Chapter 19

Tidal waves

"1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime"- RAINN statistics

"And I don't know what I'm supposed to do, but if she feels bad, than I do too,

so I let her be...And she says oh, I can't take no more, her tears like diamonds on the floor..." -Rob Thomas, Her Diamonds

Disclaimer: I don't own GG

Background: takes place in the episode where Lorelai is gone for the weekend and Rory eats in her house with Jess and Paris, which is when Dean comes, Jess leaves and they start fighting. All starts going down after that.

Warning: Some chapters may be really triggering.

Note: There is so much to be said now that the story is starting to unravel, and that makes it harder, writing the next chapters. Anyway, I finally sat down in attempt to figure out what happens next, but it's too long, so I am breaking it down into few chapters. This is the first one.

1.

Finally, Rory had no more tears. Not for that moment anyway. She cried so hard that her body hurt, physically, but it was a bit of a relief, finally having shared it all with Lorelai. It was nice to just let herself be hugged by someone, by her mom, and just feel like a child, small and loved. And safe.

But then, inevitably, she had to sober up.

From the alcohol, and from the comfort of the hug. She knew inevitably after, it would come more questions. More reactions to deal with. More decisions to make, about her own life, when she'd be much more content to just sign off, switch off, and let someone else make decisions. Lorelai hugged her a little tighter, feeling her hesitation, and then released her, carefully. Rory both resented and appreciated that carefulness, because it was a reminder, every moment, of what happened. But on the other side, it had (it did, I can finally say it, it did, she thought in disarray) happened, and she really needed that carefulness.

"Honey"

"Mom?"

"I want to help, I just...I have no idea what you need. If there is anything that would help, please let me know, please"

Rory smiled with sadness and shrugged. "I wish I can take that whole thing back. I wish I never met Dean. I want my childhood back and I feel like I'm 1000 years old...I wish I lived somewhere where no one knows me and I don't have to pretend. Sometimes I wish I can just disappear. I wish..."

Lorelai was looking at her surprised. After all the unsaid silences in the last months, she was surprised at the speed with which her daughter was talking now. Rory laughed at her expression. "I guess being able to talk helps a little"

2.

That night, Rory slept deeply, whether because of the alcohol, or the relief of the talk, she wasn't certain. Lorelai, on the other hand, didn't sleep much. Her head was buzzing, trying to figure out how to help Rory. She slept in patches, waking up uncertain, and went down to Rory's room few times, to make sure her daughter didn't need her for something. At 5:30AM she made more coffee, and got up, even though she really didn't need to do so at that early hour. At 6:30AM, she couldn't take it, and almost left a message for Chris, but then reconsidered few times. This was Rory's story, and she had barely told her. The anger bubbled in her, along with pain and confusion, but the prevalent feeling was helplessness. She knew anything she could do, even if it helped a little, could take away what her daughter had went through.

Leave aside the obvious trust issues, the shame, the repercussions it could have on her future relationships. From what Rory described, Lorelai was most scared of the fact that her life had really been in danger. It wasn't just about Dean hurting her, it was about the fact that she had felt her life was being threatened...How do you get over that?

When she finally went to work (after repeatedly reconsidering whether she should stay and watch over Rory), Lorelai had deep dark circles under her eyes. All the workers going around, the usual morning chatter, was going around her like water. She wasn't much aware of even half of it.

"Lorelai"

She was signing things, and greeting people and somehow automatically doing her job without really knowing what she was doing.

"Lorelai" it was Sookie, asking her something.

"I'm fine"

"Good. Because there's a lot to do. Hey? Do you need extra coffee, or chocolate? You really don't seem like you're here today...Is something going on?"

"No. Yes. No...I...can use both, I guess"

Sookie pushed a plate with a piece of chocolate cake, decorated with raspberries and syrup in front of her. Then she poured a huge mug with coffee.

"Here you go. Did you celebrate a lot after the ceremony or something like that?"

"Ceremony? Oh..." She had completely forgotten about the fact that she had graduated yesterday. It seemed like it had been a week ago, not just a day.

"Is anything wrong? Lorelai"

"Oh, no. I'm fine. It's all fine. So, so fine"

"Okaaay, guys, can you leave us for 10 minutes?" All the kitchen staff went out.

"Lorelai? What's wrong?"

"It's nothing. I'm fine. I am fine. I am the parent, I should know what to do, I just I can't Sookie, I don't know...I have no idea what to do, or what to say. And she needs me, she needs me to be better than this, she really does, you know that..."

"Lorelai?"

"It's not my story to tell, it's not"

"Is it Rory?"

Lorelai kept silence.

"I don't know what to do Sookie"

"Is she okay?"

"I don't know..."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"She is physically, I think, but..."

"Lorelai, you have to tell me, you're freaking me out"

Lorelai covered her face with her hands and the helplessness overcame her.

"I'm worried about Rory. She is fine physically, I think, but she's going through something big, and I can't tell you Sookie, I'm sorry, but I just don't know...I have to be stronger, for her, and I don't know what she needs."

"Is this about her break up with Dean? I know she's been sad for a long time. She hasn't smiled much lately"

Lorelai ran fingers through her hair and said nothing. She tried a tiny bite of the chocolate cake and pushed the plate aside. "Sookie, I'm scared. I don't know if this can be fixed. I'd give anything to be the one who is going through something, not my daughter, but I can't"

Sookie sat down carefully, suddenly surprisingly quiet and careful.

"Lorelai, you don't have to tell me...But if he hurt her, if he did anything to her she didn't want, you need to get her to a counselor. You should not be dealing with this on your own. Trust me, you can't even begin to comprehend how this feels for her. You need to get her to a professional."

Lorelai looked at Sookie, shocked. "How could you possibly...why would you say this?"

"Because, I've seen those reactions before, a long time ago. I know what this can do to a person. I'm not saying that is what happened, and I don't need you to tell me if I am right. But if she was...if she was hurt, if he hurt her, you don't have to tell me. Neither does she. But I am telling you, as a friend, she needs to see a counselor. I've been there, and I'm telling you, if you really want to help her, get her to counselor, therapist, support group. She will need that."

Sookie had turned away, and was chopping vegetables rigidly, but her voice was completely serious and even.

"Sookie?" Lorelai said quietly.

"Look, I may be out of line, I may be wrong- that would be great, I would be glad to be wrong this time. But if I am not, please follow my advice."

"Sookie, if you want to..."

"I'm okay, okay? You needed to know, so I told you. We can talk about it, may be, one day, but for now Rory needs you. I love her like a daughter, you know that, so...so I am telling you this to help. Not to talk about it."

"Sookie!" Lorelai repeated softly. "You never said anything"

"I have a job I love, great friends, and a husband that loves me, flaws and all. I'm happy Lorelai. I'm grateful. The rest...time changes a lot, I promise"

''Okay...but if you ever want to..."

"You'd be the first to know, I promise. Just...take the day off, go be with her, okay?"

Lorelai hugged Sookie tightly. "I love you, Sookie, you're an amazing friend. And amazing person"

Sookie laughed heavily. "Of course I am. Now get my kitchen staff back in here, or else nobody is eating lunch..."

"Got it, off I go. Sookie..."

"I know. Promise I will call if I need to talk"

Lorelai hugged her again, and repeated. "You're amazing"

"And don't you forget it!" Sookie laughed, and pushed her in the direction of the door. Lorelai left, still slightly in shock.

Note from the author: I understand this may seem a bit unreal turn of events, and some of you may think I am doing it for dramatic effect. However, I've seen this happen first hand. life is full of surprises. People don't always talk about things...but I have discovered that sometimes by sharing your story, you can make some of them open up, and tell you theirs.