meant. "It's taken him a long time to be okay with committing to someone else. He finally agreed to get married to Ellen. And now, she's gone."

Sam wasn't sure what to say. He knew that Dean was worried about their dad. He was too, but not like Dean was. Sam didn't think that suicide was something that John would ever consider. Sam brushed hair out of his eyes. Dean was always on him about getting a haircut. "I don't think Dad's going to try that, Dean, I don't. You had four years with him that I didn't have, this is true. But I still don't think that he's going to try and take his life over this. There's so many of us that he is here for. He's a grandfather now. So many times over. You have four kids, Dean. Four. I have one myself." This is where his voice faltered, because he knew that he was never going to have another biological child, and it really did hurt. Even if he hadn't been exactly ready for Laura to come into the world. Sam waited until his voice was sure before he spoke again. "Dean, I really don't think he's going to be that selfish, and take himself away from the kids."

He saw that his brother was struggling, and that he had tears dripping off his cheeks. Sam reached out and took Dean's hand. They'd never done that kind of thing before Cas. Sam wasn't really sure why, but he didn't mind that it was something that they did now. They'd always done the hugging thing. That had never been an issue. He held Dean's hand tightly, and met his brother's eye. "Dean, you don't have to hold anything in. You know you can tell me anything. I know how worried about Dad you are. But we're not going to lose him, okay? He's not going anywhere. You know that he loves all of us. He's not going to take his own life. I know that you are having a hard time believing that he won't." Sam's own eyes were getting a bit misty as he spoke, but he knew that what he was saying was the truth. "If he was really going to do that ever, wouldn't you think he'd have tried when Mom was gone?"

That was the question. Dean met his brother's eye. He wasn't sure Ben should be hearing this, but he also didn't think that he could ask him to leave right now. Dean took a deep breath before he spoke again. "Sam… he didn't formally try… but he did put himself into situations where he might die." Dean had never brought this up with anyone. No one knew that he knew. "He… I heard Bobby talking with Dad once. He told Bobby that he'd put himself in a lot of situations that were dangerous needlessly. Crime scenes without backup, driving on the wrong side of the road, into traffic, sitting on the train tracks and barely getting out of the way before the train came…" Dean's eyes met Sam's, and Sam was looking shocked. I hate to be the one to have to tell you. I know how hard it is to hear. Think about being sixteen and hearing that." It felt really good to get that off his chest. He'd been carrying that around for twenty years. "He's not… he hasn't done that in a long time. But the potential for him to do that again is there. Because he's done it before." Dean didn't know what he was going to do if he lost John too. Dean had idolized his father for a very long time. John was an amazing person. People outside of their family might not think so, but Dean did, and he always had.

Tears had filled his eyes, and Dean wasn't sure that he could speak without his voice shaking. Dean was aware of Ben, who scooted carefully over closer to him on the couch, being careful not to jostle Laura, who was sleeping. Dean didn't let go of Sam's hand, he held tighter even. Dean was drawing strength from Sam. He needed to feel that, needed it to feel grounded. "I just don't want him to do that kind of thing again. He… he has family, like you said, grandchildren." Dean didn't want his kids to grow up without their grandfather. He knew what that was like, since Mary's and John's parents hadn't been around. Dean wasn't even sure if they were alive or dead. No one knew. Dean had never tried to look into it mostly because he didn't want to upset John. Henry Winchester, John's father, had disappeared when John was six, and they'd never heard if he was alive or not. He had just been gone. No one knew if he had left under his own volition or not.

That was something that Sam was surprised to hear. His own voice was shaking as he spoke. "I don't…. I can't believe that you never told me that. I'm not… I'm not mad, don't think that." He said, and his eyes met Ben's, who wasn't crying but he did look upset. "Ben, you can leave the room if you want to. No one's going to make you hear this conversation." Sam knew that Ben was having issues, and he didn't blame him. However, Ben had really opened up to Sam, more than he had Dean or Cas, and Sam felt like Ben really did like him. Sam was hoping that Ben would tell him how he felt about Dean and Cas, and he could help them get close to Ben. Sam wasn't sure if Ben was going to leave or not. But he was okay if he did. There was a playpen in the corner of the room for Jamie, and he could put Laura there if he wanted to leave. Sam and Dean were both surprised when Ben told them he was going to stay. He wanted to be there for Dean.

Honestly, that was a surprise. But as Sam met Dean's eye, and Dean actually looked surprised as well. Sam wasn't sure where Ben's insistence to be there for Dean was coming from, but he was glad. Sam knew that Dean needed Ben to get close to him. Sam knew that Dean needed to get to know him because he'd been absent for twelve years of Ben's life, even if it hadn't been his own fault, he felt guilty. Sam knew that Dean didn't want to feel guilty and getting closer to Ben would help that. Sam said, "Okay. If you want to stay we're not going to stop you. I know how it feels to be a kid and being left out of the loop. I don't want you to have to feel like that." Sam turned his gaze back to Dean. "I'm… I don't know what to do, Dean. Should we tell Dad that we know that he did that?" It was hard to think of his larger than life father being suicidal in a way.

"I just, I don't want Dad to do that again either."

Dean was surprised that Ben wanted to stay in the room and be there for him. He turned to look at his son, who was sitting there calmly holding Laura, who was asleep. Dean knew how good of a baby she really was. It was nice after the tumultuous way she'd come into the world. Dean looked into those green eyes that were so much like his. He hadn't had a hard time at all believing that Ben was his son. Dean wasn't sure what it was going to take to bridge the gap between them, but this was a good sign. "Ben, I understand why you feel the way you do about this family. I know you don't think so, but I do. You're going through a horrible time right now, so we're going to let you get away with things a bit. Now, don't think you can run your mouth and disrespect anyone, especially your older sister. Because Ben, she is your older sister. Whether you're ready to admit that or not."

It was hard for Ben to admit, Dean knew. But he also knew that his son needed to know that this was a family, and it wasn't going to break up. This was a serious family. It wasn't going to just dissolve. "Ben, you need to adjust to my sexuality. I know that. I know it's something that you're struggling with. Before I met Cas, I wasn't even remotely into guys. So I know that your mom wouldn't have ever thought that and prepared you for it. But I need you to understand. If you need to go to some kind of therapist, we can do that. I myself have never wanted to, but I won't stop you if you want to go. Cas and I are forever. We're not going to break up. He's… he's my life. He's been there for me through all of this. I know we haven't really talked about it. But he was there for me when I was dying. I don't want to scare you, but I did die. Cas was there, and we had barely been together. I know that we're forever. No one would go through all of that with someone if they weren't in love forever."

That was something that Ben hadn't known. He'd never heard of anyone actually being in love that quickly before. He knew some of the details, they'd told him. But he hadn't known that. Ben looked at him, surprised. "Um, Dean, I had… wow." He really did believe that Cas and Dean were forever now. Ben looked at him, his green eyes wide with surprise. "I… I didn't know that. I'm sorry that I've been so much of a dick." Normally he knew that Dean would stop him for using that language, but he was Dean Winchester's son. It stood to reason that he would have a bit of a potty mouth on occasion. Ben didn't know that he could be against Dean and Cas now. "Hold on. I need to go and talk to Castiel." He said, and slowly moved over to the playpen and put Laura inside.

When he got into the kitchen, Cas was with Jo and they were talking. Ben moved to hug Cas, and tightly. He knew that his stepfather was surprised. Ben said, "Thanks, so much, for what you did for Dad." It was the first time he'd called Dean 'Dad'. And he knew that Cas would notice. "I didn't.. I didn't know how serious you guys were from the get go. Dad just told me." He stepped back, and he knew that Cas was going to be touched, and he wasn't wrong. Cas was misty in the eyes. Ben didn't know what he was going to do to make up for how much of a brat he'd been. "I'm sorry for how I've been. I'm going to do my best to make up for how much of a brat I've been." Then he moved to go back to the living room. It was something that he really meant that he was going to do.

Later that evening, Dean and Cas were in the living room after they'd gotten Frankie and Jamie down for the night. They were looking for something to watch on tv. Dean was so touched that Ben was on board now. He wondered if that really was because of what he'd told him that afternoon. Dean was glad that he seemed to have a turnaround. Dean was leaning against Cas. They had huge pieces of cheesecake sitting in front of them on the coffee table. Dean took a bite, it was raspberry. It was his favorite. Dean would eat just about any kind of sweet that you put in front of him. Dean loved all kind of sweets. He looked up at Cas, who had settled on Last Man Standing, which was kind of hilarious because Cas hated most Republicans he ran into or had the mischance to speak to. Dean wasn't sure that he blamed him for that, it was Texas. Those kinds of Republicans were harder to deal with than some maybe in another state. Although Dean loved Texas. It was just his kind of place. He looked at Cas with tears in his eyes. "I don't…. I can't believe that Ben came around like that."

Cas looked at him and stroked Dean's arm. "I know. But I think it's a good thing. We are lucky that he chose to be okay with us. You said the right words." Cas said, and he took a bite of his own cheesecake. "We have to accept that it was whatever it was. He's come around and it doesn't matter what it was that got him to do so." He wanted to change the subject. They had to talk about what they were going to say to Claire about hiding her relationship with Michael. She'd wanted to go to the funeral and he hadn't let her go. He felt guilty about that, but he also had been so angry that she'd never spoken up about it. "We need to talk about what we're going to say to Claire about Michael." It was something that he knew Dean had been dreading talking about. But they had to decide. They'd been putting it off enough. "I know that it's hard for us to talk about it right now, but we need to do something."

Sighing, Dean knew that Cas was right. "I know. I know we have to talk to her." He didn't know what they were going to say and it had actually been on his mind a lot. "I know that we have to say something." He repeated, as if he was still having trouble with the idea. Dean sighed again. "I don't know what to say. I'm not as mad as you are about it. I mean, yeah, it was messed up that he was in her life and wasn't in yours. But I don't know what to say to her. She was hiding it and I know how angry you are about that." Dean didn't know how Cas was even able to keep it at bay, he was so angry. Cas was holding that all in and Dean was surprised that he was even able to keep it at bay a little. Dean wasn't so good at holding in his emotions when it came to anger.

"You have to tell her how you feel, Cas."

He knew that his husband was right. He did have to tell her how he felt. He just didn't want to explode all over her with his anger at his entire family. This was just as much Michael's fault. Cas sighed himself. "I know I need to speak up." He said, a bit grudgingly. "I just… I don't want to take my anger on Michael out on her. It's not her fault that he ignored me for most of my life when he was no different than I was." Cas was still nursing a lot of anger at Michael. He didn't really know how to deal with all of it. Cas didn't know what to do about that. He didn't want to go and talk to a therapist. He'd already been through that in his life. He didn't want to do it again. It was too much. He brushed his hand through his hair and took another bite of cheesecake.

"I don't know what to say to her about it. She knows that Michael upset me, but I don't know if she knows all of why." Cas didn't know what he was going to do to impress upon her how much it hurt him, what Michael had done. "From what I understand, he was never not in her life. So I have all this anger. He wasn't in my life for a very long time. He only contacted me again because he had a baby that he wanted me to raise. How can I be expected to not be angry about that? I mean… who does that? And he was biseuxal and knew the entire time! It's… it makes me so angry. I just, I don't want to take that anger out on her." Cas didn't know how Michael had been able to sleep at night. Before he passed away that is. Jamie was never going to know how horrible his father had been, because Cas was never going to tell him. He was never going to have to know that he had a father that didn't want him. Cas only planned to tell him if something medical came up that wasn't something that was in their side of the family. Cas also knew that he didn't know who the mother was anyway and couldn't tell Jamie even if he wanted to.

It was something that Dean knew Cas struggled with. Not that he blamed him. Dean was angry too. It was incredibly messed up. He didn't know how Cas had managed to escape his family as the type of person that he was. It was amazing the type of person that he was as it was with all of the stuff that had happened to him. Dean leaned out to kiss him deeply. He kissed him until they both couldn't breathe. "I love you. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone else in my entire life. You are an amazing person. You are an amazing dad. The best husband a guy could ask for. I don't know what I would do without you. I really don't. You are my whole world, Castiel Winchester." Dean wanted him to know just how amazing that he was. They made love then, the cheesecake forgotten, the talk to Claire forgotten. It didn't matter what they were feeling, as long as they were together.

You keep me connected to you
Like I was your shadow
You're giving me answers to all of my
Questions here on my pillow, oh
Can't nothing get between us, baby
We've been waiting on this moment for so long
You wanna be reckless, restless, right until tomorrow

When I put my lips on you
You feel shivers go up and down your spine for me
Make you cry for me
When I put my lips on you
I hear your voice echoing all through the night for me
Baby cry for me
When I put my lips on you (when I, when I when I)
When I put my lips on you (when I, when I, when I)

Just turn off the lights and you can be my private dancer
When we close the curtains
You and me forget all our manners, oh
The neighbors must think we're crazy baby
'Cause look how easily we keep coming undone
You wanna be reckless, restless, right until tomorrow

Author's note: So, I still haves all these Destiel feels that needs to go somewhere. So, here we are. I'm sorry for Ellen, I wasn't planning that, honestly. It just sort of happened. And what's going on with Jo is going on with me, so I think I'm trying to work through some of those demons and feelings. Difference is I didn't get to have a kid first. But that's too real for this early in the morning. I just hope that ya'll are hanging in, and I hope to have another update soon. That song is Lips On You, and it's on Maroon 5's new album, it's so worth the three years it took to come out. So check it out. The song used in the chapter before this is also on that album. Almost all the songs I hear remind me of Destiel, though, I can't believe that there are people that don't ship it. Sigh.