Disclaimer: Chapter 1

A/N: Sorry for the wait. I didn't run off with my muse. Instead, I ran off to Mexico with my family. Anyway, I have been working on it, but only in the evenings when I have the time. We have free wireless at the resort but the place is so huge and the ONLY place I can connect is in the golden club, and that requires a hike with my laptop. Regardless, this is the next chapter. Not beta'd as always – please forgive any mistakes I still have water in my ears and sand on my brain. HUGS to you all and thanks for reading and reviewing. You make me want to write… EVEN ON MY VACATION! Oh and forgive me for what I am about to do… PS HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Chapter 21

Nick looked a lot like he'd been tossed under a greyhound bus, only there wasn't the blood loss usually apparent after such an event. Despite this, one didn't have to look terribly close to note how sallow his complexion had become or how exceptionally pained the look on his handsome face was.

The two men in the waiting room stood up when he entered, empty coffee cup in hand. He studied it a moment before crumpling it up and hurling it angrily into the nearby garbage bin.

"How is she?" Greg was the first to speak. It felt odd hearing his own voice after an almost complete hour of utter silence from Grissom.

Nick gazed at the floor, and shook his head. "No change." His hands were shaking as he ran them through the short bristles of his freshly shorn hair. "They drew blood for an HCG count, and to see what's up. But she's…" His arms flew out to the side in confusion as if begging for a sign from God. "She's barely conscious. They said she didn't lose enough blood to be as shocky as she is." He slumped into a nearby chair and dropped his head into his hands, doing his best to get a tighter rein on his volatile emotions. "They're examining her now, to see…" He looked at Greg first and then the mute and stoic Grissom who was simply gaping at him anguish plastered on his usually impassive face. He swallowed the bile sitting in his throat. "To see if she lost the baby."

He'd heard most of the story from Catherine while he finished helping her, and it had sent him reeling. Nick and Sara? To say Greg was shocked was a monstrous understatement. He was literally blown off his feet. Warrick was still out working one of his cases so Catherine had decided to stick around and wait for him before heading over to the hospital. As a result he'd made the short trip alone, only to be forced to gape at the four dingy walls of the waiting room and attempt to stare down his clearly aggrieved boss during the pins and needle wait for news. His purpose – to keep Grissom company - had been for naught. His boss, seemingly lost in his own little world, had ignored him almost completely.

"Do they know what caused her to collapse?" Greg wandered back over to the couch he'd been sitting on, and grabbed the bag wrapped book he'd brought with him. Considering the contents, he hadn't wanted anyone else to get a hold of it.

"Naw…" Nick shook his head, a look of dead confusion playing across his face. "Maybe it was me." He closed his eyes at this thought, his emotions getting the better of him. "We were arguing. I mean nothing serious I was just concerned about her going out with you earlier… and then she…" He swallowed the words. "And then she… just dropped…" A tremulous hand went to his face, swiping at the fresh horror that had just slipped across it. "I caused this didn't I?"

At a loss for words Greg turned to Grissom, hoping he had some advice for the other man. But still mute, the older man had turned his eyes away from both of them. His gazed seemingly lost in the white walls of the waiting room once again. "Uh…man…no." He shook his head. "I'm not exactly up on the reproductive process, perse… I mean other than from a DNA angle. But what I do know is that women do… you know, spontaneously abort. My mom, she had so much trouble getting pregnant. That's why I'm their only kid. They tried and tried and lost a few, and then there was me…" He dropped into the chair beside the shaken man and nudged his shoulder, sympathy working its way through the residual shock. "Arguing with her wouldn't cause this. There must have been something else, Nick." Then he thought about the finality of what he had said so he back pedaled. "That is - assuming the worse, but Nick women do bleed sometimes during pregnancy."

The Texan looked at the younger man, a modicum of relief scattering across his face. The former tech was right. He'd seen it with his own sisters. You don't grow up in a house full of girls and not be a part of a few maternity disasters. "Thanks Greggo." He uttered. Not that he was ready to absolve himself completely of guilt, but his friend's advice did force him to gain a little perspective.

There were a whole host of questions floating around in Greg's brain, but he didn't want to undo what his words had accomplished, so he simply bobbed his head at his friend.

"Mr. Stokes…" A balding slightly overweight resident stood in the doorway. He stared at the chart as if confirming he had the right name.

Nick was on his feet immediately. "How is she?"

This question actually drew Grissom's attention away from where it had runaway to.

"Still tenuous. We're trying to figure out what is causing the problem." His voice softened in sympathy, as he began his explanation. "There's generally a predictable pattern a woman will follow if she's having a miscarriage. This situation seems a little abnormal in the way that it's happening. That is, assuming her uterus is in the midst of expelling the zygote to begin with."

Confused Nick shook his head. "I don't understand…"

The doctor shrugged slightly. "It's a process. Generally, such processes are unsurprising. But she isn't being as predictable as we would like." At this the resident moved into the room a little further and dropped his voice. "Is it possible Miss Sidle was contemplating an abortion?"

Everyone's mouth in the room dropped open.

Nick stood up like someone had set fire to him. "No… absolutely not possible."

"You're certain?" The doctor pressed, doing his best to be gentle, but perplexed by the state of his patient.

"One hundred percent." The Texan was pacing and agitated. He suddenly turned back towards the resident, whose name tag identified him as Dr. Tim Durgan. Shaking his head at the man, he stepped deeply into his personal space so that they were almost toe to toe. Then he continued. "Aside from the fact that she hasn't really been alone any time in the last 48 hours, the last words out of her mouth were… My baby…and she was visibly upsetNow does that sound like someone who was considering an abortion?"

"No…" The resident sighed. "I'm sorry, but I'm compelled to ask these kinds of questions."

Nick was immediately remorseful. As someone who spent the better part of his time, asking painful questions of deceased family members and friends, and casting aspersions in the direction of those same people, he more than understood the man's dilemma. But that didn't make it any easier to swallow when he was on the receiving end. "I get it…" Was all he said.

"I'm only asking because this mimics a home-style abortion scenario in a lot ways." Rubbing his thick fingers along the shiny skin of his head the doctor eyed the grimace twisted the other man's face.

"What do you mean by home-style?"

"Just that there are some things – over the counter naturopathic drugs that a woman can take to cause a miscarriage, or abortion. The problem with them – aside from the fact that they aren't always effective - is that in high doses they can also harm or kill the woman taking them, especially if they don't know what they are doing or the proper quantities to take. These circumstances closely imitate what Ms. Sidle seems to be going through right now."

All three men in the room managed to look confounded, but for the first time since he'd arrived Grissom said something. "Sara wouldn't do anything like that." Nick and Greg both stared at him, so he swallowed and continued on. "She has too much respect for human life."

"Respect for human life is one thing, but being saddled with an unwanted pregnancy and the future of a child you didn't plan for is something entirely different. It forces people to do desperate things sometimes." Dr. Durgan countered.

"She's very smart, a scientist and an active believer in a woman's right to choose. If she wanted an abortion she would have just had one." Grissom pointed out, his voice rising to a pitch that said he was clearly aggravated. "And it would have been carried out by a qualified physician."

"Okay…" The doctor nodded silently, seemingly unconvinced but willing to accept the word of both men for the time being. "Well then, we'll wait to see if she passes her mucous plug or any tissue. That's usually a solid indicator that the pregnancy has been terminated. The pelvic we just gave her didn't reveal all that much. Her cervix appeared intact, though with her being so early on it would not have had to open that much and we didn't want to poke around a lot just because everything is so fragile. We'll also be monitoring her hormone levels to see if they drop any, and I've drawn blood to see if anything unusual shows up."

Nick nodded silently, and then as the resident turned to leave he stopped the man. "When can I go back in?"

"Now." He gazed at the other two men. "She can have visitors too, though only one at a time, and please keep it short."

Nick nodded. "You wanna go in?" He eyed the youngest member of the group. "She's a bit out of it, but she'll know you're there."

"Yeah…sure." Greg seemed reluctant though.

"Don't worry man… it'll be okay." The Texan nodded in the direction of the emergency ward. "They have her in a private room, number 117."

"I won't be long." The former DNA tech shoved his hands in his pockets and moved uncertainly down the hall.

Nick couldn't help but smile at the younger man's reluctance, he was still grinning when he turned to face the piercing and accusatory gaze of a solemn Gil Grissom.

"Do you have anything you want to tell me Nick?" It was all a matter of math and human nature to the entomologist. Aside from the surprise of hearing that his former lover and woman he was still in love with was pregnant, he found himself more than a little dismayed. He and Sara had split a month and a half previously. Even if she were the type to hop from one man to another, which he was certain wasn't the case, Grissom unlike most me had a pretty good handle on her cycle. And the math was telling him that there was no way that the child she was carrying could be the young Texan's. He also knew that Sara was above deceiving her friend, so the bottom line was – the younger man he wasn't the father, which also meant there was a good chance he knew about their affair, otherwise there would be no need for the obvious charade.

Nick squinted in his direction, and for there was an almost sympathetic look gracing his face. Quick as a flash it was gone and he shook his head. "Uh uh… No sir."

"Can I pose a hypothetical question, then?" Grissom pressed.

Running his hand over his head, Nick nervously turned away and dropped into a nearby plastic chair. "Sure, whatever."

Knowing his proximity would make his team member nervous Grissom walked over and sat to Nick's immediate left. When he spoke he didn't look at him. Instead, he focused on the floor. His brain absently stringing together the pattern of white and black colored tiles spread out upon it. Somehow this was an easier task than thinking about the fact that a child that he and Sara may have created together was probably in the mid stages of being little more than a memory. His voice almost cracked as he spoke. "If you were in love with someone, but circumstances prevented you from being together, wouldn't you still want to know if she was carrying your baby?"

Nick refused to make eye contact. He knew if he did he would see the ache in there that Grissom must have been feeling. Most of the time he would have supported the speculation that his boss was a man of very little emotion, but the look on his face a earlier when the doctor was describing the situation proved just the opposite. And the question he'd just posed, more than answered one important concern that had been floating through his head. The man was still in love with Sara, a reality that made the situation all the more agonizing, and what he was about to do exponentially more cruel. Nick shrugged and stood up. "If I was in love with a woman who was pregnant with my child, I wouldn't allow any circumstance to keep me away from her. And if I did then I wouldn't deserve her." Turning he walked out the door. "I have to go and check on Sara." He called back over his shoulder.

"What if you didn't know?" Grissom called after the younger man.

Nick stopped at the edge of the doorway. "That's a cop out man and you know it." He shook his head. "I picked it up in one shift." He thought back to the circumstance that had surrendered the truth to him, and asked himself if he would have figured it out without the help of a bottle of prenatal vitamins and then determined that given a few more days with Sara he would have caught it, regardless. "It wasn't hard to pick up. All you have had to do was pay attention. But see that's the way it is with you isn't it? All this shit has been going on at the lab and with the people who are supposed to be like family to you and you didn't have a clue." He was going to stop there, noting the look of guilt and torment on his boss' face, but he couldn't help himself. He'd known since he'd kissed Sara in the restaurant that he was getting in too deep, and the jumble of emotions he was feeling about the woman down the hall and the futility of the situation in general was messing with his restraint. "She deserves more that this." With that he was gone.

"Hey Buttercup…" Nick called softly as he entered the room to see a worried Greg perched over Sara, her cool limp hand clutched in his. "Was she talking at all?"

The younger man was set to answer when a soft feminine voice broke through the relative silence of the small space. "Stop talking about me like I'm not here." She cringed against at the sensation of the catheter rubbing against the bone in her hand.

Nick smirked. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit." Slender fingers pointed to a jug and empty glass beside it. "Water…"

"Sure…" Nick grabbed the jug and poured.

"She has some questions I can't answer." Greg looked hopefully to the other man. "I'm gonna go." He leaned over and kissed the forehead of the slim brunette. "I brought your book." He indicated the black bag on the side of the table.

"Did Cath get any results yet?" Her voice was hoarse and weak, as Nick pressed the water to her lips. She swallowed deeply and then relaxed her head back onto the pillow.

"No… she was still waiting on them and Warrick when I left."

"Alright…" She licked her lips and closed her eyes for a moment.

"Doctor said only one person at a time." He squeezed her hand lightly, being careful of the IV. "I'll be outside if you need me, okay?"

Sara smiled softly and forced herself to look at the young man, despite the desire to sleep. "Righto, Greggo…"

Wounded dark eyes met the same as the former DNA tech left the room. "How's my baby? They won't tell me anything, Nick." Sara's words stumbled slightly over her tongue.

Lowering himself onto the side of the mattress, he dropped the glass of water on the bedside table and gripped her free hand in his. "That's because they don't know anything yet."

"How can they not know?" Frustration laced its way through the exhaustion in her voice.

"The doctor said things aren't proceeding as they would if you were having a natural miscarriage, honeybunch." There was a question behind his eyes, and Sara spotted it immediately.

"Natural? What else did they say?" She pushed, not sure if she wanted to hear it or not. In reality, she was overcome by the heavy need to sleep, but something about this was important though she was unsure as to why.

"Can I ask you something…? And do you promise to give me an honest answer no matter what?" The Texan's tone was uncertain; almost as though he wasn't sure he really wanted to say the words.

"Sure...An honest answer is the least I could give you, especially after everything you've done for me. At the very minimum, I know I owe you that." Her strength was ebbing but she pushed herself to stay in the moment.

Nick shook his head. "You don't owe me anything. What I've done was purely by choice and you have to understand that."

She smiled sadly. "I do." She gripped his hand a little tighter.

"The doctor said something about naturopathic drugs and abortions. You didn't change your mind, did you?" His eyes were dark with worry.

"No…" She looked perplexed and horrified all at once.

The answer was absolute and went a long way towards easing the ache in the Texan's chest. "Well then nothing else matters." He smiled at her.

"It might…" she said softy, a cold actuality settling in the back of her brain; niggling at the investigator her. "What else did he say?"

"Just that the way this is all coming about seems odd to him." He stared at her, dark eyes searching hers. "Are you in a lot of pain?" He asked trying to distract her from any other concerns she may have.

"I'm crampy." Sadness was held in her words and her pale visage. "So they do think I'm miscarrying then?"

Nick shook his head. "They honestly don't know. As far as they could see everything is intact, but you're so early on that the defining factor will be your hormone levels. That's why their watching you and drawing blood."

She nodded and yawned tiredly. "Tell me more about this being odd, and tell me why you asked me if I'd thought of a naturopathic abortion. Did he tell you what it involves?"

"Sara…I have my answer just leave it." His large hands engulfed her slender ones. "Focus on relaxing and holding onto that baby, okay?"

"This could be important. Tell me what he said." She eyed him darkly, doing her best to sound both stern and strong and failing miserably as her words were barely audible.

"Just what I said earlier, that in some way your symptoms resemble a naturopathic abortion." He sighed knowing she wouldn't give up until he told her everything, despite how sick or tired she was feeling. "He said that there are certain over the counter drug that a woman can take that will cause a miscarriage. The problem with them is they are dangerous to the mom if taken in high doses."

"The only drugs I've knowingly taken have been my prenatal vitamins. And the medicine they gave me here after the fire. Nothing else I swear."

"I told the doctor that you wouldn't do anything like that." Nick assured her.

Sara closed her eyes, and for a moment he thought she had drifted off. Just as he was getting ready to rise and sit in a nearby chair, she squeezed his hand. "My book..." She indicated the other table and waited as he retrieved it. "I'm not sure what the evidence I brought Catherine is going to tell us, but this is pretty indicative of Alicia's feelings towards me. And there's one other thing in there that really scares me. I'm sure it's tied to this as well."

Nick eyed the cover of the book and did his best not to show any emotion at all. This was clearly something private shared between two people and never meant to be public domain. Lifting the front cover he shuttered, inside taped to the front corner was a used EPT stick, with what had to have been a positive result. Beside it there were thick black marker strokes where a sonnet Grissom had written used to be. He could see where the pen had been pressed into the paper but couldn't make out the actual words. He flipped through it rapidly catching altered, blacked out and bloodied faces of the women in the book. Words like die, bitch, slut and whore scattered through it. He didn't even make it as far as the end before he slammed it shut. "I'm going to call Brass, have her brought in."

There was a tentative hand on his arm. "You can't. We may know she did this. But we have no proof."

"You're kidding me, right?" Nick indicated the book still clutched in his hand. "Is this your test strip in here?"

"I have no idea. I know it's the brand I used and stupidly I took the test at the lab so she could have picked it up out of the garbage." Dread settled in the pit of her stomach. Panicked at thinking she was pregnant, she'd made some pretty stupid mistakes taking the test at the lab was one of them. Leaving the result there was another. "I'm sure a DNA analysis would answer that though." Sara fought the grogginess weighing on her thoughts. "You would have to wait for the results before you even talk to Brass."

"This is screwed, you know that don't you." There was anger in his inflection, but still gentleness in his hands as he ran his fingers over the back of hers. "This should be substantiation for what we've suspected all along." He nodded at the book he'd placed beside the water pitcher.

"I found it really well hidden in the back of Grissom's closet. There is no proof she did this. I doubt she was stupid enough to leave fingerprints and she certainly didn't sign her artwork. That's probably why she put it where she did, instead of keeping it." She sighed and closed her eyes. She really wanted to sleep. They were giving her low dose pain medication that they promised wouldn't harm the baby - if it was still intact – but there was break through cramping and it was more painful than she was willing to admit to the young man beside her. She stirred uncomfortably.

"Well we can't just sit around and do nothing." Nick was pissed beyond belief. He hated having his hands tied by the evidence - or lack there of. He especially hated it when all the pieces were there but they weren't fitting properly, and most importantly he hated it when someone he loved was in danger and all he could do was be reactive.

Loved….? Whoa… The realization hit him like a ton of bricks. He stared at the cover of the book, reached for it and then shoved it back into the bag, doing his best to rationalize away his thoughts. Sure he loved Sara… Like a sister, right? Sure… that was it. But then why did he feel so empty at the thought of her losing a child that wasn't even his?

"Hey…" Sara nudged him slightly, noting that the air about him had changed but unsure as to why. "You okay? You disappeared there for a minute."

He forced a grin in her direction but couldn't look at her. "Yeah. Just trying to think of someway to nail her."

"Maybe Cath has gotten something off the top or the shoe that will help." The young woman suggested softly.

"So she hates you because you were involved with Grissom. She really hates you because she found out you were pregnant with his child. She tries to torch you in your car." He threw his hands up. "She must have left something of herself somewhere…"

"She's good. I'll give her that. But what I don't get is, why Cath first. I mean. I posed the immediate threat." Sara added weakly, her eyes closing once again.

"Maybe she didn't know that." Nick suggested. "Maybe she thought it was Catherine he was involved with."

There was silence for a moment before Sara nodded. "It's possible. I don't think she knew about Grissom and I until about a week ago."

"What makes you say that?"

"That's when she gave me a bag of stuff that I'd left at his place." She grimaced slightly. "Told me they didn't have room for it there. I imagine if she knew it was mine before then, she probably would have given it back to me earlier."

"What was in it?" Nick eyed her curiously.

"Nothing really…" She turned a moderate shade of red as Nick waited for her to give up the list. A small moan escaped her chest. "A few books, underwear, and a can of my herbal tea…" She yawned slightly. "That's it. Nothing terribly provocative."

"Maybe not to you, but to her I bet it meant a lot."

The two of them stared at each other mutely as another wave of pain moved through her. She shifted uncomfortably again but did her best to mask it by grabbing for the glass of water beside her.

Nick got to it first and then held it to her lips. He watched her drink and then it hit him like a bolt of lightening. He was on his feet immediately and dialing Catherine's number with in seconds.

"What's wrong?"

"Chamomile tea… Sara, you said she gave you back a can of your herbal tea. I have only ever seen someone drink tea that comes from a bag. I thought it was weird when I first saw you stuff that little ball. There are some pill forms of naturopathic drugs, but a lot of them are actual herbs. How difficult would it be for her to mix some of these drugs or herbs into your tea?" Nick was pacing animatedly now; his steps betraying the agitation that was coursing through him. "Did she give you the tea back before or after you found out you were pregnant?"

Terror was painted on the young woman's face as the realization struck her. "After. The next day…" There were tears in her eyes at this point.

"Whoa… hey… stop that now…" Nick dropped the room phone back onto its hook and pulled his shaking friend into a solid embrace.

"God I did this to myself." She shook her head against his chest.

"Not a chance in hell, Buttercup. This was all her and don't you doubt it." He kissed the tearful brunette lightly on the forehead and waited for her to stop. A few minutes later her trembling had subsided and she seemed to have calmed. "I think." He moved back to get a better look at her tear stained face. He didn't like the fear he saw in her eyes and knew that despite what he wanted, there was someone else who would be better suited to help her. He didn't want to bring it up but his conscience had a strangle hold on his emotions and he had no choice. "I think we need to talk to Grissom." She made to shake her head and pull away but he held her in place and forced her to listen. "He and I had a conversation in the waiting room, and I think he's figured it out." She made to speak again, but he stopped her. "I didn't confirm or deny it, and as God is my witness Sara as much as I wish this whole thing…" He indicated the two of them. "…was real, I also know he loves you the look on his face said as much." He shoved aside the pain in his heart. "I think he has the right to hear the truth, about you, the baby and that psycho bitch."

She shook her head sadly. "It would only hurt him more to know about the baby now. Especially because I'm going to lose it."

"Don't talk like that, Princess." Nick gazed at her mournfully.

"It's true. The cramping is getting worse." She eyed him sorrowfully. "He or she wasn't meant to be, Nick."

"Don't say that."

"I have to accept it." Sara countered somberly.

It was something he was willing to sell his soul to change but the look on her face told him that they both were powerless to stop what was happening. "Gris still needs to know the truth and he needs to hear it from you. He can help you through this, Honeybunch." Two pairs of dark eyes studied each other and then Sara nodded. "I'll go out and tell him about Alicia; everything we think we have, and everything we think she's done. No more secrets." He said definitively. "Then I'll send him in and you tell him the rest, okay?"

She nodded again both afraid and relieved, though uncertain as to how Grissom was going to take the news.

Leaning in he kissed her on the cheek and then suddenly on the mouth. It wasn't long or languid, but far from chaste. Two broad hands encircled her face and he gazed at her wordlessly for a second. "If he doesn't treat you right you tell me. Okay? This'll be his only chance, Buttercup…"

Wiping away the tears that had gathered in her eyes she nodded at him in silent agreement.

"I'll talk to Grissom first, and send him in, in a minute."

TBC