I Prefer Spearmint: chapter 19

AN: This is a more emotional chapter- for me, and for Rachel.

Disclaimer: I don't own OHSHC

"OPERATION CHEER THE LADY UP IS IN ACTION!"

"Boss, I think you just woke the target."

"What if she's like Kyoya-sempai?"

"Or worse, Honey-sempai"

"Then we'll be doomed!"

"Guys, I think we should apologise to Rachel for taking her out on a Saturday. And besides, she shouldn't be sleeping on Mori-sempai while we're walking." Is that a voice of reason? Must be Haruhi.

I groggily woke up and buried my head in a shoulder. Or chest. Something warm. My powers of deduction are amazing. Wait. 'Sleeping on Mori'? Oh god. Is this the third time I've been blessed by the amazing touch of Morinozuka Takashi? Someone celebrate this holy reunion of two complete strangers who have come together under some bullshit excuse of a universal dilemma.

"Actually, I'm already awake," I declared. "But the real question is, why the heck are you dragging me out on the streets on a Saturday morning."

"They're having a town fair, Rachel!" Tamaki exclaimed, shoving a poster in my face. "There'll be lots of sales and commoner food!"

"That is none of my business." I glared at him, sending him hiding behind an equally grumpy Kyoya. "You can go and fetishize over your 'commoner goods' like you want, but leave me out of it."

"Mommy! Our daughter is being rude!"

"Don't. Talk. To. Me."

Tamaki ended up disintegrating on a street while I got off Mori, noticing that Honey was seated on his shoulders. We were standing out a lot, and a lot of teenage girls were crowding around us, taking out their phones to snap photographs. I examined the area around me and wondered how long it would take for me to get home. Feeling my pockets, I realised that I had nothing on me. No money, no key card, no nothing.

"So, what's for sale?" I asked, trying to be cheery about it.

"Apple juice."

I perked up instantly. Oh sweet bread crusts and incestuous grapes, this is the moment I have been living for… amongst many other moments. Let them drink apple juice; let the whole world come to knowledge of the sweetness of apple juice! And I shall lord over the world from above. But before world domination, let us have that apple juice sale to conquer.

"Where are they selling apple juice?"

"There! Let's go, Ra-chan!" Honey jumped off from Mori's shoulders and pulled me randomly in a direction. "C'mon, we have to hurry!"

I ran after him as fast as I could- I was no athlete, so by the time I got to the fair, I was already panting and sweating like a pig. Honey was already charming the pants off the salesperson (figuratively, of course), and I followed after him, opening the fridge full of apple juice to cool down. I looked at the apple juice. Hmm, but I didn't bring my wallet. Eh? What's this… apple grape juice?

"Ra-chan, Ra-chan, what are you looking at? Eh? There's lots of apple juice!" I nodded along with him.

"Yeah! I wish I could buy them all… I didn't bring my wallet though…" Wait, am I sounding like I'm asking for money?

"We could buy them together!"

"N-no, it's okay. I'll just buy it later on my own."

"But that's not okay, Ra-chan. You don't always have to do things on your own," he said, looking at me with puppy-dog eyes as I shut the fridge. "We're here for you."

"And you don't always have to make me out to be the victim here," I snapped, and sighed, combing my fringe. "No, I'm sorry. Shouldn't have snapped."

"It's alright, Ra-chan! C'mon, let's get a bottle of apple juice and then we'll find the rest!"

He randomly took out a bottle and paid for it before sprinting off. I sighed, took a deep breath, and sprinted along. I had no idea where he was going. This was like an Alice-in-wonderland chase! I came to a stop outside an arcade. I peered under the curtain, and saw the twins trying out Dance Dance Revolution. Walking in and trying not to disturb them, I snuck over to the shooting section of the arcade. Wow, it's really loud in here. Mori and Kyoya were attempting a shooting game. It was weird to see Kyoya indulge in any game other than chess, but to be fair, he really wasn't attempting at all. Mori was great at shooting- though he was a little taller than the machine. Where did Honey go?

I trudged along, trying not to alert or distract them, and saw that Tamaki was attempting to catch some weird teddy bear for Haruhi. She stood there listlessly, plugging her fingers into her ears. I smiled at her when she saw me, and she just gave an exasperated look and jerked her head at a disappointed Tamaki.

"Have you seen Honey-sempai?" I mouthed.

"He walked over there."

I nodded and walked over to a racing car section. I was tempted to join him as he started steering the steering wheel, but was side-tracked by a Project Diva machine. I squealed and went over. God, why did I bring my wallet? Oh right- I was dragged out forcefully to be here. Someone tapped the sensor on the machine with a card. I looked up. One of the twins. Probably Kaoru just because Hikaru's a selfish pig. I smiled and nodded my thanks. He went over to the second Project Diva machine and tapped the card on the sensor.

"Battle," he mouthed.

"Game on!" I yelled back.

I had never played in an arcade before, much less on a Project Diva game- but I was sure I was going to kick his ass. Because I was awesome anyway. He waited for me to choose a song, and I hesitated, before deciding on Miku's classic; World Is Mine. How fitting. It was a simple tempo-rhythm based game, and I was patient enough to not mess up. I waited, and realised that most of it was on the circle button. I smiled, and focused on my game, tapping my feet to the song. By the time we were done with the song, everyone was crowding around us I checked our scores, and found, to my dismay, that I had lost. Well. World domination wasn't an easy task to begin with.

I smiled sheepishly at him, and Kaoru smiled back.

"Hey, Ra-chan, let's play DDR!" Honey suggested, dragging me towards the Dance Dance Revolution machine.

I laughed and went to the monster of a machine. I had horrible coordination, in general, and would probably end up looking like a big blob trying to tango awkwardly on the dance floor. But today's for fun! And a bit of world domination.

We scrolled through the choices, and we settled on Love and Joy. It was probably the only song I knew from the list. I held onto the railing behind me for dear life and prepared myself for another life-changing event. When the song came on, I gripped onto the railing tighter, and looked over at Honey. He was enjoying himself thoroughly, clutching onto his bunny and just jumping along to the song. This isn't fair! When the first beat came, all hell broke loose as I stumbled over my own feet, mis-stepped onto a platform, and died about ten times.

"Ah! Crap!" I screamed and laughed awkwardly as I stepped onto the wrong platform for the fifth time in a row. "Shit, shit, shit, shit-!"

"Takashi! Cover me!"

And then Honey joined me, taking over the right and bottom arrow platforms for me, while Mori substituted him. I stared, mouth and eyes wide open at the gorgeous giant who was stoically dancing to the pop song, hitting the platform randomly in a professional order. I peeked over at his screen, and broke down laughing. Oh god, Mori was worse than me. And he was doing it with such a poker-face. I can't- I don't- how do you even-?

When the song was over, I fell onto the ground like the useless heap of slug I was, Turns out that Honey still won me anyway, because he was already too awesome, and had scored loads of points before Mori took over. I continued laughing, and when I tried to explain why I was laughing, I ended up spluttering and banging my head against the machine.

Honey helped me up and dragged me out of the arcade into the streets. Wait; didn't we come here because of the fair anyway? He passed me the bottle of apple juice, which I destroyed in a minute. I smiled at him- and winced as I felt my cheeks ache from too much happiness. Too much happiness; this has to be some kind of unspoken rule in the world- one has to suffer from too much happiness. A result of life. I nodded solemnly, before recalling Mori's Tarantula legs. And then I died.

This has to be some kind of record- dying so many times in a day.

"It's not healthy," I said to myself, and started chuckling.

"I'm so glad Ra-chan had fun today!" Honey exclaimed, and I hugged him.

I spun around to face the rest of the Host Club, and bowed deeply. "Thank you for today. Operation: 'Cheer the lady up' is a success!"

Tamaki cheered, and I smiled- but caught a head of white hair running off into the crowd. Wait, white hair… The person! That stupid person! There weren't many white-haired people who were able to run at that speed! And so, being me, I chased after her. I wanted more answers, and I was going to get them.

"Wait! Rachel!"

I ducked in between strangers and continued following the white-haired person.

"Stop! That white-haired thing!" I screamed, trying to speed up before my lungs ached.

I came to a pause, when I couldn't find the stranger anymore. Looking around, I tried to spot that stupid thing, and then I saw the boundary. The Grey. A jagged line running through the shop-house, cutting it into half. And people were just walking into it without knowing. I felt the ground beneath me shake, and started to panic. Oh god, I should have brought my phone. My phone- it anchors the ground, and keeps it safe. It keeps me safe.

People were just walking towards it, happily chattering. Someone pushed me, and I stumbled- my left hand barely touching The Grey. It was so hot! I shrieked and pulled my left hand out. It looked like a chameleon- as if trying to decide what to look like. I backed away- fanning at my left hand, trying to cool it down. And when it settled, my whole hand was burnt and bleeding, skin tearing- crisp, red skin just peeling and curling, blood oozing out. There's just so much blood! And it was throbbing so hard- as though trying to feel alive, trying to become another being with its own Frankenstein-inspired existence. Stop the blood- how? In through the nose, out through the mouth, calm down- I tried to move my fingers, but I couldn't feel them anymore. God. No, this can't be happening to me. No. God- if this is what happened in a second, then Mom and Dad- oh god- no.

I cradled my left hand to my chest, and winced. God, it hurt so badly- how did my hand not fall off? Maybe it was because I was conscious of it, or maybe my phone was rubbing off me. But for now, I needed immediate medical attention for my hand. I looked back at The Grey, and started crying- the people walking into it! They should know! But what would they do if they knew?

"Ra-chan!" Honey called out, and I hid my hand.

"Don't-" I started to say. "The Grey. My hand- it's hurt."

"Your hand's hurt?" Honey asked, and I shook my head, blinking away the tears.

God, I can feel my entire hand just pulsing and throbbing so hard. It doesn't feel alive, though. One, two, one, two… I focused on Honey's eyes. The Host Club drew close behind Honey. One, two, one, two…

"The Grey. Can you see it? It's done this," I said, waiting for them to take note of The Grey and its boundary.

It was funny how, when they knew, they saw. And then they backed away. I uncovered my left hand, and waited for the screams. There was nothing, but they all looked stunned, shocked- their fear mirroring mine. One, two, one, two… focus. Focus. The twins pulled me away from The Grey, and Haruhi approached me slowly, cautiously- I recoiled, tears blurring my vision. One, two, one, two… Tamaki dialed a number, and started ordering the members around.

One, two, one, two… I fell onto the ground, still hugging my injured hand. Kyoya knelt down beside me and examined my wounds. I winced and tried not to make too much noise. He muttered something, and told me to calm down. I nodded quickly, and bit my hand. One, two, one, two…

"Okay, Rachel, I want you to drink this." I took whatever Kyoya offered and drank it slowly.

One, two, one- I accidentally took a look at my bloodied hand and the mess it was causing. God, that was gross. My heart sped up, and I panicked again.

"Calm down. Rachel. Look at me. Count slowly. Give me your hand. No, your left hand. Close your eyes, and think of the beach."

I obeyed him, and found it calming. In through the nose, out through the mouth. One, two, one, two… God, it hurts. One, two-

"Kyoya," I said softly, gripping onto the bottle tightly with my uninjured hand. "It hurts so badly. Give me something to stop it."

He stayed silent, and I was burning inside. Damn the beach. "Give me something to stop it."

More silence. I opened my eyes and glared at him- flexing my fingers and finding that movement only hurt it more. He was tying something tightly around my left wrist, and I hissed. "Kyoya!"

In through the nose, out through the mouth… He looked up at me, and said, "Count aloud."

I kicked my feet- clearly throwing a tantrum- and punched the ground with my knuckles. Gritting my teeth and glaring at him full-force, wishing he was the one who got his hand hurt, I shouted, "Dammit, it hurts! Kyoya!"

He twitched. Good. I was getting to him. I tugged at my shirt collar- it was so hot; it was scorching. Like rage was licking at my skin teasingly- I just wanted relief and cold so much. Someone placed a hand over my eyes.

"Stop thinking."

Mori. I growled, "It hurts. You don't understand- it's hurting, it's burning, it's eating me up!"

"Stop thinking," he repeated.

I forced myself to stay still for a few moments. Finally, the sound of an ambulance echoed around the place- I was so damned ready to kill someone now. When I looked at my wrist- tied up and sore- I blanched. The skin underneath the ribbon was turning bluish-black. Someone ushered me into an ambulance, and Kyoya gave me pain-killers. I guess he was a doctor, after all. I swallowed them down eagerly- and waited impatiently. Hurry, hurry, hurry…

"Stop thinking."

The pain was subdued, but it remained throbbing.

My whole hand was bandaged, and I was given a cast just in case. I looked down at my injury, and shuddered. I couldn't feel my hand under it. I sat on a hospital bed and waited glumly for something to happen. Note to self: never run after strangers. They classified my case as a second-degree burn, but it didn't feel like a second-degree burn. It felt much worse. But then again, I had never gotten a second-degree burn before.

For a moment, I felt like the pain had gotten deeper than just the skin and the bones. It had gotten to my mind- my soul- concepts of nonphysical matter.

"Fuwa-san? You're free to go." I followed after the nurse to find the Host Club waiting.

"Are you alright?" Haruhi asked, running to me.

"Yeah." I walked over to Kyoya, and bowed. "I'm sorry I acted like a brat then."

"It was expected."

And then, another bow to the entire group. "I'm sorry I made all of you worry by running off suddenly."

"It's alright! We're family anyway!" Honey cheered, and hugged me.

I hugged back. "I need to tell you something. At home."

Kyoya arranged for the ride, and we kept silent during the entire ride. They had seen The Grey, and had seen what it could possibly do. And now, I didn't know what to do. It was already dark, and when we huddled into the apartment, I settled for takeout. Tamaki was all for it, and the rest- well- they just weren't very inclined to speak after what happened to my left hand. I was going to do this fast. Fast, short and simple- and then I'd chase them out. They didn't deserve this. And God knows where the boundary extends.

I stood nervously in front of them, and said, "I need to tell you something."

"What is it, Ra-chan? Does your hand hurt-?"

I shook my head. "My family's dead."

"W-what?"

"My family is dead. Or at least, they're just as good as gone." I took a breath to steady myself. "I barely touched the surface of The Grey, and look what happened to my hand. Since this district is the only place left untouched in both of our universes, we're still safe from being warped. Because of the connection between Mao's and my phone. But it's progressing faster than ever; soon, we'll all be roasted inside that dimensional space. I have no idea how to fix it. It's like a doomsday; only that it's earlier. So. My family's dead. And I know you guys have yours, so I'm chasing you all out. Because you don't deserve to spend your time with a silly girl. You have your commitments and your families, and I appreciate today. Thank you. Now, go home and spend the last days with whomever you have to." I took a deep bow.

I stayed in the position for a while, before someone- Mori threw me over his shoulder, and placed me down on my bed. I tried to protest, but he placed a hand over my eyes.

"Stop thinking. Sleep."

I paused, and then started laughing hollowly- bitterly. "No. That was just the start."

We stayed in silence for a moment, until I decided to break it. This was something I needed to get out of my system. Something I had to sort out, and I guess Mori was- well, Mori was just the perfect person for me to unleash my agony upon. I was selfish, but I guess I wanted to be selfish. With my eyes still shut, I inhaled shakily.

"You know, Mori."

"Ah."

"My older brother died last year."

He removed his hand, and as soon as I got used to the dimness, I realized that he was looking at me with those pitying eyes- the same old sympathy. It was a social construct, and I couldn't blame him.

"No, you must understand that there was no sense of grief at all, Mori. I wasn't upset. I wasn't mourning. Ricky- that was him- was mentally and physically disabled. I didn't get to understand him. He was just… he was just some disabled blunder on my family's financial side, and I just took him for a shadow lurking around in the family photographs. No. But he died- of pneumonia- and it was unexpected. I mean, we knew he was going to die, but when death hits you in the chest… Nobody ever expects it.

"So I had three days of the funeral to attend. It was a torture. Everyone spoke about how wonderful he was, and there I was- there I was, thinking- 'oh god, he couldn't even think, why do you keep stuffing your faces full of hypocrisy'? I can't help it, Mori. I wasn't upset for him. Even Roland cried. Everyone was just so upset, and I was having three days of my life robbed from me. It took me months before I could get unacquainted with grief.

"In those three days, I have never hated someone as much as my b-brother. Because I knew he mattered to my family in some way, and some form of normalcy was just broken. Shattered. And I didn't know what to do- I was trying not to let it get to me- the irritation and the madness. I mean, how can someone just die and suddenly begin living in others' lives? How could he?" I realized my voice was breaking, and so I tried to breathe normally.

I stayed silent for a few more moments, and thankfully- Mori did too.

"Mori."

"Ah."

"Mori. After his death, I thought about him a lot. Not about him, but about having an older brother. Someone to pamper me. Maybe if he were normal- ordinary- functional, even- maybe I would still have an older brother. Someone absurdly protective of me- and whenever I walked down the streets, I would see guys returning from the army, and I would think- what if I had a brother like that. And- I thought that he robbed me of the brother I was supposed to have.

"I felt guilty for thinking like that- but for me, he was never alive. He shouldn't have to torment me like that. Not when he didn't even matter. He doesn't even- I don't- I mean- I'm over it now. I'm over it as much as I can-"

"You're not over it."

I stayed silent, and sat up. "Yeah. I'm not."

He placed a hand on my head, and ruffled my hair. "Rachel, you can't be blaming yourself just because you're feeling something. You can't help your emotions. And maybe accepting your emotions is something you need to do."

I smiled at him through my tears. Wiping them away, I nodded. "You know, Mori- I wish you were my brother."

"You have all of us."

My heart felt so empty and so heavy at the same time- and it was just beating steadily. I didn't know what to think of that. It's been a year- but I don't think I want to face it- because not even time can heal wounds. Unless I wanted it to heal, I couldn't start. And maybe this pain- this blind, raging hurt was the start for me to heal.

"I want to ask a favour from you, Mori." I waited until he nodded. "Can I hug you?"

Without waiting, I lunged myself at him, and squeezed- squeezed so hard- because I felt like I was breaking apart, and for now- I needed someone to help me deal with my messed-up mental life. And maybe indulge a little in the fantasy of having an older brother who would be there for me. Mori hugged back, stroking my back, and I started to cry again- the tremors and the vibration running up my body again.

I remembered reading something from Twilight (granted, it wasn't a particularly classical or elaborate work): a clean break- it makes healing easier.

I fell apart, again, letting the splinters just fall and chip away.

Reviews: if you feel so moved.