-Revenge is Sweeter than You Ever Were-

Disclaimer: I don't own any recognizable content

-Chapter Twenty-

-Regrets-

So, Sasuke was now my boyfriend. But it came at the cost of Ino and Tenten as friends. Ino was still way too into Sasuke and Tenten was way to into her plan.

I stood out front of the school, the warmth from the sun making me feel only a tiny bit better. I still felt like I was going to be sick to my stomach and like I couldn't catch my breath. So much had happened in such a short span of time that I couldn't seem to find my equilibrium.

After Tenten had taken her shots at me she'd waited all of 10 seconds for me to disagree, rebuff her. I froze and she, thinking that I'd betrayed her, stormed out of the room. Hinata and I were left standing in the middle of all the technology, gobsmacked. Only one thought was running through my mind, and that was air.

I needed air and all of the yelling seemed to have sapped it completely from the room. I desperately need out. Now. I ran from the building, pushing passed people quizzically staring at me.

They were probably thinking that I should be deliriously happy and yet clearly I wasn't. Sorry guys, my life is a little more complicated.

I didn't stop running until I felt the cool fresh breeze outside the school. Then I inhaled deeply and doubled over as pain and anxiety racked my body.

This is all too much. I am invisible girl. I keep to the shadows. I'm not supposed t date popular boys and get in to terrible fights with supposed friends. All too much!

"Hey, Sakura! Are you okay?" Hinata came running out after me. She caught up to me, hyperventilating with my hands on my knees and began rubbing comforting circles on my back. Her caring ministrations slowly started making me feel better and I eventually managed to stand up straight.

"I'm fine. Minor panic attack. I can breathe now. I'm going to be okay. Thanks," I managed to speak after a few more minutes. I took another deep, steadying breath before speaking again. "You were really helpful just then, and you've been a truly excellent friend through all of this craziness. It's really meant a lot to me. Thank you truly.

"But I think what I really need right now is some alone time, to think through everything that has happened. And to think through all the things that are going to happen. I'll call you later, okay?" Hinata nodded in understanding; she then turned on her heel and headed back into the school. I waited a beat, then popped in my headphones and headed home.

I picked the perfect melancholy song that matched my messed up, confused mood. It pumped loudly through my ears and acted as a mental pallet cleanser. If I was going to do some serious thinking, I needed a clean slate.

Man, music is like the best thing in the world. I don't even want to know what life would be like without it. Nope. Not going there.

I walked into my house just as the song ended (though I needed a few repeats to get home first), and I pulled my earbuds out as I walked through the front door. I could hear the soft sounds of movement from further inside the house. It meant that my mom was home.

What I'd told Hinata about needing time to think alone was true, but something inside me compelled me to go search for my mom in that moment. I slowly moved through the house, a little apprehensive about what I would find, but still desperately needing my mom in that moment.

Whenever my mom came back from one of her alcohol- and sex-fuelled benders she was usually in one of two frames of mind. The first was intense anger over the fact that she'd just been dumped, or sad for the same reason. The anger always led to sadness, but the time it took differed from dumping to dumping.

I walked into the kitchen and saw the strangest sight ever. Sitting on an elegant serving dish on the counter was an entire container of frosting, lovingly and carefully slathered on a red velvet cake.

"Mom?" I called out, suddenly worried, "there's frosting on the counter and there's cake under it!" My mom would eat her weight in frosting after a break up, but never with an actual cake. I had no idea what was going on, nor how I would deal with it.

As I stared worriedly at the cake, my mom entered our kitchen. For once, she wasn't wearing tight, revealing clothes, but a baggy college sweater and leggings. All I could do was stare at yet another destruction of my sense of reality.

"Are you okay, Sakura?" my mom asked, as worried about me as I was about her.

"Am I okay? I should be asking you that! You're covered up and- and- baking cakes!" I motioned to the cake like she may not have been aware of its existence in our normally cake free house.

My mother chuckled mirthfully at my words. "I am better than okay. It took a while, a lot longer than it should have, but I've finally gotten to a good, healthy, wholesome point in my life, Sakura. I was with this most recent guy, trapped in the middle of my typical cycle, when your words finally sunk in.

"I was not a good mom and not a good role model for you. I'd let my need to be with men consume my life and I treated you terribly because of it. I'm so sorry for everything, Sakura, and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you.

"And, to show you that I mean business, I dumped this latest boy and have decided to implement a self-induced celibacy pact. There will be no more men in my life until I have worked on myself to the point where I can be in a healthy relationship."

I could hardly believe the words that were coming out of my mother's mouth, but the frosted cake and the normal mom clothes made very strong, persuasive pieces of evidence.

Maybe she is actually trying to be a mom. Maybe she means is. And if she means it, maybe we can have a normal mother-daughter relationship. Maybe I can tell her things, confide in her.

"Mom," I finally spoke, my voice small. "Sasuke asked my to be his girlfriend. Ino and Tenten found out and both got really made at me. Ino was crazy jealous, said she should be the one who is Sasuke's girlfriend and the only reason he even likes me is because of what they did to me, who they turned my in to." My voice hitched as I spoke. My mom came around from the counter and hugged me tight.

"Sakura, those girls may have helped you, given you tops on hot to act and what to wear, but if those girls were really responsible for everything with Sasuke, you have to ask yourself, why are you the one he asked to be his girlfriend. If all you are around Sasuke is the girl they made you be, why didn't he ask one of them? There is something special about you that Sasuke sees, obviously

"Aside from that, I think you need to ask yourself is, do you really want to be this boy's girlfriend? He's a cheater, a player. He only seems to care about himself. Wasn't that what brought you girls together in the first place? Trying to bring him down, teach him a lesson to try and instil some humanity in him. Is he really good enough for you?"

As she spoke, she pulled away from me so she could look me in the eye, but kept her hands on my shoulders. We were still connected.

Okay, that was an insightful and levelheaded question and now I've got more thinking to do.

"I – I don't know. I mean, I confronted him about some of his behaviour and he apologized publically, before he asked me to be his girlfriend. The whole school basically heard him. Plus, he's never asked a girl to be his girlfriend, and especially not publically; he isn't hiding anything this time, unlike all his past relationships." I felt a little strange justifying it, but my mom seemed to genuinely take in what I was saying. She nodded, pulled me into another tight hug, and then released me.

I left my mom even more confused and in desperate need of some alone thinking time.

Should I date Sasuke? Should I go through with the girls plan? What should I do? What should I do?

To be continued…