Fallout

~ Chapter Twenty One ~

Written by Grey

EJ had left his bedroom door open for her, so Sami's plan to psych herself up as she knocked didn't happen. Her footsteps stuttered and she almost pivoted and returned to her own room. Instead, she took a deep breath, lifted her chin and waltzed in, as if she'd done this a million times before and it was nothing new. The shower she'd taken had been ice cold and as a result her nerve endings were on high alert. She would swear she could feel the molecules in the air around her shifting with the tension crackling between them. She'd donned the most shapeless clothing she owned, so at least today she wouldn't be betrayed by her body's physical reaction to any stimuli.

Repeating the pep talk she'd given herself in the bathroom mirror like a mantra, Sami stopped short a few paces inside his room. The scent of him hit her like a brick wall and she almost lost her nerve to go any further, or worse yet, turn tail and bail. The urge she had to go for another run again so soon after getting home was disturbing, she didn't know she was so worked up about this. This has to end.

She had to nip this in the bud for all of their sakes. She swallowed over a painful lump her in her throat, working the muscles to try and clear the invisible blockage so she could speak. Darting her eyes around, she absorbed details about his private space, as he came out from his bathroom, a wide smile lighting up his face when he saw her standing just inside the door.

"EJ."

"Samantha." They started to speak at the same time. EJ's expression faltering when he noticed she hadn't moved any further into his room or closed the door behind her. "Come in."

"I'm ok."

No. She's obviously not ok. This is bad. Something is wrong here. "I don't bite." He tried to joke with her, his pulse rate steadily increasing, a cold sweat breaking out all over his body.

Bullshit. Sami thought to herself, remembering the way his teeth had felt on her lower lip when he'd sucked it in into his mouth and then lightly nibbled it. Her body clenched as awareness flooded her senses. However, remembering her 'this can't happen,' mantra, she refused to take the tangible and readily available bait. "I just wanted to apologize for making you worry earlier. I didn't think you'd be home so early. Figured you all would be hungover or whatever and sleeping it off." She forced her lips up into what she hoped was a convincing grin.

EJ stepped toward her, coming to an abrupt halt when she took one tiny step backward away from him. It was an acute painful sensation to have her retreat away from him. "I thought…" He tipped his head to the side, his eyes murky as the green swirled with darker brown.

Nope. I don't want to hear what you thought. If you talk. I'm going to listen and then we're going to kissing or God knows what else we'll be doing. Nope. Nope. Nope. "I'm sorry." She paused, pasting on a small smile. "I just wanted to go for a real run. The treadmill Uncle Steffie bought me is great, but I like running outside, the fresh air helps me clear my head."

"Right. Ok." EJ nodded, accepting her explanation, but his heart still ached from her withdrawal. There's something else going on here.

"No really, it does." Sami was more vehement in her statement this time, she could see the wheels turning in his mind.

"No, I-I believe you. Maybe I could, I could run with you." EJ offered, desperate to span the chasm that he felt she was trying to wedge between them.

He watched her face, saw the flicker in her eyes before she shot him down. "No, I don't think so. Thanks for offering though. I'm not a good running partner. I have my ear buds in. I sing off key." She laughed and turned to look at the trophies up on a shelf beside his window.

"I wouldn't mind." EJ moved quickly, closing his bedroom door, boxing them in.

Sami swore under her breath, realizing her error immediately of taking her eyes off from him. Not wanting to give the impression of being uncomfortable, she continued her guise of being curious about his multitude of awards and walked closer to the shelf. "Pretty impressive collection here, brother mine."

Damn it. Here we go again. The walls are going up. "Thanks."

A long moment passed as she pretended to be interested in his trophies and he, well - he was just was very interested in her, before they both again spoke at the same time.

"Listen about…"

"I should really…" Sami started to speak, turning back to find him leaning against the door with his arms banded across his chest, studying her. "Ok, I didn't really want to do this, but… This is kind of embarrassing. I'm sorry I kissed you."

"What?" EJ's stomach sank. Her words acting as a direct hit. If he thought her earlier retreat had been painful, it was nothing compared to her apologizing for kissing him. His heart splintered into a million shards, his life's blood oozing out onto the floor at their feet. She was sorry they had kissed? He had ranked it as one of best experiences in his entire life so far and she was apologizing for it? Why didn't she just shoot him and get it over with, it would hurt less?

"You're a guy. A very attractive guy, which I'm sure you already know." She tried to smile, again, probably looking like one of those creepy clowns at the circus with the effort it took to force her lips upward. "I'm sure you're so sick of me and my shit, and I promise to try harder to be the sister you deserve." She took a deep breath, met his eyes and continued on. "What happened last night will never happen again. I just… I don't know, I got wrapped up in the ambiance of the gazebo, the twinkling lights, the secluded location, the soft music." She sighed, but pushed on. "I don't know. I was being stupid. I'm really sorry. I just hope that you can forgive me. You're my brother and I don't want things to be weird between us. I know Uncle Steffie would pack me off to a convent if he knew I'd kissed you. I know you were only trying to be nice. The talk we had before, about you being my big brother and looking out for me, and you wanting to be friends. I really want that. Please say that I haven't ruined things."

Jesus fuck. You think I was kissing you to be nice? You think that I have been jerking off every goddamn day to thoughts about you, and what I want to do to you, to be nice? EJ's mind spun with all of the things wrong with what she'd just spouted off with. His fingers dug into the sides of his biceps as he gripped his upper arms tight to try and get a better rein on his wildly swinging emotions. Yet, there was one glaringly correct statement she had made as well. His father would pack one of them off if he knew something had transpired between them, but it probably wouldn't be her. But what if it was her? What if Father sent her off someplace and he couldn't see her? Couldn't talk to her? Maybe she was right. Maybe they would be better off as just friends.

He dropped his arms from across his chest and pushed his palms on the door, walking toward her. This time she didn't back off, but warily watched him approach.

He swallowed, hoping that his voice would be steady enough to get the words out. "You could never ruin things. I will always be here for you. We're family." EJ stopped two feet away, close enough to see the worry and shadows lining her eyes. "You didn't sleep last night did you?"

Sami blinked, shaking her head. "Wow, that was a rapid change of subject."

He lifted his hand, brushing his thumb over the faint blueish discoloration beneath her lower eyelid. She fought the urge to moan at the barest of caresses. "Did you?"

"No."

"Come on." EJ gestured with his head toward his bed.

Sami's eyes widened and she shook her head slowly from left to right. "Uh no. Were you not paying attention two minutes ago when I said that we shouldn't do anything like that anymore. I think that us sleeping together would be very bad."

"Samantha." He chastised. "You dirty girl. When I suggested that you sleep in my bed. I actually meant sleep. You didn't sleep. I didn't sleep."

Sami's face felt like it was on fire, and again, she wished for that secret portal that would whisk her away from this point of humiliation. "Oh. You didn't sleep either?" She squeaked.

EJ went over and laid on top of his blankets, and then pulled them up for her. "Here you crawl under. I'll lay on top. You'll be safe. Scout's honor."

"Were you a boy scout?" Sami questioned, one hand fisted on her hip as she looked down at him.

"Nope," he yawned, patting the pillow beside him.

"Nice." Sami giggled, still waffling on what to do. She really was so tired.

"Are you getting in here or what?"

Sami grabbed one of his pillows.

"What are you doing?" He braced himself up on an elbow as she put it down on the floor next to the bed.

"Making a bed on the floor."

"No you're not!" He rolled and pinched the pillow, engaging in a brief tug of war with her over it, which she won.

"EJ, stop!"

"You are not sleeping on the floor. Get in my bed!"

"No." She hugged the pillow to her chest.

"Why not?" He sat up, holding his arms out, not understanding what the hang up was. Sure, his motives weren't entirely pure. He did want her in his bed with him. But the majority of the reasons were innocent.

"You don't sleep in my bed, when you come to my room."

"Because you've never asked me to." EJ answered matter of fact, shrugging a shoulder, "and besides, I don't care about that. You're not sleeping on my floor."

"EJ, it's not proper for me to sleep in the same bed with you."

"Fuck proper." He cursed, rolling his eyes.

"Heh," she gave a breathy sigh, "that's one way of saying it." She lifted the pillow burying her face in it, groaning in frustration.

Rolling off the other side of the bed, EJ took his pillow with him, landing with a heavy thud.

"EJ!"

"No sense in both of us sleeping on the floor is there?" Leaning up, he coiled his hand in the comforter and pulled it off the bed on top of him.

"You're not sleeping on the floor in your own room!"

"Watch me."

"EJ."

"Get in my bed Samantha, no offense, but I'm exhausted and could use some sleep. Good night."

She stood on the other side of his bed for a good two minutes, waiting for him to get back up but when he didn't move, she figured it was pointless. Climbing into his bed, she cocooned herself between his sheets and was asleep in seconds.

EJ waited until he heard the gentle evened out cadence of her breathing that he'd learned indicated she was sleeping, then leaned up on the edge of his bed, resting his forearm on the mattress, gazing at the temptress fast asleep in his bed. Her hair wet and tangled on his pillow case, one arm hugging his pillow tight as she faced him. He didn't think that he'd ever get the image out of his head. Or let anyone change his bed linens again. Ever. The way once she completely relaxed in sleep, that little furrow between her eyebrows finally smoothed out. He sighed, resting his chin on his arm, desperate to reach out and touch her. It was going to be even more torturous to try and derail his decidedly non-sisterly thoughts about her. Especially now that he'd had his hands and his mouth on her. But if that was what she wanted, he would do anything for her. Even if that meant making himself miserable in the process.