Singerella
Disclaimer: Still don't own it, and by 'IT' I mean my island...
Chapter 21
RPOV
The next three months went by in a blur of change and activity. Shelby, true to her word, had stuck by Rachel, going so far as to take a leave of absence form Broadway and rent and apartment in Lima in order to be close to the Puckerman's. No one had put Rachel's needs ahead of their own for as long as she could remember. Initially she was mortified that Shelby would give up such opportunities and believed that she would soon grow angry and resentful when she discovered that Rachel just 'wasn't worth it'. However, as the months drew on, she realized that Shelby had foreseen just how much she would need her, and was touched at how much the woman apparently cared for her.
It was hard for Rachel to break old habits though. She continued to wake before the crack of dawn – not once had she ever slept past 5am in the last 13 years, and her body didn't seem to want to change now. As a result, the Puckermans (and increasingly Shelby – as Rachel took to sleeping over at her apartment) often work to a full cooked breakfast, sparkling kitchen, and at least one new load of clean and ironed laundry.
Although they attempted to discourage Rachel from doing more than her 'fair share' of household chores, she was skittish and on edge when unoccupied; though she knew rationally that there would be no punishments to follow. For all of her formative years, she'd learned that for her, being idle equated to being useless: and being useless would garner you a beating more often that not. Thus, if she did find herself with nothing to do, she could be found sitting ramrod straight on a chair in her bedroom, fairly pulsing with unspent energy.
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Noah did his best to take her out of the house, and involve her in the 'normal' teenage activities that she had missed out on. He took her bowling for the first time, took her to the Homecoming dance at his school, and they went through the local corn maze and kissed under the stars. Each teen rejoicing in the increased amount of time they had to spend together.
Shelby too, stepped into her role as mother and planned special mother/daughter days with Rachel, including a trip to the spa where she incredulously learned that Rachel had never had a professional haircut. Ever. When she was younger, her Dad had been responsible for styling her hair, and when she was living with the Fabrays it was left to grow unattended, barring a trim from Tova every few months to keep the ends tidy. The hairstylist attempted to allay Rachel's fears by praising her nearly waist-length thick, shiny chestnut locks. But Shelby still had to hold her hand as the scissors snipped off a good few inches, raising her hair to just below her shoulder blades and adding light layers and a brand new fringe. When her hair was complete Rachel barely recognized the sophisticated young woman staring wide-eyed back at her.
Shelby had also, immediately upon her move to Ohio, taken Rachel shopping for new clothes. It took at least an hour to convince Rachel to even try anything on, so aghast was she at the prices for new clothing. Insisting that she had a perfectly serviceable wardrobe currently as all of her clothing fit, and she was always quick to mend any tears of frays. Shelby could see that she would have her work cut out for her to introduce Rachel to the fun of 'browsing', and occasionally, of buying something you didn't need, just because you wanted it (they would probably have to work up to that one).
Eventually Shelby had to use her acting skills to guilt Rachel into believing she would be doing Shelby a favour by accepting some clothing. Stating in a voice seemingly thick with unshed tears that she'd dreamed of shopping with her daughter for nearly 18 years, and that (quickly switching to her usual no-nonsense attitude) Rachel had better let her spoil her today.
However, by far the biggest gift that Shelby gave to Rachel was her first real-life, out-in-the-open singing lesson. Every afternoon, Rachel would go to Shelby's for a music lesson: theory, notation, breath control, pitch, dynamics...everything she could possibly wish to learn. Rachel absorbed it all like an eager sponge. What started as an hour in the afternoons quickly multiplied until Rachel was there into the evenings, and eventually, staying overnight more often that not. Through their shared love of music the two women learned more about each other and a mutual feeling of comfort, connection and trust grew between them.
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Shelby's POV
Shelby had attempted to shield Rachel form the trial proceedings as much as possible. She only attended when it was absolutely necessary. Once to give her testimony, and once for the sentencing.
She didn't know who was dreading today more. It was the day Russel would be sentenced. Rachel and Puck had stayed overnight at her apartment (after Puck swore on his Mohawk that he wouldn't 'try any funny business'). She knew that the girl would need to be reminded that she was loved, dearly and unconditionally, if she were to face the day and survive relatively unscathed.
Shelby was dreading most the details she may learn about the girl's life. Puck knew 'most' of what had gone on, but she had a feeling even he was in for some unpleasant surprises.
Unfortunately she was correct.
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Her baby looked so small, so young up on that stand. Shelby (and hopefully the judge) just wanted to scoop her up in her arms and protect her from everything that was to follow. But she knew she had to have faith that Rachel was stronger than people gave her credit for. If nothing else, Rachel Berry had proven she was a survivor.
Rachel explained, in as detached and matter-of-fact way as possible, the cold reception she had received after her parents' deaths. Her inadequate sleeping conditions (imagine not having a real mattress!) and the numbers of times she went without food. She explained the long list of chores she'd taken on at a young age, and detailed some of the verbal abuse she was subjected to as a result of her looks, her religion, her fathers, and her hobby's. She explained she was punished when she (or one of her cousins) did something Russel did not like (such as take too long to do a chore, or not complete it in a 'satisfactory manner', speaking out of turn, eating without permission, or worst of all (for her) any form of music). Shelby's heart broke at the thought of her daughter, to whom she knew music meant the world, being prevented from seeking the small comfort it would have offered her.
When the judge asked Rachel to be more specific about the nature of her 'punishments', Rachel described being slapped, punched, kicked, choked, whipped with a belt (both ends), whipped with a cane, and 2 incidents of being scalded when burning hot coffee was thrown at her in a fit of rage. As well as one horrific time when her arm was held to the stove burner after she had burned the bread for Sunday dinner. She had been only 6 years old at the time.
She explained that Judy was an alcoholic, and often passed out early in the day. She was certainly aware of the abuse, Rachel said, but often not sober enough to fully comprehend the full nature, or much else for that matter.
Her cousins, she explained with cautious optimism, were probably just following their father's example in their treatment of her. But they teased her mercilessly, slapped her and pulled her hair, made her do all their homework and other chores, and both instigated, and encouraged the bullying she faced at school. She stated that she hoped they must not have been aware of the physical nature of the abuse, or at least not the extent.
By this time, Shelby, who was generally so adept at hiding her true feelings, was opening weeping. However the question that was causing the most anxiety had yet to be asked.
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Shelby held her breath when the opposing counsel enquired as to whether Rachel had ever been touched... inappropriately...and her heart stopped when Rachel hesitated before answering.
Rachel haltingly explained that she had been fondled on her breasts and bottom, over her clothes, though once hard enough for one of Russel's guests fingers to penetrate her vagina slightly. But that Russel, while aware of the actions of others, had never touched her in any way that could be construed as sexual. It was only his friends, and friends of her cousins, increasingly often as she grew older. Shelby released a breath she didn't even know she'd been holding when Rachel confirmed that it had never escalated beyond this.
She barely heard the rest of the testimony that day, but she had heard enough to know that for as long as she lived, she would never, ever forgive Russel Fabray. Especially when she considered that for most of that time he had known who she was, and that she was desperately searching for Rachel so that she could give her the home and love she so deserved.
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On the day of the sentencing the courtroom silenced when the three walked in; boyfriend and mother on either side, shielding Rachel from the probing eyes of others.
The sentencing was quick. Russel was charged with physical assault, emotional abuse, neglect, and failing to provide the necessities of life. He was sentenced to 24 months in jail, and ordered to pay Rachel 200, 000 in damages. Shelby was livid that, though he'd stolen 13 years of her baby's life, he would pay with only 2 of his. However, she knew she had to respect the ruling, and was glad he'd been found guilty at all (not that there was much doubt once the judge had seen the videotape of Rachel's 'audition'). He was led away in shackles, never once acknowledging the crowd.
Judy was asked to make a large donation to a charity of Rachel's choice (PETA, as it turned out), and to attend a rehab facility for at least 12 weeks.
Shelby couldn't even begin to fathom what was going on in Rachel's head as the girl sat stoically beside her, starting straight ahead the entire time. The only break in her near-catatonic state was the death grip in which she held her mother's fingers.
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Rachel's POV
She supposed she felt...relieved? She could have been upset that the man responsible for the majority of her childhood pain had gotten off with what some would consider a 'light' sentence. But she didn't really care. She was just pleased that someone had believed her, and that it was now over. She knew his career was ruined at the very least, and sadly, probably his family. She felt a little for Quinn and her sister, their whole lives would change. But, as much as she wanted to believe they were essentially good people, born to bad parents, she couldn't' forget the years of taunts and abuse they had inflicted on her as well. Yes, she was looking forward to putting the entire 'Fabray' episode of her life behind her, as best as she could. She'd always planned to move out when she turned 18 and never look back no matter what happened anyway, so she was just getting a few months head start.
After the trial she sat in a quiet office with her mother until the crowds had thinned out, and until they could sign some remaining paperwork from her lawyer. She was glad that her mother was there with her, even though it had embarrassed her to admit the conditions she'd been living in. She didn't want her mother to see her as weak and injured, but as strong and capable. She wanted to be worth her mother's regard. But it was nice to finally know she wasn't alone. Puck had disappeared after the trial, she knew he needed to blow off some steam, he'd practically bitten his tongue in half with rage when the sentence was read out. She just hoped he would go and shoot beer cans or something innocuous, instead of something stupid that could actually get him in trouble. She'd give him another half an hour, and then call and demand that he come and pick her up. She knew just how to keep him out of trouble, and how to distract herself from the days events in the process.
Rachel excused herself to go to the bathroom and after assuring her mother that she was 'fine' and definitely did not need her to come with (she couldn't decide if she was touched at her mother's concern, or slightly annoyed in a typical teenage fashion about her over-protectiveness). She smiled as she walked down the hall at the wonder of being upset that someone could care too much about her.
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She was just pushing the door to the bathroom when she heard a soft, familiar voice calling her name. She had never heard that voice speak her name so...gently. In fact, it had been years since she'd heard that voice speak her name at all, it was usually 'man-hands, yentl, schnoz' or some other derogatory comment. She slowly turned around to see if her senses were playing tricks on her. But no, before her, in all her Aryan-American-Dream-glory, stood Quinn Fabray.
"Rachel" the girl said again softly, hesitantly. Rachel moved to open the door again, "Quinn, I do not know why you have chosen this, particularly inopportune moment, to seek me out. But I assure you I have nothing to say to you." "You don't have to say anything, just please, please listen", Quinn begged in a choked voice. Rachel sighed, she looked impatiently back at the other girl with an eyebrow raised, "this had better be good" (Shelby had obviously been rubbing off on her.) "You have to believe me when I say I didn't... I didn't know all that was going on...I didn't know it was so bad for you." Rachel rolled her eyes, she wasn't going to take this anymore, not today.
"Come off it Quinn, you knew where my room was, you saw me working like a slave all hours of the day, you had to have noticed the bruises, the scars, the signs even. Hell, they were just as likely to be from your neanderthal friends, on YOUR orders, than from anything else. Don't come to me for absolution." Quinn stood speechless, she was used to Rachel being so meek, who was this new girl before her? This wasn't going how she planned at all. "I was just doing what I was told, Rachel, he's my Father, he was the centre of my world, I never, I never thought to question anything he did or said. I'm so lost now, Rachel, I hate myself, I hate my family...I hate who I've become. I-I don't know what to do".
Rachel softened slightly, she liked to think she was a good person. She could somewhat imagine where Quinn was coming from (well ok, she couldn't...at all, not even close. But she'd like to think that one day she would be able to). She sighed deeply, turning fully around to face the girl, "Look Quinn, I don't forgive you", she held a hand up to silence Quinn's protest, "but I don't hate you...I don't anything you. After today, you will cease to exist for me. And if you mean what you said, you'll respect that and never try to contact me again. But I do, wish you well, you still have a chance to not become that person. Learn from your mistakes, Quinn, be the change you want to see". And with that she pushed open the door and entered the bathroom. Thankfully, Quinn did not follow her.
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Shelby's POV
Shelby was concerned when Rachel had still not returned ten minutes later. She didn't want to be that mother...but it had been a stressful day for her daughter by anyone's standards, and she felt well-within her rights to go and look for her, just to ensure she was ok. She walked down the empty hallway and stood in front of the bathroom door. She could hear a faint noise inside and soundlessly pushed open the door to prove the source was indeed what she believed it to be.
Rachel stood gripping the edge of the sink staring at her reflection in the mirror. She was singing softly to herself and Shelby could make out the lyrics to a popular song, though she noted with pride that Rachel had seamlessly changed some of them to reflect her situation and emotions.
I know, I can't take one more step towards you I learned to live, half a life [Chorus:] I hear you're asking all around I'd learned to live, half alive [Chorus] It took so long just to feel alright Who do you think you are? And who do you think you are? Who do you think you are?
'Cause all that's waiting is regret
Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You cost the love I loved the most
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms
And now you want me one more time
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time with your fists,
'Cause you broke all their promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Rachel's voice trailed off, melancholy yet strong. Shelby was proud of her, but concerned at what had prompted her to sing that particular song. Had someone said something to her? "Rachel? She called out hesitantly, afraid to startle the girl from her reverie. "Are you alright?" Rachel turned, brushing her hair from her face and wiping a stray tear from her eye, "No", she answered honestly, "But I will be", she said with conviction. Shelby had never been more proud of her than in that moment. She couldn't believe the strength and resilience of her daughter. "Will you tell me who you were singing about when you're ready?", she asked, unwilling to ignore the girl's current emotional state. "Yes", was Rachel's simple answer. "Can we go home now, Mom?". Shelby's heart sang at the title, it was the first time Rachel had ever called her Mom, and no sound could possibly be sweeter. She grabbed her hand and they walked arm in arm towards the parking lot. "We should probably call Puck before he does something stupid", Rachel said conversationally. "Already on it", Shelby replied, and the shared a chuckle as they drove towards home.
A/N: Long one again folks...I fyou were looking to show so appreciation of that fact...I could think of at least one good way *cough, review, cough*.
Lyrics to 'Jar of ?Hearts' aren't mine...they're not even entirely Christina Perri's since I changed them to fit Rachel's feelings about both Quinn and Russel.
Stay tuned for the epilogue. Probably out after (Canadian) Thanksgiving.